Wendy Wiley
Excerpts from a talk show interview, Oakland CA.
How you can meet and develop confidence
and skills to meet anyone
at anytime at anyplace.
Why did you start this organization?
I have known from birth that there are so many good men and so little time
I agree my sister.
They don't get enough recognition and I think it time good men where celebrated
and, one of the things I can do, is help them get greater access to women, not just to meet them,
See that just the tip of the tip of the iceberg
I want men to learn how to be so fun loving and so open and so friendly that they forget about the logistics and the strategies
and spend more time noticing the women that they are meeting what the women reaction happen to be so they can get insight on content and character of the women because men make million of mistakes every year
Well I notice a lot of guy a women will be giving what to another women is obvious signal don't approach me or in the opposite says come hither and the guys just don't read those
Well we are speaking English only in a totally different language.
But, you see, women are not very direct, and in the meantime, women and men, who are always in the news
are programmed and raised very differently.
Fortunately, I wasn't raised very traditionally and that gives me an opportunity to see with a greater clarity, the logistics of what different strategies and what's going on.
Men have spent a lot of time and energy trying to learn what to say and how to say it. Not always about the mating game.
A lot of women flatter themselves, thinking the men, always want to take them to bed.
The men I know are extremely choosy, a woman should feel complimented, if they where interested in you to that extent
.
So, I just wanted to see about how I could develop some ways in which men would be more focused on enjoying the interlude
.
It doesn't matter, if she wants to talk, it doesn't matter, if a guy gets her phone number and a potential date, all those things ultimately can take of themselves, you don't even worry about them
Relax and enjoy the moment and not be so goal oriented
Exactly right.
or lets put it this way, put their goals in a different place.
OK, what is it that you think people are looking for when they quote "go out to look for somebody?"
They get all dolled up and guys get all duded up and they run out to the club they say they want to go meet somebody, what is it you think they are really saying?
I think that most people would like having someone who is enjoyable to be around for the most part though it is important that you learn how to identify people that are positive, if you are positive, but you see for men that could be a very complicated process in our country in our society men are taught its OK for women to be developmentally less, but nobody says how much less and nobody says on what issues should you compromise. Because when men come to accomplish a goal participate as a audience participant on the nation talk show, if they comment on anything, instead of letting women verbally pounce on them they just shut and if we as group, I'm talking women, any color of women, really want to learn about men and to understand them, then we have to change are point of reference.
For example,all of will know, we will admit, that we spend billion of dollars every year trying to be cute, then when brother man notices, we get upset.
That makes no sense, that is totally irrational, at a minimum, they at least pretend they are upset,.but that the way it is, so what I do take is take the situation the way it is presented to me then I show men how to get around it completely, in order to do that successfully, I have to show men how to handle and manage situations effectively even if they are dealing with a women who shall we say is in a weakened state.
Did you hear that, you have some questions you want to pose to wendy, maybe you ran into a situation that didn't quite turn out the way you wanted it.
If we get back to what I was explaining, that is, the importance and enjoyment and fulfillment you get out simply sharing some pleasant words and teaching men how to do that.
OK, obviously its about men and women being confident, for so many or not, or with men the problem that they face is they're afraid. number one, that she will be turned off because of what he said, even though it could be beautiful what he said.
OK, they might get the wrong idea, all these thoughts that go through a man's mind when he wants to do anything ,but hurt her feelings, OK but, there are so many women, no matter what you say and how you say it, if you have that thought, "I hope she doesn't get the wrong idea", if she is weak mentally, she will get the wrong idea because you have transmitted the message to her.
Rather than to go through that, let side step it, lets walk pass that so, instead think about it.,lets say, a gentleman sees a young woman that's very appealing to him and he would like to just tell her she looks gorgeous and that's it, instead of speaking to her directly in case she is not beautiful on the inside as she is on the inside ,we have to protect him .We are talking about good men with beautiful thoughts that go unsaid. Instead of directly saying to her you are really a beautiful women,that is completely high risk, you might end up in a 911.
Instead you should say,
I am talking about the man,
"Excuse me miss, when man tell you are beautiful, do you ever get sick of them telling you that, it must happen all the time"
Now, you have not said it to her as a man directly, you just want to know, you are taking a survey, you are talking about an interview oriented attitude. You just want to find out from her, how does she generally handle it, when someone tells her she is beautiful cause obviously she is.
If she says "Yeah, it does trip me out, I really get bore when men do that" you say,
" I am so glad I didn't tell this directly that you are absolutely gorgeous because, one thing I would never want to do is hurt your feelings".
Now, if she says "No, I think compliments are beautiful", then you can say, "Heh you are refreshing cause, I can tell you directly, you are an enhancement to this environment and don't forget it".
A person shouldn't be concerned, when they go out, whether this person is mr or miss right because, they have too much anxiety themselves. I wanted to find why do we want spend time getting to know somebody who was not even close to mister and miss right?
That is such a beautiful question, I love that..absolutely it does not matter..you know why???
People need practice talking with each other!!! People they don't even know when there is nothing at stake. Don't you think you are freer and more open when you've nothing to lose because you are not trying to work toward anything just a flavorful, interesting, lively conversation and learning techniques of exploring people, learning about them?
So it like practice ?
Absolutely. When it doesn't matter, practice, so you know what you are doing when it does.
First have to accept that is causing her a problem
That's what you call love deficieny anemia?
That's exactly right.
You see a lack of love and respect for oneself helps one interpret incorrectly just about everything that is going around them. Alright, then they keep seeking and trying, wondering, what is going wrong.Every time they open up, just enough to let someone share their space ,here come another, by their standards, a mistake.
That's a problem in the first place, there is no such thing, as a mistake, if you make sure, you get something positive out of the relationship that you can carry on with. Generally speaking, all we have is, millions of women walking around with tons of garbage, so call it junk luggage, baggage, and they are going to punish you for something you didn't t even know her name, at the time, all these things where happening.
Some of the brothers were actually calling to say you know black women are evil. You try to talk to a sister she gets to rolling her eyes and popping her neck and doing all this kind of thing and I have seen that. You ve seen that?
All the time, everywhere.
I know so of the absolute nicest men in the western or eastern hemisphere, when they compliment a woman, it is strictly from the heart, has nothing to do with no hassling, no harassment, none of that, and women have call them everything, but the child of god.
NO!!
Yes.
That's why I am saying, to make sure. You see, just looking at a woman, a guy can not tell, obviously, if she has a sense of self awareness and a way to comfortably accommodate whatever he has said. The gentleman was asking do women get program by their mother? Ok, yes. But in both directions, the reason I feel the way I do and the reason I can go as far as what I am going to be doing with it as I can. I have a twin sister she is co director with me in the society.
We where never given negative messages about men, I didn't even know that there where stereotypes that existed about men. I never saw my mother treat my dad with disrespect, I never saw the reverse. We had a very open,very friendly, hospitable kind of environment which we where raised. In the meantime, my dad was in the military, we where raised half here, half there. Over there, there was no tv at the time. That was one whole world of negative bombardment we weren't exposed to. So by the time we graduated from high school, I didn't start dating until my second year of college, I was extremely qualified. We went to parties, we met people, ok?,but, we didn't have the usual scenario where we have to hope it is a really nice guy who takes up straight home after the affair. We didn't have to worry about that.
Keep in mind, that there are millions of conversations, that never happen, because of the low expectations some women have of man that don't deserve to be treated bad. You can reflect a comment if you don't like the way it was packaged,fine, you don't have to be angry, you don't have to be mad. I had one guy tell me the other day, mind if I cut to the chase? What do you mean? He said " I would like to know, are you married and do you have kids?" I replied"yes and no and yes, well, I have a son that is 27 years old, so I don't consider him a kid. Technically the answer to the question is no. Even though I am not married, in airline language,with all due respect, and I appreciate your compliment,. I am overbooked...thank you very much". You know, it was done in good humor, there was no antagonistic energy forthcoming, that is, what we as group of people, have to be more careful of. You see, what goes around still comes around.
The fact of the matter is, I had some guys make comments to me and they didn't mean any harm,so why am I going to be upset, even if a guy says, "hey mama what's going on? or "you sure are fine" He didn't meant to hurt my feelings. What difference does it make?
Ok, we have so many situations that arise, it the same thing over and over. Why can't we learn how to be creative with the way we say thanks but no thanks?
Tips to guys on how they can get around some women bad attitudes and get some phone numbers, make a little progress here, without putting yourself and ego at such deadly risk of rejection.
Well, I think there are a number of thing that could be said and done that will keep them safe. You see technically, in terms of ultimate interactions, they cannot be protected from the negativity,but as far as the introduction process, or if they just wanted to say a lovely comment to some,there are completely safe. For example, .if a gentleman where to give a woman one of my cards.
Now lets switch the role and see the difference. We are talking about the programming between men and women. If a women was to go up to a man, and I do it all the time, like "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?",he going to go through his entire memory bank, his lifetime, the lifetime before and if he cant remember you, he assumes, "Hey, I must look like somebody she knows" and most importantly, he's not going to punish you, for making a mistake. And that's a massive difference. There are certain attitudes that men have that are worthy of imitation and emulation and we decide, what those attitude are. That is very open , that's receptive.
Why is it, women convict in advance and men give you the benefit of the doubt?
I don't know...I always wanted to know that...for the guy especially for the women he not attractive to ..can at least say thank you and be half way...
Thank you very much.
Any woman, of any color, of any size, of any shape, can go up to any man in America and say "How the heck are you? or "I want you to have a great day" or "wow! that's a bad suit you got on!"
They love it, they appreciate that.
It starts very young for them as well
There was this one gentleman who had his son with him,4 year old cutie pie. The little guy was gorgeous.
I said "wow your son is beautiful.What is your name? He was very shy so, he jumped behind his dad and peeked out. Then this brother said"Now son, whenever a woman ask you your name, you must always tell her". There is the difference right there.
Now, how do you know what is good man is when you just think you know what a good man is?
Thinking is not good enough, you have to get more specific, it not going to mean the same thing to everyone.
Women want a man who is honest. That means, that, if you feel as a woman, you have to ask for honesty, whatever the heck that means, in the first place, that mean you a problem child. I never seen a woman, who could ask for honesty, who could handle the truth. Why do have to ask for honesty? If ,that is not part of his value system, asking for it is not going to get it. In the meantime, if you have any idea, how many people of the male variety has been asked something or lets say they are running late they ran into a high school buddy, he took two hours, he's running hour and half late because, he was pose to been there. If he says he ran into a high school chum, she going to assume, it was some woman, and its going to be easier to lie.
But, he would like to tell the truth but, we do not necessarily allow the atmospheric conditions conducive to having man tell the truth. In the meantime,the biggie is, what if ,and this is where the suspicion is, what if a man told you he love you five years ago? What if he comes to you today and says "Hey baby I really appreciate you,admire you, respect you, but I find my basic feelings, in terms of the romance, is changing.
I think I would like though, to sustain a really great friendship, how do you feel about that?"
Most men don't feel free to say that,talking about a high risk! But yet, one of the most changeable things about people is human emotions. Your continued interested in him is no more or less relevant than his disinterest on that level with you.
What you have to understand is the more self unaware a woman is, the more likely, she is to fall victim to that thought.
ummm...
Your mind is so bright, it is so intelligent, it will literally put you in a position, to have experiences, that can be interpreted to validate what you think is the truth, which it is not.
There are a lot of really nice guys in the clubs, who goes clubbing every weekend,that really, ultimately have time, for what I would call, a in depth relationship.
In the meantime, the whole idea of commitment, is very scary to men. There are women, writing books, telling women about men, if he is not ready to commit in three months, you are wasting your time, get out of his life. That is a losing situation. Lets talk about what a loser is. A loser is a winner who doesn't know they are winner so they act like a loser. Because so many women are programmed to think quote " before they spend their valuable time" you got to feel that little zing.
Because women look for chemistry...they want to see sparks..they want lighting...they want thunder...they want the choir to singing in the background
You know what the key is?
The key and the question is - How is the energy field around you magnetized?
A lot of people say I keep meeting the same kind of men or same kind of women. That because you haven't change anything inside of you, so you are beeping at the same frequency, attracting the same type of people. If you want a change, you have to figure ways to focus your thoughts in a different direction, cause thought creates an emotion, an that emotion is pulsating like crazy. Just like we say, there are a lot of women who are battered and go through the assault pattern with their husbands or boyfriends. Nobody's got a sign on.
How the heck do they know each other, if they are not vibing?
Her hormones don't get activated until ,let say, she meet some one who is going to cause a great deal of inconvenience.
If a woman has been very heavily programmed in a negative way in expectation toward men -leave her alone. Why you want to figure how to get along with her?.
I would like to see men learn how to flirt with depth, with depth, you notice her reaction and you interpret what that means.
Men have misinterpret women since time immemorial. They think, that just because she, for example, is in an abusive environment,that's why he cuts her so much slack...and still ends up getting shafted, trying to be kind and compassionate.
OK, you have decided to have time, in this lifetime, to babysit somebody for ten, twenty, thirty years until they become at level or evolve to a point where they reassess what happen to them, extract what can they can use in a positive way, and not worry about the rest, and stop blaming everybody, cause you see that's still a perception think about. If a woman has been with ten guys that are retards, she going to think men are retarded. She going to want one, the fact is she is vibing at that level,attracting those kinds.
So that's her world. If she want a better more exciting, lively, reality than at a minimum, she going to be a risk taker and willing to get out of her own way, so perhaps, she can see,there is scats of men out there.
Let me put to you like this, there is a longage of good men, because the women don't know how to pick them, and they mistreat everybody until, they get zing, who always the wrong one.
Men whom who are willing to learn how to qualify women.
Women need to qualified as well. For the men, who are let say, evolving beautifully. You should be, I think men should be a little more protective but in the negative way women are but a lot women forget, just cause you say hi back to a man itdoes not mean - what your address . Why cant we just talk?
I have gone up to men while I am pumping gas, i feel a good vibe, I go over and say "I think you are awfully nice person and I want all of your phone numbers".
One of my favorite expression is men are dogs. First time I heard that I said "What a beautiful thing to say" because all I could think about was when those little dogs come home they are wagging their tails behind them, they are happy to see you, glad to be home, they are not wagging their tails because of where they been but, where they are coming to. You know I thought what a beautiful thing but, the look the expression on the face of the women face who said that didn't match my feelings. So I say this - Men our dogs- warm loving and very cuddly.
That gets down to another assignment for men who are willing to accept that much help. Why is she giving the way she is giving? Ordinarily there are strings attached there are ropes attached, so there are due for every body.
What is the difference between being flirteous and what some of the guys call a tease?
I think probably the teases may have a tendency to just want you to be real clear, that they are flexible about whatever you want,whatever it is. Flirtation has nothing to do with status, single or married. Any of that I think there is too much concern. Like women have said , based on some of the things I will say to men. Well, what if he is married? What are trying to say, married men don't need compliments?
I think they need them more than anybody else.
There will forums in which we will be able to get together collaborate and bring positive women together with positive men. That's the reason for the society, so that we can identify positive women.
We are much more anxious and excited and enthusiastic about getting really good minds and hearts, where people can become friends. Where they will recognize each other instantly and bond. We are not talking about whether its you and me walking into the sunset, that doesn't matter. You need to get some insight on what a really good little black book look like.
The International Society of Women for the Prevention of Cruelty to Good men.
We have associate memberships for the men.
For it is very important that we help them with their frustrations, for when they see what they have really been doing..they see what the gentlemen was actually talking about.
Well, that is it for now. But, there is much more to be discussed. Please submit your comments. If you would like to be part of this society, please give your contact info. You can get a copy of this interview by calling fax on demand
1-403-934-6061 ext 120105.
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