"The difference between a succesful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will" -Vince Lombardi
"Oppertunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work" -Thomas Edison
"I've learned that the only way to get respect from people is to give them respect- and that's my way of doing it." -Tommy Lasorda, Major League Manager
"The true measure of a man is not how he behaves in moments of comfort and convenience but how he stands at times of controversy and challenge." -Martin Luther King, Jr.
"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best (including from yourself) you will very often get it." -Somerset Maugham
"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."
"We become what we think about." -Earl Nightengale
"I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than attempt to do nothing and succeed." -Robert Schuller
"Winning is not everything, but the effort to win is." -Zig Ziglar
"I'm trying to do the best I can. I'm not concerned about tomorrow, but with what goes on today." -Mark Spitz, Swimmer and Olympic Gold Medalist
"Attitudes are contaigious. Is yours worth catching?" -Joyce Weiss
"When you're a winner, you come back no matter what happened the day before." -Billy Martin, Major League Second Baseman and Manager
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." -Helen Keller
"Few wishes come true by themselves." -June Smith
"The greatest crime in the world is not developing your potential. When you do what you do best, you are helping not only yourself, but also the world." -Roger Williams
"You can't build a reputation on what yu aer going to do." -Henry Ford
"A year from now you will wish you had started today." -Karen Lamb
"Life's most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing most for others?" -Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Try not to become a person of success, but rather to become a person of value." -Albert Einstein
"The better part of one's life consists of one's friendships." -Abraham Lincoln
"There's no letter 'I' in the word teamwork." -Bill Foster, NCAA Basketball Coach
Anyway, get ready!
"BA, BVA!" -Dad in regards to me getting my permit. (Translated, it stands for
"Be afraid, be very afraid!")
"\/\/" -Me (For those of you who don't know, \/\/=whatever)
"If the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body, and the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, the only left-handed people are in their right minds!" -A T-Shirt
"::-)" -Me
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow isn't looking good either.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem!
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make when they go flying by.
Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left.
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
I'm not just a gardener, I'm a Plant Manager.
My reality check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
I have not yet begun to procrastinate!
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through chunky peanut butter.
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
I'd explain it to you but your brain would explode.
There are two rules for ultimate success in life:
1. Never tell everything you know.
2.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Why do they put an expiration date on sour cream?
Why do you drive on parkways and park on driveways?
People use the phrase, "the best thing since sliced bread," a lot. So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
"Flogging a dead horse," is also a well known saying. Has anyone ever actually been found flogging a dead horse?
If a tree falls, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
Why do you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?
Why do you have a hot-water heater when you don't need to heat hot water?
Why is an orange an orange and an apple not a red?
Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one?
What do they pack Styrofoam in?
If buttered toast always lands butter-side up, and a cat always lands on its feet. What would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast on the back of a cat?
Is grass really greener on the other side?
Do boxer shorts box?
If Corn Oil comes from Corn, what does Baby Oil come from?
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do you get Teflon to stick to a pan?
Why isn't phonics spelled phonetically?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there floatation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughs, does milk come out its nose?
If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on you headlights, what happens?
You know how most packages say "Open here." What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else?"
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
What does Geranimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
If fire fighters fight fire, and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
Why is there a Permanent Press setting on an iron if it does not work?
When an elevator is illegally overloaded with passengers, who is criminally responsible?
How do they unclog mail chutes in skyscrapers?
Why are US elections held on Tuesdays?
Why do women wear such uncomfortable shoes?
Which fruits are in Juicy Fruit gum?
Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bed post overnight?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in a fish market?
Why aren't there seatbelts in buses and taxicabs?
Why does rootbeer taste flatter than any other colas?
Why do other people hear our voices different than we do?
If trailer parks didn't exist, would tornadoes exist?
Why does X stand for a kiss?
Why does O stand for a hug?
Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go to the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate on their own?
All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?
Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"
Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."
What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking -- "Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too."
What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.
Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."
Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?
If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"?
How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate on their own?
Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"
Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."
Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders, kiddie seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they say, "And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not.
If you have any more Sayings To Ponder or Quotes, send them to me, or leave them on my mb Thanks!
