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Hey... How's it going? I'm here to spread the word about one classic game, it goes by the name Dopewars. It is a pretty simple, yet fucking addictive, text based adventure. The deal goes down like this... You borrow $2,000 from the local loan shark to begin your drug-dealing buisiness. You have one month to fuckin' scam as much cash as humanly possible from the local New York dopers. Sounds pretty easy, eh? Well think again. With only $2,000 you ain't even close to ready for the big-time. You're just another two-bit hood grubbin' for the big big money. You may feel like a douche-bag slangin' ludes, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Who knows... if you've got a trenchcoat loaded with speed and the freaks go on the tweak you may be in the big leagues. Thats when it's time to start dealin' in the coke and herion. When the junkies wig-out, you get rich. Life ain't all smokin' joints and getting laid though... Officer Hardass is on your case 24-7 trying to make your life a living hell. He'll sic his drug sniffing dogs on your ass right when you've got about 100 units of the finest Peruvian flake on your person. When you're running down back alleys of the ghetto with dobermans on your heels you are bound to drop some product. And when Hardass is really pissed he'll gather up his posse of deputies to shoot you fucking dead. What can you do about this, you may ask, well for starters... start packin'. Thats right, some shifty characters along the way will hook you up nicely with a handgun or two, or three, or four, to tuck neatly away in your trenchcoat to blow away a useless pig, or two, or eight. With the cash found on the cop's dead corpse swing on by the hospital to get your ass sewn up. Nothing sucks more than an untimely death. Of course when a shithead junkie overdoses on the subway you might as well see whats in his pockets, nothing is cooler than finding a nice sized stash of PCP. Mmmmmmm PCP.... If everything works out right you can be a millionaire with 31 days. Sweet. But don't cruise the mean streets of NYC with 20 mil in your pocket, cause if you get mugged you are shit out of luck. And make sure you pay back you loan... Cause the loan shark charges mucho interest. If you become a pro like me you can retire to an island in the Bahamas with a multi-million dollar fortune... but it ain't easy. Everyone is out to fuck you over. Even you're god-damned mother... Although she makes some ass-kicking hash brownies. Good luck. You'll need it.

Click on the DOPEWARS icon above to download a tasty copy of the world's premier drug dealing computer game. It's tiny... like 41k, and zipped. Just unzip it and get ready to rock n' roll! It has my high scores file from my house, so you might want to delete the SCO file, unless you are a stud and can deal with the sky-high multi-million dollar scores. A good idea for Dopewars beginners, I don't want you too discouraged. I've got one thats even higher. The scores range from 45 to 28 mil, but it's not around right now... maybe later I'll post it. I'll try to keep an up to date SCO file on here, cause Arlo is always getting new ass-kicking scores. Have fun... and toke-toke-toke it up.


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Justin's Ass-Kicking Homepage- A shameless plug for my own radical homepage. Check it out. You'll fucking love it. Guaranteed or your fucking money back!

Officer Hardass' Dopewars Univers- A pretty descent Dopewars site. He's got a guestbook and a link to some game called WinDealer that I haven't tried out yet.

Crop Commander- Radical arcade game in which you plant pot and defend it from incoming DEA missiles. After you survive each round you harvest your crop and sell it. With the cash you can buy cool shit like hydroponic supplies, seeds, clones, bigger guns, and super bombs. A shitload of fun before you toke it up, but you need all your reflexes once you get to like level 8. I like it a lot. It is like Missile Command for Atari, only with a stoner twist added. Tiny zipped file, snag it homie!

Dopewars High Scores- A site thats been around for a while. Pitiful scores. Damn Lamerz wouldn't accept my SCO file cause it would knock all the scores right off of there. Send your shit there once you are in the major leagues.

Dopewars online- Cool site that must of been a pain in the ass to program. Plays like real Dopewars, only slower and less intuitively. Still a real cool idea and a way to pass the hours away on Netscape. I think there is a high scores list too, but I've never finished a game there. E-mail me if you do.

DopeWars- Page with nothing new to offer except a cool Dopewars animated GIF. Check it out.

Dopewars 2- Here you can download Dopewars 2. It sucks cock. Too much point and click, it won't tell you how much of each drug you can afford, and it is 1.7 fucing Megs! What the fuck? Download it if you have a shitload of time, get off on mouse clicking and dropdown menus, want your DLL files molested, and really want to be pissed off. Try it, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Fucked up Krazy Dopewars!!!- Here is a special software package. Actually it is two hacked versions of Dopewars... One is called Dirtbike Wars and instead of drugs, you are getting all Dirtbike-core. The other is Pittsfield Dopewars. You cruise Pittsfield Maine in the Pussy Magnet 3000 buying and selling drugs. You can even swing on by Roger's Place to unload some crack. Try it out.

Mmmmmmmmmm.... That sure hits the spot!

You are Crackhead # to get your fix here.

Soon to come... A Dopewars strategy guide so that you too can hit the high scores list every game, and a guide to hacking Dopewars to get it to behave how you would like it to behave... Herion for a buck? "I'd buy that for a dollar!!!" Plus some better looking graphics and a highscores list. Any suggestions? Hit me with some e-mail or put it in the guestbook.

420, Dude!

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