How to be a cow
I studied with the great cow guru for many years, it was hard to learn the arts of the cow. I also learned Cowkwando, the ancient cow's martial arts form. Here you can start to learn The WAY of THE True Cow!
Pointers
on being a cow
·Every true cow must have horns, hooves, & spots.
·The most important thing about is its moo. If a cow ever wants to become a sacred beefashi its moo must match that of the gods.
·All cows must walk on all fours, as respect for the gods & the great cow guru. only holy ones are allowed to walk on two legs.
·You can never moo to much.
Sacred
times
·THe full moon is the religious sign for the macarena. So every full moon every cow must host or attend a sacred macarena party.
·POlish your hooves once a month for disco fever night! groovy!
·Every year when the snow comes each cow that is coming of age must accend up to mount moolypus & declare its self to the great cow guru.
·Every two years in the summer & the winter, the greatest cow atheletes will gather together for the cowlimpic games and compete for the golden cow pie from the holy god beefachu.
·In december a fat cow named santa moo, comes to every cow & bull giving cow pies to them on his cowaskai jet ski pulled by ruldolph the red-toed bovine.
·iT is written that judgement day will come, when a cow appears on Jerry Springer.
Sacred
dishonors
·THE HOLY DISHOnor!: Never become a republican.
·never cover your hooves with boots.
·Always keep an abundance of holy milk in your living space. IF you run out your spots will be taken away.
·Hamburgers are definetly a no-no. A cow who eats a hamburger becomes immediatly stricken with incureable Mad Cow disease.
·Never eat yellow snow.
·Gambling away your hooves, horns, or spots is evil!
Dangerous
& evil people
·Never trust a chicken, you will end up between two peices of bread, with lettuce, tomatoes, onions, & pickles.
·Avoid Newt gingrich (he doesn't like cows).
·The savage killers, humans are evil incarnate a revolt must be led against the humans to stop their treachery!
·the lemurs have always been caniving against the cows. The Cow VS. Lemur war has been raging since the begining of time there may never be a victor!
·If you listen to HAnson or the spice Girls you will never become a true cow.
Great
& wise people
·one of the wisest people is is the eternal great cow guru. he knows all and is never wrong. It is said that he got his powers from Mervin's super sale, but nobody knows.
·THe cia (Cow intelligence Agency) & the cbi (cow burea of investigation) are secret agencies buried deep within the government their job is to protect cows from terrorists like Ronald McDonald and little chiuauas that like to say "yo quiero Taco Bell"
·Remember Oprah knows what she's talking about.
