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empty bottles heaped in a pile on the floor in the corner...





Just when I thought I had it all, I had to think again. We probably all find ourselves in this kind of situation: everything seems to be going as it should... health, love, the pursuit of happiness...




and then it all comes down to loss...




How about it? Is that Greek muse mad at you? Did he/she/it destroy your cavalry cos you forgot to wash your hands before pouring out the wine? Sacrificing goats just isn't cutting it anymore.




I suppose that religion is what makes up a lot of us. Seeking salvation through religion is what many live for, work for, would do anything for. Just take a look at history. At the instances when people were ready to die in order to defend their beliefs...




That kind of behavior may seem radical and questionable by Jackson, the atheist across the street. But that's his deal if he wants to believe it. It's your deal too. I have no opinion.




Actually, I do have an opinion. But I'll get nailed for expressing it.




So let's change the subject and talk about heffalumps, woozles, and the wonderful world of dung...




How about we don't? How about we go back to what I stated before, about loss. I guess I can consider myself one of those half-empty glass people. The ones your parents used to warn you about when you were a kid... you know, you'd point them out in a grocery store and your folks would chuckle and then try to move to the opposite side of the store. Or perhaps they even went to the manager and told them how they thought that "the angsty teen" was gonna start trouble in the produce section.




Admit it. All parents have done it at one point. They warned you to stay away from people like that. And you probably did. Not because they told you to, but because you were afraid.




Afraid possibly because they could have been right. Or maybe even afraid of having your wallet stolen.




Don't worry. I live with that stereotype every day of my life.




But there I go getting off the subject again. I was trying to lead into the splendor that is me but I got sidetracked as I was picking up the bottles from last night's inebriation..




Okay, so if I was someone else, what would I want to know about me? For starters, my name is Ana and I'm a mortal. I suggest that if you're "undead" you close this window right now and find yourself a nice, accurate search engine. When you do, close your eyes and try to remember the city that you live in. Once you know whether you live in Minneapolis or not, type in the following: Psychiatrists in (insert your city here).




As you can see, I can't stand those who try to pass on with the "I'm a vampyre" crap. That will not be tolerated. But if you are in fact mortal, please, continue to read.




For the time being, I'm located in the second largest city in Arizona, (big circles, biiiiiig circles) Tucson. It is here that I'm a frosh at University High School, where your dreams can either be born or corrupted. It's basically up to you. My career there so far would be the latter.




Well, UHS isn't all that bad. Some of the teachers have a firm grasp on reality and they teach at a pace and level that keeps the students occupied. While some other, um, less qualified teachers try their best to get past the hangovers every morning... sporting stylish sunglasses and popping the ibuprofen like there's no tomorrow. Fortunately for me, my teachers are all excellent, either at teaching or trying to teach.




Can I just say right now that German is my favorite language? Bitte geben Sie mir eine Cola und ein Bier...




There's also some very interesting people that I have met at school. Not to name names or anything. (I love you Kristen and Leah) Yes, indeed. My friends are an extremely important part of my life. I used to have a lot of close friends online as well, but most of those friendships are non-existant now. Except for my lovelies, Jessica and Nico, you, I must say, are my adoptive sisters.




Online life just isn't the same anymore. And it never will be. I only really come online now to work on this "piece of work" and to check my e-mail.




What else could possibly interest you that's about me? I'm in chorus. It's not a cheapy I'm-only-in-here-cos-I-needed-another-elective chorus either. It's a good one. The people in the class are really devoted and talented. Wouldn't it be grand if they could pass some of that talent on to me? I'm not exactly that great. And I'm one of the only freshman in there, too. At times it's intimidating cos of the age and talent thing. But most of the time it's not really too bad.




Not as bad as Marilyn Manson, that's for sure. That band is such a joke. And I'll probably get some nice hate/bomb mail for that last comment, but until you get your own damn page and your own opinions, I'm not even going to bother to argue with anyone.




Unless you say something about KMFDM and then it's personal.




I just don't see how anyone can respect Marilyn Manson for the image they're trying to portray. There are so many people out there trying to make it in the music business and these clowns have to keep on recording their "music" and suck up all of that money. What kind of stupidity could have overtaken someone to actually sign them to a record label? But enough of that, I'll save the music thing for another page.




Just one more thing, don't even think about badmouthing KMFDM or it's personal.




Too many negative vibes from those last comments, I know. But that's life, baby. Which brings me back to that first thing I wanted to talk about... the whole 'loss' ordeal. Since I've taken this much of your time already, I'll sum it up in the smallest amount of words possible. Okay... I'm getting ready to write it... here I go...




Loss: necessary to make you realize what you had. It's so very true, yet so painful to think about most of the time. You really don't realize to what extent you loved something until it's no longer yours. Think about that. Then take a nap or a shower. Then go on with your life, live it to the fullest. Don't have any regrets. From mistakes comes growth and acceptance. Just don't say anything bad about KMFDM.


--Molly Am






Send me your hate/bomb mail. Please. I insist.