My chest rose and fell so heavily my lungs almost hurt, but I looked at Taylor and there was no pain. Sweat glazed our skin as we huddled together, panting and nearly trembling. I lifted my head and kissed him. "Tay...that was good. Very good," I told him after a moment of silence. He grinned, "Well, it's said that your first time is the best." Taylor laid his head back in a state of contentment. "But it's...it's not my first time," I said quietly in a vioce filled with skepticness. He sat up to face me, "What do you mean? I thought you were a virgin." I bit my lower lip and cursed myself for what I had said. "So, you led me to believe you were a virgin like I was- perfect. If you wanted to make me feel stupid, man did you ever do a great job," he said hrashly. The look on his face alone was enough to make me want to cry. He turned the lantern off and laid down with his back side to me. I sighed and chose to move to the opposite side of the tent. Just five minutes ago we were joined in an act of love, and now it seemed like a brick wall separated Taylor and I. I rested my head on a pillow and listened to the crickets and locusts outside. It could have been an hour, or maybe only a few minutes, but I heard Taylor growing restless in his sleeping bag.
I felt his hand run smoothly against my skin as he stroked my hair. When he leaned over I could feel his warm breath on my neck. "I'm sorry," he whispered to me. I shifted to lie on my back and look up at him. The bright moon cast shafts of light through the thin canvas wall and onto Taylor's face. I let my fingers trace the muscles of his arms that were positioned behind me to uphold him. He watched me do this, seemingly mesmorized by it. I then turned my gaze to his eyes. He knew I forgave him. No words were needed. I slid my arms around his neck and pulled him against me. Taylor enclosed his mouth in mine and climbed atop me in a position now familiar to both of us.
I cried. I cried as I did every time I was forced to do this. It was more physcologically damaging than physically. His body pressed roughly on mine, continually torturing me until he was satisfied. I constantly begged him to stop, but he was immune to my pleas for mercy. If I didn't please him, he would let me know...
I awoke with a jump and sat up, breathing sharply. I shivered and looked around. Faint rays of morning sunlight shone through the tent. "What's the matter?" a soft voice asked. I shut my eyes and sighed, then laid back down and burried my head in Taylor's chest. "Are you okay with what happened last night?" he wanted to know. I looked up at him. I didn't see the black hair, brown eyes, and solid expression I used to, but rather Taylor's comforting and protective face. He waited for my response. I smiled, "Yeah, I'm okay."
[Chapter 16]