[SPRING 2002]

"Refuse To Know That You Ignore... ...me"
Talking comes natural to the butterfly
But migration comes when I speak
my mind is canvas, a grey sky
this silence is mocking me

You slip by with a casual glance
I patient, and quite, wish to advance
You put me off like forgotten work
I try to gain attention, no such chance
Only to say "back off, you're such a jerk!"

You confide with another
I turn, lose a breath, and shudder
Why can't you stay, to talk with me
Must you be so "friendly"?

My vision is swelling, my breaths are taught
I clear my eyes, letting my pride live
seizures of pain and the stillness that numbs
my calm is but a mask of fire

There's no use waiting
for you to see
you refuse to know that you ignore me

[JULY 2002]
"cold handed touch"
when we kiss you touch my face
sending chills to the place
nothing can ruin this moment
except for your cold handed touch

crystalize the skin and shatter the face
just like the promise, that time showed was fake
you can't be content, or have enough
you must have a challenge, it must be tough

Don't kiss me with out feeling
or speak words that are stealing
from my patience, my time, my love
for i have none for all the above.

[NOVEMBER 2002]
"Hated by myself"
How could i have failed this trial again
i stuggled these months, your heart to win
the loss, the struggle, the blame on me
but belief and truth do not agree

In my domain, my cyber world, your scent i miss
wishing the pain would stop if only a kiss
hopeful to see your tears of apathy
but i wont, you have no idea what love can be

Friends comfort and ask questions
I cannot answer, for i want no suggestions
with lights out, grit teeth, pain i've felt
Leave me be i hate myself

[NOVEMBER 2002]
"Acceptance and Adaptation"
viewing the scene one star at a time
Soaking in the scent letting it burn on my soul
the mood cold yet satisfying, reminicent of past love
similar to your pillow at first touch
comforting, yet seething with potential excitment
to greet you with its unchallenged love and acceptance to adapt
moring comes, the mood is different but all so pleasant
it is not of discomfort but of exceptance of you and your touch.

[DECEMBER 2002]
"Little Grammar?"
With out you...............your smile " " isn't you

I have breathed my last....life has finished me too " " at last

My love is true............consider letting go for awhile " " would be true

Forget the past............For I love you " " in the past

...life is the cause of death, death isn't the cause of life...

[DECEMBER 2002]
"host for all"
I love the way i'm treated
all my attempts killed and defeated
i can't continue this madness
if finding, losing, depressed

trying to be more than I
to be the well mannered guy
open doors, say thanks
my attire, nice shirt clean pants

finding nothing at the end of the tunnel
no one to hold on to, to walk with
dying to know, what causes this bundle
this bundle of bad luck, that i walk with

the burden is tough
god damn i've had enough
i hate this weather, these times
i hate you people, dont give any lines

Leave me alone dont Fuck with me
dont play games, dont lie, let me be

[DECEMBER 2002]
"Hollow Promise"
Fuck this hollow command
implications of trust
future our mind holds
what is told, this time is damned.

calls of help, young killed, old endorsed
children of the wrong brimed by the promise
never coming or going, staying calling help
pleas ignored, ignorance of soul, observed.

my word is said but to no ear,
for my calls of help,
are replaced by the promise
never coming or going, life.

[DECEMBER 2002]
"upperclass pity"
self pity, my base time,
Darkness for not the flicker,
yet not seen by eyes,
heart in flame, dry wicker,
waxing, wanning, revealing the first note,
the right, impression first, numb and still,
sleeping, seeing, floating, dark opal cloak,
realize, confess, fail.

[SPRING 2003]
"the process of thoughtful imagery"
late night, i was burning alive
fueled by the frusteration
of lost hope that i contrive
over again elapsed declaration
brain ate emotion out of desperation

individual cubes melt onto pin pricked digits
clasp to these beads of profound depths
drip and fall when the mind's hand fidgets
the buring in my chest is the bottled breaths
that were once ideas which crawled to death

[FALL 2003]
"clockwise killing"
a sigh, a dream
a calling to be
i concieve, i contrive
i fullfill my terms, and continue to strive,
but without the other, i cannot compare
the mass complete, if only you could spare,
a second, a minute. no time to deplete
for a second more will kill me, my sweet.

[FALL 2003]
"cerebral plea"
perpetual flame continual
inaudible burdens carve my vertebrae
headstrong cravings subliminal
caustic servility to an undying day

[FALL 2003]
"boyhood manifestations"
plastic keys to my salvation
take the place of your nails
matching my own in reaffrimation
this game is constant, never fails

i gawk and shudder at my weakness
combine with cracking nuckles, god bless
these habbits of shame to supply
a false sense of me, shall i cry

i might but a prideful hope stabs into,
my mind and concious that tells me,
sorrow is weak, but stubborn will skew,
i become an unfinished human being,

i hide behind chalked and muddled values
making convictions of your conciousness
only to distract you from my limited views
i am not what i seem, it kills me, i must confess

[FALL 2003]
"owner's voucher"
step upon the white line before the black convultions
death on order and talk is cheap, repay the losses
to your owner, and claim your rights, only to be denied
demand and back away upon the white line, into the black convultions

[FALL 2003]
"words and action"
recoil into the impulse
scene of words to display
but to nothing of concern
across from me a scene
of actions into words
i dare not look apon
for jealousy will tear away my peace

with this song i find calamity and rage
only to solace my own
a contradiction of emotion, filling my head
consuming my thoughts to guard against them

[FALL 2003]
"black hole sympathy"
if to dream is to die
then to die is my dream
emotion spills to the valleys of rage
flooded is my head, my thoughts are untouched
erupting onto stale plains of time
that cease to flow, the current is stagnant
release the flow of the damned and suck me into
this pit of hell, taking back is never
and death is imanent.

[DECEMBER 2003]
"I am in this dream, but are you?" (to her)
your brown locks persuade my unconcious being into temptation
your eyes a blaze ignite my senses, and your smile lightens my heart
my dreams are filled with hopes, but my reality has become a dream
i see faces pass, but only see yours, is this real or is it a dream?
then the truth is visable, only to drownd my hopes in disappointment
this longing is my insistant heartbeat that shouts your name
with out that look you gave, that took my breath away in the flickering light
i continue to sleep into the lonely dark night, until someday i might see
those eyes that melted me into someone that i can live with

[WINTER BREAK 2003/2004]
"back home"
movies, meals and the places we can go
these are mere places and not what to know
talking to you is like walking together
attenion i have to listen forever
i can hear you smile through telephone wire
i'd hold your hand all through the fire
dont be afraid of you mortal life
nothing can be solved with a razor knife
you need to be here to wake me in my sleep
when i scream in my nightmare of the darkest deep

[LATE FEBRUARY 2004]
"twelve suicidal men, one woman"
carnality and greed amalgamate for your posture insnarling covention
raping the abandoned of such reveries with words of your invention
lies soak your skin with caustic blisters on your heart
you drain all, from other's inculpable nature, when kniven hands ravage and carve
the once innocent and lonely into pitiful drones of agony and sin
the decietful creaton you've become is poison to all and kin
oil fills your veins, mechanical is your appetite to pillage your prey
enchant us with your merciless banter, your nobility of the day
i entreat your demise in my dormancy, for the mosaic of glass will fracture
until that age, your falsehood shall entertain thine exsistance at the zenith of rapture

[EARLY MAY 2004]
"my blonde moment" (part one)
mutual respect, mutual effect
close within blanket fold
an apparition that i behold
tipsy, fire fly eye, initiate
within in the arms of a consummate

[MID OCTOBER 2005]
"a taste of new sensations "
when the passages resonate through
within my conspirator it is you

transparent, spiderwebs clinging
muscles taught as though singing

savored is the efflorescence of budding
a whispered breath and a bit of cunning

encircling trigger yeilds tides of felicity
thrust the grasp if though not permissibly

deny this desperate insufficiency
and its birth will reside within desparity

[EARLY AUGUST 2006]
"my blonde thoughts "
individuals prospect, individuals deficit
insipid archetypal arenas
inards famine of carpe diems
an apparition that i behold
if only independent of thoughts untold