laws of sex
 
 
Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of
trouble.
 
Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get
or how long it is going to last.
 
Virginity can be cured.
 
It is always the wrong time of month.
 
When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
 
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't
either.
 
The younger the better.
 
There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than
sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
 
Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.
 
Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
 
Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter
words to convey its full meaning.
 
You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
 
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
 
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are
unimportant.
 
``This won't hurt, I promise.''
 
 
laws of war
 
 
Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
 
Teamwork is essential -- it gives them someone else to shoot at.
 
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
 
Friendly fire - isn't.
 
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
 
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
        when they're ready.
        when you're not.
 
If the enemy is within range, so are you.
 
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
 
A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a
plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
 
Things that have to be together to work usually can't be shipped
together.
 
When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
 
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just
bombed.
 
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer
to do anything.
 
The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.