JUST FOR GIRLS!

A poem for us....

I shave my legs, I sit down to pee.

And I can justify any shopping spree.

Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon.

I can get a massage without a hard-on.

I can balance the checkbook, I can pump my own gas.

Can talk to my friends, about the size of my @$$.

My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long.

At least I can admit, to others when I'm wrong.

I don't drive in circles, at any cost.

And I don't have a problem, admitting I'm lost.

I never forget, an important date.

You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late.

I don't watch movies, with lots of gore.

Don't need instant replay, to remember the score.

I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch.

And just cause I'm assertive, Don't call me a b**ch.

Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her.

In your dreams, my dear, I can do better!

Flowers are okay, But jewelry's best.

Look at me you idiot... Not at my chest!!!

I don't have a problem, With Expressing my feelings.

I know when you're lying, You look at the ceiling.

DON'T call me a GIRL, a BABE or a CHICK.

I am a WOMAN. Get it?, you DICK!?!

Try doing this! YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has Gotten over their caffeine addictions,then switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

8. Dont use any punctuation marks

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" 3rd time this week!!!!!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking > >lot,yelling"run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."