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Flaming Horse Studios

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Flaming Horse Studios

Christmasland

WGA#868044
by
Jeff Richards

FADE IN:

EXT.SNOWSCAPE-DAY

Like a bird we fly over the snowscape.  We come up over a beautiful snow covered hill, and then suddenly swoop downward.  The speed of our flight slows as we hit a group of pine trees.  We come to a clearing, and then begin circle.  Below is a group of ELVES.  They walk in a single file line, rugged looking.  They're dressed in dirty brown, ragged looking clothes.  They seem to resemble the look of a group of gnomes more than elves.  The only elf quality they have is their joyous singing.

EXT- Tree Cluster

The group heads into the cluster of trees.  Once there they disband from their organized line.  They go in pairs to whichever tree they want to cut down.  These "lumberjack" elves pull out ridiculously long saws and start on their trees.  With an elf on each side of the saw they start to bring down the trees.  A couple trees FALL, but one pair of elves seem to be having a problem.  As they're sawing into the tree, the saw SLIPS and one elf goes FLYING into the dense woods.  His partner shrugs and goes after him.  The others look up, shake their heads and then go back to their work.

EXT- WOODS

The PARTNER ELF continues to look around, and then out of the corner of his eye he spots his friend's foot.  As he comes upon the body we find that his friend is GUTTED.  Partner Elf GASPS, then turns around to find the KILLER, all we see is from the waist down, his RED overcoat blowing in the wind.

PARTNER ELF

(Slight whisper)

Dear God...

He grabs the helpless elf by the throat and SLAMS him against a tree, pulls a gun out of his holster and SHOOTS him in the leg.  The elf's SCREAM carries…

EXT – tREE cLUSTER

…all the way to the worker elves who look up.

ext - wOODS

CUTTING BACK: to the killer who is dragging the elf, who's leaving blood trails in the snow.  He drags him to…

EXT-FENCE

…a clearing with a fence in which the posts are made out of candy canes.  He SLAMS the elf against one of the posts.

CUT BACK: to the elves running through the woods. 

MEANWHILE the Killer takes red wire and JAMS it into the Elves hand and then ties it to the fence.  His friends are still RUNNING through the woods, As the Killer ties the other hand the same as the previous hand.  The Elf, now crucified, starts to sob.

PARTNER ELF (CONT'D)

Please...

(Sobbing)

Mercy...

Full shot of the Killer from the back and the side, still his face is hidden.  He raises his gun, the elf sobs louder.  Two SHOTS ring out.  The group of Elves stop at the edge of the clearing.  They are shocked by the sight before them.  The crucified elf, hanging lifeless with his eyes shot out. 

JUMP back up to bird's eye view. 

SUPER THE TITLE: CHRISTMASLAND.

EXT-CITYSCAPE-NIGHT-2 YEARS AGO

A car zooms across the highway rather recklessly with Christmas music blaring.

INT-CAR-NIGHT

In the car we have the driver SCOTT smoking his cigarette veering everywhere but his own lane.  Beside him is DAN huffing on a propane tank in his floorboard.  In the backseat is Dan's girlfriend RACHEL and her best friend BRITTANY, who seems to be rather upset.

BRITTANY

Jesus Christ Scott, just pull over!

RACHEL

Dan, Scott let's just pull over and let her out.

DAN

Fuck that Rach!  SHE'S the one who agreed to come out with you.  Hell if we're giving up a good time because of a prissy bitch.

The car is hazy from propane and smoke.  It appears like this whole situation could be a dream.

RACHEL

(Turning toward Brit)

Brittany, I'm sorry.

DAN

(Pulling the propane tank up toward Scott) One last puff man?

Scott pulls out a lighter.  His and Dan's laughter fills the car.  Rachel and Brittany freak.

RACHEL

What the hell?

BRITTANY

Oh God...Michael...

Scott ignites the lighter.  The car EXPLODES and FLIES BACKWARD into on-coming traffic.

INT-MICHAEL'S BEDROOM-DAY-PRESENT

MICHAEL, a young man around 25, wakes up SCREAMING.

MICHAEL

Brittany...!

INT-BATHROOM-DAY

Michael is in the shower cleaning up.  He puts his head in his hands.  He lifts his sad head up and turns off the water.  He gets out of the shower grabs a towel and looks up at the calendar on the wall.

FOCUS ON DATE: December, 20th.

INT-DEN-DAY

Michael sits at his computer and stares at a picture (him carrying Brittany over his shoulder) on the monitor.  JAN, his girlfriend, runs in and out of the room cleaning up.  After a few trips in and out she walks up behind him.

JAN

You know...

(Pause)

She's dead Michael.

MICHAEL

What?!?

JAN

I'm sorry, I'm jumping here.  But, we got together what?  Last September?  I watched you do this same thing this past Christmas...

Michael starts to open his mouth

JAN (CONT'D)

But hold on...That was understandable.  It was the one year anniversary of the incident, so I’m totally empathetic.  But, we've been at it now for over a year, and I still feel like you are stuck in the past and not moving on.

MICHAEL

Wait a sec...What have I done to bring you to that conclusion?

JAN

Screaming Brittany out early this morning, not touching me in over a month… Oh, and how about staring at your ex-girlfriend's picture on a computer screen.

MICHAEL

Ok the picture situation...

 (Turns off computer)

… solved.  As for not touching you and the screaming thing, I'm having nightmares Jan. I think I'm cracking up.

JAN

Do you want to talk about it?

MICHAEL

I don't know.

JAN

Is there anybody YOU can talk to?

MICHAEL

        (Shaking his finger)  

Don't...Don't...Don't...therapy is not an option right now.

JAN

I'm just asking is there ANYBODY you can talk to.  I mean you're not willing to talk to me, and I'm scared of being put on the backburner.

MICHAEL

You're not being put on the backburner.

JAN

I'm already on the backburner.  We've been living together...what six months?  Where are we going from here Mike?

MICHAEL

I don't know Jan...I really am not in the mood for anything deep.

JAN

This isn't deep, this is our relationship.

MICHAEL

Jan you can't comprehend what it's like to have someone close to you die.

JAN

Now that's a pretty heartless comment.  You know very well I know what it's like to have someone close to me die.  You hold on to their memory, their spirit, but you don't let it hold your life back. 

           (Pause)

But obviously I don't know what I'm talking about.  From the look on your face I can gather that you don't hold a grandfather up on the same level as an ex.

MICHAEL

Jesus Christ...fuck it I'm not turning this into some big fight.

Jan heads to the edge of the room.

JAN

You know you get your past resolved and then let me know if you want a relationship with me.

Jan walks out.

MICHAEL

Shit...

Michael turns back on his monitor and Brittany's picture pops back up.

INT-MICHAEL'S CAR-DAY

The tired, depressed Michael slowly starts his car.  Christmas music starts blaring.  He makes a face and switches to some hip alternative music and drives off.

EXT-HIGHWAY-DAY

We follow Michael's car from bird's eye down the highway, the music still pumping from his car.

EXT-MALL PARKING LOT-DAY

He pulls into the mall, gets out of the car and heads inside.

INT-MALL-DAY

Michael walks through the mall, watching everyone set up for the day.  Everytime he sees a Christmas themed item he looks in disgust.  He heads toward his store "THE SHOE STORE".  He gets ready to open the gate, as JENNY CHRISTOPHER walks up with LYNN in tow.

MICHAEL

Jenny Christopher!!!

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Hey Shoe man.

Michael starts to turn toward Lynn, when he notices her sweater, a big Rudolph head, with a bright red BLINKING nose.

LYNN

Hi Michael!!!!

MICHAEL

Yeah...Hey...um...Hip sweater.

LYNN

Yeah we're selling them at the store for 19.99.

MICHAEL

...I'll...have...to...uh...check that out.  So Jenny how's things in the world of electronics?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Working 9 to 10 today, you?

MICHAEL

Same here, Sandra will be in at one to help out.

LYNN

I get off at five.

MICHAEL

Um...that's super...Weeeelll I got a store to open up.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

           (Smiling)

 Yep we need to get started on that too.  Hey sell some shoes today.

MICHAEL

Catch you later Jenny, Jenny Christopher.

LYNN

I expect to see you in this sweater by the end of the day.

MICHAEL

Lynn, I have a girlfriend.  I can't be wearing another girl's clothes.

LYNN

(Hits him)(laughing)

You're a silly man, Michael, Michael Haines.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

(Moving Lynn on)

Yes he is...c'mon Lynn.

MICHAEL

It would be much easier for you to copy my endearing wit if your breasts weren't flashing.

LYNN

Uh...what...

(Looking at Jenny)

What is he talking about?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Nothing...See you later Mike.

MICHAEL

(Laughing)

Catch you later...

(Under breath still smiling, rubbing arm that Lynn hit)

I hope you get crotch rot and die bitch.

Lynn turns around in mid walk and points at the sweater.  Michael waves.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Yeah...

(Smiling under breath, still waving) Fuck you.

Jenny drags Lynn off, Michael opens his gate.

INT-SHOE STORE

Michael walks to his backroom to turn on his store lights.  After his store is well lit he walks back to his office, where he notices a picture of him and Jan together on the desk.  He picks it up and looks at it.

MICHAEL

I really do love you honey.

He puts the picture back down and continues to stare at it.

INT-SHOE STORE -- LATER

Its obvious several hours have passed.  SANDRA is ringing up a customer.  After she finishes they leave the register and walk right by Michael.  He's just staring out the window at Santa Claus who’s across the mall.

MICHAEL

(Looking up)

Have a good day.

CUSTOMER

Thank you.

Customer leaves.

SANDRA

What are you looking at?

MICHAEL

It would be a great disappointment to those kids if I slit Santa's throat right in front of them.

SANDRA

You know there's medication for people like you.

MICHAEL

Well I was going to say anally rape him, but it would sound like I had issues.

SANDRA

Can't have that.

MICHAEL

Oh Jesus Christ...you can see Lynn blinking half way down the mall.

SANDRA

Don't forget to pick up one of those sweaters.

MICHAEL

I'll get you one while I'm at it.  It'll be your Christmas bonus.

SANDRA

         (Pause)

 So are you doing alright today?

MICHAEL

Me?  Oh yeah doing good.  Perfect.

SANDRA

So how's Jan?

MICHAEL

She's good. 

        (Pause)

Hey I'm going to use the phone for a second.

SANDRA

You're the boss. 

(Hands him the cordless phone)

Here you go.

MICHAEL

I'll be in the back if you need me.

SANDRA

Alright.

Michael dials the phone as he walks to the backroom.

INT-MICHAEL AND JAN'S APT -- CONTINUOUS

Jan rolls over on the couch and grabs the phone off the coffee table.

JAN

Hello.

INT-BACKROOM

MICHAEL

Hey, it's me.

INTERCUT.

JAN

Hi.

MICHAEL

What are you doing?

JAN

Actually, napping.

MICHAEL

I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to wake you; I'll go ahead and let you go.

JAN

No, it's fine.  I'm awake now.

MICHAEL

Yeah. 

         (Pause)

 You know Jan it's just...This is the day, the two year anniversary.  I just need this one day.

JAN

Ok...

MICHAEL

This is a rough thing for me.  It's not that I don't love you, but I loved her at the time too.

JAN

I know that...

MICHAEL

I mean Christmas is just a bad time of the year anyway.  You know the whole retail thing.  My profession has ruined this holiday for the both of us.

JAN

Michael it's more then that and you know it.

MICHAEL

I know...

JAN

We'll talk about this more tonight.

MICHAEL

Why not now?

JAN

You're at work, and we don't do well on the phone.

MICHAEL

What do you mean?

JAN

You're more argumentative over the phone.

MICHAEL

I am not!

JAN

Michael!

MICHAEL

Uh...yeah...point well taken.  We'll talk about it tonight.

JAN

Ok. Be careful driving home, deer are running.

MICHAEL

They getting ready for a marathon?

JAN

Talk to you tonight.

MICHAEL

Alrighty…

JAN

Bye.

MICHAEL

Bye.

INT-BACKROOM

Michael hangs up the phone.  Sandra enters.

SANDRA

Am I interrupting anything?

MICHAEL

(Shakes head "no".  Hands Sandra phone) I love Jan.

SANDRA

I know, but at the risk of getting yelled at...

MICHAEL

Yeah?

SANDRA

You're going to have to get yourself together before you lose her.

MICHAEL

I know.  I'm working on it.

SANDRA

You don't have forever.

MICHAEL

I know.

SANDRA

We're out of ones.

MICHAEL

What?

SANDRA

We need ones.

MICHAEL

Shit, banks are closed.

INT-DEPT STORE CUSTOMER SERVICE-DAY

Michael stands in line, Lynn comes up from behind.

LYNN

Hey Michael!  (Hits him)

MICHAEL

Grrrr...Hey Lynn...

LYNN

You better watch out for these tonight on your ride home. 

(Points at sweater)

MICHAEL

Badly made sweaters?

LYNN

        (Laughs)

Funny man... I'm getting ones and then I'm off for the day…

MICHAEL

Better be careful.  It's nasty outside.  You go out in that sweater and you're liable to short out.

LYNN

Tehee…  You're a funny man.  Wait!  Are you getting ones too!?!

MICHAEL

Um...yeah...

LYNN

We're twins.

MICHAEL

Dear God.

As they stand in line, store manager MRS BLASTEM walks up.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Oh great...

LYNN

What Michael?!?

MICHAEL

Well my easily excited friend, Mrs. Blastem hates my guts, there's no way she'll give me ones.  See I have an employee who also works here part time. I sort of...um...underhanded the dear Mrs. Blastem on scheduling.

LYNN

Oh Michael, there're people who've done worse things.

MICHAEL

Yeah, like the manufacturer of that sweater.

MRS BLASTEM

Can I help someone?

MICHAEL

Oh yes...(steps up, hands over a $100 bill) Can I please get some ones?

MRS BLASTEM

Don't have any to spare.

MICHAEL

Mmmm okay...

         (Turns to Lynn)

 Guess we're out of luck?

MRS BLASTEM

Can I help you ma'am?

LYNN

I just wanted to get some ones too.

MRS BLASTEM

Just one second.

LYNN

(Turns to Michael)

Imagine the luck.

MICHAEL

Grrrr...Yeah imagine.

  (Bursts out the door)

INT-CUSTOMER SERVICE DESK -- LATER

Michael is at yet another department store trying to get ones.  JEFF, the store manager, picks up a bundle of the green stuff and throws it at Michael.

MICHAEL

Thanks Jeff.  I don't know why I didn't come here in the first place.

JEFF

Because you'd rather face off with that old bird Mrs Blastem, then to come here so I can convince you YET again to come to my Christmas party tonight.

MICHAEL

I can't.

JEFF

C'mon it would be a blast for you and Jan. Mom and Dad are going to drop by.  They would love to see you.

MICHAEL

Yeah, I just...can't.  I'm sorry.

JEFF

Michael, I can understand why you might not want to come to the house.  I've come to terms with the fact that our friendship was never going to be the same as it was 2 years ago.  I totally understand if you never want to be in that house again.  But, man hating everything that has to do with Christmas?  She was MY sister Michael, I have as much of a reason if not more to hate this holiday just as much as you do.  She might have been your love at one time, but she was my sister.  You've got another love, one that's just as special as Brit, if not more.  I will NEVER have another twin sister.  If you want to honor her memory, don't push Jan away with your pain.  You can talk about your pain with me, Jan, whoever.  But don't lose her, no matter what you do.  If you push Jan away that's a disrespect to me and my sister.

LONG PAUSE.

MICHAEL

That was... 

(Pause)

Long winded...

JEFF

(Half laugh)

Sooo, does that mean you are dropping by?

MICHAEL

(Deep breathe)

Thanks for the advice, Jeff.

(Pause)

But, the only thing I need from you is ones.  I have those, so thank you......

Michael turns to leave.

JEFF

Take care Michael.

Michael quietly exits.

EXT-DUMPSTER-NIGHT

Michael goes out to dump the garbage, when he turns to notice Jenny Christopher loading her van up with merchandise.  Michael dumps the trash and walks over.

MICHAEL

Need some help?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

No, thank you I'm almost done.

MICHAEL

If someone didn't know better they'd think you were ripping the place off.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

It's going to be the best Christmas ever.

MICHAEL

Is your family REALLY that big?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Some to family, some just goes to people in need of a good Christmas.

MICHAEL

You're a good person Jenny Christopher.  Maybe you can dance at my wedding.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Wedding Michael?  Is somebody getting a ring for Christmas?

MICHAEL

She does deserve it doesn't she?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Yes she does, but there's something you need to do first.

MICHAEL

I know...I saw Jeff today.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

I know, I heard.

MICHAEL

This Mall's a small place. 

(Pause)

He thinks I am disrespecting Brit's memory by pushing Jan away.  I don't know, I don't mean to push Jan away.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Then stop.

MICHAEL

And it's that easy?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Sure.

MICHAEL

Cheese and rice...It's been rough.  It's only been two years.  I'm still struggling; I don't want to lose Jan though.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Well shoe man; I'm not the one you need to be telling this stuff to.

MICHAEL

Yeah, I suppose you're right.  Well I better get inside.  Merry...­er...I mean.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

You almost slipped up there.

MICHAEL

Yeah almost.

(Smiles)

Oh well maybe next year I'll be able to complete the whole phrase.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Here's hoping.

MICHAEL

Goodnight Jenny Christopher.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Goodnight.

Michael walks into the backroom.  There stands Sandra.

INT-BACKROOM-NIGHT

SANDRA

Is she stealing?

MICHAEL

God no!  She's just a really good person.

SANDRA

No one is that good.  Anyway, closing duties are finished.

MICHAEL

Alrighty, See you tomorrow.

SANDRA

Be careful tonight.

MICHAEL

Why does everyone keep telling me that?

SANDRA

Deer are out.

MICHAEL

Of prison?

SANDRA

I'm serious - be careful.

MICHAEL

Alright I'll seriously be careful.

SANDRA

Night.

MICHAEL

Goodnight.

Sandra leaves.

INT-MICHAELS CAR-NIGHT

Michael is driving along a dark country road on his way home.  Suddenly Christmas music comes on the radio.

MICHAEL

Ick...

     (turns off radio)

 Oh Brittany

    (whisper)

...I love Jan...I need to let you go honey...I need to let you go.  If I just knew you were doing ok, I would be fine.  Just tell me you're ok...What the fuck?!?

Michael JUMPS on his brakes as a GIANT reindeer stands head on in the middle of the road.  Michael's brakes help him very little as the car hits the deer head on.  The deer flips up SLAMMING it's antlers into Michael's windshield.

TOTAL DARKNESS.

PARAMEDIC 1

Keep him with us!

PARAMEDIC 2

We're losing him.

Sound of a flatline.

FLASH OF LIGHT.

EXT-SNOWSCAPE-DAY

There is no sign of the car, or the road that Michael was on.  Just an endless snowscape with Michael laying right in the middle.  The deer that hit Michael's car appears and starts to lick his face.  Michael comes to.

MICHAEL

Would you mind getting the he...the he...getting he...da...sh...What the he...My vocal cords are shot!

Michael shoves the deer off.  GABE's, an angelic character dressed completely in white, voice is heard off screen.

GABE (O.S.)

You can't cuss here.

MICHAEL

Who the he...um(clears throat) who are you?

Gabe enters scene.

GABE

I am Gabe, I will be your guide.

MICHAEL

Like a tour guide?

GABE

Yes, like a tour guide.

Michael gets up and starts walking.

MICHAEL

Good Gabey, maybe you can guide me on out of this dream.

GABE

Well this isn't a dream Michael.

MICHAEL

Yeah that's what they all say.

GABE

You are in a form of the afterlife.

MICHAEL

Yeah, I'm in the form of a concussion.  You know bleeding on the brain.  It happened once in grade school, Billy Jackson pushed me down the steps.  I had weird hallucinations then too.

GABE

I assure you this is real, but it'll take a moment to register.

MICHAEL

The only thing I needed to register was the realization I came to, before this thing hit me. 

(Points at the deer)

And that's the fact that I need to buy a ring.

GABE

That's just not possible.

MICHAEL

Anything's possible you just got to believe Gabey.  Now, I need a jewelry store...

Michael walks to the edge of a drop off.  Gabe walks up on one side and the deer on the other.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

The Afterlife?

Before Michael is a huge Christmas city.  There are tall gingerbread buildings, a little Christmas village.  Up on a hill is a huge Christmas themed castle.

GABE

Christmasland.

MICHAEL

So I'm in Hell?

EXT-MAIN STREET

Michael, Gabe and the deer walk through downtown Christmasland.

MICHAEL

You know I have to admit, this IS pretty darn amazing, although I still hate Christmas like a Saturday morning enema.

GABE

We know.

MICHAEL

Who knows?  You and the deer?

GABE

I'll explain everything; we just need to get to a place where we can talk.

As Michael, Gabe and the deer walk they maneuver through a sea of people.  As Michael walks by a rather short little elf, he steals the hat from the little man's head.  Michael then puts it on his own head.

GABE (CONT'D)

What are you doing?

He pulls the hat off Michael's head and gives it to the little elf still standing in the middle of the street shocked.

GABE (CONT'D)

Sorry.

LITTLE MAN

Grrrrrr.

Gabe continues on walking.

GABE

You have to try to behave sir.

Gabe turns to notice Michael is on the other side of the street spying in the distance at a gigantic skyscraper sized Christmas tree.

MICHAEL

Must be he...a bi...

(coughs)

Nasty to decorate.

GABE

Yes, well we really must be going.

MICHAEL

C'mon what's the rush?  I thought you where the tour guide.  Guide me Gabe.

(Singing while snapping and pointing his fingers)

Ease on down, ease down the road, don't you carry nothing that might be a load...

Gabe looks around and notices a coffee shop across the street.

GABE

Let's duck in here.

MICHAEL

Wait I'm not done with my song.

GABE

...In here...

MICHAEL

The Wiz, Sidney Lument...1978

GABE

I don't care.

MICHAEL

There are giant trash cans that eat people…Great movie.

GABE

...In here...

MICHAEL

Can we at least lose Rudolph first?

GABE

Actually that's Prancer. 

(Looks at the deer)

 Privacy.

The deer drops its head and walks away.

MICHAEL

That worked.

INT-COFFEE SHOP

Gabe and Michael walk into a coffee shop that looks like a cross between a middle age English pub and a typical Christmas themed coffee shop ran by talking bears.  Michael and Gabe sit down at a table.  A purple BEAR WAITER walks up.

BEAR WAITER

         (In a monotone)

 Eggnog?

MICHAEL

That's a strange name, but hey it is "Christmasland".  I'm Michael.                         (Shakes his paw)

GABE

He wants to know if you want eggnog?

MICHAEL

Sure.

Bear pours some eggnog and leaves.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Alrighty, let's cut to the chase my other worldly friend, what IS Christmasland?

GABE

You're being direct.

MICHAEL

You said all my questions would be answered, I figure this is as good a start as any.

GABE

Alright, I assume you know the Adam and Eve story?

MICHAEL

No Kidding.  Christmasland is the Garden of Eden?  

GABE

Uh no.  So anyway, I assume you know how hard it was in the Old Testament to get into Heaven...

MICHAEL

And easier in the New Testament after the crucifixion of Christ…

GABE

Yes but not as easy as we had hoped.  At least half the world's population still wasn't reaching the requirements necessary to get into Heaven.

MICHAEL

What did you guys need SAT scores?

GABE

In 1645 a Saint Nicholas of Norway would go out on his last yearly gift delivery.  He would do this every Christmas Eve for the children in the village.  This year though his sleigh would turn over killing him and his wife.

MICHAEL

Ick.  Why did he pass out gifts to the children?

GABE

His wife was sick as a child, it made her barren.

MICHAEL

Baron of what? 

GABE

No...No...No...No!  She was unable to have children.  When Mr and Mrs Nicholas died, despite the good deeds, both had failed to meet the requirements to enter Heaven.  That's when Christmasland was created.  A whole world where all we do is good-will.  Celebrating the time where the Messiah was born and carrying on in Saint Nicholas' footsteps.

MICHAEL

So this is where the mediocre go after they die?

GABE

No not forever, you have a life span here the same as Earth.  When you die here you go to Heaven.  Basically if YOU are here, you've wasted your life on Earth somehow.  Christmasland is like Purgatory so to speak.  What makes this place amazing is you don't have the crime here you do on Earth...no evil elements, just a group of souls working to make the people on Earth happy for one day out of the year.

MICHAEL

So why am I here?

GABE

Why are you here Michael?

MICHAEL

I think I just asked you that.

GABE

Couldn't have anything to do with being angry the last two years could it?

MICHAEL

I was working on that.

GABE

Well you got plenty of time to work now.

MICHAEL

You're cold Gabe.  Really cold. 

(Takes a sip)

 Gabe?

GABE

Yes.

MICHAEL

Well we're as mortal here as we are on Earth, right?

GABE

Yes.

MICHAEL

So, is it possible to get killed before your lifespan is up?

GABE

We have no illness here in Christmasland.

MICHAEL

But what if someone took your life?

GABE

There are no evil elements here Michael.

MICHAEL

Yeah but...what if...?

GABE

There are no evil elements here Michael.

BEAR WAITER

         (Monotone)

Fruitcake?

MICHAEL

You got some stones bear.

GABE

(Waving hand)

He'll pass.  Are you finished?

MICHAEL

Finished?  I'm just getting started.

GABE

With the eggnog?

MICHAEL

Ehhh....yeah...So Gabe what's next on the agenda?

GABE

We probably should be heading to the...

MICHAEL

I know, can we carol?!!!

GABE

Well...­er...no we can't carol.

MICHAEL

I thought this was Christmasland, Why can't we carol?

GABE

We don't have time to carol!  Listen I'm the guide.  I will decide where to take you.

MICHAEL

Take me baby.

GABE

Michael please be respectful. Now let's be off.

Gabe gets up.

MICHAEL

Caroling?

GABE

No not caroling!

EXT-ICE RINK-DAY

Michael and Gabe are walking around, until Michael spots an ice rink in the distance.  He starts running and slides right across the ice.  Innocent skaters desperately try to avoid him.  Gabe's on the other end of the rink as Michael slides to meet him.

MICHAEL

What's up Gabe?

GABE

What are you doing?

MICHAEL

(Trying to get his footing on the ice)

This is awesome Gabe!

GABE

I thought you hated everything that had to do with Christmas?

MICHAEL

Man I don't care.  How many people in their lifetimes get to experience this?!?  This is freaking rad!

GABE

Yes...um...rad....we really need to be going.

MICHAEL

C'mon Gabe slide on the ice with me.

GABE

No....you're acting like on child on Christm.....you're acting like a child.

MICHAEL

Oh Gabe lighten up.  I know you want to go caroling.

GABE

We are not going caroling, we are not sliding on the ice anymore!  We have other things to do!

MICHAEL

Fine, Fine, Fine.  Let's go where you want to.

GABE

I don't understand Michael.  I go back to the fact that you hate Christmas.

MICHAEL

Gabe, there's a difference between Christmas the holiday and waking up in a giant amusement park.

Gabe helps Michael off the ice.

GABE

C'mon I need to take you to the arrival station.

MICHAEL

The arrival station?

INT-THE ARRIVAL STATION

Michael and Gabe walk through the arrival station.  Michael seems amazed how he can see his reflection in the glossy red metal walls.  They walk up to a LADY in a green outfit with matching hair, standing at a counter.

GREEN LADY

Welcome to Christmasland.

MICHAEL

That's some nice hair.

GABE

This is Michael Haines, he's a new arrival.

GREEN LADY

Date of death was December 20th?

GABE

Correct.

MICHAEL

We're still not final on the death thing.  He says dead, I say dream.  Potato, potato let's call the whole thing off.

GREEN LADY

Has he had quarters assigned yet?

GABE

No not yet.

GREEN LADY

Mmmmmmm

(typing on her computer terminal)

How about Holly-west?

GABE

That'll be fine.

MICHAEL

I've never been one of those Hollywest types.

GABE

Shhhh.

Michael looks around at all the attendants in the station.  He notices that every single worker has dyed hair, red, Green and various other holiday colors.

MICHAEL

So exactly how much dye does it take to do everyone's hair here?

GABE

(Nodding at the lady, while grabbing Michael's arm)

C'mon Michael, We're going to your quarters.

EXT-MAIN STREET-DAY

Michael walks along Main Street with Gabe.  More guides and some elves walk by on the busy street.

MICHAEL

Hey what's up? 

(Waving at people walking by)

You're short, you're an elf...Hey how have you been?

Gabe stops in front of a tall building.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

(Continuing to walk)

Hey Merry Christmas!  Whoa!  You’re even small for an elf.

Gabe grabs Michael and pulls him back.

GABE

Here we are.

Gabe looks Michael over.

GABE (CONT'D)

You don't have any hats do you?

Michael shakes his head "no".

GABE (CONT'D)

Very good.

The two walk in.

INT-LOBBY

­Michael and Gabe walk up to the front desk.  A Giant BUNNY pops up from behind to desk.

BUNNY

Be bop boo bop!

MICHAEL

Ahhhhhh!

The frightened Michael hits the bunny directly in the nose.

BUNNY

Ahhhhhhh!

The Bunny bares his teeth then jumps back.  Gabe grabs Michael.

GABE

What are you doing?!?

MICHAEL

The Easter Bunny tried to attack us!

GABE

First of all he's not the Easter Bunny, he's the desk clerk.  And he didn't try to attack us!

The MANAGER ELF comes out.

MANAGER ELF

(Russian accent)

What is going on?

GABE

Nothing it was a misunderstanding.

MANAGER ELF

Who hit my bunny?

BUNNY

Bop Bop Bop.

GABE

It was a mistake.

MANAGER ELF

You bet it was a mistake.  We do not hit bunnies!

MICHAEL

What do you feed that thing - steroids?

MANAGER ELF

Who is this?  Why did he hit my bunny?

MICHAEL

That's a fat bunny.

BUNNY

Lappy ­dap ­dap.

GABE

He's a new soul.  He's just adjusting.  Actually I need for him to stay here.

MANAGER ELF

Not if he's going to hit bunnies!

GABE

I'm sure he's sorry.  Michael tell him you're sorry.

MICHAEL

Are there more bunnies here?

GABE

Michael!

MICHAEL

Sorry.

­Michael heads toward the desk.  The bunny ducks.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Sorry bunny.

BUNNY

Grrrr.

MANAGER ELF

He's not to leave his room.

GABE

C'mon Michael.

(To Manager)

Thank you.

The two walk over and enter the elevator.

INT-MICHAELS QUARTERS

Michael and Gabe walk in to Michael's room.  The room has gingerbread walls.  In the middle of the room is a marshmallow bed with graham cracker posts.

MICHAEL

My room is a giant s'more.

GABE

Well I'll leave, and let you get settled in.

MICHAEL

You're leaving me?

GABE

Just for the rest of the day.  You've had quite the day.  Just rest up, we have a busy day tomorrow.

MICHAEL

What's tomorrow?

GABE

I'll meet you at the front doors at the first light of day.

MICHAEL

Alright, I'll be there.  I won't argue with someone telling me to be lazy.

GABE

Well it's not like you can leave the room anyway, after the bunny incident.

MICHAEL

Hey, I saved your life from that rabid bunny.

GABE

(Shaking head)

Until tomorrow Michael.

MICHAEL

Until tomorrow my love.

Gabe exits shutting the door behind him, while the lonely Michael looks around his room exploring.  He PLOPS down on the bed.  He looks around and then breaks a bedpost off and eats it.

EXT-REINDEER TRAINING CAMP-NIGHT

MADDY, the reindeer trainer is strolling through the camp.  WILL, a security officer, walks up beside her.

WILL

Everything is secure Mrs Maddy.

MADDY

Well done.

WILL

Are you leaving?

MADDY

Just on the way.

WILL

Do you think these boys will be ready for the 24th?

MADDY

Now, now, you're forgetting their teacher, Will.

Maddy glances over and notices a reindeer's eyes are open.  She raps him on the nose with her stick.

MADDY (CONT'D)

We sleep at night Sir Comet.  (Continues on)

Oh Will, they will be ready.

WILL

Well Mrs Maddy you best wrap things up.  Its nightfall and I don't want anything happening to you.

MADDY

Very considerate, I'm sure I'll be fine.

WILL

I'll do another sweep and then I'll walk you out.

MADDY

Dear Will.

WILL

I'll meet you at the front gate Mrs Maddy.

Will walks off.  Maddy heads toward the front gates.

EXT-FRONT GATES

Maddy waits patiently by the gate.  She's STARTLED by a CRACK in the distance.  She calms herself and continues to wait...and wait...and...SUDDENLY hands reach and GRAB her by her hair.  With immense strength the hands RAM her head between the candy cane bars of the gate.  SCREAMS carry...

EXT-REINDEER TRAINING CAMP

.....all the way over to Will who's still walking the grounds.

WILL

Mrs Maddy!!!!!!!

He RUNS all the way......

EXT-FRONT GATES

…to the front gates.  Once there he's witness to the sight of lifeless Mrs Maddy, her head stuck between the bars of the gate.

WILL

(Cries, drops to his knees)

Mrs Maddy!!!!

INT-MICHAELS QUARTERS

Michael is asleep on top of a pile of crumbs.

EXT-FRONT DOORS-DAY

Will and Gabe are standing in front of the building Michael is staying in.

WILL

I don't understand this.

GABE

He's mad because we stopped him from poisoning the reindeer.

WILL

As much as it hurts I understand Mrs Maddy, she was a reindeer trainer, but why the elves?  They're just workers.

GABE

That was actually because he was mad.  He wanted to send us a message.  Mrs Maddy was because he wanted to cause some damage.

WILL

Who do you think will be next?

GABE

Lots of targets,  S.C. would be obvious, but he's not in the open till the 24th.

WILL

I got the castle under tight security.

GABE

That and he's staying pretty secluded up there.

WILL

Think security will be a target?

GABE

No he's got bigger fish to fry now.  We're getting down to the wire.  We're well past poisoning reindeer or killing elves.  He's going to want to make some big moves, thus Mrs. Maddy.

WILL

I'm going to kill him.

GABE

Hatred will get us nowhere.  We have to keep clear heads here.

WILL

What about our new friend?  Do you think he might be next?

GABE

No, this killer is sadistic; he's going to want Michael to enter the game first.  Then he'll kill him.

WILL

Which means...

GABE

Yeah, I'm a tad bit scared.

WILL

I'll put you under protection.

GABE

Will no!  There're more important things that need your attention.

WILL

But....

GABE

Will, no!  That's final!

INT-LOBBY

Michael walks right by the bunny.  He's hiding under the desk all you can see is his eyes.

BUNNY

Grrrrrrr.

­Michael continues on, and walks right out the front door.

EXT-FRONT DOORS

MICHAEL

Good morning. 

(Yawns)

GABE

Michael, this is Will, head of security.

MICHAEL

Hey Will keeping it real.

WILL

Hi...um...so are you guys going to be alright?

GABE

We will be fine Will?

MICHAEL

I'm hungry.

GABE

He's hungry, but we're fine.

WILL

If you need anything Gabe...

GABE

I will.

MICHAEL

Peace out Will.

Will leaves.

GABE

Well come on Michael, let's get you something to eat.

 (Starts to walk, then stops)

 Michael?

MICHAEL

Yes?

GABE

There appear to be crumbs on your lips.

MICHAEL

Really? 

(Wipes his mouth off)

Strangest thing.

Michael and Gabe walk off.

EXT-MAIN SQUARE-DAY

Michael sits at a table in a huge outdoor eatery.  This area is Christmas themed, but at the same time has a very Venice feel to it.  Gabe walks up behind Michael with a plate.

MICHAEL

Eggs and steak.  Wow.

GABE

         (Sits)

 Yeah wow...um...Michael...it's come to my attention that your room no longer has a bed in it.

MICHAEL

Really?

GABE

Yeah.

MICHAEL

Strangest thing...I guess even more reason for you to help me get out of here.

GABE

And I thought you were getting used to the place.

MICHAEL

Oh everything is cool.  I mean my girlfriend would especially love this place.  It has this Venice feel to it.

GABE

You've been to Venice?

MICHAEL

No.  She has though, she talks about it a lot.

GABE

Amazing that you're quiet enough for her to say anything…

MICHAEL

You know what Gabe....F....uuuuudge you!

GABE

Yeah.

MICHAEL

I think it's time for you to get me home.

GABE

I can't get you home Michael you're dead.

MICHAEL

So what about Jan?  How can I make things up to her?  Isn't that why I'm here?  Because I screwed things up with her.

GABE

You screwed a lot of things up Michael.  Yeah you screwed things up with Jan and that's something you're going to have to live with for the rest of your life here.  Maybe if you didn't spend all your time stuck on a dead girl, you'd be with Jan now.  Not sitting here, wasting my time with juvenile one liners.

MICHAEL

Maybe I can't cuss, but I bet I can deck you.

INT-GLASS OVERLOOK

Will walks through a glass overlook walkway that goes over the main square from one side of the street to the other.  He walks along passing bears in the walkway until he gets to the spot right above Gabe and Michael.  He stops and glances down at the two, still in their heated argument.

EXT-MAIN SQUARE

GABE

Do you love her?

MICHAEL

Yes I love her!

GABE

Love her enough to die for her?

MICHAEL

Yes!

GABE

Love her enough to give up thoughts of Brittany?

MICHAEL

...It's been hard Gabe.

GABE

It's sad, but Brittany is the past.  Jan was your present.

MICHAEL

It's just...I didn't know anything about...Brittany and faith...I just need to know she's in a safe afterlife, that's all I ever wanted.

INT-GLASS OVERLOOK

Will continues to watch.  He hears a NOISE.  He looks around and determines it's nothing.

EXT-MAIN SQUARE

GABE

If she were here would you want to see her?

MICHAEL

...mmm...No.  There's no need to.  I have no unanswered questions about our relationship.  I just want to know she made it somewhere safe.

GABE

I'm surprised you said no.

MICHAEL

Jan's my present and future.  I just want to know Brittany made it into the best afterlife possible. 

(Pause)

Gabe, did she make it here?

GABE

Michael...No...She didn't...

INT-GLASS OVERLOOK

SUDDENLY Will looks up as a grappling hook SHATTERS the top glass plane.  It smashes through and grips on the metal frame.

EXT-MAIN SQUARE

MICHAEL

Gabe?

GABE

Yes?

MICHAEL

Do you know where she did end up?

GABE

Michael...

INT-GLASS OVERLOOK

The Killer swings from the top, over the side of the overlook.  Will jumps back.  The Killer continues to drop all the way down...

EXT-MAIN SQUARE

To the middle of the main square, right in front of Michael and Gabe.  People, elves and bears are running and screaming.

MICHAEL

What the...?

GABE

Michael RUN!

The Killer WHIPS out his red wire and in one full SWOOP wraps it around Gabe's neck.  He pulls till the wire goes through Gabe's neck, and his lifeless body drops to the ground.  Michael, confused and bewildered, grabs the Killer's left shoulder.  The Killer counters by using his right hand, reaching into a left holster and STABBING Michael in the side with a knife.  Windows SHATTER up at the overlook above.  The Killer looks up to see security lead by Will, with Christmas colored bazooka-like weapons.  As they fire, spear-like candy canes come out.  They hit the ground at the agile Killers feet as he makes his getaway.  In a flash, like magic he has disappeared.  Security lowers their weapons, feeling defeated.

BIRD'S EYE VIEW: Showing Gabe, as dead as a doornail, and the bleeding Michael laying on his back with blood spreading further and further outward.

 TOTAL DARKNESS.

BLURRIENESS.  It starts to clear...and then we see...

INT-SERVaNTS HOUSE

We see Jenny Christopher!

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Michael?

Michael's lying in bed.  Jenny, like a nurse, is at his bedside with a damp cloth.  Michael comes to.

MICHAEL

Jenny Christopher?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Hello Michael.

INT-LIVING AREA

Michael, still in the servant’s house, is sitting in a rocking chair.  Jenny comes up behind him and brings him a drink.  She walks over and sits across from him.

MICHAEL

I guess I'll start with, why am I healed?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

And I thought the first question would be why am I here.

MICHAEL

Oh that's on the list.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Well that I'll answer in due time.  As for why you are healed, as long as nothing vital is hit our bodies heal quickly here.

MICHAEL

In a matter of hours?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Amazing isn't it?

MICHAEL

Yes...It's good to see you Jenny Christopher.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

It's good to be seen Michael.

MICHAEL

It's weird to see you outside of work.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

I can see why it would be.

MICHAEL

You're not going to tell me why you're here yet are you?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Not yet.

Michael looks around at his modest surroundings.

MICHAEL

Quaint little place.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Yes it is.

MICHAEL

(Deep breathe)

Poor Gabe.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Yes, we were shocked and saddened to hear of his murder.

MICHAEL

You're telling me.  I was right there in the middle of it.  I kind of gave him a hard time.  I hope he realized I didn't mean anything by it.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

I think he understood why you were acting the way you were.  I mean it's not everyday a person ends up here.

MICHAEL

I'm guessing if I asked you to help me get back you would give me the same jive Gabe did.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Why do you need to get back Michael?

MICHAEL

Jan...I need to get back for Jan.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Is that what you want for Christmas Michael?  A chance to be with Jan again?

MICHAEL

I don't need anybody's help on that.  I will get back to Jan. The only thing I want for Christmas is a ring.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

A ring?

MICHAEL

Yeah I haven't had a chance to buy one yet.  I've been busy with other things...like dying.

(He takes a drink)

So why did some guy kill Gabe and stab me?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

I don't know if I'm the one who’s best equipped to answer your questions.

MICHAEL

Who is, Jenny?

EXT-SNOWSCAPE-DAY

BIRD’S EYE VIEW: We float up a hill; at the very top we spot...

INT-SANTA CLAUS' CASTLE

Michael and Jenny walk past two guards and enter this huge Arthurian throne room.  On either side of the red carpet they're walking down are carolers.  Their voices echo throughout the chamber.  As we come upon the throne we see an older lady sitting to the right.  And as Jenny and Michael stop in front of the throne to their left they see SANTA CLAUS.

SANTA CLAUS

I've been waiting for you.

INT-CORRIDOR

Michael is walking, with two BEAR escorts, down a long corridor with rooms on either side.  The bears stop at a door half way down the hall.  One bear opens the door, the other grabs Michael's arm...

MICHAEL

Don't touch me.

INT-MICHAEL'S QUARTERS

Michael shakes the bear off and walks into the room.  The room has a metallic red glossy look to it.  He walks over to a bar on the far side of the room.  He plays with one of the taps and sprays himself in the face.

MICHAEL

(licking his lips)

Eggnog...

Jenny Christopher enters the room.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Hey…looks like you need a towel.

Jenny walks into the bathroom and grabs a towel. 

MICHAEL

(Catching the towel that Jenny just threw at him)

No edible furniture?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

We heard you couldn't be trusted.

Michael plops himself down on the red satin bed.

MICHAEL

This is weird Jenny.  ­I've worked in the same mall with you for 3 years, and now to find out you're an elf…

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

I'm not an elf...

MICHAEL

Whatever it's freaking weird.  And here's another question for you.  Why can't I cuss?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Why is that important?

MICHAEL

I like cussing.  It makes me happy, and isn't that what Christmas is all about...Making people happy?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

(Shaking her head)

Dinner will be in an hour Michael.  If you want to get freshened up there's a shower in the wash room.

MICHAEL

What?  Does it spit out snow?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

No water.

Jenny turns to walk out of the room.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER (CONT'D)

And Michael if you really can't wait the hour till dinner...The candles on the wall over there...Chocolate.

Jenny walks out of the room.  Michael spins off the bed walks to the wall behind him and cocks his head looking at a candle.  He pulls it out of its holder, sniffs it, then takes a bite.  As he chews he shakes his head with a satisfying look.

INT-DINNING ROOM

Everyone is gathered around a huge table enjoying a huge feast.  Michael, Will and Jenny are all seated at the table.  Many other guides are seated at the table also; Mr. and MRS CLAUSE (who we learn is the older lady from the throne room) are seated at opposite ends of the table.  A BEAR comes into the room to grab the empty plates.

WILL

We're all prepared to be at the toy factory at dawn.

SANTA CLAUS

Very good Will.

BEAR ONE

(To Michael in monotone)

Plate?

MICHAEL

I've actually grown quite attached to it, but what the hay. 

(Hands over the plate)

SANTA CLAUS

For the exception of the occasional one liner you've been rather quiet tonight Michael.  How are you feeling?

MICHAEL

I'm alive, at least I guess.

WILL

Well you should be thankful for that.  There are plenty who aren't as fortunate.

MICHAEL

Um...yeah...

SANTA CLAUS

I'm sure Michael is very glad to be alive.  He had quite the brush with death earlier today.

WILL

(Being a snot)

Well at least the killer spared his life, so we could be privileged with his presence this evening.

MICHAEL

Um...yeah...thanks...I think...

(Looks toward Santa)

So are you Saint Nicholas?

WILL

He is Santa Claus.  That is all you need to know.

MICHAEL

Oh excuse me, Dick.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Michael!

MICHAEL

What?  I thought that was his name.  What so it's Will?  Alright I'm sorry you just look like a Dick.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Michael!!!

SANTA CLAUS

That's enough!

WILL

So this is your chosen one?

(Throws down napkin)

If you don't mind I would like to be excused. 

(Gets up)

Will leaves the room.

SANTA CLAUS

Will?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

He'll be fine.  He has been tense lately.  I think he blames himself for Mrs Maddy.

MICHAEL

Chosen one?  What's this chosen one stuff?

SANTA CLAUS

Well if everyone would like to follow Mrs. Clause, we can go to the rec room for dessert.

Everyone gets up.  Michael turns to Jenny.

MICHAEL

Chosen one?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Soon Michael soon.

SANTA CLAUS

Michael can I see you please?

MICHAEL

I was really hoping for desert too.

INT-THE HALL OF CHRISTMAS PAST

Michael and Santa walk down an enormous hallway, with 3-D holograms of Christmas items and various decorations and statues.

MICHAEL

Odd...

SANTA CLAUS

It's the hallway of Christmas past.

MICHAEL

No ghosts are going to pop out, telling me how I screwed up my life?

SANTA CLAUS

I didn't say anything about Dickens…  This just a museum of sorts…

MICHAEL

Still odd...

Santa stops at a door.

SANTA CLAUS

In here Michael...

INT-SANTA'S STUDY

Michael follows Santa into his study, he motions him to sit.  Santa remains standing moving about the room.

SANTA CLAUS

This is the only place in this whole world that's normal, my private getaway.  You're one of few to see it.

MICHAEL

It's rather...Mike Brady like.

SANTA CLAUS

It reminds me a lot of Earth.  With the exception of the Christmas music being pumped in, it's very non-seasonal.

MICHAEL

Are you the original Saint Nicholas?

SANTA CLAUS

He was the first, he is now in Heaven.

MICHAEL

So what number are you?

SANTA CLAUS

Not really sure.  It wasn't very long ago I was President of a toy company.  My wife and I single-handedly built one of the largest toy empires in the world.  We had so much money that we paid people to do everything, even raise our own children.  You know we didn't even take time to fill out a will.  When we were unexpectedly taken out by a car crash, what little bit was left went into a college fund for our two kids.  Instead of going to hell we came here, so we could help people.  So we both can learn true happiness comes from doing good will and not from money.

MICHAEL

What happened to your children?

SANTA CLAUS

I don't know.  They don't exist to me on this plane.  They can't.  I have a job to do here.  Then once in Heaven I'll see them again. 

(Pause)

I do know my boy died, but I can't ponder on that.  Not now, not ever.

MICHAEL

So soon Jan won't exist to me either?  So why am I the chosen one?  And why did some nutty nut kill my guide?

SANTA CLAUS

We don't know why we have this...um..."problem".  But, we have a feeling that you can help.

MICHAEL

Why?

SANTA CLAUS

I'm not sure yet.

MICHAEL

But you want me to help stop this guy?

SANTA CLAUS

That's the plan.

MICHAEL

Mmmmm well how about no, Santa!  If I have to be stuck in this realm till I die...um...again then I don't want to meet my end before I...um...meet my end.  I'll do anything else I'll make eggnog, cobble shoes, crawl down chimneys.  But I will not risk my life!

WILL (O.S.)

I told you he was a waste.

Will is in the door.

SANTA CLAUS

Will!  This is private; you should be down at the party.

MICHAEL

(Being a smartass)

Yeah Will.

SANTA CLAUS

Michael.

WILL

I apologize for interrupting but we have a sick reindeer.

EXT-COURTYARD-EVENING

Jenny is on her knees checking out the ill reindeer.  Everyone is gathered in a circle around her.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

C'mon you're fine. 

(Looking up at the crowd)

He wasn't poisoned, at least not by a person.  I think we have a case of an upset stomach.

MICHAEL

(To Santa)

He was poisoning your reindeer?

SANTA CLAUS

Yes, that was the first in a list of many evil things.

MICHAEL

She is amazing.

SANTA CLAUS

Jenny Christopher?

MICHAEL

Yes, she was a good person on Earth too.  She’s such a kind person.

SANTA CLAUS

She's the only pure soul here.

MICHAEL

Really?

SANTA CLAUS

Yes she was a young school teacher in the 19th century, she established the school herself.  Left New York in order to teach to people in the mountains.  She passed away during a horrible snow storm.  Her school was snowed in and she froze to death.  She was already in heaven when she learned of Christmasland.  She begged for the chance to help people again.

MICHAEL

Why is SHE on Earth? 

(Lightbulb)

She's like a buyer isn't she?

SANTA CLAUS

I keep forgetting you're in retail management.  Yes, she kind of is.  How do you think I'm able to give out brand names?

Back to Jenny and the deer.  Will walks up with some water.

WILL

Here's some water Jenny.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Thank you Will.

(Jenny gives the deer some water and helps him to his feet.)

C'mon buddy.  I think he's going to be ok.

Everyone applauds.  The group starts to disband.  Santa holds Michael back.

SANTA CLAUS

You're still alive Michael.

MICHAEL

What?

SANTA CLAUS

You're in a coma, back on Earth.  Never before has a soul left a still living body and traveled to another plane like this.  There's been people who have been clinically dead, but never like this.  I was hoping I wouldn't have to prey on your selfishness.  But someone high up wants you here pretty bad.  You want to see Jan again, you obviously are not getting back to Earth till you learn some sort of lesson, and we need your help.  So I guess now it is up to you.  What you want to do?

MICHAEL

Like blackmail?

SANTA CLAUS

No.  It upsets me that I have to put it to you like this.  I thought you would just help on your own will.  But I have to appease to whatever is important to you in order to get you to help.  It just happens that what's important to you is YOU.  Let me know in the morning if you want to help.  Goodnight Michael.

Santa walks off.

EXT-BALCONY-NIGHT

Jenny and Michael are sitting on the roof of the castle.

MICHAEL

You know if I could cuss I would tear in to him.  But then at the same time I feel guilty that I'm not willing to help you unless I'm offered the chance to be with Jan again.  I should just want to help you just because it's the right thing to do.  So basically I've wasted two years of my life pining over a dead girl, I screwed up a relationship with the only girl in the world for me, I died before I could fix things, and Santa thinks I'm selfish.  All in all I suck.  How are you?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Michael you're a good person.  You just have a lot of growing up to do.

MICHAEL

Grrrr...maybe...

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

(Pointing)

See that over there?

Michael spies and sees a graveyard.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER (CONT'D)

That used to be filled with those who have gone on to heaven after they finished their time here.  Now it's filled with people whose lives were cut short.

MICHAEL

Since Brittany graveyards freak me out.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

How did she die?

MICHAEL

I thought you knew?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

I knew a car crash, but I figured there's more.  I always felt there was logical reason you couldn't let go, I mean other then the fact she was your ex-girlfriend.

MICHAEL

She was murdered.  The police say that someone had ignited the gas in a propane tank using a lighter.  They found a lighter in one Scott Hamblin's hand.  Maybe it isn't so much knowing that Brit is safe in Heaven, as it is knowing Scott is burning in Hell.  I guess I do need to grow up and let go.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Everyone here has their dark pasts they need to overcome.

MICHAEL

It's weird because you can tell it in the atmosphere.  I mean it's happy and joyful, but there's an undertone here too.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

When evil dies it goes to Hell.  When good people who've reached full enlightenment die, they go to Heaven.  But those good people who have become lost at the time of death end up here.

MICHAEL

...in Christmasland.

INT-ELF HOUSE-NIGHT

A middle aged FEMALE ELF sits at a desk doing paperwork.  She hears the giggling of her CHILDREN and spins her desk chair around so she can see them through the crack in the door.  She watches them play around the Christmas tree.  She smiles.  When she turns her chair back around to her desk she spots the KILLER!  He stands gun aimed at her head.  We see fully the big nutcracker mask covering his face.  The huge nutcracker teeth chatter at her.

CUT TO:

EXT-COURTYARD-DAY

Will and Santa stand in the middle of the courtyard in the midst of a discussion.

WILL

It's unusual; you'd think he would put her dead body on display.  You know like he's done with the others.

SANTA CLAUS

What did her children say?

WILL

One minute she was in her study working on the delivery schedule.  The next thing, they hear a scream and she was no where in sight.

SANTA CLAUS

Are we sure it's him?

WILL

C'mon I think to ponder otherwise would be denial.

SANTA CLAUS

True.  Maybe she's not dead.

WILL

What would he want with the head of the toy factory?

SANTA CLAUS

Think about that question for a second.

Michael walks up.

MICHAEL

Hey...

WILL

What are you doing here Dick?

MICHAEL

What?!?

SANTA CLAUS

Will!

WILL

I'm sorry Michael.  You just remind me of a Dick.

SANTA CLAUS

Enough!

MICHAEL

It's alright.  I'll let it slide, just because he's finally taking the stick out of his...

SANTA CLAUS

Michael!

MICHAEL

Oh chill!  I can't say the "A" word if I wanted too.  It's a cuss word...wait...unless...I mean it is in the Bible. 

(Gets up in Will's face)

Jackass.

SANTA CLAUS

Michael last warning!

MICHAEL

What?  I'm just saying Will reminds me of a jackass.

SANTA CLAUS

Michael would you like to be cleaning up reindeer waste for the next 30 years?

MICHAEL

No I mean he's strong

(Feeling his arms)

I would ride him down the Grand Canyon.

Will jerks away from him.

SANTA CLAUS

What is your purpose?

MICHAEL

Oh yes.  I want to help.

SANTA CLAUS

Excuse me?

WILL

Oh great!

MICHAEL

And not because of the selfish junk, I really want to help you, and Jenny Christopher…Even the donkey.

WILL

I'm leaving!

Will storms off.

SANTA CLAUS

Will! 

(Pointing his finger at Michael)

 Are you serious about helping?

MICHAEL

Yes, very much so.

SANTA CLAUS

Well first you need to control your mouth.

MICHAEL

Hey...he…

SANTA CLAUS

Michael!

MICHAEL

Alright.  Just tell me what we need to do.

SANTA CLAUS

We need to change your clothes.

INT-DRESSING ROOM

BEARS are undressing Michael.

MICHAEL

This really doesn't sit well with me.

INT-HALLWAY

Will and Jenny are standing in a hallway right outside the dressing room.  Although they are not watching Michael dress, they can still hear him carrying on from where they’re standing.

WILL

This is ridiculous; I refuse to take him anywhere.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Why?

WILL

He refuses to take anything seriously.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

So basically he reminds you of the person you used to be?

INT-DRESSING ROOM

Some time passes and Michael is fully dressed.  He is wearing a white dress shirt un-tucked, silk white pants and shiny slick black shoes.  Michael looks at himself in the mirror.  Jenny walks up behind him.

MICHAEL

I'm a Frederick's of Hollywood model.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

You look good.

Michael turns to see Jenny Christopher.

MICHAEL

Hey. 

(Pause)

No, I look like I'm going to baptism.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

So you're going to help?

MICHAEL

I'm going to try.  I have a feeling Will is going to cause me some problems.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

I think you'll be fine.  I talked to Will a few minutes ago.  You just need to control your mouth.

MICHAEL

I'll try.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Will you?

MICHAEL

Yes.  Sometimes it's just easier to make smart comments than allow myself to totally take in a situation.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

This whole trip to Christmasland has been rough hasn't it?

MICHAEL

Rough?  Nah, not really.  The talking bears are a little weird.  Like a freaking acid trip at a Grateful Dead concert.  But I'm fine.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Ok...

MICHAEL

I am, really. 

(Pause)

C'mon we have a killer to catch.

INT-WEAPONS ROOM

Security rushes in and each member grabs a canon (like seen earlier in the movie) lying on a long wooden table.  Michael, Jenny and Will stand back in the background.

WILL

Nice outfit.

MICHAEL

Well thanks Will, but I already have a girlfrie....

Jenny elbows Michael.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

I mean.....er....thank you Will.

All the soldiers with weapons in tow stand at attention on the opposite wall.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Where's my gun?

WILL

You don't get a gun.

MICHAEL

Why?

WILL

You don't.

Will walks over to the table and grabs a baton.  He walks back over and hands it to Michael.

MICHAEL

What am I supposed to do with this, twirl?

WILL

It's a handy weapon.

MICHAEL

So do you want me to change into a leotard?

WILL

C'mon, time's a wasting.

EXT-SKYSCAPE-DAY

POV: Bird's eye view: We leave Santa's castle and fly up a hill where we see a huge glass skyscraper.  This gigantic glass tower is the toy factory.

INT-TOY FACTORY-DAY

Jenny, Michael, Will and a group of security officers walk through the main floor of the toy factory.  It looks like a  warehouse with elves loading boxes and using fork lifts to pull skids off a frame.

MICHAEL

Wow, this is quite the operation.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Yes, and all this work getting ready for tomorrow, the big day.

WILL

If "he" let's it happen.

MICHAEL

I won't give him a chance. Trust me.

WILL

(Being short once again)

Well I feel safer with you here.

Will walks a little ahead leaving Jenny and Michael a few steps behind.

MICHAEL

Please just one jab?  Just one and I'll be good I promise.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Turn the other cheek Michael.

Will spots a group of Security officers talking to an ELF.  As Will walks up with Michael and Jenny in tow, one of the security officers turns around.

SECURITY 1

I think we have a problem.

WILL

What's going on?

The elf starts going off in Spanish.

MICHAEL

He's talking in Spanish.

WILL

They do that.

MICHAEL

Oh.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

What's he saying Will?

WILL

That we have a problem…

INT-HALLWAY

Michael, Will, and Jenny with security on either side march down the hallway.  The hallway is decorated with statues of toy soldiers on either side.

MICHAEL

These toy soldiers are freaking me out.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

They're not real Michael.

WILL

Do not coddle him.

They reach their destination...

INT-ROOM

The three walk into the room.  There sits the missing head of the toy department, ELIZA.  Will walks up to a group of security officers.

WILL

I want a full body scan ordered.

SECURITY MAN 2

Done… We are just awaiting the results.

WILL

Good.

Will walks over to Eliza.

WILL (CONT'D)

Do you understand why we're concerned about you showing up Eliza?

ELIZA

I really don't care Will.  I don't like being imprisoned like I've done something wrong.

WILL

The reason we're holding you is just as much for your safety as it is our own.  You are the only person to survive this guy, and I want to know why.  Can you ID him?

ELIZA

I didn't see anything.

WILL

Why are you still alive?

ELIZA

I don't know Will.  I just want to go back to work.

Michael, who’s standing by the door looks into the hall out of boredom.  He does a double take because he believes he just saw a statue toy soldier move.

MICHAEL

Weird…

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

What?

MICHAEL

Nothing…Just losing my mind.

Back to Will and Eliza…

ELIZA

I don't have time to screw around Will.

WILL

Why?

ELIZA

Goddamn it Will let me go!

MICHAEL

She just cussed!

WILL

Jenny shut him up!  Throw her in the brig, until we can get some answers!

MICHAEL

Hey Will don't get in my fuuuuu face...da..why can't I cuss?!?

Michael looks out the door again.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Will???!??!?

WILL

Michael I told you to shut up!

MICHAEL

We really don't have time for this!!!!

TOY SOLDIERS BREAK THROUGH THE DOOR AND WALLS!!!!!!!  They start stabbing Security officers with the end of their rifles.  A group of toy soldiers have Michael Jenny and Will barricaded from Eliza.  Eliza gets up and heads towards the door.

WILL

What are you doing?!?

ELIZA

He has my kids!  I have too!

Eliza runs out of the room.  The toy soldiers looking lifeless now start to fall forward toward our three heroes.  Michael grabs Jenny's arm and jumps back.

MICHAEL

Jump back gang!

The Toy soldiers fall.  Missing Michael and Jenny, but one catches Will's leg.  Michael and Jenny try to move the soldier.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

It won't budge.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

We so forgot to think this thing out.

MICHAEL

What?

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

You know how on Earth, certain people have psychic abilities.

MICHAEL

Eliza was Dian Warwick on Earth?

WILL

Yeah, yeah we all get it I agitated her and she threw toy soldiers at me. Can we get this thing off me please?!?

A SECURITY OFFICER runs into the room.

SECURITY 3

What is going on?

WILL

A toy soldier fell on me.

SECURITY 3

I see.  I'll get some men down here to help.

WILL

Thanks.

SECURITY 3

We have a bigger problem though.  Body scan came back; she's wired with a bomb.

WILL

Great!!!!  We got to get some men to bring her back.

MICHAEL

Get some guys down here to get this off of him.  I'll go after her.

WILL

That's not a good idea.

MICHAEL

Time's a wasting. 

(Runs to the door)

WILL

(To Jenny)

Keep an eye on him.

Jenny shakes her head and her and Michael run out of the room.

INT-HALLWAY

Jenny and Michael jet down the hallway.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Where are we going?

MICHAEL

MMMM...

(Heading to the elevator)

I'm guessing the roof.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Why?

MICHAEL

Because I'm guessing she doesn't want to kill us.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

What?  She tried to kill us with toy soldiers.

MICHAEL

Well maybe she didn't think that one through. Just find whatever security officers are not helping Will and send them down to her house to watch her kids.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

And you're going...?

MICHAEL

(Already in elevator)

 ...to the roof.

Elevator door shuts.

EXT-ROOF

Eliza is standing on the edge looking rather suicidal.  A DING goes off and an elevator door opens.  Michael steps out.

MICHAEL

Eliza don't!!!!

ELIZA

I have to.  I can't leave the building or he kills my kids!

MICHAEL

Your kids will be fine we sent a group of officers down there.

ELIZA

No amount of security can stop this man. He is an entity of pure evil.

MICHAEL

Nah, probably a disgruntled elf, mad because he can't get dental. How about you come down and we get that thing out of you?

ELIZA

No time!  I don't want anything to happen to any of you!

MICHAEL

You actually tried to kill us with toy soldiers, but we can overlook that. 

ELIZA

Oh...God...

MICHAEL

What?

(pause)

You're not having an orgasm are you?

Michael turns around to see the Killer.  The teeth on the nutcracker mask doing its trademark chatter.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Nice mask!

He raises two guns.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Who are you - John Woo?

DING!  The elevator door opens it's Jenny Christopher!  She walks over beside Michael.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

What's this?

MICHAEL

It's a nutcracker, with two guns.

He FIRES......Michael feels himself all over.  He doesn't find a bullet wound.  Jenny Christopher also unharmed looks around to see Eliza shot in the arm starting to fall off the building.

JENNY CHRISTOPHER

Eliza!!!!

 (Running after her)

MICHAEL

Jenny!!! 

(He runs after Jenny)

Jenny grabs Eliza's leg.  Eliza is just dangling from the side of the building; Jenny tries to pull her up.  Michael is still running toward the edge.  The killer FIRES again.  The bullet grazes Michael's shoulder, dropping him.  It continues and hit's Jenny in the back of the head.  She topples over the edge.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

JENNY!!!!!!!

Michael grabbing his shoulder stumbles to the edge.  The killer holsters his guns and pushes a button on his belt.  An EXPLOSION follows, originating from Eliza BLOWING up Eliza and Jenny and busting out some windows, leaving a noticeable mark on the side of the toy factory.  The explosion also THROWS Michael back.  He stumbles to his feet and turns around.

Michael's POV: His eyes are hazy and a little blinded by smoke.  He sees The Killer hook a grappling hook and start to jump off the side of the building.  Michael struggles to his feet.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Oh no baby!  We're both going down!

He runs to the end of the roof GRABS the grappling hook and pulls it from being hooked on the roof.  But, he also doesn't drop the hook in time and he is forced off the roof.  He plummets waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy down, the killer then looks up and they make eye contact.  Michael reaches for his belt and grabs the baton.  He aims it at the Killer and pushes a button on the end and it extends...and hits Michael dead in the face.  SUDDENLY a hand grabs Michael.  He looks up...to see a BEAR grabbing his arm from an open window.

BEAR HELPER

(Monotone)

We need you alive.

Michael looks down to see the killer use his heels on the side of the building to slow down.  He slows until he reaches just a few feet from the bottom.  He pushes out with his feet and flies out in the air.  And then flies down on to his bike.  He starts the bike and zooms away.

INT-OFFICE -- LATER

Michael sits at a desk while bears tend to his wounds.  Santa Claus enters the room.

SANTA CLAUS

Are you ok?

MICHAEL

As good as expected…

SANTA CLAUS

My God Jenny…  I'm so sorry.

MICHAEL

Me too…  That's a huge loss for us all.

SANTA CLAUS

The security crew swept Eliza's house.  Her kids are safe.  How did you know that he wasn't going to harm her children?  And how did you know he was in the building?

MICHAEL

Everything he has done so far has been to mess with our minds...Nailing the elf to a fence, killing Mrs. Maddy, the reindeer.  It's all been for shock value.  He had no intention of killing her children; it really wouldn't have benefited him.  I think Eliza had that idea too, although she wasn't really willing to risk leaving the building.  I think she thought she could get away with jumping off the roof and the killer wouldn't notice till it was too late.  I knew she was heading for the roof, but I wasn't sure about the location of the killer.  I should have figured he was going to try to stop her. 

(pause)

Is Will ok?

SANTA CLAUS

Yes, he will be fine.  He suffered some spine damage.  He will probably be out of commission for a couple weeks.

MICHAEL

Really?

(sarcastic)

Good golly how's he going to make it?

SANTA CLAUS

We heal fast here.

MICHAEL

Yeah...

SANTA CLAUS

Well I'll let you be Michael.

MICHAEL

Thank you.

Michael sits and stares as Santa leaves the room.

EXT-COURTYARD -- NIGHT

A group of ELVES, BEARS, and other residents are gathered by a huge fire.  Santa stands out from this group, positioned dead center in the sea of grievers.

SANTA CLAUS

We are here to remember Eliza Avron and Jenny Christopher.  Two people who have touched us and made our lives rich with their presence.  Both Jenny and Eliza put the well-being of not only the residents of Christmasland first but that of Earth also.  Their time spent here was not just something they did to win the key to Heaven.  It was something they did of their own will to help make the world a happier and more peaceful place.  We should grieve tonight; we should remember and celebrate their lives.  Tomorrow though

(pause)

Tomorrow is December 24th.  And as much as we hurt over Eliza and Jenny, we should not let that stop us from carrying on.  This killer has taken a few people who were very special to us.  Let's not let him take our spirit or let him destroy this holiday.  Jenny and Eliza will not die in vain.  Let's carry on and prove to this evil that we will not be shaken.  That we are a united force, that through faith and the memories of those that have passed, will not be shattered.

(pause)

Grieve tonight and tomorrow we will continue on.

Santa finishes his speech and everyone applauds with tears in their eyes.  We pan up to see one spectator who didn't join the crowd.

EXT-BALCONY -- CONTINUOUS

Michael watches Santa give his speech.  He turns to see Will wheel up in his wheelchair.

WILL

I know you're tired of hearing it's not your fault, but does it mean more coming from me?

MICHAEL

To be totally honest it wouldn't matter who it was coming from

WILL

I see a lot of myself in you.

MICHAEL

Those are shocking words coming from you.

WILL

I used to be a cop, in the other world.  I never really took anything seriously.  I used to clock my friends doing 90 in a 65 zone, and just let them speed by.  While the car behind them doing 70 always got a nice ticket, usually with a few things added.

MICHAEL

You were the pride of the law enforcement community.

WILL

I told you I never took anything seriously, not even a whacked out department store Santa.  And I really didn't think he was going to harm the girl he took hostage, my sister.  When the two of them went off the side of the parking garage roof, I still refuse to take it seriously.  I never dealt with my grief or my guilt.  Drinking and partying it up, it's amazing what the right mixture drugs and alcohol can do to the human body.  It took a while to register that the group of elves helping me to my feet were not a result of my acid trip.

MICHAEL

You're the Afterschool special version of me.  The extreme version of what not dealing with your grief can do.

WILL

The really extreme version… 

(pause)

We got off to a bad start didn't we?

MICHAEL

No, I start all my friendships that way.

WILL

(Looking off the balcony back at Santa)

They look to him for guidance, but I think he's just as shaken as the rest of us.

MICHAEL

Jenny was a pure soul Will.  She was here because she chose to be.  That's how good of a person she is.

WILL

We have to carry on Michael.

MICHAEL

I'm totally in this now.  I'm not playing around anymore.

WILL

Then I think it's time to plan a parade.

INT-WarEHOUSE -- MORNING

Michael and Will walk (well Will wheels) through a storage area full of floats for the Christmas Eve parade.

WILL

Plan is for you to run with a team in the back of Santa's float.  I'll be in a motor cart toward the front.

Michael points toward a spacious float toward the head of the pack.

MICHAEL

I assume that one is Santa's float?

WILL

Yes, he and Mrs. Clause will ride on it together.  It will run automatically but it can be switched to manual if need be.

MICHAEL

How fast can it accelerate?

WILL

It'll book-it.

MICHAEL

So what is the parade route again?

WILL

They'll leave the warehouse and head right down into Main Street.  The route continues on through downtown and ends at the toy factory.  There we'll pile on to the toy train, travel that to the launch pad.

MICHAEL

Where Santa mounts his sleigh and brings joy to the masses I assume?

WILL

Exactly…

MICHAEL

Well I for one, enjoy a good parade.

WILL

Well let's give them one.

EXT-WAREHOUSE -- LATER

The whole parade concession stands ready to march forward.  A group of elves are at the lead, a marching band, and baton twirling bears follow.  Will's cart leads Santa's float, with Michael and a security crew in tow.  Will speaks in to his headset.

WILL (filtered)

Are you going to be alright?

MICHAEL (filtered)

Yeah.

WILL (filtered)

This is your first time being a soldier.

MICHAEL (filtered)

Yeah I'll try anything once, twice if I like it...

Will smiles…

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

...Three times if I get paid.

WILL (filtered)

Alright Michael…

Will shakes his head and half laughs.  He then turns his head to address the whole group.

WILL (CONT'D)

Are we ready?!?

SANTA CLAUS

We're ready.

Mrs. Claus grabs Santa's hand.

MICHAEL

Let's do it, to it.

EXT-MAIN STREET -- CONTINUOUS

A group of onlookers await the parade.  CHEERS ring out as the first sign of a banner carrying elf can be seen.  The parade group marches through town to the delight of the enlivened crowd.  Will yells in to his headset:

WILL

(Filtered)

Clear so far.

Michael responds into his headset.

MICHAEL

(filtered)

So far...Day ain't over yet.

The parade continues on and the crowd is still in awe of the spectacle.  We focus on one float that has a group of bears setting off roman candles.  Several candles fly up and EXPLODE.  As one bear sets off his candle it FLIES upwards and as it EXPLODES a BLAST shoots up from the bears groin and flies through the top of his head.  PANIC echoes through out the float.  Bears jump off; and a couple get hit by on coming floats.  A motorcycle BURSTS through the float.  Michael turns around to witness the pandemonium.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Oh Shiiiii...ver me timbers!

(In to headset)

Will!  Problems!

WILL

(In to headset)

Crud!

It's now become obvious (like we didn't already know) that the killer is riding on the motorcycle.  He pulls out a gun, SWINGS the bike around and shoots at some of the floats.  Michael and security whip out cannons and shoot at the killer, to no avail.  The candy cane spears flying out of the cannon just bounce off of the nearly invincible killer.  Will veers his cart out of the lead position and speeds it toward the killer.  The killer veers his bike around and starts to play chicken with Will.

WILL (CONT'D)

C'mon!!!!!

The killer aims his gun and FIRES.  A blast RIPS up the front end of Will's cart.  Fire RAGES through out the front of the cart.  The cart flies upward, balancing on its back wheels, SPINS and then does a 225 degree turn on its back tires.  The only thing stopping it from making a full 360 was the candy cane electric pole it crashes into.  The Killer speeds toward Santa's float.  Michael jumps on top of the float.

MICHAEL

I'll be your chauffeur this evening.

He wiggles his way down into the driver’s seat and takes the controls off automatic.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

This should take it off automatic.

At least he hopes he took it off automatic.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

At least I hope so. 

(Pause)

Let's dance nutcracker!

MRS CLAUS

Michael, I hope you're not being rash. 

SANTA CLAUS

Michael BE careful!

MICHAEL

Trust me...or don't...I really don't care.

Michael spins the float around and exactly as Will did starts to play chicken with the killer.  The Killer pops his motorcycle back on to the back wheel then SLAMS it back down.  Michael speeds toward the killer.  Mrs. Claus curls in closer to Santa.

SANTA CLAUS

Michael!!!!!!!

Michael speeds closer, closer...

MICHAEL

How well do you think this thing handles?

Right when he's inches from the killer, Michael makes a sharp turn to the right and pulls his cannon out with his free hand.  BOOM!  Michael FIRES.  The spear flies into the spokes of the motorcycles tires causing it to flip up ward.  The cycle, with the killer attached, slides halfway down the street.  The float halts to a stop to access the damage.

MRS CLAUS

Do you think he's...?

MICHAEL

Ehhhh...I've seen enough Terminator movies to know we better tally forth to the train.

They speed off on the float.  Cut over to Will being helped over to the motorcycle wreckage by two security guards.  While looking at the wreckage, it comes to no surprise that the killer is no where in sight.

WILL

God speed Michael.

EXT-TRAIN -- LATER

Michael and gang pull up at the train.  He helps Santa and Mrs. Claus out of the float.

MICHAEL

C'mon, we gotta hurry.

Michael and Santa help Mrs. Claus on to a car of the train.  Santa turns to Michael before getting on.

SANTA CLAUS

What's your plan?

MICHAEL

I think this is all about keeping you from making your flight tonight.  So I'm going to get you and the missus safely on the sleigh.

SANTA CLAUS

What about you?  What about getting home?

MICHAEL

Let's just get you on that sleigh and not worry about me just yet.

Michael directs Santa on to the car.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

C'mon.

INT-PASSENGER CAR -- CONTINUOUS

Michael sits Mr. and Mrs. Claus down.  The train starts up as soon as Michael shuts the car door.

MICHAEL

They didn't waste any time.

(pause)

Is everybody ok?

MRS CLAUS

Surprisingly yes

MICHAEL

I need a drink.

(pause)

Santa which car houses the toys?

SANTA CLAUS

They're packed in the car right behind this one.

MICHAEL

Ok well I'm going to catch my breath and then head up to the engine room.

SANTA CLAUS

Going to check on the conductor?

MICHAEL

Yeah.

SANTA CLAUS

He's a bear.

MICHAEL

Ok?

SANTA CLAUS

Well I didn't want you to go up there expecting to find a human conductor.

MICHAEL

Between killer nutcrackers and guns that fire candy canes, a bear conductor doesn't stretch the realms of plausibility for me. 

Michael leaves through the sliding door leading to the next car.

INT-ENGINE -- CONTINUOUS

Michael slides open the door to the engine room.

MICHAEL

Hello...?

He looks over to see two BEARS split open on the floor.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Ewww jeez…

He looks up to notice a bomb rigged to the main control panel with 5 min left on it.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Ohh great!!!!

Michael runs toward the door, as he opens it...there's the killer!  He punches Michael dead in the face.  Michael flies into the controls.  The killer dives at him bearing a knife...Michael moves right before the knife gets buried into his skull.  Instead the knife finds the control panel its resting place.  As Michael creeps around him, the killer grabs the collar of his shirt and SLAMS him into a wall.  The Killer leaves his knife in the control panel and heads toward the door of the car.  Michael shakes it off and heads after him.  The killer swings from the door onto the ladder leading to the top of the train.  Michael follows...

EXT-TRAIN ROOF -- CONTINUOUS

Michael flies onto the train roof after the killer.  He looses his grip and flies toward the back of the train.  He grabs a hold of the killer as he flies by him.  The two tumble on top of one another till they reach a car break.  Michael ends up flat on his back, the killer is above him.  He takes his hand and pins Michael by his throat.  Michael pulls up one of his legs and thrusts it between the killer’s legs, making him double back.  Michael gets up and maneuvers around him then pushes the killer down between the two cars.  He then jumps and dives onto a ladder and climbs down.  He goes through a door and runs from car to car...

INT-TRAIN DINING CAR

He runs through a dinning car and heads to the door, the next car the Clause's car.  Santa has the door open; the two have a brief conversation between the two open doors.

SANTA CLAUS

Michael what's going on?

MICHAEL

We have to get you two out of here there's a bomb on the train!

SANTA CLAUS

The whole train is going to blow?!?

MICHAEL

I'm no expert, but I don't think it's that powerful.  I think it's just meant to derail the train, which is still bad mind you...

SANTA CLAUS

Michael!!!!!!

MICHAEL

What...?

Michael looks up to see the killer above the dining car.  The killer jumps down.  Michael slides back and hits the car release switch as the killer pummels him.  Santa's car is separated from the train.  Michael glances back to notice the worried Mr. Clause rolling further and further away.  The killer picks Michael up by the throat again and slams him up against the dinning car door.  He then pulls out a gun and holds it to Michael's temple.  We then do a quick cut to…

INT-ENGINE -- CONTINUOUS

…the bomb in the engine room. 3...2...1...BOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!

EXT- dINNING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Cutting back Michael and the killer fly from the train.  The engine room explodes and the rest of the train derails.  It crashes, sliding sideways in the snow.

ext-Snowscape

Cutting over a few yards Michael lays in the snowbank that broke his fall.  He shakes his head and starts to come to.  Michael’s POV: As his eyes start to focus he looks up at two gun barrels aimed at his head.

His eyes widen as they FIRE...

EXT-SNOWBANK -- CONTINUOUS

On the edge of a hill sits several giant white frosted ornaments resting on giant curved frosted poles.  On closer inspection we notice an opening in each round ornament.  In the opening is a security officer seated with his hands on a control stick ready for action.  We focus on the middle ornament in which we see Will with a determined look on his face.  Suddenly a glass shield covers the opening and the ornaments are released from the poles.  The group of ornaments roll down the hill, and then speed off.  The group is rollicking along through the snow suddenly Will drops from the group as they continue on toward the train wreckage.

INT-PASSENGER CAR

Mr. and Mrs. Claus are holding each other tight as their car comes to a halt.  Mrs. Claus glances out her window and notices Will's ornament spinning up to where his opening is parallel with their window.

MRS CLAUS

Will!!!

Mrs. Claus opens the window.

WILL

When I saw the wreckage we feared the worse.  We just need to keep our fingers crossed about Michael.

SANTA CLAUS

He saved our lives.

WILL

I know.

EXT-TRAIN WRECKAGE

The snow is cascading down upon the security officers searching through the wreckage.  One officer throws down a piece of sparking metal and walks away.  He pushes a button then talks into his headset.

SECURITY 1

Will?

INTERCUT

WILL

Yes?

SECURITY 1

We have no sign of life here what so ever.

Mr. and Mrs. Claus hold each other tighter with worried looks on their faces.

WILL

Are you saying you found a body or bodies?

SECURITY 1

I'm saying there's nothing here.  No trace of Michael or the killer.

WILL

Alright clean that mess up and meet me at the hanger.

SECURITY 1

Roger.

WILL

Will out.

Will pushes a button and takes his headset off.

WILL (CONT'D)

(To the Clauses)

Are the toys still in the car behind this one?

SANTA CLAUS

Yes.

WILL

Ok...

Will pushes a button and a hitch comes out of the back of the ornament.

WILL (CONT'D)

I'll hook up to you and tow you to the hanger.

SANTA CLAUS

Will?

WILL

Yes?

SANTA CLAUS

Do you think Michael is ok?

MRS CLAUS

God forbid something happen to the boy.

WILL

To be totally honest with you Mr. and Mrs. Claus, I don't have the slightest idea what happened to Michael.

EXT-CHRISTMAS TREE -- LATER

As we look at this some 200 foot Christmas tree, it's obvious that our climax will take place here.  And somewhere toward the top, amidst the lights and garland hangs Michael.  He hangs, tied up by Christmas lights to one of the branches.  He starts to come to, looking at both of his shoulders.  He notices candy cane spears hanging out of both shoulders.  The killer is finishing connecting wires to a computer terminal he has set up. The wires seem connected to a star way on top of the tree. He turns on his monitor, and a countdown appears for 60 minutes.  He turns and notices Michael is awake.  He walks over and pulls the spears out of his shoulders.

MICHAEL

You tranqued me.

The killer starts to walk a way.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Are you going to give me some insight on what's going on?  Or are you just going to leave me hanging here?

Killer turns to face Michael.

KILLER

(In a demonic voice)

I would have just killed you if I didn't have intentions of sharing everything with you.

The Killer gets right up in Michael's face.  He starts chattering his teeth.

KILLER (CONT'D)

(Demonic voice)

Chosen one...

He walks back over to his computer.

KILLER (CONT'D)

(Demonic voice)

I lived on Earth at one time.  I had a father and mother, both of which spent more time on their career than raising their children.  When they died in a car accident me and my sibling both lost it.  While the later committed suicide, I dabbled in the occult.  I went so far even as to sell my soul to Satan.  It was then that I learned of the true existence of my parents, and their new roles in the universe.

MICHAEL

Would it be a shot in the dark to guess your parents are the Claus'?

KILLER

(Demonic voice)

They can actually give gifts to millions of children they don't know.  But, they couldn't even spend 5 minutes with their own children.

MICHAEL

So you want revenge?  But, how did you get passage to Christmasland?

KILLER

(Demonic voice)

Satan wants control of this dimension.  If Christmasland becomes a dead realm then Satan can bring his troops in and set the stage for the final war between Heaven and Hell.

MICHAEL

The end of times...

KILLER

(Demonic voice)

And think of the souls Satan would gain if the rapture would happen now.  Even those who claim to have grounded religious beliefs are out for their own agenda.

(pause)

So Satan made me a deal.  He would agree to give me the powers and the means to destroy Christmasland and exact my revenge.  In return, in order for me to gain passage I had to kill myself, and 3 others, three souls that were taken before their time, before they had met the requirements to make it into Heaven.  Satan knew that eventually they would find their way, but if we killed them first then he gets three souls and we show up God.  So I gathered everyone together.  We went cruising, a little propane and cigarettes and Boom!!!  Your girlfriend went to hell!!!!!!!!

MICHAEL

Scott!!!!  You son of a bitch!!!

KILLER

(Demonic voice)

Ahhh so you can cuss now.  I see the end is nearing.

MICHAEL

Take off the mask bitch so we can do this face to face!

KILLER

(Demonic voice)

Mmmmm you do realize that I'm not invincible without my mask?  I guess it won't be a problem though.  I mean...

The Killer turns around and then removes the mask.  When he turns back around we see it isn't a he after all.  It’s...

RACHEL

...You are all tied up.

MICHAEL

Rachel?!?  What about Scott?

RACHEL

You always thought it was Scott didn't you?  So much in fact that’s what you saw in your dreams.  Yes Scott was holding the lighter that caused the explosion.  Scott's only crime was he lit his lighter.  I was the one that grabbed his hand and shoved it into the empty valve.  If he hadn't whipped out his lighter before too long I was going to get out mine.  Those two were the easy ones, they were dumb as hell.  Brit was going to be the challenge.  Thank God she trusts her best friend.

MICHAEL

God Rachel.  She loved you as a sister.  I used to hang with you.  Jesus Christ I don't understand.

RACHEL

So damn trusting.  I guess it is easier to blame a drug dealing punk boy for your girlfriend’s death, then the girl next door.

MICHAEL

So you're the Clause's daughter?

RACHEL

Just now figuring out that I'm a women Michael.  You're slow on the up take.

Rachel walks toward Michael with a gun in her right hand, mask in the left.

MICHAEL

You're going to kill me?

RACHEL

You're going to die.  I guess the question would be am I going to shoot you?  The answer is no.  You've been a good little participant in my game; the least I can do is let you witness the end first hand.

MICHAEL

You killed all those people just because you're parents didn't have time for you as a child.

RACHEL

People?!?  Why doesn't God have the balls to admit Christmasland is the place of freaks?  Elves, a reindeer trainer with a bad English accent, greedy dead business men trying to play Santa, and you the MOST PATHETIC of all,  The "chosen one" with the dark past!

MICHAEL

So you hate Christmasland because it's full of clichés?

RACHEL

No I hate the fact that God can play games with people and we are supposed to accept it as his will.  He can take parents away from children so they can invest in doing his bidding.  What a fucking joke!  Like raising and guiding your children isn't his bidding.

MICHAEL

Ok ­Rach, let's assume you pull this off.  You blow up Chistmasland.  What then?  You're forgetting God created everything, even evil.  If you destroy everything, it's only because he lets you.

RACHEL

Fuck you Michael you know nothing.

MICHAEL

I know you can blame your parents or you can blame God, it doesn't matter.  You're still nothing.  You're just a psycho whose read one too many occult books and thinks she's Satan's gift to serial killers.  Satan doesn't give a shit about you Rachel.  But, God does.  That's the only reason with all the damage you've caused you're still alive.  Because the one being you hate more then anything in the universe wills it, because he is the only one who believes you can still change.

(pause)

So how do you like them apples bitch!

RACHEL

Hmmm, Thanks for the sermon, but Jerry Fallwell you are not.  So let's try this on for size shall we, in a few moments you will be dead!  Your soul will be in limbo.  Brit will be in hell!  You will never see her again or Jan since she'll be in heaven and you of course won't.  Or...maybe I'll go to Earth when I'm done and screw up her life so she can spend eternity with Brit.  That way she won't be lonely, and you'll be dead powerless to do anything.  So!  How do you like them apples you Good Will Hunting quoting mother fucker!!!!!

MICHAEL

You fucking...

SUDDENLY a sleigh with Santa at the helm rushes toward the tree.  It flies right above Rachel causing a few reindeer hooves to smack her in the head.  The impact causes Rachel to lose the grip on her mask, which ends up flying off the tree.  Santa parks his sleigh in front of Michael. He climbs out of the other side, using the sleigh to shield him and unties Michael.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Fashionably late…

SANTA CLAUS

As they say "better late then never".

Santa finishes untying Michael.  Michael jumps in the sleigh, Santa gets ready to follow.  The dazed and bleeding Rachel gets up and raises her gun.

RACHEL

Hi Daddy!

SANTA CLAUS

Rachel, I love you.  Please, people have been hurt.  End this.

RACHEL

Oh, I'll end it daddy.  I'll end it.

Rachel FIRES her gun.  Michael reaches up and grabs Santa.  Unfortunately Santa still takes one in the shoulder as he falls into the sleigh.  Michael grabs the reigns.

MICHAEL

(to reindeer)

Go...go...go...go...go!!!!!!!

Rachel fires at the sleigh and then gives up.  She then focuses her attention on trying to pop off as many reindeers as possible.  She hits a few but Michael holds on and manages to keep the sleigh balanced as he flies out of danger.

INT-HANGER -- LATER

The sleigh is safely parked and elves are attending to the surviving reindeer.  Santa is being patched up by bears.  Michael walks over and grabs a chair, spins it around backwards and sits down.

MICHAEL

You weren't surprised to see your daughter where you Santa?  Why don't you be honest with me?  You knew!  You fucking bastard - you knew!

Will walks up via cane.

WILL

Michael!!!!

MICHAEL

Don't Will!  I don't give a fuck if we are on good terms or not.  I'll fucking deck you!  This son of a bitch knew!  He played with everyone's safety.  And he played around with me!

SANTA CLAUS

Michael, I did not intentionally play with anyone.  We all make stupid decisions that seem right at the time but later turn out to be anything but.  You should know as well as anyone, just because we're in Christmasland, that doesn't make us any less human.

Will walks up in between the two of them.

WILL

We really don't have the time for this.  I understand that...

(Looking at Michael)

You're mad.  And I understand

(Looking at Santa)

Your daughter is up there.  But there's also a bomb that by my calculations will blow in 30 minutes.  So unless you guys are ready to face Armageddon I suggest we get cracking.

MICHAEL

(Takes a deep breath)

Just one question…

(Turns to Santa)

Is Brit really in Hell?

SANTA CLAUS

Yes, I'm afraid so.

Michael starts to lose it, but Santa interjects before he has a chance to.

SANTA CLAUS (CONT'D)

But there's a chance you can get her back.  If...

(Santa drops his head)

WILL

...If Rachel is destroyed.

MICHAEL

Well if we're going to do this...first thing we need to NOT talk about this in front of him.  I mean we're talking about killing his daughter.

SANTA CLAUS

I'm fine…

A RUMBLE comes from outside.

MICHAEL

What's that?

WILL

(shakes head)

It's outside.

EXT-HANGER

Will, Michael and Santa stand outside the hanger.

WILL

It's coming from that hill over there.

EXT-HILLSIDE

The three walk to the top of the snow covered hill.  When they get there they can see the whole main city of Christmasland.  A rain storm is melting all the snow in the town.  Gingerbread houses crumble.  Buildings collapse.

WILL

It's beginning.

Then they see a group of a thousand bears rushing toward them "Jurassic Park" style.

BEARS

        (Monotone)

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The bears continue their stampede with Michael, Will, and Santa standing motionless in the middle.  Michael turns to Santa.

MICHAEL

I'm sorry.

INT-HANGER -- MOMENTS LATER

The bunny from earlier in the film walks up to Will and hands him a disk.

BUNNY

Boo boop.

WILL

Thanks bunny.

MICHAEL

So you're a computer expert too?

BUNNY

Rappy ­dap ­dap.

MICHAEL

Yeah, why am I the only one who can't understand him?

WILL

Actual no one really can.  We just humor him.

BUNNY

Nop nop nop.

WILL

Yep.

(Turns to Michael and hands him the disk)

You know one of the security guys can do this.  You don't have to.

MICHAEL

I know.  But I feel I have to.  Anyway I saw that bomb first hand.  I spent more time next to it then anyone.  I can get in there and pop this disk in quicker then a security guy.  And as you know we don't have time to waste.  I think that's the cliché theme for the whole day.

(Turns to Bunny)

If this works Bunny I'm going to kiss you on the mouth.

BUNNY

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Bunny hops away.

MICHAEL

Or not...

(Turns to Will)

So this is like a virus?

WILL

Yeah it'll corrupt the hard drive running that bomb.

 

Michael walks over to Santa, who’s sitting, looking very solemn out the window.

MICHAEL

I'm sorry that I have to do this.

SANTA CLAUS

Do what you have to do.  It's just Rachel...you'll understand when you have kids.

MICHAEL

I understand now.

Will runs up.

WILL

You have to get moving, you have less then 10 minutes.

MICHAEL

Shoot!  There's no way I can make it up to the top of the tree in time.

WILL

Oh there's a way.

INT-CANNON ROOM

Will and Michael stand in front of a giant cannon.

MICHAEL

No way!  I'm no circus performer.

WILL

We don't have time Michael.

MICHAEL

Grrr fine.

WILL

(handing him a helmet)

Here's a helmet.  Even if you defuse the bomb how will you kill Rachel?  I mean she is invincible

MICHAEL

Not without the mask.  And she lost that when Santa came to save me. 

(pause)

You better position that thing toward the star. She uses the monitor to control everything at a lower level but it looked like everything is wired to the star. Just by taking a quick study it looked like there was a main consol there.

WILL

You were never up near the star how will you know where to put the disk in?

Michael crawls in to the cannon and puts on his helmet.

MICHAEL

I have a Dell; I’m not a freaking idiot. Oh and what's the secret phrase today kids?  Oh yeah...Time's a wasting.

BEAR LAUNCHER

(Monotone)

Fire in hole!

Bear fires up the canon launching Michael out of it.

WILL

Good luck...

EXT-CHRISTMAS TREE -- CONTINUOUS

Michael flies right in to the star on top of the tree.  After crashing he falls back on one of the top branches.

MICHAEL

Shit...

Michael removes his helmet.

Lower branch -- CONTINUOUS

Meanwhile on a lower branch Rachel hears something...

THE STAR -- CONTINUOUS

Michael walks up to the giant star.  He pulls out the CD.  He looks up at a giant monitor that has the countdown on it.  1 minute and 40 seconds.  He looks around and finally finds a CD slot.  He puts in the CD...BOOM a shot hits Michael in the back of the leg.

MICHAEL

Damnit!!!!!!

RACHEL

Good to see you Michael.  What are you doing?  Did you come to kill me?

MICHAEL

You're bleeding Rachel.  Let's defuse this thing and we'll go home.

RACHEL

You're bleeding too Michael, you don't see me trying to convince you to go home.  Oh wait that's right.  What do you have at home?  A lousy job, a best friend you can't even bare to look at and a failed relationship.  Hell the only thing you had going for you was your friendship with Jenny Christopher...And wait...didn't I...yes...I blew her up in a bloody mess didn't I?

MICHAEL

I'm glad we had this opportunity to get to know each other again Rachel.  I never realized you were a fucking bitch!

RACHEL

Oh Michael, just relax.  We only have a few seconds left before the end.  You're such a lucky human being; you are going to witness the end of times first hand.

MICHAEL

That's...that's swell...you fucking psycho!

RACHEL

Michael dear...

Rachel walks right up to Michael.  She gets her face right up next to his.

RACHEL (CONT'D)

C'mon Michael I always thought you were a cutie.  How about we bring in the end of the world with a good bye fuck?  Consider it…

(Small laugh)

...My Christmas present.

MICHAEL

Back off bitch!

RACHEL

Have it your way.  Enjoy your last 30 seconds to live.

Michael turns to notice the clock is not slowing down.  29...28...27...26...

MICHAEL

Fuck it's not stopping!

RACHEL

What!!!

The clock continues to run down...10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...2...2...it stops.

RACHEL (CONT'D)

Fucker!

Rachel FIRES.  Michael moves in the nick of time and she hits the star.  It malfunctions causing an EXPLOSION.  Michael and Rachel are knocked out of the tree.  An electrical problem backs up in the wires coming from the star causing the monitor on the lower branch to blow as well.

EXT- CHRISTMAS TREE

The explosion has knocked a string of lights loose from the tree.  Michael and Rachel are hanging on to the dangling string of lights.  Michael holding on for dear life...

RACHEL

(Coughing)

It doesn't have to end like this Michael!!!!!

Rachel looks over and spies her mask on a branch.  She swings the lights over so she can reach it.  While swinging she knocks Michael down the string of lights to where he is only a few feet above her.  She reaches out with her hand and finally grabs the mask.

MICHAEL

This is not how I expected to be spending the holidays!!!!

RACHEL

All you have to do is say the word Michael!!!!  It's not too late to take control!!!!!!  You can have Brit again or any women you want!!!!  All you have to do is join Satan...and me.  And you can help us destroy this place!!!!

Rachel lifts up her mask; she tries to steady herself long enough to put it on.  Michael reaches around his belt and grabs the baton.  He pulls it out and tries to steady himself enough to aim it.

MICHAEL

I think I'll take my chances with God.

Michael pushes the button on the baton and it extends...hitting Rachel's hand, knocking the mask free.  While trying to keep a hold of it she loses her grip causing herself to fall.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

I'm trading you for Brit, Rachel!  Go to Hell and bring her back!!!!!

She falls all the wayyyyyyyyy down to the bottom of the tree.  As she plummets into the snow below, two bears stand at the foot of the tree looking down into the hole that Rachel left in the ground.  SUDDENLY flashes of light surround the tree.  It looks like spirits flying up from the ground surrounding Michael.  He loses his grip and begins to fall.  He stops and looks down to find he's ridding on the back of the deer who hit his car earlier.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Thank God!

He pats the reindeer on the head.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

I mean that...THANK GOD!!!!!  Merry Christmas!!!!!!

INT-HANGER -- MOMENTS LATER

Michael runs into the hanger.  Everyone is gathered around Santa's sleigh.

MICHAEL

We're a go for lift off!!!

Mrs. Claus runs up and hugs Michael.

MRS CLAUS

Thank you!!!!

Michael walks up to the sleigh.

MICHAEL

You better get going.

SANTA CLAUS

Thank you Michael.

MICHAEL

I'm sorry; I didn't want to have to...

SANTA CLAUS

It's ok.

MICHAEL

Well you've got children to make happy.

SANTA CLAUS

Goodbye Michael.

MICHAEL

Goodbye.

Michael steps back and Santa grabs the reins...

SANTA CLAUS

Onward!!!!!!!!!

Santa's sleigh lifts off into the dark night.

SANTA CLAUS (CONT'D)

(In the distance)

HO!  HO!  Ho!

Michael walks over to the edge of the launch pad.  He looks out at the dark main street of Christmasland.  Snow is pouring down on the tattered village.

WILL (O.S.)

Hey...

Will walks up.

WILL (CONT'D)

There's someone here you need to see.

Michael turns around to see...Brittany

MICHAEL

My God...

BRITTANY

In the flesh...Me...not God I mean...

MICHAEL

Wow, so what's going to happen to you?

BRITTANY

I'll stay here and help rebuild things, with a few friends of course.

Michael looks across the room to see Scott and Dan.

DAN

Hey dude.

SCOTT

Word Michael.

MICHAEL

They aren't exactly Santa's little helpers.

BRITTANY

No,

(smiles)

I guess not.

MICHAEL

Good luck Brittany.

BRITTANY

You too.  Go home and make Jan happy.

MICHAEL

Yeah I do need to go home.

Will walks by and grabs his arm.

WILL

And let me direct you to your passage home my friend.

MICHAEL

Will!

(Pause)

Hold on one second.

(Breaks away from Will, turns back to Brittany)

Goodbye Brittany.

BRITTANY

Goodbye Michael.

Michael turns back toward Will.  Will puts his arm around Michael and drags him off.

MICHAEL

So my friend, how is it that I'm getting home?

WILL

The same way you got here.

MICHAEL

What?

Will points over to Prancer standing in the corner.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Hey buddy!  I didn't get to tell him thank you for saving me.

Michael walks over and pets him.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

So I'm going to ride him all the way home right?

WILL

Sort of...

MOMENTS LATER...

Michael is down on all fours in front of the deer.

MICHAEL

There is no way in he...I mean the world that I'm butting heads with a deer.

WILL

It's the only way home.

MICHAEL

Grrrr

WILL

Wait hop up for a sec.

Michael stands.  Will walks up and hugs him.

WILL (CONT'D)

Bye Dick.

MICHAEL

Bye jackass.

Will pulls Michael back down facing the deer.

WILL

Have a safe trip.

The deer starts to charge as it's only inches from Michael's head we

CUT TO: TOTAL DARKNESS.

INT-HOSPITAL ROOM

Jan is at Michael's bedside.  She jumps up when she notices his eyes flutter.

JAN

Nurse!!!!!!!!

INT-HOSPITAL ROOM -- LATER

Michael is going through gifts and looking through the cards and flowers people gave him.  Jan is sitting next to his bed.

JAN

Did you see this one?

Jan hands him a small package.

JAN (CONT'D)

It's from Jenny Christopher!

MICHAEL

Wow.

He gets ready to open it.  He opens the attached card.  It reads "This is really for Jan. I knew you were busy with other things...like dying.  Also don't worry I'm safe and will always be here looking over the both of you.  Love Jenny Christopher"

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Hey Jan, could you please do me a favor?

JAN

Sure.

MICHAEL

Can you run to the desk and see if you can get me some juice?

JAN

Sure, what kind?

MICHAEL

Apple, Something fruity…

JAN

Most juice is.

MICHAEL

Ok...

JAN

(Half laughs and shakes head)

Be right back.

Jan leaves the room.  After she's gone Michael opens the box to find a sparkling one karat diamond engagement ring.

INT-MICHAEL'S CAR-DAY

Michael is cruising with Jan in the passenger seat.  Mike is yakking away on his hands free cell phone.

MICHAEL

Hey Jeff, I just wanted to tell you we're running late

(Pause)

Heck no I wouldn't miss the best New Years Party in town!

(Pause)

Lynn's there.  Scratch what I said about the best New Year's party in town.

(Pause)

Oh, she has a light up Happy New Year shirt.  Wouldn't miss it for the world.

(Pause)

See you in a few minutes bud...Bye.

Michael reaches over grabs Jan's hand.  She pulls away to reveal a small black box.  She opens it and sees the ring.

JAN

Michael...

MICHAEL

Late Christmas present…

Michael reaches over and turns up the radio.  Christmas music fills the car.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Sorry we're celebrating late this year.

He grabs her hand and our POV changes to birds eye view above the car, and then we see the blue sky above.  Then we...

FADE OUT

THE END

© Copyright Jeff Richards

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