FADE IN:
EXT.SNOWSCAPE-DAY
Like a bird we fly over the snowscape. We come up over a
beautiful snow covered hill, then suddenly swoop downward.
The speed of our flight slows as we hit a group of pine
trees. We come to a clearing, and then begin circle. Below
there is a group of ELVES. They walk in a single file
group, rugged looking. They're dressed in dirty brown,
ragged looking clothes. They seem to resemble the look of a
group of gnomes more than elves. The only elf quality they
have is their joyous singing. The group heads into the
cluster of trees. Once there they disband from their
organized line. They go in pairs to whichever tree they
want to cut down. These "lumberjack" elves pull out
ridiculously long saws and start on their trees. With an
elf on each side of the saw they start to bring down the
trees. A couple trees fall, but one pair of elves seem to
be having a problem. As they're sawing into the tree, the
saw slips and one elf goes flying into the dense woods. His
partner shrugs and goes after him. The others look up,
shake their heads and then go back to their work. The
PARTNER ELF continues to look around, then out of the corner
of his eye he spots his friend's foot. As he comes upon the
body we find that his friend is GUTTED. Partner Elf GASPS,
then turns around to find the KILLER. All we see is from
the waist up, his RED overcoat blowing in the wind. He
grabs the helpless elf by the throat and SLAMS him against a
tree, pulls a gun out of his holster and shoots him in the
leg. The elf's SCREAM carries all the way to the worker
elves who look up. Then cutting back to the killer who is
dragging the elf, whose leaving blood trails in the snow.
He drags him to a clearing with a fence in which the posts
are made out of candy canes. He SLAMS the elf against one
of the posts. CUT BACK to the elves running through the
woods. Meanwhile the Killer takes red wire and JAMS it into
the Elfs hand and then ties it to the fence. His friends
are still running through the woods, As the Killer ties the
other hand the same as the other one. The Elf, now
crucified, starts to sob. Full shot of the Killer from the
back and the side, still his face is hidden. He raises his
gun, the elf sobs louder. Two SHOTS ring out. The group of
Elves stop at the edge of the clearing. They are shocked by
the sight before them. The crucified elf, hanging lifeless
with his eyes shot out. JUMP back up to bird's eye view.
SUPER THE TITLE: CHRISTMASLAND.
EXT-CITYSCAPE-NIGHT-2 YEARS AGO
A car zooms across the highway rather recklessly with
Christmas music blaring.
INT-CAR-NIGHT
In the car we have the driver SCOTT smoking his cigarette
veering everywhere but his own lane. Beside him is DAN
huffing on a propane tank in his floorboard. In the backseat
is Dan's girlfriend RACHEL and her best friend BRITTANY, who
seems to be rather upset.
BRITTANY
Jesus Christ Scott, just pull over!
RACHEL
Dan, Scott let's just pull over and
let her out.
DAN
Fuck that Rach! She agreed to come
out with you. Hell if we're giving
up our fun because of the pris.
The car is hazy from propane and gas. It appears like this
whole situation could be a dream.
RACHEL
(Turning toward Brit)
Brittany, I'm sorry.
DAN
(Pulling the propane
tank up toward Scott)
One last puff man?
Scott pulls out a lighter. His and Dan's laughter fills the
car. Rachel and Brittany freak.
RACHEL
What the hell?
BRITTANY
Oh God.....Michael..........
Scott ignites the lighter. The car EXPLODES and FLIES
BACKWARD into on-coming traffic.
INT-MICHAEL'S BEDROOM-DAY-PRESENT
MICHAEL, a young man around 25, wakes up SCREAMING.
MICHAEL
Brittany.......
INT-BATHROOM-DAY
Michael is in the shower cleaning up. He puts his head in
his hands. He lifts his sad head up and turns off the water.
He gets out of the shower grabs a towel and looks up at the
calendar on the wall. FOCUS ON DATE: December,20th.
INT-DEN-DAY
Michael sits at his computer and stares at a pic on the
screen. JAN, his girlfriend, runs in and out of the room
cleaning up. After a few trips in and out she walks up
behind him.
JAN
She's dead Michael.
MICHAEL
What?!?
JAN
I'm sorry, I'm jumping here. But,
we got together September of last
year. I watched you do this last
Christmas.....
Michael starts to open his mouth
JAN
But hold on.....That was
understandable. It was the one
year anniversary, so I totally
understand that. But, we've been
at it now for over a year, and I
still feel like you are stuck in
the past and not moving on.
MICHAEL
Wait a sec....What have I done to
bring you to that conclusion?
JAN
Screaming Brittany out early this
morning, not touching me in over a
month. Oh, and how about staring
at your ex-girlfriend's picture on
a computer screen.
MICHAEL
Ok the picture situation....
(turns off computer)
solved. As for not touching you
and the screaming thing, I'm having
nightmares Jan. I think I'm cracking
up.
JAN
Do you want to talk about it?
MICHAEL
I don't know.
JAN
Is there anybody you can talk to?
MICHAEL
Don't.....Don't....Don't....therapy
is not an option right now.
JAN
I'm just asking is there anybody
you can talk to. I mean you're not
willing to talk to me, and I'm
scared of being put on the
backburner.
MICHAEL
You're not being put on the
backburner.
JAN
I'm already on the backburner.
We've been living together...what
six months. Where are we going
from here Mike?
MICHAEL
I don't know Jan...I really am not
in the mood for anything deep.
JAN
This isn't deep, this is our
relationship.
MICHAEL
Jan you can't comprehend what it's
like to have someone close to you
die.
JAN
Now that's a pretty heartless
comment. You know very well I know
what it's like to have someone
close to me die. You hold on to
their memory, their spirit, but you
don't let it hold your life back.
(Pause)
But obviously I don't know what I'm
talking about. From the look on
your face I can gather that you
don't hold a grandfather up on the
same level as an ex.
MICHAEL
Jesus Christ.....fuck it I'm not
turning this into some big fight.
Jan heads to the edge of the room.
JAN
You know you get your past resolved
and then let me know if you want a
relationship with me.
Jan walks out.
MICHAEL
Shit..
Michael turns back on his monitor and Brittany's picture
pops back up.
INT-MICHAEL'S CAR-DAY
The tired, depressed Michael slowly starts his car.
Christmas music starts blaring. He makes a face and switches
to some hip alternative music and drives off.
EXT-HIGHWAY-DAY
We follow Michael's car from bird's eye down the highway.
The music still pumping from his car.
EXT-MALL PARKING LOT-DAY
He pulls into the mall, gets out of the car and heads inside.
INT-MALL-DAY
Michael walks through the mall, watching everyone set up for
the day. Everytime he sees a Christmas themed item he looks
in disgust. He heads toward his store "THE SHOE STORE".
He gets ready to open the gate, as JENNY CHRISTOPHER walks
up with LYNN in tow.
MICHAEL
Jenny Christopher!!!
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Hey Shoe man.
Michael starts to turn toward Lynn, when he notices her
sweater. A big Rudolph head, with a bright red BLINKING nose.
LYNN
Hi Michael!!!!
MICHAEL
Yeah...Hey....um....Hip sweater.
LYNN
Yeah we're selling them at the
store for 19.99.
MICHAEL
...I'll...have..to..uh...check that
out. So Jenny how's things in the
world of electronics?
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Working 9 to 10 today, you?
MICHAEL
Same here. Sandra will be in at
one to work with me.
LYNN
I get off at five.
MICHAEL
Um...cool.....Weeeelll I got a
store to open up.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
(Smiling)
Yeah we both do too. Sell some
shoes today.
MICHAEL
Catch you later Jenny Jenny
Christopher.
LYNN
I expect to see you in this sweater
by the end of the day.
MICHAEL
Lynn, I have a girlfriend. I can't
be wearing another girl's clothes.
LYNN
(Hits him)
(laughing)
You're a silly man.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
(Moving Lynn on)
Yes he is....c'mon Lynn. Catch you
later Mike.
MICHAEL
(Laughing)
Catch you later.....
(under breath still
smiling, rubbing arm
that Lynn hit)
Fucking hitting me, Jesus.
Lynn turns around in mid walk and points at the sweater.
Michael waves.
MICHAEL
Yeah...
(smiling under
breath, still waving)
Fuck you.
Jenny drags Lynn off, Michael opens his gate.
INT-SHOE STORE
Michael walks to his backroom to turn on his store lights.
After his store is well lit he walks back to his office,
where he notices a picture of him and Jan together on the
desk. He picks it up and looks at it.
MICHAEL
I really do love you honey.
He puts the picture back down and continues to stare at it.
INT-SHOE STORE -- LATER
It's obvious several hours have passed. SANDRA is ringing
up a customer. After she finishes they leave the register
and walk right by Michael. He's just staring out the window
at Santa Claus whose across the mall.
MICHAEL
(Looking up)
Have a good day.
CUSTOMER
Thank you.
Customer leaves.
SANDRA
What are you looking at?
MICHAEL
It would be a great disappointment
to those kids if I slit Santa's
throat right in front of them.
SANDRA
You know there's medication for
people like you.
MICHAEL
Oh Jesus Christ....you can see Lynn
blinking half way down the mall.
SANDRA
Don't forget to pick up one of
those sweaters.
MICHAEL
I'll get you one while I'm at it.
It'll be your Christmas bonus.
SANDRA
(Pause)
So are you doing alright today?
MICHAEL
Me? Oh yeah doing good. Perfect.
SANDRA
So how's Jan?
MICHAEL
She's good.
(Pause)
Hey I'm going to use the phone for
a second.
SANDRA
Hey you're the boss.
(Hands him the
cordless phone)
Here you go.
MICHAEL
I'll be in the back if you need me.
SANDRA
Alright.
Michael dials the phone as he walks to the backroom.
INT-MICHAEL AND JAN'S APT -- CONTINUOUS
JAN
Hello.
INT-BACKROOM
MICHAEL
Hey, it's me.
INTERCUT.
JAN
Hi.
MICHAEL
What are you doing?
JAN
Actually napping.
MICHAEL
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake
you, I'll go ahead and let you go.
JAN
No, it's fine. I'm awake now.
MICHAEL
Yeah.
(Pause)
You know Jan it's just.....This is
the day. The two year anniversary.
I just need this one day.
JAN
Ok....
MICHAEL
This is a rough thing for me. It's
not that I don't love you, but I
loved her at the time too.
JAN
I know that...
MICHAEL
I mean Christmas is just a bad time
of the year anyway. You know the
whole retail thing. My profession
has ruined this holiday for the
both of us.
JAN
Michael it's more then that, and
you know it.
MICHAEL
I know...
JAN
We'll talk about this more tonight.
MICHAEL
Why not now?
JAN
You're at work, and we don't do
well on the phone.
MICHAEL
What do you mean?
JAN
You're more argumentative over the
phone.
MICHAEL
I am not!
JAN
Michael!
MICHAEL
Uh...yeah..point well taken. Talk
about it tonight.
JAN
Ok. Be careful driving home, deer
are running.
MICHAEL
They getting ready for a marathon?
JAN
Talk to you tonight.
MICHAEL
Alrighty.
JAN
Bye.
MICHAEL
Bye.
Hangs up phone. Sandra enters.
SANDRA
Am I interrupting anything?
MICHAEL
(Shakes head "no".
Hands Sandra phone)
I love Jan.
SANDRA
I know, but at the risk of getting
yelled at...
MICHAEL
Yeah?
SANDRA
You're going to have to get yourself
together before you lose her.
MICHAEL
I know. I'm working on it.
SANDRA
You don't have forever.
MICHAEL
I know.
SANDRA
We're out of ones.
MICHAEL
What?
SANDRA
We need ones.
MICHAEL
Shit, banks are closed.
INT-DEPT STORE CUSTOMER SERVICE-DAY
Michael stands in line, Lynn comes up from behind.
LYNN
Hey Michael!
(Hits him) MICHAEL
Grrrr...Hey Lynn..
LYNN
You best watch out for these
tonight on your ride home.
(Points at sweater) MICHAEL
Badly made sweaters?
LYNN
(Laughs)
Funny man. I'm getting ones and
then I'm off for the day..
MICHAEL
Better be careful. It's nasty
outside. You go out in that
sweater and you're liable to short
out.
LYNN
Tehee. You're a funny man. Wait!
Are you getting ones too!?!
MICHAEL
Um...yeah..
LYNN
We're twins.
MICHAEL
Dear God.
As they stand in line, store manager MRS BLASTEM walks up.
MICHAEL
Oh great...
LYNN
What Michael?!?
MICHAEL
Well my easily excited friend, Mrs.
Blastem hates my guts, there's no
way she'll give me ones. See I
have an employee who also works
here part time. And I sort of
underhanded the dear Mrs. Blastem
on scheduling.
LYNN
Oh Michael, there're people who've
done worse things.
MICHAEL
Yeah, like the manufacturer of that
sweater.
MRS BLASTEM
Can I help someone?
MICHAEL
Oh yes..
(steps up)
Can I please get some ones?
MRS BLASTEM
Don't have any to spare.
MICHAEL
Mmmm okay....
(turns to Lynn)
Guess we're out of luck?
MRS BLASTEM
Can I help you m'am?
LYNN
I just wanted to get some ones too.
MRS BLASTEM
Just one second.
LYNN
(Turns to Michael)
Imagine the luck.
MICHAEL
Grrrr...yeah imagine.
(Bursts out the door)
INT-CUSTOMER SERVICE DESK -- LATER
Michael is at yet another department store trying to get
ones. JEFF, the store manager, picks up a bundle of the
green stuff and throws it at Michael.
MICHAEL
Thanks Jeff. I don't know why I
didn't come here in the first place.
JEFF
Beacause you'd rather face off with
that old bird Mrs Blastem, then to
come here so I can convince you yet
again to come to my Christmas party
tonight.
MICHAEL
I can't.
JEFF
C'mon it would be fun for you and
Jan. Mom and Dad are going to drop
by. They would love to see you.
MICHAEL
Yeah, I just...can't. I'm sorry.
JEFF
Michael, I can understand why you
might not want to come to the house.
I've come to terms that our
friendship was never going to be
the same as it was 2 years ago. I
totally understand if you never
want to be in that house again.
But, man hating everything that has
to do with Christmas? She was my
sister Michael, I have as much of a
reason if not more to hate this
holiday just as much as you do.
She might have been your love at
one time, but she was my sister.
You've got another love, one that's
just as special as Brit, if not
more. I'll never have another twin
sister. If you want to honor her
memory, don't push Jan away with
your pain. You can talk about your
pain with me, Jan , whoever. But
don't lose her, no matter what you
do. If you push Jan away that's a
disrespect to me and my sister.
LONG PAUSE.
MICHAEL
Thanks for the advice.
(pause)
But, the only thing I need from you
is ones. I have those, so thank
you.....Goodbye.
Michael turns to leave.
JEFF
Take care Michael.
Michael quietly exits.
EXT-DUMPSTER-NIGHT
Michael goes out to dump the garbage, when he turns to
notice Jenny Christopher loading her van up with merchandise.
Michael dumps the trash and walks over.
MICHAEL
Need some help?
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
No, thank you I'm almost done.
MICHAEL
If someone didn't know better
they'd think you were ripping the
place off.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
It's going to be the best Christmas
ever.
MICHAEL
Is your family really that big?
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Some to family, some just goes to
people in need of a good Christmas.
MICHAEL
You're a good person Jenny
Christopher. Maybe you can dance
at my wedding.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Wedding Michael? Is somebody
getting a ring for Christmas?
MICHAEL
She does deserve it doesn't she?
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Yes she does, but there's something
you need to do first.
MICHAEL
I know.....I saw Jeff today.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
I know, I heard.
MICHAEL
This Mall's a small place.
(pause)
He thinks I am disrespecting Brit's
memory by pushing Jan away. I
don't know, I don't mean to push
Jan away.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Then stop.
MICHAEL
And it's that easy?
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Sure.
MICHAEL
Cheese and rice.....It's been rough.
It's only been two years. I'm
still struggling, I don't want to
lose Jan though.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Well shoe man, I'm not the one you
need to be telling this stuff to.
MICHAEL
Yeah, I suppose you're right. Well
I better get inside. Merry...er...I
mean.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
You almost slipped up there.
MICHAEL
Yeah almost.
(smiles)
Oh well maybe next year I'll be able to complete the whole
phrase.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Here's hoping.
MICHAEL
Goodnight Jenny Christopher.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Goodnight.
Michael walks into the backroom. There stands Sandra.
INT-BACKROOM-NIGHT
SANDRA
Is she stealing?
MICHAEL
God no! She's just a really good
person.
SANDRA
No one is that good. Anyway,
closings are finished.
MICHAEL
Alrighty. See you tomorrow.
SANDRA
Be careful tonight.
MICHAEL
Why does everyone keep telling me
that?
SANDRA
Deer are out.
MICHAEL
Of prison?
SANDRA
I'm serious - be careful.
MICHAEL
Alright I'll seriously be careful.
SANDRA
Night.
MICHAEL
Goodnight.
Sandra leaves.
INT-MICHAELS CAR-NIGHT
Michael is driving along a dark country road on his way home.
Suddenly Christmas music comes on the radio.
MICHAEL
Ick....
(turns off radio)
Oh Brittany...I love Jan..I need to
let you go honey...I need to let
you go. If I just knew you were
doing ok, I would be fine. Just
tell me you're ok......What the
fuck?!?
Michael JUMPS on his brakes as a GIANT reindeer stands head
on in the middle of the road. Michael's brakes help him
very little as the car hits the deer head on. The deer
flips up SLAMMING its' antlers into Michael's windshield.
TOTAL DARKNESS.
PARAMEDIC 1
Keep him with us!
PARAMEDIC 2
We're losing him.
Sound of a flatline.
FLASH OF LIGHT.
EXT-SNOWSCAPE-DAY
There is no sign of the car, or the road that Michael was on.
Just a endless snowscape with Michael laying right in the
middle. The deer that hit Michael's car appears and starts
to lick his face. Michael comes to.
MICHAEL
Would you mind getting the he..the
he...getting he..da..sh..what the
he...My vocal cords are shot!
Michael shoves the deer off. GABE, an angelic character
dressed completely in white, voice is heard off screen.
GABE
You can't cuss here.
MICHAEL
Who the he...um
(clears throat)
who are you?
Gabe enters scene.
GABE
I am Gabe, I will be your guide.
MICHAEL
Like a tour guide?
GABE
Yes, like a tour guide.
Michael gets up and starts walking.
MICHAEL
Good Gabey, maybe you can guide me
on out of this dream.
GABE
Well this isn't a dream Michael.
MICHAEL
Yeah that's what they all say.
GABE
You are in a form of the afterlife.
MICHAEL
Yeah, I'm in the form of a
concussion. You know bleeding on
the brain. It happened once in
grade school, Billy Jackson pushed
me down the steps. I had weird
hallucinations then too.
GABE
I assure you this is real, but
it'll take a moment to register.
MICHAEL
The only thing I needed to register,
was the realization I came to,
before this thing hit me.
(Points at the deer)
And that's the fact that I need to
buy a ring.
GABE
That's just not possible.
MICHAEL
Anythings possible you just got to
believe Gabey. Now, I need a
jewelry store.....
Michael walks to the edge of a drop off. Gabe walks up on
one side and the deer on the other.
MICHAEL
The Afterlife?
Before Michael is a huge Christmas city. There are tall
gingerbread buildings, a little Christmas village. Up on a
hill is a huge Christmas themed castle.
GABE
Christmasland.
MICHAEL
So I'm in Hell?
EXT-MAIN STREET
Michael, Gabe and the deer walk through downtown
Christmasland.
MICHAEL
You know I have to admit, this is
amazing. Although I still hate
Christmas.
GABE
We know.
MICHAEL
Who knows? You and the deer?
GABE
I'll explain everything, we just
need to get to a place where we can
talk.
As Michael, Gabe and the deer walk they maneuver through a
sea of people. As Michael walks by a rather short little
elf, he steals the hat from the little man's head. Michael
then puts it on his own head.
GABE
What are you doing?
He pulls the hat off Michael's head and gives it to the
little elf still standing in the middle of the street shocked.
GABE
Sorry.
LITTLE MAN
Grrrrrr.
Gabe continues on walking.
GABE
You have to try to behave sir.
Gabe turns to notice Michael is on the other side of the
street spying in the distance at a gigantic skyscraper sized
Christmas tree.
MICHAEL
Must be he...a bi...nasty to
decorate.
GABE
Yes, well we really must be going.
MICHAEL
C'mon what's the rush. I thought
you where the tour guide. Guide me
Gabe.
Gabe looks around and notices a coffee shop across the street.
GABE
Let's duck in here.
MICHAEL
Wait. Can we lose Rudolph first?
GABE
Actually that's Prancer.
(Looks at the deer)
Privacy.
Deer drops head and walks away.
MICHAEL
That worked.
INT-COFFEE SHOP
Gabe and Michael walk into a coffee shop that looks like a
cross between a middle age English pub and a typical
Christmas themed coffee shop ran by talking bears. Michael
and Gabe sit down at a table. A purple bear walks up.
BEAR WAITER
(In a monotone)
Eggnog?
MICHAEL
That's a strange name, but hey it
is "Christmasland". I'm Michael.
(Shakes his paw) GABE
He wants to know if you want eggnog?
MICHAEL
Sure.
Bear pours eggnog and leaves.
MICHAEL
Alrighty, what is Christmasland?
GABE
You're being direct.
MICHAEL
You said all my questions would be
answered, I figure that's a good
start.
GABE
Alright, I assume you know the Adam
and Eve story?
MICHAEL
Unless there's some twist I don't
know about, like Adam being the
first Santa Claus.
GABE
Uh no. So anyway, I assume you
know how hard it was in the Old
Testament to get into Heaven...
MICHAEL
And easier in the New Testament
after the crucifixion of Christ.
GABE
Yes but not as easy as we had hoped.
At least half the world's population
still wasn't reaching the
requirements necessary to get into
Heaven.
MICHAEL
What did you guys need SAT scores?
GABE
In 1645 a Saint Nicholas of Norway
would go out on his last yearly
gift delivery. He would do this
every Christmas Eve for the children
in the village. This year though
his sleigh would turn over killing
him and his wife.
MICHAEL
Ick. Why did he pass out gifts to
the children?
GABE
His wife was sick as a child, it
made her barren.
MICHAEL
Baron of what?
GABE
No....No..No...No! She was unable
to have children. When Mr and Mrs
Nicholas died, despite the good
deeds, both had failed to meet the
requirements to enter Heaven.
That's when Christmasland was
created. A whole world where all
we do is good-will. Celebrating
the time where the Messiah was born
and carrying on in Saint Nicholas'
footsteps.
MICHAEL
So this is where the mediocre go
after they die?
GABE
No not forever, you have a life
span here the same as Earth. When
you die here you go to Heaven.
Basically if you are here, you've
wasted your life on Earth somehow.
Christmasland is like Purgatory so
to speak. What makes this place
amazing is you don't have the crime
here you do on Earth....no evil
elements. Just a group of souls
working to make the people on Earth
happy for one day out of the year.
MICHAEL
So why am I here?
GABE
Why are you here Michael?
MICHAEL
I think I just asked you that.
GABE
Couldn't have anything to do with
being angry the last two years
could it?
MICHAEL
I was working on that.
GABE
Well you got plenty of time to work
now.
MICHAEL
You're cold Gabe. Really cold.
(Takes a sip)
Gabe?
GABE
Yes.
MICHAEL
Well we're as mortal here as we are
on Earth,right?
GABE
Yes.
MICHAEL
So,is it possible to get killed
before your lifespan is up?
GABE
We have no illness here in
Christmasland.
MICHAEL
But what if someone took your life?
GABE
There are no evil elements here
Michael.
MICHAEL
Yeah but...what if..?
GABE
There are no evil elements here
Michael.
BEAR WAITER
(Monotone)
Fruitcake?
MICHAEL
You got some stones bear.
GABE
(Waving hand)
He'll pass. Are you finished?
MICHAEL
Finished? I'm just getting started.
GABE
With the eggnog?
MICHAEL
Ehhh....yeah...So Gabe what's next
on the agenda?
GABE
We probably should be heading to
the........
MICHAEL
I know, can we carol ?!!!
GABE
Well...er...no we can't carol.
MICHAEL
I thought this was Christmasland,
Why can't we carol?
GABE
We don't have time to carol!
Listen I'm the guide. I will
decide where to take you.
MICHAEL
Take me baby.
GABE
You know you're a handful Michael.
Now let's be off.
Gabe gets up.
MICHAEL
Caroling?
GABE
No not caroling!
EXT-ICE RINK-DAY
Michael and Gabe are walking around, until Michael spots a
ice rink in the distance. He starts running and slides
right across the ice. Innocent skater desperately try to
avoid him. Gabe on the other end of the rink as Michael
slides to meet him.
MICHAEL
What's up Gabe?
GABE
What are you doing?
MICHAEL
This is awesome Gabe!
GABE
I thought you hated everything that
had to do with Christmas.
MICHAEL
Man I don't care. How many people
in their lifetimes get to experience
this?!? This is freaking rad!
GABE
Yes...um...rad....we really need to
be going.
MICHAEL
C'mon Gabe slide on the ice with me.
GABE
No....you're acting like on child
on Christm.....you're acting like a
child.
MICHAEL
Oh Gabe lighten up. I know you
want to go caroling.
GABE
We are not going caroling, we are
not sliding on the ice anymore! We
have other things to do!
MICHAEL
Fine, Fine , Fine. Let's go where
you want to.
GABE
I don't understand Michael. I go
back to the fact that you hate
Christmas.
MICHAEL
Gabe, there's a difference between
Christmas the holiday and waking up
in a giant amusement park.
Gabe helps Michael off the ice.
GABE
C'mon I need to take you to the
arrival station.
MICHAEL
The arrival station?
INT-THE ARRIVAL STATION
Michael and Gabe walk through the arrival station. Michael
seems amazed how he can see his reflection in the glossy red
metal walls. They walk up to a lady in a green outfit with
matching hair, standing at a counter.
GREEN LADY
Welcome to Christmasland.
MICHAEL
That's some nice hair.
GABE
This is Michael Haines, he's a new
arrival.
GREEN LADY
Date of death was December 20th?
GABE
Correct.
MICHAEL
We're still not final on the death
thing. He says dead, I say dream.
Potato, potato let's call the whole
thing off.
GREEN LADY
Has he had quarters assigned yet?
GABE
No not yet.
GREEN LADY
Mmmmmmm
(typing on her
computer terminal)
How about Westend?
GABE
That'll be fine.
Michael looks around at all the attendants in the station.
He notices that every single worker has dyed hair. Red,
Green and various other holiday colors.
MICHAEL
So exactly how much dye does it
take to do everyone's hair here?
GABE
(nodding at the lady,
while grabbing
Michael's arm)
C'mon Michael, We're going to your
quarters.
EXT-MAIN STREET-DAY
Michael walks along main street with Gabe. More guides and
some elves walk by on the busy street.
MICHAEL
Hey what's up?
(Waving at people
walking by)
You're short, you're an elf....Hey
how have you been?
Gabe stops in front of a tall building.
MICHAEL
(Continuing to walk)
Hey Merry Christmas! Whoa! Your
even small for an elf.
Gabe grabs Michael and pulls him back.
GABE
Here we are.
Gabe looks Michael over.
GABE
You don't have any hats do you?
Michael shakes his head "no".
GABE
Very good.
The two walk in.
INT-LOBBY
Michael and Gabe walk up to the front desk. A Giant BUNNY
pops up from behind to desk.
BUNNY
Be bop boo bop!
MICHAEL
Ahhhhhh!
The frightened Michael hits the bunny directly in the nose.
BUNNY
Ahhhhhhh!
The Bunny bares his teeth then jumps back. Gabe grabs
Michael.
GABE
What are you doing?!?
MICHAEL
The Easter Bunny tried to attack us!
GABE
First of all he's not the Easter
Bunny, he's the desk clerk. And he
didn't try to attack us!
The MANAGER ELF comes out.
MANAGER ELF
(Russian accent)
What is going on?
GABE
Nothing it was a misunderstanding.
MANAGER ELF
Who hit my bunny?
BUNNY
Bop Bop Bop.
GABE
It was a mistake.
MANAGER ELF
You bet it was a mistake. We do
not hit bunnies!
MICHAEL
What do you feed that thing -
steroids?
MANAGER ELF
Who is this? Why did he hit my
bunny?
MICHAEL
That's a fat bunny.
BUNNY
Lappy dap dap.
GABE
He's a new soul. He's just
adjusting. Actually I need for him
to stay here.
MANAGER ELF
Not if he's going to hit bunnies!
GABE
I'm sure he's sorry. Michael tell
him you're sorry.
MICHAEL
Are there more bunnies here?
GABE
Michael!
MICHAEL
Sorry.
Michael head towards the desk. The bunny ducks.
MICHAEL
Sorry bunny.
BUNNY
Grrrr.
MANAGER ELF
He's not to leave his room.
GABE
C'mon Michael.
(to Manager)
Thank you.
The two walk over and enter the elevator.
INT-MICHAELS QUARTERS
Michael and Gabe walk in to Michael's room. The room has
gingerbread walls. In the middle of the room is a
marshmallow bed with graham cracker posts.
MICHAEL
My room is a giant s'more.
GABE
Well I'll leave, and let you get
settled in.
MICHAEL
You're leaving me?
GABE
Just for the rest of the day.
You've had quite the day. Just
rest up, we have a busy day tomorrow.
MICHAEL
What's tomorrow?
GABE
I'll meet you at the front doors at
the first light of day.
MICHAEL
Alright, I'll be there. I won't
argue with someone telling me to be
lazy.
GABE
Well it's not like you can leave
the room anyway, after the bunny
incident.
MICHAEL
Hey, I saved your life from that
rabid bunny.
GABE
(shaking head)
Until tomorrow Michael.
MICHAEL
Until tomorrow my love.
Gabe exits shutting the door behind him. The lonely Michael
looks around his room exploring. He PLOPS down on the bed.
He looks around and then breaks a bedpost off and eats it.
EXT-REINDEER TRAINING CAMP-NIGHT
MADDY, the reindeer trainer, is strolling through the camp.
WILL, a security officer, walks up beside her.
WILL
Everything is secure Mrs Maddy.
MADDY
Well done.
WILL
Are you leaving?
MADDY
Just on the way.
WILL
Do you think these boys will be
ready for the 24 th?
MADDY
Now, now, you're forgetting their
teacher, Will.
Maddy glances over and notices a reindeer's eyes are open.
She raps him on the nose with her stick.
MADDY
We sleep at night Sir Comet.
(Continues on)
Oh Will, they will be ready.
WILL
Well Mrs Maddy you best wrap things
up. It's nightfall and I don't
want anything happening to you.
MADDY
Very considerate, I'm sure I'll be
fine.
WILL
I'll do another sweep and then I'll
walk you out.
MADDY
Dear Will.
WILL
I'll meet you at the front gate Mrs
Maddy.
Will walks off. Maddy heads toward the front gates.
EXT-FRONT GATES
Maddy waits patiently by the gate. She's STARTLED by a
CRACK in the distance. She calms herself and continues to
wait.......and wait....and....SUDDENLY hands reach and GRAB
her by her hair. With immense strength the hands RAM her
head between the candy cane bars of the gate. SCREAMS
carry......
EXT-REINDEER TRAINING CAMP
.....all the way over to Will who's still walking the grounds.
WILL
Mrs Maddy!!!!!!!
He RUNS all the way......
EXT-FRONT GATES
To the front gates. Once there he's witness to the sight of
lifeless Mrs Maddy, her head stuck between the bars of the
gate.
WILL
(Cries, drops to his knees)
Mrs Maddy!!!!
INT-MICHAELS QUARTERS
Michael is asleep on top of a pile of crumbs.
EXT-FRONT DOORS-DAY
Will and Gabe are standing in front of the building Michael
is staying in.
WILL
I don't understand this.
GABE
He's mad because we stopped him
from poisoning the reindeer.
WILL
As much as it hurts I understand
Mrs Maddy, she was a reindeer
trainer. But, why the elves?
They're just workers.
GABE
That was actually because he was
mad. He wanted to send us a
message. Mrs Maddy was because he
wanted to cause some damage.
WILL
Who do you think will be next?
GABE
Lots of targets. S.C. would be
obvious, but he can't touch him
till the 24th.
WILL
Think he'll go after security?
GABE
No he's got bigger fish to fry now.
We're getting down to the wire now.
We're well past poisoning reindeer
or killing elves. He's going to
want to make some big moves, thus
Mrs. Maddy.
WILL
I'm going to kill him.
GABE
Hatred will get us nowhere. We
have to keep clear heads here.
WILL
What about our new friend? Do you
think he'll be the next target?
GABE
No, this killer is sadistic, he's
going to want Michael to enter the
game first. Then he'll kill him.
WILL
Which means.....
GABE
Yeah, I'm a tad bit scared.
WILL
I'll put you under protection.
GABE
Will no! There're more important
things that need your attention.
WILL
But....
GABE
Will, no! That's final!
INT-LOBBY
Michael walks right by the bunny. He's hiding under the
desk all you can see is his eyes.
BUNNY
Grrrrrrr.
Michael continues on, and walks right out the front door.
EXT-FRONT DOORS
MICHAEL
Good morning.
(Yawns) GABE
Michael, this is Will, head of
security.
MICHAEL
Hey Will keeping it real.
WILL
Hi..um...so you guys going to be
alright?
GABE
We will be fine Will?
MICHAEL
I'm hungry.
GABE
He's hungry, but we're fine.
WILL
If you need anything Gabe...
GABE
I will.
MICHAEL
Peace out Will.
Will leaves.
GABE
Well come on Michael, let's get you
something to eat.
(Starts to walk, then stops)
Michael?
MICHAEL
Yes?
GABE
There appear to be crumbs on your
lips.
MICHAEL
Really?
(Wipes his mouth off)
Strangest thing.
Michael and Gabe walk off.
EXT-MAIN SQUARE-DAY
Michael sits at a table in a huge outdoor eatery. This area
is Christmas themed, but at the same time has a very Venice
feel to it. Gabe walks up behind Michael with a plate.
MICHAEL
Eggs and steak. Wow.
GABE
(Sits)
Yeah wow.....um...Michael...it's
come to my attention that your room
no longer has a bed in it.
MICHAEL
Really?
GABE
Yeah.
MICHAEL
Strangest thing.....I guess even
more reason for you to help me get
out of here.
GABE
And I thought you were getting used
to the place.
MICHAEL
Oh everything is cool. I mean my
girlfriend would especially love
this place. It has this Venice
feel to it.
GABE
You've been to Venice?
MICHAEL
No. She has though, she talks
about it alot.
GABE
Amazing that you're quiet enough
for her to say anything.
MICHAEL
You know what Gabe....F....uuuuudge
you!
GABE
Yeah.
MICHAEL
I think it's time for you to get me
home.
GABE
I can't get you home Michael you're
dead.
MICHAEL
So what about Jan? How can I make
things up to her? Isn't that why
I'm here? Because I screwed things
up with her.
GABE
You screwed alot of things up
Michael. Yeah you screwed things
up with Jan and that's something
you're going to have to live with
for the rest of your life here.
Maybe if you didn't spend all your
time stuck on a dead girl, you'd be
with Jan now. Not sitting here
wasting my time with juvenile one
liners.
MICHAEL
Maybe I can't cuss, but I bet I can
deck you.
INT-GLASS OVERLOOK
Will walks through a glass overlook walkway that goes over
the main square from one side of the street to the other.
He walks along passing bears in the walkway until he gets to
the spot right above Gabe and Michael. He stops and glances
down at the two, still in their heated argument.
EXT-MAIN SQUARE
GABE
Do you love her?
MICHAEL
Yes I love her!
GABE
Love her enough to die for her?
MICHAEL
Yes!
GABE
Love her enough to give up thoughts
of Brittany?
MICHAEL
....It's been hard Gabe.
GABE
It's sad, but Brittany is the past.
Jan was your present.
MICHAEL
It's just....I didn't know anything
about.....Brittany and faith...I
just need to know she's in a safe
afterlife, that's all I ever wanted.
INT-GLASS OVERLOOK
Will continues to watch. He hears a NOISE. He looks around
and determines it's nothing.
EXT-MAIN SQUARE
GABE
If she were here would you want to
see her?
MICHAEL
...mmm..No. There's no need to. I
have no unanswered questions about
our relationship. I just want to
know she made it somewhere safe.
GABE
I'm surprised you said no.
MICHAEL
Jan's my present and future. I
just want to know Brittany made it
into the best afterlife possible.
(Pause)
Gabe, did she make it here?
GABE
Michael....No..she didn't....
INT-GLASS OVERLOOK
SUDDENLY Will looks up as a grappling hook SHATTERS the top
glass plane. It smashes through and grips on the metal frame.
EXT-MAIN SQUARE
MICHAEL
Gabe?
GABE
Yes?
MICHAEL
Do you know where she did end up?
GABE
Michael.....
INT-GLASS OVERLOOK
The Killer swings from the top, over the side of the overlook.
Will jumps back. The Killer continues to drop all the way
down.....
EXT-MAIN SQUARE
To the middle of the main square, right in front of Michael
and Gabe. People , elves and bears are running and screaming.
MICHAEL
What the...?
GABE
Michael run!
The Killer WHIPS out his red wire, and in one full SWOOP
wraps it around Gabes neck. He pulls till the wire goes
through Gabes neck, and his lifeless body drops to the
ground. Michael, confused and bewildered, grabs the Killer's
left shoulder. The Killer counters by using his right hand,
reaching into a left holster and STABBING Michael in the
side with a knife. Windows SHATTER up at the overlook above.
The Killer looks up to see security lead by Will, with
Christmas colored bazooka-like weapons. As they fire,
spear-like candy canes come out. The hit the ground at the
agile Killers feet as he makes his getaway. In a flash,
like magic he has disappeared. Security lowers their
weapons, feeling defeated. BIRD'S EYE VIEW: Showing Gabe,
as dead as a doornail, and the bleeding Michael laying on
his back with blood spreading further and further outward.
TOTAL DARKNESS.
BLURRIENESS. It starts to clear....and then we see....
INT-SERVENTS HOUSE
We see Jenny Christopher!
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Michael?
Michael's laying in bed. Jenny, like a nurse, is at his
bedside with a damp cloth. Michael comes to.
MICHAEL
Jenny Christopher?
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Hello Michael.
INT-LIVING AREA
Michael, still in the servants house, is sitting in a
rocking chair. Jenny comes up behind him and brings him a
drink. She walks over and sits across from him.
MICHAEL
I guess I'll start with, why am I
healed?
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
And I thought the first question
would be why am I here.
MICHAEL
Oh that's on the list.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Well that I'll answer in due time.
As for why you are healed, as long
as he doesn't hit anything vital
bodies heal quick here.
MICHAEL
In a matter of hours?
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Amazing isn't it?
MICHAEL
Yes...It's good to see you Jenny
Christopher.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
It's good to be seen Michael.
MICHAEL
It's weird to see you outside of
work.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
I can see why it would be.
MICHAEL
You're not going to tell me why
you're here yet are you?
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Not yet.
Michael looks around at his modest surroundings.
MICHAEL
Quaint little place.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Yes it is.
MICHAEL
(deep breathe)
Poor Gabe.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Yes, we were shocked and saddened
to hear of his murder.
MICHAEL
You're telling me. I was right
there in the middle of it. I kind
of gave him a hard time. I hope he
realized I didn't mean anything by
it.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
I think he understood why you were
acting the way you were. I mean
it's not everyday a person ends up
here.
MICHAEL
I'm guessing if I asked you to help
me get back you would give me the
same jive Gabe did.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Why do you need to get back Michael?
MICHAEL
Jan....I need to get back for Jan.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Is that what you want for Christmas
Michael? A chance to be with Jan
again?
MICHAEL
I don't need anybody's help on that.
I will get back to Jan. The only
thing I want for Christmas is a ring.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
A ring?
MICHAEL
Yeah I haven't had a chance to buy
one yet. I've been busy with other
things....like dying.
(He takes a drink)
So why did some guy kill Gabe and
stab me?
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
I don't know if I'm the one whose
best equipped to answer your
questions.
MICHAEL
Who is, Jenny?
EXT-SNOWSCAPE-DAY
Bird's eye view. We float up a hill, at the very top we
spot........
INT-SANTA CLAUSE'S CASTLE
Michael and Jenny walk past two guards and enter this huge
Arthurian throne room. On either side of the red carpet
they're walking down are carolers. Their voices echo
throughout the chamber. As we come upon the throne we see
an older lady sitting to the right. And as Jenny and
Michael stop in front of the throne to their left they see
SANTA CLAUSE.
SANTA CLAUSE
I've been waiting for you.
INT-DINNING ROOM
Everyone is gathered around a huge table enjoying a huge
feast. Michael, Will and Jenny are all seated at the table.
Many other guides are seated at the table also, Mr and Mrs
Clause are seated at opposite ends of the table. A BEAR
comes into grab empty plates.
WILL
We're all prepared to be at the toy
factory at dawn.
SANTA CLAUSE
Very good Will.
BEAR ONE
(To Michael in monotone)
Plate?
MICHAEL
I've actually grown quite attached
to it, but what the hay.
(Hands over the plate) SANTA CLAUSE
For the exception of the occasional
one liner you've been rather quiet
tonight Michael. How are you
feeling?
MICHAEL
I'm alive, at least I guess.
WILL
Well you should be thankful for
that. Their are plenty who aren't
as fortunate.
MICHAEL
Um....yeah.
SANTA CLAUSE
I'm sure Michael is very glad to be
alive. He had quite the brush with
death earlier today.
WILL
(being a snot)
Well at least the killer spared his
life, so we could be privileged
with his presence this evening.
MICHAEL
Um....yeah...thanks....I think....
(looks toward Santa)
So are you Saint Nicholas?
WILL
He is Santa Clause. That is all
you need to know.
MICHAEL
Oh excuse me, Dick.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Michael!
MICHAEL
What? I thought that was his name.
What so it's Will? Alright I'm
sorry you just look like a Dick.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Michael!!!
SANTA CLAUSE
That's enough!
WILL
So this is your chosen one?
(Throws down napkin)
If you don't mind I would like to
be excused.
(Gets up)
SANTA CLAUSE
Will?
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
He'll be fine. He has been tense
lately. I think he blames himself
for Mrs Maddy.
MICHAEL
Chosen one? What's this chosen one
stuff?
SANTA CLAUSE
Well if everyone would like to
follow Mrs Clause, we can go to the
rec room for dessert.
Everyone gets up. Michael turns to Jenny.
MICHAEL
Chosen one?
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Soon Michael soon.
SANTA CLAUSE
Michael can I see you please?
MICHAEL
I was really hoping for desert too.
INT-THE HALL OF CHRISTMAS PAST
Michael and Santa walks the an enormous hallway, with 3-D
holograms of Christmas items and various decorations and
statues.
MICHAEL
Odd...
SANTA CLAUSE
It's the hallway of Christmas past.
MICHAEL
No ghosts are going to pop out,
telling me how I screwed up my life?
SANTA CLAUSE
I didn't say anything about Dickens.
This just a museum of sorts.
MICHAEL
Still odd....
Santa stops at a door.
SANTA CLAUSE
In here Michael.....
INT-SANTA'S STUDY
Michael follows Santa into his study, he motions him to sit.
Santa remains standing moving about the room.
SANTA CLAUSE
This is the only place in this
whole world that's normal. My
private getaway. You're one of few
to see it.
MICHAEL
It's rather....Mike Brady like.
SANTA CLAUSE
It reminds me a lot of Earth. With
the exception of the Christmas
music being pumped in, it's very
non-seasonal.
MICHAEL
Are you the original Saint Nicholas?
SANTA CLAUSE
He was the first, he is now in
Heaven.
MICHAEL
So what number are you?
SANTA CLAUSE
Not really sure. It wasn't very
long ago I was President of a toy
company. My wife and I single-
handedly built one of the biggest
toy empires in the world. We had
so much money that we paid people
to do everything, even raise our
own children. You know we didn't
even take time to fill out a will.
When we were unexpectedly taken out
by a car crash, what little bit was
left went into a college fund for
our two kids. Instead of going to
hell we came here, so we can help
people. So we both can learn true
happiness comes from doing good
will and not from money.
MICHAEL
What happened to your children?
SANTA CLAUSE
I don't know. They don't exist to
me on this plane. They can't. I
have a job to do here. Then once
in Heaven I'll see them again.
(Pause)
I do know my boy died, but I can't
ponder on that. Not now, not ever.
MICHAEL
So soon Jan won't exist to me
either? So why am I the chosen one?
And why did some nutty nut kill my
guide?
SANTA CLAUSE
We don't know why we have
this....um.."problem". But, we
have a feeling that you can help.
MICHAEL
Why?
SANTA CLAUSE
I'm not sure yet.
MICHAEL
But you want me to help stop this
guy?
SANTA CLAUSE
That's the plan.
MICHAEL
Mmmmm well how about no, Santa! If
I have to be stuck in this realm
till I die....um....again then I
don't want to meet my end before
I...um...meet my end. I'll do
anything else I'll make eggnog,
cobble shoes, crawl down chimneys.
But I will not risk my life!
WILL
I told you he was a waste.
Will is in the door.
SANTA CLAUSE
Will! This is private, you should
be down at the party.
MICHAEL
(Being a smartass)
Yeah Will.
SANTA CLAUSE
Michael.
WILL
I apologize for interrupting but we
have a sick reindeer.
EXT-COURTYARD-EVENING
Jenny is on her knees checking out the ill reindeer.
Everyone is gathered in a circle around her.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
C'mon you're fine.
(Looking up at the crowd)
He wasn't poisoned. At least not
by a person. I think we have a
case of upset stomach.
MICHAEL
(To Santa)
He was poisoning your reindeer?
SANTA CLAUSE
Yes, that was the first in a list
of many evil things.
MICHAEL
She is amazing.
SANTA CLAUSE
Jenny Christopher?
MICHAEL
Yes, she was a good person on Earth
too. She just such a kind person.
SANTA CLAUSE
She's the only pure soul here.
MICHAEL
Really?
SANTA CLAUSE
Yes she was a young school teacher
in the 19th century, she established
the school herself. Left New York
in order to teach to people in the
mountains.
(MORE)
SANTA CLAUSE (CONT'D)
She passed away during a horrible
snow storm. Her school was snowed
in and she froze to death. She was
already in heaven when she learned
of Christmasland. She begged for
the chance to help people again.
MICHAEL
But why is she on Earth?
(Lightbulb)
She's like a buyer isn't she?
SANTA CLAUSE
I keep forgetting you're in
management. Yes, she kind of is.
How do you think I'm able to give
out brand names.
Back to Jenny and the deer. Will walks up with some water.
WILL
Here's some water Jenny.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Thank you Will.
(Jenny gives the deer
some water and helps
him to his feet.)
C'mon buddy. I think he's going to
be ok.
Everyone applauds. The group starts to disband. Santa
holds Michael back.
SANTA CLAUSE
You're still alive Michael.
MICHAEL
What?
SANTA CLAUSE
You're in a coma, back on Earth.
Never before has a soul left a
still living body and traveled to
another plane like this. There's
been people who have been clinically
dead, but never like this. I was
hoping I wouldn't have to prey on
your selfishness. But someone high
up there wants you here pretty bad.
(MORE)
SANTA CLAUSE (CONT'D)
You want to see Jan again, you
obviously are not getting back to
Earth till you learn some sort of
lesson,and we need your help. So I
guess now it is up to you. What
you want to do?
MICHAEL
Like blackmail?
SANTA CLAUSE
No. It upsets me that I have to
put it to you like this. I thought
you would just help on your own
will. But I have to appease to
whatever is important to you in
order to get you to help. It just
happens that what's important to
you is you. Let me know in the
morning if you want to help.
Goodnight Michael.
Santa walks off.
EXT-BALCONY-NIGHT
Jenny and Michael are sitting on the roof of the castle.
MICHAEL
You know if I could cuss here I
would tear in to him. But then at
the same time I feel guilty that
I'm not willing to help you unless
I'm offered the chance to be with
Jan again. I should just want to
help you just because it's the
right thing to do. So basically
I've wasted two years of my life
pining over a dead girl, I screwed
up a relationship with the only
girl in the world for me,I died
before I could fix things, and
Santa thinks I'm selfish. All in
all I suck. How are you?
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Michael you're a good person. You
just have a lot of growing up to do.
MICHAEL
Grrrr...maybe...
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
(Pointing)
See that over there?
Michael spys and sees a graveyard.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
That used to be filled with those
who have gone on to heaven after
they finished their time here. Now
it's filled with people whose lives
were cut short.
MICHAEL
Since Brittany graveyards freak me
out.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
How did she die?
MICHAEL
I thought you knew?
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
I knew car crash, but I figure
there's more. I always felt there
was more of a reason you couldn't
let go other then the fact she was
your ex-girlfriend.
MICHAEL
She was murdered. The police say
that someone had ignited the gas in
a propane tank using a lighter.
They found a lighter in one Scott
Hambin's hand. Maybe it isn't so
much knowing that Brit is safe in
Heaven, as it is knowing Scott is
burning in Hell. I guess I do need
to grow up and let go.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Everyone here has their dark pasts
they need to overcome.
MICHAEL
It's weird because you can tell it
in the atmosphere. I mean it's
happy and joyful, but there's a
undertone here too.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
When evil dies it goes to Hell.
When good people who've reached
full enlightenment die, they go to
Heaven. But those good people who
have become lost at the time of
death end up here.
MICHAEL
...in Christmasland.
INT-ELF HOUSE-NIGHT
A middle aged female elf sits at a desk doing paperwork.
She hears the giggling of her children and spins her desk
chair around so she can see them through the crack in the
door. She watches them play around the Christmas tree. She
smiles. When she turns her chair back around to her desk
she spots the KILLER! He stands gun aimed at her head. We
see fully the big nutcracker mask covering his face. The
huge nutcracker teeth chatter at her. CUT TO:
EXT-COUTYARD-DAY
Will and Santa stand in the middle of the courtyard in the
midst of a discussion.
WILL
It's unusual, you'd think he would
put her dead body on display. You
know like he's done with the others.
SANTA CLAUSE
What did her children say?
WILL
One minute she was in her study
working on the delivery schedule.
The next thing they hear a scream
and she was no where in sight.
SANTA CLAUSE
Are we sure it's him?
WILL
C'mon I think to ponder otherwise
would be denial.
SANTA CLAUSE
True. Maybe she's not dead.
WILL
What would he want with the head of
the toy factory?
SANTA CLAUSE
Think about that question for a
second.
Michael walks up.
MICHAEL
Hey....
WILL
What are you doing here Dick?
MICHAEL
What?!?
SANTA CLAUSE
Will!
WILL
I'm sorry Michael. You just remind
me of a Dick.
SANTA CLAUSE
Enough!
MICHAEL
It's alright. I'll let it slide,
just because he's finally taking
the stick out of his.....
SANTA CLAUSE
Michael!
MICHAEL
Oh chill! I can't say the "A" word
if I wanted too. It's a cuss
word...wait...unless...I mean it is
in the Bible.
(Gets up in Will's face)
Jackass.
SANTA CLAUSE
Michael last warning!
MICHAEL
What? I'm just saying Will reminds
me of a jackass.
SANTA CLAUSE
Michael would you like to be
cleaning up reindeer waste for the
next 30 years?
MICHAEL
No I mean he's strong
(feeling his arms)
I would ride him down the Grand
Canyon.
SANTA CLAUSE
What is your purpose?
MICHAEL
Oh yes. I want to help.
SANTA CLAUSE
Excuse me?
WILL
Oh great!
MICHAEL
And not because of the selfish junk.
I really want to help you, and
Jenny Christopher. Even the donkey.
WILL
I'm leaving!
Will storms off.
SANTA CLAUSE
Will!
(Pointing his finger
at Michael)
Are you serious about helping?
MICHAEL
Yes, very much so.
SANTA CLAUSE
Well first you need to control your
mouth.
MICHAEL
Hey..he..
SANTA CLAUSE
Michael!
MICHAEL
Alright. Just tell me what we need
to do.
SANTA CLAUSE
We need to change your clothes.
INT-DRESSING ROOM
BEARS are undressing Michael.
MICHAEL
This really doesn't sit well with me.
Merging with another scene where a little time passes and
Michael is fully dressed. He is wearing a white dress shirt
untucked. Silk white pants and shiny slick black shoes.
Michael looks at himself in the mirror.
MICHAEL
I'm a Frederick's of Hollywood model.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
You look good.
Michael turns to see Jenny Christopher.
MICHAEL
Hey.
(Pause)
No, I look like I'm going to baptism.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
So you're going to help?
MICHAEL
I'm going to try. I have a feeling
Will is going to cause me some
problems.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
I think you'll be fine. I talked
to Will a few minutes ago. You
just need to control your mouth.
MICHAEL
I'll try.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Will you?
MICHAEL
Yes. Sometimes it's just easier to
make smart comments than allow
myself to totally take in a
situation.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
This whole trip to Christmasland
has been rough hasn't it.
MICHAEL
Rough? Nah, not really. The
talking bears are a little weird.
Like a freaking acid trip at a
Grateful Dead concert. But I'm fine.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Ok...
MICHAEL
I am, really.
(Pause)
C'mon we have a killer to catch.
INT-WEAPONS ROOM
Security rushes in and each member grabs a canon (like seen
earlier in the movie) laying on a long wooden table.
Michael, Jenny and Will stand back in the background.
WILL
Nice outfit.
MICHAEL
Well thanks Will, but I already
have a girlfrie....
Jenny elbows Michael.
MICHAEL
I mean.....er....thank you Will.
All the soldiers with weapons in tow, stand at attention on
the opposite wall.
MICHAEL
Where's my gun?
WILL
You don't get a gun.
MICHAEL
Why?
WILL
You don't.
Will walks over to the table and grabs a baton. He walks
back over and hands it to Michael.
MICHAEL
What am I supposed to do with this,
twirl?
WILL
It's a handy weapon.
MICHAEL
So do you want me to change into a
leotard?
WILL
C'mon, time's a wasting.
EXT-SKYSCAPE-DAY
POV: Bird's eye view: We leave Santa's castle and fly up a
hill where we see a huge glass skyscraper. This gigantic
glass tower is the toy factory.
INT-TOY FACTORY-DAY
Jenny, Michael, Will and a group of security officers walk
through the main floor of the toy factory. It looks like a
loading warehouse with elves loading boxes and using fork
lifts to pull skids off a frame.
MICHAEL
Wow, this is quite the operation.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Yes. All this work getting ready
for tomorrow. The big day.
WILL
If "he" let's it happen.
MICHAEL
"He" won't. Trust me.
WILL
(Being short once again)
Well I feel safer with you here.
Will walks a little ahead leaving Jenny and Michael a few
steps behind.
MICHAEL
Please just one jab? Just one and
I'll be good I promise.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Turn the other cheek Michael.
Will spots a group of Security officers talking to an Elf.
As Will walks up with Michael and Jenny in tow, one of the
security officers turns around.
SECURITY 1
I think we have a problem.
WILL
What's going on?
The elf starts going off in Spanish.
MICHAEL
He's talking in Spanish.
WILL
They do that.
MICHAEL
Oh.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
What's he saying Will?
WILL
That we have a problem.
INT-HALLWAY
Michael, Will, and Jenny with security on either side march
down the hallway. The hallway is decorated with statues of
toy soldiers on either side.
MICHAEL
These toy soldiers are freaking me
out.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
They're not real Michael.
WILL
Do not coddle him.
They reach their destination......
INT-ROOM
The three walk into the room. There sits the missing head
of the toy department, ELIZA. Will walks up to a group of
security officers.
WILL
I want a full body scan ordered.
SECURITY MAN 2
Done. We are just awaiting the
results.
WILL
Good.
Will walks over to Eliza.
WILL
Do you understand why we're
concerned about you showing up Eliza?
ELIZA
I really don't care Will. I don't
like to be imprisoned like I've
done something wrong.
WILL
The reason we're holding you is for
just as much your safety as it is
our own. You are the only person
to survive this guy, and I want to
know why. Can you ID him?
ELIZA
I didn't see anything.
WILL
Why are you still alive?
ELIZA
I don't know Will. I just want to
go back to work.
Michael, whose standing by the door looks out in the hall
out of boredom. He does a double take because he believes
he just saw a statue toy soldier move.
MICHAEL
Weird..
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
What?
MICHAEL
Nothing. Just losing my mind.
Back to Will and Eliza.
ELIZA
I don't have time to screw around
Will.
WILL
Why?
ELIZA
Goddamn it Will let me go!
MICHAEL
She just cussed!
WILL
Jenny shut him up! Throw her in
the brig, until we can get some
answers!
MICHAEL
Hey Will don't get in my fuuuuu
face....da..why can't I cuss?!?
Michael looks out the door again.
MICHAEL
Will???!??!?
WILL
Michael I told you to shut up!
MICHAEL
We really don't have time for
this!!!!
TOY SOLDIERS BREAK THROUGH THE DOOR AND WALLS!!!!!!! They
start stabbing Security officers with the end of their
rifles. A group of toy soldiers have Michael Jenny and Will
barricaded from Eliza. Eliza gets up and heads towards the
door.
WILL
What are you doing?!?
ELIZA
He has my kids! I have too!
Eliza runs out of the room. The toy soldiers looking
lifeless now start to fall forward toward our three heroes.
Michael grabs Jenny's arm and jumps back.
MICHAEL
Jump back gang!
The Toy soldiers fall. Missing Michael and Jenny, but one
catches Will's leg. Michael and Jenny try to move the
soldier.
MICHAEL
It won't budge.
A SECURITY OFFICER runs into the room.
SECURITY 3
What is going on?
WILL
A toy soldier fell on me.
SECURITY 3
I see. I'll get some men down here
to help.
WILL
Thanks.
SECURITY 3
We have a bigger problem though.
Body scan came back, she's wired
with a bomb.
WILL
Great!!!! We got to get some men
to bring her back.
MICHAEL
Get some guys down here to get this
off of him. I'll go after her.
WILL
That's not a good idea.
MICHAEL
Time's a wasting.
(Runs to the door) WILL
(To Jenny)
Keep an eye on him.
Jenny shakes her head and her and Michael run out of the room.
INT-HALLWAY
Jenny and Michael jet down the hallway.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Where are we going?
MICHAEL
MMMM....
(heading to the elevator)
I'm guessing the roof.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Why?
MICHAEL
Because I'm guessing she doesn't
want to kill us.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
What?
MICHAEL
Just find whatever security officers
are not helping Will and send them
down to her house to watch her kids.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
And you're going....?
MICHAEL
(Already in elevator)
.....to the roof.
Elevator door shuts.
EXT-ROOF
Eliza is standing on the edge looking rather suicidal. A
DING goes off and an elevator door opens. Michael steps out.
MICHAEL
Eliza don't!!!!
ELIZA
I have to. I can't leave the
building or he kills my kids!
MICHAEL
Your kids will be fine we sent a
group of officers down there.
ELIZA
I figured you would, that's the
only reason I told you.
MICHAEL
Then how about you come down and we
get that thing out of you?
ELIZA
No time! I don't want anything to
happen to any of you! Oh....God.....
MICHAEL
What?....
Michael turns around to see the Killer. The teeth on the
nutcracker mask doing it's trademark chatter.
MICHAEL
Nice mask!
He raises two guns.
MICHAEL
Who are you - John Woo?
DING! The elevator door opens it's Jenny Christopher! She
walks over beside Michael.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
What's this?
MICHAEL
It's a nutcracker, with two guns.
He FIRES......Michael feels himself all over. He doesn't
find a bullet wound. Jenny Christopher also unharmed looks
around to see Eliza shot in the arm starting to fall off the
building.
JENNY CHRISTOPHER
Eliza!!!!
(Running after her) MICHAEL
Jenny!!!
(He runs after Jenny)Jenny grabs Eliza's leg. Eliza is just dangling from the
side of the building Jenny tries to pull her up. Michael is
still running toward the edge. The killer FIRES again. The
bullet grazes Michael's shoulder, dropping him. It continues
and hit's Jenny in the back of the head. She topples over
the edge.
MICHAEL
JENNY!!!!!!!
Michael grabbing his shoulder, stumbles to the edge. The
killer holsters his gun and pushes a button on his belt. An
EXPLOSION follows originating from Eliza BLOWING up Eliza
and Jenny and busting out some windows and leaving a
noticeable mark on that side of the toy factory. The
explosion also THROWS Michael back. He stumbles to his feet
turns around. Michael's POV: His eyes are hazy and a little
blinded by smoke. He sees The Killer hook a grappling hook
and start to jump off the side of the building. Michael
struggles to his feet.
MICHAEL
Oh no baby! We're both going down!
He runs to the end of the roof GRABS the grappling hook and
pulls it from being hooked on the roof. But, he also
doesn't drop the hook in time and he is forced off the roof.
He plummets waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy down the killer looks up and
they make eye contact. Michael reaches for his belt and
grabs the baton. He aims it at the Killer and pushes a
button on the end and it extends....and hits Michael dead in
the face. SUDDENLY a hand grabs Michael. He looks up....to
see a BEAR grabbing his arm from an open window.
BEAR HELPER
(Monotone)
We need you alive.
Michael looks down to see the killer use his heels on the
side of the building to slow down. He slows until he
reaches just a few feet from the bottom. He pushes out with
his feet and flies out in the air. And then flies down on
to his bike. He starts the bike and zooms away.
INT-OFFICE -- LATER
Michael sits at a desk while bears tend to his wounds.
Santa Clause enters the room.
SANTA CLAUSE
Are you ok?
MICHAEL
As good as expected.
SANTA CLAUSE
I'm sorry about Jenny.
MICHAEL
Me too.
SANTA CLAUSE
The security crew swept Eliza's
house. Her kids are safe. How did
you know that he wasn't going to
harm her children? And how did you
know he was in the building?
MICHAEL
Everything he has done so far has
been to mess with our minds.
Nailing the elf to a fence. Killing
Mrs. Maddy, the reindeer. It's all
been for shock value.
(MORE)
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
He had no intention of killing her
children, it really wouldn't have
benefited him. Eliza figured it
out too. Although she wasn't
really willing to risk leaving the
building. I think she thought she
could get away with jumping off the
roof and the killer wouldn't notice
till it was too late. I knew she
was heading for the roof, but I
wasn't sure about the location of
the killer. I should have figured
he was going to try to stop her.
(pause)
Is Will ok?
SANTA CLAUSE
Yes, he will be fine. He suffered
some spine damage. He will probably
be out of commission for a couple
weeks.
MICHAEL
Really?
(sarcastic)
Good golly how's he going to make it?
SANTA CLAUSE
We heal fast here.
MICHAEL
Yeah...
SANTA CLAUSE
Well I'll let you be Michael.
MICHAEL
Thank you.
Michael sits and stares as Santa leaves the room.
EXT-COURTYARD -- NIGHT
A group of Elves, bears, and other residents are gathered by
a huge fire. Santa stands out from this group, positioned
dead center in the sea of grievers.
SANTA CLAUSE
We are here to remember Eliza Avron
and Jenny Christopher. Two people
who have touched us and made our
lives rich with their presence.
Both Jenny and Eliza put the well-
being of not only the residents of
Christmasland first but that of
Earth also. Their time spent here
was not just something they did to
win the key to Heaven. It was
something they did of their own
will to help make the world a
happier and more peaceful place.
We should grieve tonight, we should
remember and celebrate their lives.
Tomorrow though
(pause)
Tomorrow is December 24th. And as
much as we hurt over Eliza and
Jenny, we should not let that stop
us from carrying on. This killer
has taken a few people who were
very special to us. Let's not let
him take our spirit or let him
destroy this holiday. Jenny and
Eliza will not die in vain. Let's
carry on and prove to this evil
that we will not be shaken. That
we are a united force, that through
trust in God and the memories of
those that have passed, will not be
shattered.
(pause)
Grieve tonight and tomorrow we will
continue on.
Santa finishes his speech and everyone applauds with tears
in their eyes. We pan up to see one spectator who didn't
join the crowd.
EXT-BALCONY -- CONTINUOUS
Michael watches Santa gives his speech. He turns to see
Will wheel up in his wheelchair.
WILL
I know you're tired of hearing it's
not your fault, but does it mean
more coming from me?
MICHAEL
To be totally honest it wouldn't
matter who it was coming from
WILL
We got off to a bad start didn't we?
MICHAEL
No, I start all my friendships that
way.
WILL
(looking off the balcony)
They look to him for guidance, but
I think he's just as shaken as the
rest of us.
MICHAEL
Jenny was a pure soul Will. She
was here because she choose to be.
That's how good of a person she is
Will.
WILL
We have to carry on Michael.
MICHAEL
I'm totally in this now. I'm not
playing around anymore.
WILL
Then I think it's time to plan a
parade.
INT-WEARHOUSE -- MORNING
Michael and Will walk(well Will wheels) through a storage
area full of floats for the Christmas eve parade.
WILL
Plan is for you to run with a team
in the back of Santa's float. I'll
be in a motor cart toward the front.
Michael points toward a spacious float toward the head of
the pack.
MICHAEL
I assume that one is Santa's float?
WILL
Yes, he and Mrs. Clause will ride
on it together on it. It will run
automatically but it can be switched
to manual if need be.
MICHAEL
How fast can it accelerate ?
WILL
It'll book-it if need be.
MICHAEL
So what is the parade route again?
WILL
They'll leave the warehouse and
head right down into main street.
The route continues on through
downtown and ends at the toy
factory. There we'll pile on to
the toy train, travel that to the
launch pad.
MICHAEL
Where Santa mounts his sleigh and
brings joy to the masses I assume?
WILL
Exactly.
MICHAEL
Well I for one, enjoy a good parade.
WILL
Well let's give them one.
EXT-WEREHOUSE -- LATER
The whole parade concession stands ready to march forward.
A group of elves are at the lead, a marching band, and baton
twirling bears follow. Will's cart leads Santa's float,
with Michael and a security crew in tow. Will speaks in to
his headset.
WILL
Are you going to be alright?
MICHAEL
Yeah.
WILL
This is your first time being a
soldier.
MICHAEL
Yeah I'll try anything once, twice
if I like it.....
Will smiles.
MICHAEL
......Three times if I get paid.
WILL
Alright Michael.
Will shakes his head and half laughs. He then turns his
head to address the whole group.
WILL
Are we ready?!?
SANTA CLAUSE
We're ready.
Mrs. Clause grabs Santa's hand.
MICHAEL
Let's do it, to it.
EXT-MAIN STREET -- CONTINUOUS
A group of onlookers await the parade. CHEERS ring out as
the first sign of a banner carrying elf can be seen. The
parade group marches through town to the delight of the
enlivened crowd. Will yells in to his headset:
WILL
(Filtered)
Clear so far.
Michael responds into his headset.
MICHAEL
(filtered)
So far.....Day ain't over yet.
The parade continues on and the crowd is still in awe of the
spectacle. We focus on one float that has a group of bears
setting off roman candles. Several fly up and EXPLODE. As
one bear sets off his candle it FLYS upwards and as it
EXPLODES a BLAST shoots up from the bears groin and flys
through the top of his head. PANIC echoes through out the
float. Bears jump off, a couple get hit by on coming floats.
A motorcycle BURSTS through the float. Michael turns around
to witness the pandemonium.
MICHAEL
Oh Shiiiii....ver me timbers!
(in to headset)
Will! Problems!
WILL
(in to headset)
Crud!
It's now become obvious (like we didn't already know) that
the killer is riding on the motorcycle. He pulls out a gun,
SWINGS the bike around and shoots at some of the floats.
Michael and security whip out cannons and shoot at the
killer, to no avail. The candy cane spears flying out of
the cannon just bounce off of the nearly invincible killer.
Will veers his cart out of the lead position and speeds it
toward the killer. The killer veers his bike around and
starts to play chicken with Will.
WILL
C'mon!!!!!
The killer aims his gun and FIRES. A blast RIPS up the
front end of Will's cart. Fire RAGES through out the front
of the cart. The cart flies upward, balancing on it's back
wheels. SPINS and then does a 225 degree turn on it's back
tires. The only thing stopping it from making a full 360
was the candy cane electric pole it crashes into. The
Killer speeds toward Santa's float. Michael jumps on top of
the float.
MICHAEL
I'll be your chauffeur this evening.
He wiggles his way down into the drivers seat and takes the
controls off automatic.
MICHAEL
This should take it off automatic.
At least he hopes he took it off automatic.
MICHAEL
At least I hope so.
(pause)
Let's dance nutcracker!
MRS CLAUSE
Michael, I hope you're not being
rash.
SANTA CLAUSE
Michael be careful!
MICHAEL
Trust me....or don't...I really
don't care.
Michael spins the float around, and exactly as Will did,
starts to play chicken with the killer. The Killer pops his
motorcycle back on to the back wheel then SLAMS it back down.
Michael speeds toward the killer. Mrs Clause curls in
closer to Santa.
SANTA CLAUSE
Michael!!!!!!!
Michael speeds closer, closer......
MICHAEL
How well do you think this thing
handles?
Right when he's inches from the killer, Michael makes a
sharp turn to the right and pulls his cannon out with his
free hand. BOOM! Michael FIRES. The spear flys into the
spokes of the motorcycles tires causing it to flip up ward.
The cycle, with the killer attached, slides halfway down the
street. The float halts to a stop to access the damage.
MRS CLAUSE
Do you think he's....?
MICHAEL
Ehhhh...I've seen enough Terminator
movies to know we better tally
forth to the train.
They speed off on the float. Cut over to Will being helped
over to the motorcycle wreckage by two security guards.
While looking at the wreckage, it comes to no surprise that
the killer is no where in sight.
WILL
God speed Michael.
EXT-TRAIN -- LATER
Michael and gang pull up at the train. He helps Santa and
Mrs. Clause out of the float.
MICHAEL
C'mon, we gotta hurry.
Michael and Santa help Mrs. Clause on to a car of the train.
Santa turns to Michael before getting on.
SANTA CLAUSE
What's your plan?
MICHAEL
I think this is all about keeping
you from making your flight tonight.
So I'm going to get you and the
missus safely on the sleigh.
SANTA CLAUSE
What about you? What about getting
home?
MICHAEL
Let's just get you on that sleigh
and not worry about me just yet.
Michael directs Santa on to the car.
MICHAEL
C'mon.
INT-PASSENGER CAR -- CONTINUOUS
Michael sits Mr and Mrs Clause down. The train starts up as
soon as Michael shuts the car door.
MICHAEL
They didn't waste any time.
(pause)
Is everybody ok?
MRS CLAUSE
Surprisingly yes
MICHAEL
I need a drink. Santa where're the
toys at?
SANTA CLAUSE
They're packed in the car right
behind this one.
MICHAEL
Ok well I'm going to catch my
breath and then head up to the
engine room.
SANTA CLAUSE
Going to check on the conductor?
MICHAEL
Yeah.
SANTA CLAUSE
He's a bear.
MICHAEL
Ok?
SANTA CLAUSE
Well I didn't want you to go up
there expecting to find a human
conductor.
MICHAEL
Between killer nutcrackers and guns
that fire candy canes, a bear
conductor doesn't stretch the
realms of plausibility for me.
Michael leaves through the sliding door leading to the next
car.
INT-ENGINE -- CONTINUOUS
Michael slides open the door to the engine room.
MICHAEL
Hello....?
He looks over to see two BEARS split open on the floor.
MICHAEL
Ewww jeez.
He looks up to notice a bomb rigged to the main control
panel with 5 min left on it.
MICHAEL
Ohh great!!!!
Michael runs toward the door, as he opens it.....there's the
killer! He punches Michael dead in the face. Michael flies
into the controls. The killer drives at him bearing a
knife....Michael moves right before the knife gets buried
into his skull. Instead the knife finds the control panel
it's resting place. As Michael creeps around him, the
killer grabs the collar of his shirt and SLAMS him into a
wall. The Killer leaves his knife in the control panel and
heads toward the door of the car. Michael shakes it off and
heads after him. The killer swings from the door onto the
ladder leading to the top of the train. Michael follows......
EXT-TRAIN ROOF -- CONTINUOUS
Michael flies onto the train roof after the killer. He
looses his grip and flies toward the back of the train. He
grabs a hold of the killer as he flies by him. The two
tumble on top of one another till they reach a car break.
Michael ends up flat on his back, the killer is above him.
He takes his hand and pins Michael by his throat. Michael
pulls up one of his legs and thrusts it between the killers
legs, making the killer double back.
Michael gets up and maneuvers around him then pushes him
down between the two cars. He then jumps and dives onto a
ladder and climbs down. He goes through a door and runs
from car to car......
INT-TRAIN DINING CAR
He runs through a dinning car and heads to the door. The
next car the Clause's car. Santa has the door open, the two
have a brief conversation between the two open doors.
SANTA CLAUSE
Michael what's going on?
MICHAEL
We have to get you two out of here
there is a bomb on the train.
SANTA CLAUSE
The whole train is going to blow?!?
MICHAEL
I'm no expert, but I don't think
it's that powerful. I think it's
just meant to derail the train.
Which is still bad....
SANTA CLAUSE
Michael!!!!!!
MICHAEL
What.......?
Michael looks up to see the killer above the dining car.
The killer jumps down. Michael slides back and hits the car
release switch as the killer pummels him. Santa's car is
separated from the train. Michael glances back to notice
the worried Mr Clause rolling further and further away. The
killer picks Michael up by the throat again and slams him up
against the dinning car door. He then pulls out a gun and
holds it to Michael's temple. We then do a quick cut to the
bomb in the engine room. 3....2....1....BOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!
Cutting back Michael and the killer fly from the train. The
engine room explodes and the rest of the train derails. It
crashes, sliding sideways in the snow. Cutting over a few
yards Michael lays in the snowbank that broke his fall. He
shakes his head and starts to come to. As his eyes start to
focus he looks up at two gun barrels aimed at his head. His
eyes widen as they FIRE.......
EXT-CHRISTMAS TREE -- LATER
As we look at this some 200 foot Christmas tree, it's
obvious that our climax will take place here.
And somewhere toward the top, amidst the the lights and
garland hangs Michael. He hangs, tied up by Christmas
lights to one of the branches. He starts to come to,
looking at both of his shoulders. He notices candy cane
spears hanging out of both shoulders. The killer is
finishing connecting wires to a computer terminal he has set
up. He turns it on, and a countdown appears for 60 minutes.
He turns and notices Michael is awake. He walks over and
pulls the spears out of his shoulders.
MICHAEL
You tranked me.
The killer starts to walk a way.
MICHAEL
Are you going to give me some
insight on what's going on? Or are
you just going to leave me hanging
here?
Killer turns to face Michael.
KILLER
(in a demonic voice)
I would have just killed you if I
didn't have intentions of sharing
everything with you.
The Killer gets right up in Michaels face. He starts
chattering his teeth.
KILLER
(demonic voice)
Chosen one....
He walks back over to his computer.
KILLER
(demonic voice)
I lived on Earth at one time. I
had a father and mother, both of
which spent more time on their
career than raising their children.
When they died in a car accident me
and my sibling both lost it. While
the later committed suicide, I
dabbled in the occult. I went so
far even as to sell my soul to
Satan. It was then that I learned
of the true existence of my parents,
and their new roles in the universe.
MICHAEL
Would it be a shot in the dark to
guess your parents are the Clauses?
KILLER
(demonic voice)
They can actually give gifts to
millions of children they don't
know. But, they couldn't even
spend 5 minutes with their own
children.
MICHAEL
So you want revenge? But, how did
you get passage to Christmasland?
KILLER
(demonic voice)
Satan wants control of this
dimension. If Christmasland
becomes a dead realm then Satan can
bring his troops in and set the
stage for the final war between
Heaven and Hell.
MICHAEL
The end of times....
KILLER
(demonic voice)
And think of the souls Satan would
gain if the rapture would happen
now. Christianity isn't exactly in
it's prime in the 21 st century.
(pause)
So Satan made me a deal. He would
agree to give me the powers and the
means to destroy Christmasland and
exact my revenge. In return, in
order for me to gain passage I had
to kill myself, and 3 others.
Three souls that were taken before
their time. Before they had met
the requirements to make it into
Heaven. Satan knew that eventually
they would find their way, but if
we killed them first then he gets
three souls and we show up God. So
I gathered everyone together. We
went cruising , a little propane
and cigarettes and Boom!!! Your
girlfriend went to hell!!!!!!!!
MICHAEL
Scott!!!! You son of a bitch!!!
KILLER
(demonic voice)
Ahhh so you can cuss now. I see
the end is nearing.
MICHAEL
Take off the mask bitch so we can
do this face to face!
KILLER
(demonic voice)
Mmmmm you do realize that I'm not
invincible without my mask? I
guess it won't be a problem though.
I mean........
The Killer turns around and then removes the mask. When he
turns back around we see it isn't a he after all. It's
...........
RACHEL
.....You are all tied up.
MICHAEL
Rachel?!? What about Scott?
RACHEL
You always thought it was Scott
didn't you? So much in fact
that's what you saw in your dreams.
Yes Scott was holding the lighter
that caused the explosion. Scott's
only crime was he lit his lighter.
I was the one that grabbed his hand
and shoved it into the empty valve.
If he hadn't whipped out his
lighter before too long I was going
to get out mine. Those two were
the easy ones, they were dumb as
hell. Brit was going to be the
challenge. Thank God she trusts
her best friend.
MICHAEL
God Rachel. She loved you as a
sister. I used to hang with you.
Jesus Christ I don't understand.
RACHEL
So damn trusting Scott. I guess it
is easier to blame a drug dealing
punk boy for your girlfriends
death, then the girl next door.
MICHAEL
So you're the Clause's daughter?
RACHEL
Just know figuring out that I'm a
women Michael. You're slow on the
up take.
Rachel walks toward Scott with a gun in her right hand, mask
in the left.
MICHAEL
You going to kill me?
RACHEL
You're going to die. I guess the
question would be am I going to
shoot you? The answer is no.
You've been a good little
participant in my game, the least I
can do is let you witness the end
first hand.
MICHAEL
You killed all those people just
because you're parents didn't have
time for you as a child.
RACHEL
People?!? Why doesn't God have the
balls to admit Christmasland is the
place of freaks. Elves, a reindeer
trainer with a bad English accent,
greedy dead business men trying to
play Santa. And you the most
pathetic of all! The "chosen one"
with the dark past.
MICHAEL
So you hate Christmasland because
it's full of clichés?
RACHEL
No I hate the fact that God can
play games with people and we are
supposed to accept it's his will.
He can take parents away from
children so they can invest in
doing his bidding. What a fucking
joke! Like raising, and guiding
your children isn't his bidding.
MICHAEL
Ok Rach, let's assume you pull this
off. You blow up Chistmasland.
What then? You're forgetting God
created everything, even evil. If
you destroy everything, it's only
because he lets you.
RACHEL
Fuck you Michael you know nothing.
MICHAEL
I know you can blame your parents
or you can blame God, it doesn't
matter. You're still nothing.
You're just a psycho whose read one
too many occult books and thinks
she's Satan's gift to serial
killers. Satan doesn't give a shit
about you Rachel. But, God does.
That's the only reason with all the
damage you've caused you're still
alive. Because the one being you
hate more then anything in the
universe wills it, because he is
the only one who believes you can
still change.
(pause)
So how do you like them apples bitch!
RACHEL
Well in a few moments you will be
dead! Your soul will be in limbo.
Brit will be in hell! You will
never see her again or Jan since
she'll be in heaven and you of
course won't. Or...maybe I'll go
to Earth when I'm done and screw
up her life so she can spend
eternity with Brit. That way she
won't be lonely, and you'll be dead
powerless to do anything. So! How
do you like them apples bitch !!!!!
MICHAEL
You fucking......
Suddenly and sleigh with Santa at the helm rushes toward to
tree. It flies right above Rachel causing a few reindeer
hooves to smack her in the head. The impact causes Rachel
to lose the grip on her mask, which ends up flying off the
tree. Santa parks his sleigh and front of Michael and
unties him.
MICHAEL
Fashionably late.
SANTA CLAUSE
As they say "better late then never".
Santa finishes untying Michael. Michael jumps in the
sleigh, Santa gets ready to follow. The dazed and bleeding
Rachel gets up and raises her gun.
RACHEL
Hi Daddy!
SANTA CLAUSE
Rachel, I love you. Please, people
have been hurt. End this, please.
RACHEL
Oh, I'll end it daddy. I'll end it.
Rachel fires her gun. Michael reaches up and grabs Santa.
Unfortunately Santa still takes one in the shoulder as he
falls into the sleigh. Michael grabs the reigns.
MICHAEL
(to reindeer)
Go..go...go...go....go!!!!!!!
Rachel fires at the sleigh and then gives up. She then
focuses her attention on trying to pop off as many reindeers
and possible. She hits a few but Michael holds on and
manages to keep the sleigh balanced as he flies out of danger.
INT-HANGER -- LATER
The sleigh is safely parked and elves are attending to the
surviving reindeer. Santa is being patched up by bears.
Michael walks over and grabs a chair, spins it around
backwards and sits down.
MICHAEL
You weren't surprised to see your
daughter where you Santa? Why
don't you be honest with me? You
knew! You fucking bastard - you
knew!
Will walks up via cane.
WILL
Michael!!!!
MICHAEL
Don't Will! I don't give a fuck if
we are on good terms or not. I'll
fucking deck you! This son of a
bitch knew! He played with
everyone's safety. And he played
around with me!
SANTA CLAUSE
Michael, I did not intentionally
play with anyone. We all make
stupid decisions that seem right at
the time but later turn out to be
anything but. You should know as
well as anyone, just because we're
in Christmasland, that doesn't make
us any less human.
Will walks up in between the two of them.