All the way my Savior leads me What have I to ask beside? Can I doubt His faithful mercies? Who through life has been my guide Heavenly peace, divinest comfort Ere by faith in Him to dwell For I know whate'er fall me Jesus doeth all things well
All of the way my Savior leads me And He cheers each winding path I tread Gives me strength for every trial And He feeds me with the living bread And though my weary steps may falter And my soul a-thirst may be Gushing from a rock before me Though a spirit joy I see
And all the way my Savior leads me Oh, the fullness of His love Perfect rest in me is promised In my Father's house above When my spirit clothed immortal Wings it's flight through the realms of the day This my song through endless ages Jesus led me all the way
On a serious note.... Topic: God things
We've all been torn up inside over the recent news about shootings in schools. All across the country, it happens.....so much hate....so random....is there anywhere that is safe in this day and age?
I have to admit, I cannot wrap my head around this one, especially in my present condition. But today I was on one of my daily jaunts around blogosphere and read this, over at Owlhaven.
Bag lady Topic: People/Family stories
I'm officially a bag lady for the weekend. A catheter is not so bad, I decided, if you have to stay home anyway. My doctor said, "Hey you could sit and watch football all weekend, drinking beer and never miss a play." Ummm, yeah, that's me.....a beer guzzling football fan? C'mon, everyone knows I don't watch football....
I'm trying to think of the positive points of being a bag lady....
*I won't have to get up in the night for trips to the bathroom. *I won't lose my place on the couch during long movies. *I can really gross out my kids.... ....by sloshing when I walk. ....by saying, "Don't look at my pee!" when I catch them looking. ....by swinging my bag back and forth. *People feel sorry for me. This CAN be a plus sometimes, like when you want a cookie. *None of that awkward waiting and humming to come up with a 'sample'. *I don't have to go answer the door...=) especially when the kids are expecting a friend. *I'm not using up the state's water supply by flushing so much.....also saving trees. *Yeah, I've got it pretty good.... .......so why am I depressed?
Not quite Wordless Wednesday: lupines Topic: Photo entries
Now you see these purple lupines, these nice wild plants, they just come by themselves- the country folk say they are the last flower of summer. James Lovelock
For other WW posts, please see the list of participants on my lower left sidebar.
Prayer request Topic: Prayer
Tomorrow, October 3, I will be going in at 5:30am to have a hysterectomy and some bladder repair work done.
As you can see in the last post, I"m a little stressed out by the thought of it. Once it is overwith and I am recovering, I will not be in this state of mental stress, but just to add to the post below, the hospital just called me. It seems when they called my insurance to make sure everything was covered, the woman at the insurance company told them my coverage ran out on 9/30/06. (!!!!!!!!!!!) Charles called the insurance company and they said, no everything is set and covered, so the hospital is calling them again.
I'm telling you, the 'madness' is just trying to wedge it's way in and destroy any sense of peace I gained over the past 24 hours.
I'll try to update ASAP on how it all went. (well, maybe not all...I'm not into gory details)
Thank you for praying for me!
UPDATE: Insurance problems have been resolved, so no worries there. Although, it did serve to distract me from worrying about the surgery all day!
Madness Revelation Topic: God things Charles is helping to begin a ministry for single adults at church, so he asked me to help him lead a Bible study group for them on Sunday mornings. These are singles who are 'median' adults, so he chose a Bible study on stress. Older singles face many challenges like parenting, financial burdens and dealing with crisis like home repairs or illness by themselves, so he thought it would be a meaningful study for them. What I didn't realize is that it would be a meaningful study for me.
Yesterday, for an opening activity, we did a stress test. No, not on treadmills, but on paper. We were to circle the stressful life events on the list that have happened in your life in the past year, then add the numbers assigned to that event. It said you don't want to 'hit the bell of 150 points'. Mine was 232...... As we went around and shared our point totals, my husband said, "wow, are you feeling that stressed?" and tears immediately wanted to pour out of my eyes.
I don't usually take time to internalize things like I should. I am an extrovert and my inner life is not very well processed most of the time. Things like my dad's recent death, taking on a mortgage this year for the first time and the financial challenges it causes, plus moving from a community and climate I loved, and now facing this surgery I'm having tomorrow morning are things I would rather not think about. I tend to try to be pragmatic about things like those and deal with them and move on. Only moving on is not easy when it is a life changing event....you have to process.
I don't have time for things like that....I like to move on...
5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
Nothing can seperate me from God's guiding hand which hems me in.
16b All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
God knows my days, every one of them, and I am constantly in His thoughts.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Even though I make mistakes and get frustrated, anxious and despairing, He knows. And all I have to do is take one step, put my trust once more in Him and not in myself. As hard as this is to actually do, sometimes He just stops us in our tracks and gives us a revelation of His presence and care. He makes it easy in that one split second to trust Him and lay our burdens down. The Holy Spirit, drawing our thoughts in an instant like that is a miracle....it is a healing for the mind.
My offense is sometimes my own mind. I don't deal with anxious thoughts during the day and they haunt me at night when I am not set to busyness. In the dark hours of the night, I relive my dad's death, I 'pre-live' all the things that could go wrong with my surgery tomorrow, or with our finances. My mind races with struggling thoughts and I don't sleep well, which causes more stress on the old mind....just like the demotivator at the right.
Then, just when you think madness might take over, God amazes you with a revelation of His care. And it was there all along.....I just wasn't keeping my mind stayed on His Word.
Isaiah 26 3 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
4 Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
Photos from: My sometimes sarcastic little sense of humor loves the demotivators over at despair.com.
Think God can't use you? Topic: God things
A friend of mine posted this on a message board I go to. It's so true!
THE NEXT TIME YOU FEEL LIKE GOD CAN'T USE YOU JUST REMEMBER.... (author unknown)
Noah was a drunk Abraham was too old Isaac was a daydreamer Jacob was a liar Leah was ugly Joseph was abused Moses had a stuttering problem Gideon was afraid Samson had long hair and was a womanizer Rahab was a prostitute Jeremiah and Timothy were too young David had an affair and was a murderer Elijah was suicidal Isaiah preached naked Jonah ran from God Naomi was a widow Job went bankrupt Peter denied Christ The Disciples fell asleep while praying Martha worried about everything The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once Zaccheus was too small Paul was too religious Timothy had an ulcer... AND Lazarus was dead!
Now! No more excuses! God can use you to your full potential.. Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger.
As the first line of the Purpose Driven Life says, "It's not about you."
Have you ever driven by a school around 7:30am on a Wednesday morning in September and seen a group of kids crowded around the flag pole? Did you know they were praying…..exercising their religious rights and praying for their school and classmates around the mainstay American symbol of freedom…their flagpole. Tomorrow is See You At the Pole 2006.
Christian school kids in every city in the US are encouraged to get together to pray around their school's flagpole. It is an awesome thing to see, if you take the time to drive by your local school tomorrow around 7:30am. Last year, as a leader in our youth ministry, I decided to take pictures of the kids as they gathered around the poles at our high school and our middle/elementary school. I knew the kids from our youth group were planning to be there…but when I drove up to each of the schools, I saw a large crowd on each campus. Word had spread and there were a lot more people there than I thought there would be. Teens are eager for ways to show their faith. Unfortunately, there are always people who come out to heckle and protest each year at different schools.
See You At The Pole is not a new idea…it’s been around for 16 years, since 1990. On September 15, 1999 our youth met for See You at the Pole…..then that night on the news we heard about a church in Texas, where teenagers from all over Fort Worth, TX were having a rally to celebrate their See You at the Pole day. A mentally disturbed man came into that rally and shot 14 people, killing 7 of them, then killed himself…..all of this in front of a huge crowd of teenagers. A friend I grew up with was the first one killed that night. Read about how that church responded here. What Satan means for evil, God turns into a testimony for Himself.
See You at the Pole is not a meaningless gesture to say, “We’re here.” It is a powerful event….these kids are under attack every day, they are not ‘allowed’ to share their faith or pray publicly at school. This event of gathering publicly to pray for their school and declare their religious freedom is not a popular thing from the enemy’s viewpoint. We need to pray for these kids as they make a bold stand this tomorrow…for their protection and that they will hold strong to their faith when adversity comes….because it will. And God will use it for good.
Catching up...yadda yadda Topic: People/Family stories
We had a wonderful, relaxing time up in the mountains. Thank you for praying for us to those who did. It may have been the altitude (7,000ft?), but we were so relaxed that we felt sleepy the whole time we were up there! We lazed around, watched a couple of movies, read books and slept! One day we did go for a long 4-5 hour drive up into the really high mountains and checked out a few campgrounds for future reference. We usually like to go to Colorado when we go camping in the mountains, but since Arizona has some nice places, we wanted to see them before planning a trip. They are nice!
We came home and hit the ground running. Emma's band played at her high school's homecoming game, so we went there that night and Maggie and I went to the homecoming parade earlier in the day with her. It's interesting living in a big city now. Moving from a very small town, there was no comparison in the homecoming events. In the small town we lived in, everyone in town came to the homecoming because.......well, most of the people in the town went to that high school! The homecoming royalty is a big deal in a small town and the homecoming parade went from one end of the town to the other, shutting down route 66 for about an hour. And when you went to the games there, you could choose from at least a dozen people you knew to sit with. Here, we knew no one, and if you want a seat in the bleachers for homecoming here, you had to come early...obviously. We stood for a long time, then found some room when a family left in the front row. So we watched the band perform while bobbing our heads around, trying to see around the people walking by. Emma was so cute in her band uniform and was fun to watch playing the xylophone in the 'pit' while the band marched.
Saturday we made our first attempts at downsizing here at the nest. We currently had 4 cars to pay for on insurance every month. They were all paid for except a small monthly payment on Charles' truck. But the insurance was killing us! So we had decided to trade our minivan in *YES* and sell one of the other cars, downsizing us here at home to 2 vehicles. The other one we insure is Hannah's car up in Flagstaff. So after researching used cars and knowing the only way we could get much out of our van (it had 139,000 miles on it) was to trade it in, we looked up some used cars online at a local dealership and went down to see about trading in our van on a used car with a lot less miles. And we did! We traded in a 2000 Dodge caravan for a 2002 four wheel drive, black Isuzu Rodeo...the cutest looking vehicle I think we've ever owned, by the way. I am so glad that is over with. It's incredibly stressful to car shop...my head felt like it was splitting by the time we were done. Now we'll sell Bethany's car...a friend is going to help us to do that right.
It was strange....at church yesterday, my sister asked me, "Oh, was it hard giving up having a minivan?" and I thought for a minute, then actually got tears in my eyes and realized our family is downsizing too. Hannah is in college and so independent and Bethany has less than 2 years until she is out of high school. So, yeah, it was hard when I thought about it....but I'll get over it driving such a cute car. =) (sorry Hannah)
We're also downsizing in the tv viewing area, switching from a regular satellite company with 60some channels for $$ per month, to Sky Angel satellite, which we already have the equipment for.....we just had never set it up since moving. It is just $14 per month. There are some other areas to downsize in, but we're not sure how it will work out. I'll let you know if we find anything significant to cut out.
Yesterday we had a wonderful Sunday morning worship time and Bible study class. Then we had lunch and spent some of the afternoon with a family from church. They talked to us about how they had downsized in a BIG way and had paid off all debt in 4 years of scrimping and actually living with parents. We don't have that much debt, but our monthly expenses were squeezing us too tightly, so it seemed to be a theme for the weekend! We had no idea they had done that and had not planned to discuss that with them, but it worked out that way *providentially?* and was very encouraging to hear their story!
Sunday eveing was choir practice and I got to watch my 2 teenagers playing hockey. =) Our youth room IS a hockey rink...no ice, just concrete floor. But they do tournaments every few months and divide up onto teams, get a t-shirt for their team and they bring in lots of new kids every time they do it. It's hard to watch them cream each other, but they have a great time. They come home all bruised and exhausted.....but smiling and telling us who they crunched or who crunched them, and what good plays their team made. I will try to get some pictures on here soon of that.
Today it's back to schedule....well...except for 2 doctor appointments I have (for my upcoming surgery next week) and taking the car in to the service department. The tires need balancing and the transmission was needing to be looked at...but it's all going to be repaired for free with their used car contract.
You can see why we needed that break last week! I wonder if it's possible to downsize on busyness with a pastor husband, 2 teens and homeschooling. I will think on it.....
Repost: Seeing my reflection Topic: God things
I wrote this piece while on vacation 2 summers ago in Colorado. My husband and I are up in the mountains again this week (back tomorrow) and are enjoying the refreshment of the high country once again!
As I’ve said, amidst all the whining about camping, we love to come to Colorado. Charles grew up spending weeks of summer here and we came here on our honeymoon, although we only camped one night of that trip. There is something about the high mountains that is restful and restores you, relaxes you and makes you reflective. Funny after writing that I realized all those adjectives beginning with re….cool.
To ‘re’ do something is to do it again. You had it once and need to get it again. Re-lax means you lost your ‘lax’ and need it back. (No obvious puns here, I’m being serious.) To re-store means you’ve lost your store of something vital…your store of peace, rest, freshness, spiritual strength. Re-juvenate means to get back that youthful feeling. Renew…to feel new again, reflect (I do not know what flect is a root word for…I will try to remember to ask Hannah, my Latin-taker.)
I certainly have been doing a lot of reflecting this week. I think that’s what rest if for. Your body stops and your mind goes, “Ok, now I’ve been meaning to go over some things with you…..”
I’ve been reading Psalms because I thought it would help me to express my feelings about God’s creation since we’re out in it 24/7 this week. But the Psalms I’ve happened upon, by God’s hand I’m sure, are helping me to deal more with my inadequacy, my acceptance of some things in my life that I should not be accepting, and also dealing with enemies and the unjust. I can’t share anymore about that, but I wanted to share how God’s used this time and how He works.
He is so surprising…sneaky really…always so timely and good…so understanding and patient with us (me).
Repost: Dog blog Topic: Humor/memes
Our little dog, Millie, passed away a few weeks before we moved to Phoenix. This is a post I wrote about her...she was so much fun! If you don't read the whole post, at least look at the picture sequence of her attacking her 'baby'. This was originally posted on Jan 13, 2005.
Well I said I would tell you about my dogs and nothing else very interesting happened today so I’ll tell you about Millie. While living in New Jersey, we were browsing the puppy stalls *they really keep them in kind of large wooden stalls with saw dust or straw on the floors* at the Puppy Barn one day and saw these funny little pure white puppies, all perky and cute. I’ll wager that 95% of the people who go into the Puppy Barn do not leave empty handed and neither did we. They specialized in selling breeds mixed with poodle for cute, non-shedding dogs. So we chose an Eskimo-poo from the many poo mixes and brought home a trembling little ball of fur.
Her timid disposition didn’t last long though and she turned into what we called the Tazmanian devil dog! She picked on Emma, my daughter who was then 2, by stealing her toys just within Emma’s side vision and take off running, glancing behind her to make sure Emma was in chase. It infuriated poor Emma, but it was a hoot to watch. She stole shoes, socks, little toys, toys bigger than her, and when Emma would catch her and retrieve the toy, She would then turn and chase Emma, adding a little nip nip in the rear end while Emma was running and screaming. *it was really just as funny as it sounds, she was a feisty thing!* She also loved to get out in the yard and run as fast as she could. This scared us to death because we didn’t have a fence and were afraid she would run into the street and get run over. She never did run into the street, but the squirt would love for us to try to catch her and ran fast in huge circles. We started having to carry dog biscuits in our pockets and hands to get her to come willingly back into the house before installing a doggie run. This was 10 years ago and she still loves to be chased and will occasionally steal a shoe or sock and run off.
She loves to have a toy that is her own to play with and beat up. (now that Emma is 12) Her latest toy is a little doll, the kind you find at toy store check out stands. We called it her Baby and she loves to take care of the baby….you just have to mention the word baby and she get this wild, ‘ok, wherrrrrrrrre is she?!’ look in her eyes. She loves to lay on her back and hold the baby between her front paws, otter fashion, and alternate biting and flipping the doll around and licking it, like she is loving on it. She will actually attack any toy that has eyes if you make them ‘look’ at her. *hehehe* Disclaimer: I have to point out here that she does know the difference between her toy and real babies. She is very gentle but aloof around babies and toddlers, staying clear of them, but if forced into contact, she is always sweet to them.
I do have graphics to go with this story which show her calm demeanor before and then her attack, Tazmanian devil dog mode.
I love my baby....she's a good baby. Did you give me a look? Was that a LOOK? I'll teach you to look at me, you bad baby! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGG!! Poor baby....she has an empty place inside.
Repost: Do you wanna dance? Topic: God things
Here is one of my favorite posts to share with you (from Feb 26, 2005) while we're out of town:
I just got back from our annual church women’s retreat. Forty-five women laughing, crying, talking, singing, praying, eating, dancing. Our theme was Can I Have This Dance? We talked about joy…real joy…not fleeting happy feelings, but a deep rooted joy. Joy is more of a deep contentment that comes from trusting God through this existence that we call life.
As I was pondering the meaning of joy, I realized it was being played out right in front of my eyes. I looked at each woman there, those smiling, laughing, dancing women, and thought about the hard times they had each been through….past abuse, death of a child or husband, suicide in their immediate families, divorce, poverty, eating disorders, chronic illness, women who had survived cancer, strokes, heart surgeries and ill children, single moms, moms who were taking care of elderly moms, and some who made their own trouble through foolish decisions, which we all do, but some suffer the consequences far more greatly. I realized as I saw these women laughing, singing and dancing that they chose to trust God…they chose joy. It’s offered to each of us, but for some reason, some people do not choose to trust…they choose to be angry, to question ‘why me’, and usually they become very bitter, hard people. I have seen this too in some of the women I have known through our women’s ministry and I thought about them…why did they choose to go that way? Our retreat leader, Mary, illustrated this so well (and I'm all into word pictures, so I was all over this)….it's as if we have these beautiful dancing shoes in a lovely box up on our closet shelf but we never choose to join in the dance. We choose to remain clothed in our comfortable clod-hoppers. But once we give in and put those shoes on, believing there will be a beautiful dance, we are set free from the bitterness and regret. “You turned my wailing into dancing, you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.” Psalm 30:11
I know some of my women friends here have struggled with putting those shoes on. They were in mourning or depression or self hatred or wrapped up in guilt or pain. To read that list of hard times they’ve been through one would think we are a very dysfunctional bunch, but when you open up your eyes, you start to realize that we all go through hard times….there is no shame in it, no reason to hide it. It helps to release it and share it…it encourages others to do the same and when we do, we help free each other. One of the things that helped me the most through my own hard times, is that I saw other people who had been through my particular situations and they made it through….and they still had joy and hope. And I remember even thanking some of those people who were vulnerable with me and shared that they too had traveled through where I was dwelling. It helped set me free.
So get that lovely box down off the closet shelf, put those shoes on, put your trust in Christ and accept his invitation to dance.
As a parting thought….did you know that God sings? I never read this verse before, but when I read it at the retreat, it made my joy swell to know what he sings about…..
“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17
Charles is helping to begin a ministry for single adults at church, so he asked me to help him lead a Bible study group for them on Sunday mornings. These are singles who are 'median' adults, so he chose a Bible study on stress. Older singles face many challenges like parenting, financial burdens and dealing with crisis like home repairs or illness by themselves, so he thought it would be a meaningful study for them. What I didn't realize is that it would be a meaningful study for me. 
Have you ever driven by a school around 7:30am on a Wednesday morning in September and seen a group of kids crowded around the flag pole? Did you know they were praying…..exercising their religious rights and praying for their school and classmates around the mainstay American symbol of freedom…their flagpole. Tomorrow is See You At the Pole 2006. 
It is a powerful event….these kids are under attack every day, they are not ‘allowed’ to share their faith or pray publicly at school. This event of gathering publicly to pray for their school and declare their religious freedom is not a popular thing from the enemy’s viewpoint. We need to pray for these kids as they make a bold stand this tomorrow…for their protection and that they will hold strong to their faith when adversity comes….because it will. And God will use it for good.
trade it in, we looked up some used cars online at a local dealership and went down to see about trading in our van on a used car with a lot less miles. And we did! We traded in a 2000 Dodge caravan for a 2002 four wheel drive, black Isuzu Rodeo...the cutest looking vehicle I think we've ever owned, by the way. I am so glad that is over with. It's incredibly stressful to car shop...my head felt like it was splitting by the time we were done. Now we'll sell Bethany's car...a friend is going to help us to do that right.
I certainly have been doing a lot of reflecting this week. I think that’s what rest if for. Your body stops and your mind goes, “Ok, now I’ve been meaning to go over some things with you…..” 
I just got back from our annual church women’s retreat. Forty-five women laughing, crying, talking, singing, praying, eating, dancing. Our theme was Can I Have This Dance? We talked about joy…real joy…not fleeting happy feelings, but a deep rooted joy. Joy is more of a deep contentment that comes from trusting God through this existence that we call life. 
I know some of my women friends here have struggled with putting those shoes on. They were in mourning or depression or self hatred or wrapped up in guilt or pain. To read that list of hard times they’ve been through one would think we are a very dysfunctional bunch, but when you open up your eyes, you start to realize that we all go through hard times….there is no shame in it, no reason to hide it. It helps to release it and share it…it encourages others to do the same and when we do, we help free each other. One of the things that helped me the most through my own hard times, is that I saw other people who had been through my particular situations and they made it through….and they still had joy and hope. And I remember even thanking some of those people who were vulnerable with me and shared that they too had traveled through where I was dwelling. It helped set me free.
