part of the furniture
Now Playing: catatonia - equally cursed and blessed
Topic: self-portraiture











I've been a bit frustrated of late.

I have been very inspired with self-portraiture and non-self-portraiture ideas, but for various reasons have not been happy with the shoots that have come out of my self-portraiture attempts of late.

In some instances I've chickened out of doing shoots. For example, I have a specific idea for a (respectful) shoot in the burnt out bush around St Andrews and Kinglake but was aware of how conspicuous I would have been to folk driving by the perfect location I found, and how, despite my intentions, my actions may have seemed disrespectful.

In some instances I've not found a location that suited for what I was after and decided I'd rather just have a relaxed day enjoying chilling out on the beach (Lorne and Mooloolabah).

And in other instances I've gone ahead with the shoot but not been happy with the results, despite feeling quite positive about the shoot at the time. And then I'm not sure whether this is now me expecting much more from myself, not being as easily pleased as I perhaps used to be. Case in point, the above shots aren't bad per se, they just don't rock my socks like some of the work I've done in the past 12 months, though previously perhaps I'd have been quite pleased with them. I didn't even think enough of them at the time of the shoot to bother to edit any of them until two months later, and I've now edited a few more and am posting them almost a further month later...

I think I've also become more critical of my body in the past 6 months, since losing so much weight last year, then putting a little bit of it back on in the past few months.

It's a phase, I'm sure, so I'm not letting myself become too disillusioned. And I'm trying not to push it and become further frustrated. Just focusing on other things that have looming deadlines anyway and I will come back to it later.

One of the things that has been thwarting my attempts I can at least change a little though. My "new" abode (I say "new" though I've now been in here about 6 months) is lacking in the natural light department, and even in the artificial light situation it's not ideal. Being a former commercial property the lighting is predominantly harsh fluorescent lights, which is obviously not suitable for many of the shoots I want to do. Even the light in my bedroom is one fluorescent tube and one household tungsten bulb, both running from the same switch.

So I've decided I will (with the aid of a friend with a ladder) remove the fluorescent tube and the yellow paper lampshade on the hanging bulb and seek out a suitable secondhand shade (possibly just a simple one along the lines of the ones in my last place) and increase the wattage of bulb in that socket, if necessary. At least then I will have one room in the house where I'm not forced to work with shaded lamplight or ugly fluorescent lights.

I so wish I had a proper studio though. Something with natural light, as well as the option for studio lighting, a reasonable amount of room, privacy, 24 hour access. Le sigh... Anyone know of anything available for peanuts? Cos that's about all I've got right now.