thank you matt for these um...nasty jokes...


1. What is the leading cause of death with lesbians?
Answer: Hair balls.

2. What can Life Savers do that men cannot?
Answer: Come in five flavors

3. What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
Answer: Crust

4. Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Answer: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork

5. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
Answer: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing

6. What do you get when you get Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy together?
Answer: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection

7. How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
Answer: By sticking your finger in his honey

8. What is the ultimate rejection?
Answer: When your masturbating and your hand falls asleep

9. What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
Answer: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.

10. What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
Answer: Both can smell it but can't eat it

11. What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
Answer: A blow job with handle bars

12. What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?
Answer: A mobile sperm bank.

13. What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head?
Answer: All you can eat for under a buck.

14. What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole?
Answer: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.

15. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
Answer: A cherry float.

16. What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
Answer: Beat IT - we're closed.

17. Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
Answer: To find a tight seal.

18. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
Answer: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

19. What's the difference between sin and shame?
Answer: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

20. What's the speed limit of sex?
Answer: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

21. Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
Answer: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

22. Why is air a lot like sex?
Answer: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

23. What's another name for pickled bread?
Answer: Dill-dough
24. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
Answer: He heard the snow blower coming.

25. Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
Answer: She's withholding evidence

26. What's the difference between light and hard?
Answer. You can sleep with a light on.

27. Why do women rub their eyes when they get out of bed?
Answer: Because they don't have balls to scratch.

28. Why is sex like a bridge game?
Answer: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

29. What does a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
Answer: Their balls are just for decoration.