I had alot more, but I decided it made me sound racist, which I am not ,so it's not here anymore. Instead I will only give three examples of real life situations that I saw with my very own eyes and the images and experiences are burned into the depths of my soul.

What they would do, is they would hang around in large groups, 20-30 of them near the bus stops. When young girls got off the bus, they would circle around the pretty ones. They would then start touching the girls and throwing sexual enduettos at them. The girls that played along with their games, were usually let go. However, the girls that resisted, they weren't. There was a 12 year old girl I saw being taken forcefully by them and thrown into a van. I did not see her for three years. Then one day, as I was with my mother getting out of her car at Safeway to do some grocery shopping, I saw a van pull up besides us. I saw four of these "men" pile out the side door, then a girl with a baby being thrown out. One of the men reached down and grabbed her by the arm pulling her and the baby in her arms up. I saw the same face of that 12 year old girl. Only this was the face of someone with no life left within them. She was malnutriated, dirty, tattered, bruised all over and the only emotion that could be read was a slight pain and submission. That same look that you would see so often on those poor Mexican women with all the children. I knew this girl had been taken forcefully. I knew. I saw it.

Not only did I see it, but about a year before they had tried to force me into one of their vans. I was only grateful that I had taken self defense and was able to get away. To this day I still have nightmares of what life would have been had I not gotten away. After I got away ,I formed a strong hatred for what these monsters were doing, but one day, I saw something that would bring it beyond hatred. I was too far away to help, god know's I tried, I ran as fast and hard as I could to try to help her, but I saw them throw an old woman into their van. No ,I am not racist. I would and have had Mexican friends. However, I do cringe anytime I see an immigrant and wonder if this one is like one of those foul beasts I had to grow up around.

Thursday October 4th 2001 95th entry

I will have a little extra time to work on my site for a while. I am not commuting right now. It's so nice. 5-6 hours of driving a day sure is a waste of time. I uploaded some pictures ,not much, I put up a new picture of Flood. There's also a picture of me with my first vehicle. I uploaded the new background. It is named shame. Alot of people have been asking me about that. In the picture I am 14 maybe 15. You can't really tell, but I am in a corner sitting on my boyfriends bed curled in a little ball. In a way, not only is it shame, but it is also submission, to leave the back so vulnerable like that. Yes, I can see how that may look like prayer, however, it is not, unless you want to go into the queer relationship I had with the photographer. Who was, of course the boyfriend. Hmm...It's strange but we are now friends. He is alot older than me, not suprising it did not work. I am talking about a picture that is 7 years old as if it was yesterday!

Tuesday October 2nd 2001 94th entry

My heart is heavy today. When I came to work, I had a meeting with my boss, the owner of the company I work for. You see, as a company, we are struggling for money. There is a project, a great project that we are working on, which will be this companies saving grace, I am the director of marketing for this project. One thing to another and this thing we are doing gets set back for it's release date. So now it's company cut back time. Some people are part time..Me however, with my position, have been sent over to the structure of straight commission. I swore I would never work for that again. My commission rate is nice, very nice for the industry, a good 7% higher than most companie's pay,(20%) however, I won't have anything to sell for another month, possibly two, actually there is some talk about not being able to do anything until even later than that. It is very intimidating. I have arranged to work from home, one or two hours a day so that I can find some other source of income while I am still doing what I need to do to make this job work.. Deep sigh...I said I would never do this again..Now I will be working two jobs. I hope it pays off in the end. They better get their shit together in the development department.

Friday September 20th 2001 93rd entry

I missed a day! Oh no!!!! I was intending on making an entry everyday for a while, but by the time I got home last night, I was just exhausted. As it goes, I overstayed my lunch talking with a friend on msn, so I don't have time to write something interesting today. I will be out tonight, so guess it will be tomorrow huh?. Oh- expect changes soon. I am finally buying my own domain and I will have more freedom as to what I can do. YAY FOR ME! okay, gotta go. See ya! >^.^<

Wednesday September 19th 2001 92nd entry

As most people have already figured out, I didn't have very much money when I was little. I didn't have any. My mother was struggling by in life to provide for my brother and I. Neither of our fathers were around to help out, and unfortunatly, I was a high maintanance child that needed constant supervision. I was very unstable. So, mom, being the loving mother she was, stayed home with me. My mother was not a skilless woman. She was a successful realtor at one point., I just needed a parent with me. Curses to my father for not being there at all. My mother ran a business from home. She ran many. She had the second largest rabbitry in the state. Yeah. I lived on a farm, what's it to you? We grew the food we ate and traded for what we couldn't grow. My mom also ran a florist business on the side during the spring and early summer. Yes, I know the art of floral arrangements.(amongst certain farmer skills.) Another thing she did, when I was very young, I barely even remember it ,was she ran a daycare out of the home. Sound familiar? It seems so many of my friends mothers did that.

I was lacking material possesions, but, on general, I had a good life. We lived in a secluded neighborhood where everone knew everyone, and the kids would run between each other's houses. One big family. Candace, Shiloh, and Amanda may as well have been my sisters. We had this huge treehouse. It was three stories tall, and it really looked like a house. Sometimes Candace, Shiloh and I would run away to the treehouse. We would board the windows up and pretend that we were all alone on a deserted island.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah... When I was in first grade, my grandmother took me out shopping. It was in December, so it must have been either a birthday gift ,a christmas gift, or one of those combined birthday/christmas gifts I got so often. She took me to the Seatac mall, we went to Pennies and Sears. I was allowed to pick out one outfit. I chose a sweatsuit, it was purple and had a picture with balloons on the front. The balloons were silky with ribbons hanging off them I had never been able to get something brand new and pick it out myself. I think that was my first brand new outfit. I don't actually remember wearing it, I am sure I did, but it was so nice to have it.

I always have a point to what I write. What is my point this time? Sometimes, even the smallest gift will be treasered and remembered for a lifetime. What may seem like nothing to you, Could be everything to someone else.

Tuesday September 18th 2001 91st entry

My website is becoming impersonal again isn't it? What's going on in the life of DawnChylde AKA Serena? Sometimes it does slip my mind which is the real me. Which is? Serena? The person who is all for show ,the elegant, quiet, pretty girl with neat clothes? Or DawnChylde? The dark, creative, intelligent girl who bares all? I really don't know..I guess I need to work on meshing the two me's together huh? Online, has given me a chance to show myself ,for who I am deep down inside with no fear. Now, I need to do that in real life.

- I am starting to. Showing that I do care, to those that matter, voicing my opinion, speaking up when I have something worthwhile. I will be meak no longer! Okay- So forgive me if I am every now and again. I am an introvert exrovert after all.

There's something I want to talk about. It's a story, a true story from my very own past.

When I was in elementary school, I was a very quiet girl, I was so afraid of people that I would run and hide anytime I had to meet someone new. If there was no where to hide and my mother was near, I would hide behind my mother. It did not matter if they were my age, 30 or 60 for all I cared. People were scary. I was happy to only know the people that were in my life. I would have kept it that way forever.

I must describe myself. I was tall for my grade, not my age, but my grade. I was very skinny, you could see every bone in my body, people had accused my mother of not feeding me on more than one occasion. My hair was long and scraggly. It was the most beautiful shade of blonde, like the soft kiss of butter.(real butter) When the light shined in my hair it would look white. My clothes were old and worn. You see we were very poor. My clothes were the hand me down clothes that Goodwill- Rather Helpline for local PO people., could not sell. That is second hand clothes so crappy they didn't sell. I had always looked at the other girls jeaously, I wanted to wear pretty clothes and have pretty hair, but no matter how hard I cried to my mother, It didn't happen. One day ,heh..I took things into my own hands. Here goes Material girl. I learned how to sew, I also cut my own hair! well, anyways ,that went weird. back to the story. Nobody wanted to be my friend. Why would they? I looked bad, and I was shy.

I learned to be very quiet and in the background. The problem with that is that I burned within my heart to be the Star. That's all I wanted. I wanted to be the beautiful girl on stage or on tv that everyone loved. As soon as I was home from school everyday ,I would pick up my mothers old playwrite books ,my favorite was Hamlet, and start performing. I was an actress. (I still am)
I think I am going to start talking about myself a little more from now on, but this, what I have just written, is another open window to my soul. Thank you for looking through it with me today.

Thursday September 13th 2001 90th entry

I am pasting a portion of something I posted on ~Jowie's site~. The stories are tear jerking... Stories of the Muslim Americans rip my heart right out of my chest, hearing about the little boy who was refused entry into his school because of his religion, or the widowed mother who was layed off because of political reasons...Its so sad. All the loss and what our "free" country is reverting to. For being a people of no prejudice, we sure are full of it today. As a people we need to just stand together , UNITED for this..Not fight amongst ourselves. It is no Americans fault, no matter where their people are from. We need to catch these bastards and make a public display of them, to scare off any followers. Thats all.

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands. One nation under God ,indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

Think about it before the next time you slander a Muslim.
Violence is not the answer.

Black Tuesday- September 11th 2001 89th entry

That's what they are calling today. That and the first day of WW3. For a long time, I have been thinking something like this would happen, but it did, and now I am in shock. I wonder if it will turn out at all like I anticipated? Oh. I just lost my appetite. Well, lunch is about over so, I have to cut this short. I hope everyone is okay.

Monday September 10th 2001 88th entry

Happy Birthday Lonnie

Well, I have been at my new job for a few days now its working fine, but I'm not online as much anymore. Theres something pretty cool going on where I work, and if anyone reading this is interested in becoming a journalist they should go to ~this site~Okay, I need to get back to work.I'll have to write more later.

Tuesday September 04th 2001 87th entry

Ah...September. I love the crisp early autumn air. Its still warm, but there is this sense of fall just around the corner. People are rushing about, making their instincual winter preperations. Kids are going back to school. Festivals are happening everywhere, and I am left smiling, taking everything around me in. My spirit always soars this time of year. I had my habitual evening of staying up late and watching the sunrise again. I seem to do that alot, and I always do when the season is changing. This time, someone stayed up with me for it. Thank you.

I realize that in my life I will have many people I hold close to me, many people that I love in one way or another. Just as the seasons come and go, so do those people I hold so dear to me. They will always be there in my heart, but I have to make places for those that are yet to come. No matter who is here with me, in whatever form of relationship it is, I still have one person. I will always have my best friend. Someone that will always love me and be there. I know I can trust this friend through thick and thin. There will never be any form of betrayel, or growing apart. I have reached a point in life when I realize, I am my own best friend. For the people reading this that truely understand me, congrats! For those that don't., Heh..you must think I am either really alone or conceited. I am not alone, I have many friends whom I love and cherish. I am also not conceited, I am no better then anyone else. Sure, I may be in one way or another, but I am positive that you have something that you can outshine me in. It all balances out.

I am reflective today, at the same time, I am looking forward to what the future holds, and enjoying what the present is. I have a wonderful life. I have done many things that most people only dream of. Sure, I have seen pain that some people can only imagine what it feels like to go through, but everything happens for a reason, my pains, they made me stronger, they also made me more understanding of other people. Even though the past has been hard, I would not trade it for anything, for without the life I have lead, I would not be where I am today. I must not ever let all this glitter make me forget where I came from. I am here, I am climbing, and soon I will be the queen of the mountain. When I am there, I think I will need to help other people to get on their paths.