Thursday May 10th 2001 37th entry
Well, as of now I have gotton half way through lesson two of my learn C++ in 24 lessons.... The most difficult thing in getting this far was figuring out how the heck to use Visual C++. I think reading the instruction book only confused me more. Yes I made "HELLO WORLD" I feel so proud of myself No but it was nice to finally have the software I needed to do it. On the downside, my daughter, Raven has a fever. She seems to be okay just a little irritable, but now well I am starting to feel lightheaded. Darn weak immune system. Oh and I didn't win the lotto. How dare they betray me like that. Everybody knows I am supposed to win. Okay think that's it for today.

Wednesday May 09th 2001 36th entry
How do you like my changes? I have added a new link page. It is called Photos. It is replacing picture gallery. It took a little time to get up but now that it is up it will be super easy to maintain, and I think it looks better. As I go further in to the world of C++, I discover it is very similiar to Javascript., Which, I have mentioned before I love Javascript., It makes sense to me. So far I am in bliss with my decision. Of course ask me in a year, I may have a different opinion then. What else am I up to? Not much. I just want to get a good job. I know I need more substantial qualifications, therefore, I am creating those. I am thinking this web site needs more, so I am seeking more. I just am not sure what.

Saturday May 05th 2001 35th entry
Happy Cinco Di Mayo!
Yeah right like I celebrate that. Okay it's been a few days so it's catch up time. Hmmmm...Where to start. I was layed off, it sucks in a way. I am going to make the best of it as possible. I have been job hunting....Oh boy is that ever fun. I have had one good lead. One! It is some software company in the northend like Redmond Bellevue or some other place. I don't even know what the company is. Going through a headhunter and they won't tell me until I can pass a background/ security check. Taps fingers while patiently waiting.
What else.. Oh yes.. while I am searching for work ., I am going to try to get unemployment. Looking at the employment sites and such Microsoft is in DIRE need of C+ Programmers. So,,, since I have already started I am going to see If I could put away 5-8 hours a day studying it. It would be nice and starting pay is around $60,000. (Depending on position) Okay think thats all for tonight. Goodnight! >^.^<

Saturday April 28th 2001 35th entry
I went and saw a movie today. It wasn't very good. I waited a long time for that movie. "Driven" Oh well.

Thursday April 26th 2001 34th entry
The other day, I had a feeling of impending doom. I dismissed it as a figment of my imagination. I should not have done that. Today after my last break at work, I logged back on to to the system to start taking calls again. I didn't notice it until after my first call. I had this message marked urgent from the human resource lady. "Log off and come see me immediatly." So of course I did. I knew there was something wrong. Turns out, they are having a lay off spree, they are over staffed. So as she put it corporate has randomly selected new hires within the last three months to "take off assignment". In normal turns, pack your stuff and leave. So, she escorted me back to my desk and waited for me to pack my stuff. To think, I am just barely short of three months too. I know I will find something better, but on such short notice, I am very frightened. My safe little Microsoft bubble has been shattered. Time to go back out into the real world again. It is funny though, before this happened, today I had more determination in my heart than I have ever had before in my life, to do my best I could at work. Boy they screwed up.

Thursday April 26th 2001 33rd entry
This is a quote from my horoscope today. Thought it interesting. ~"If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem."~ I have been feeling like that latly. Gotta get my life in order.

Wednesday April 25th 2001 32nd entry
Wow! A friend of mine forwarded me this link and it is so good. I have never seen an astrological report that so completely spoke of who I am. RIght on the spot. It's amazing. Astrology-online.comOh and Jowie was looking through some links thinking about a cat. He sent me this and I am so in love I might start looking for one myself. Norweigian Forest Cat Fitting that I would fall in love with a Norweigian cat huh? Oh! The weather! It's Beautiful! SO SO nice.! It's currantly 74 degrees! In Washington! Can you believe it? I am so happy. I love sunshine. I only wish I was not working.

Tuesday April 24th 2001 31st entry
I guess it has been a couple days. My life latly seems to be going through major transformations. I think they are more of inner transformations. The very essence of who I am is changing. I have grown so distant from myself. Now I am being forced to learn who I am again. This should be good, although it has opened alot of questions. I know the answers are there within myself. I just need to find them.

Saturday April 21st 2001 30th entry
Okay, well these past few days have been hell, but all who know me know I can pull through anything. So, I will. Today, I did something for me; well I did a few things. Went on a short hike and I bought something. I am so happy I bought it, I had a little money saved up for a rainy day, that day was today. I got the first half of one of my favorite anime series, Mysterious play. It is an 8 video set. That is 26 episodes. Normally they are thirty dollars each but there was a box set for only $100! I couldn’t pass it up. All right, all bragging done and over with. Going off to bed now. And Sorry. Goodnight.

Thursday April 19th 2001 29th entry
I am left sitting here not knowing what I want to do or what I should do. The world around me.It almost seems like a different world that I am not a part of., like it is a holographic projection

Sunday April 15th 2001 28th entry
It has been a while since I have posted in this. I havnt had much to talk about, last week I had the flu. It sucked. Anyways I got the pictures back I took last weekend. Here. This is one picture Here is another one

Monday April 9th 2001 27th entry
Today has definantly been one of "those" days. I woke up so sick. I felt like I had to puke but I felt so bad I didn't know if I could get out of bed. Finally I could not hold back any longer and I trudged into the bathroom. Uck Dry heeves. Anyways its monday so that meant going to work sick. It has been aweful, I haven't felt this ill in years. I keep finding myself just telling myself again and again you can make it. Its possible, no don't pass out hitting your head on the keyboard. Well we will see. I am on my last break so I just have the final stretch ahead of me. Aside from that. The weekend was beautiful. The sun was out, I even had a chance to go out and take some pictures. I amsure I will have those up later this week. And today, well it was nice in the morning but now the greay is back, although the clouds are pretty. Okay thats all for today.

Sunday April 8th 2001 26th entry
Do you ever get that feeling? Its this sense of completion. You don't know what you have completed or what has suddenly changed in your mind, but you know a chapter of your life has just finished and it's time for new one. The world is about to change and you don't even know why. Well, I have that feeling today. It is 12:26 am and I can't sleep becouse I am wondering what I have ahead of me in life. I guess the days ahead of me will be my only way to find out. Well, Goodnight.

Friday April 6th 2001 25th entry
There have been alot of changes to my site latly, have to apologize for anyone that popped on in the middle of a change in page..Had to be ugly. Expect to see more, I think I am finally getting the hang of it and all the articles in webmonkey are getting much easier to understand. Pretty soon, I can just see it, I will be figuring out stuff all by my lonesome. Funny thought for those of you that have been here through all the transformations. Thinking about my own domain..OOOO. Wouldn't that be the way to go.? Actually my next major goal is I want to figure out how to put a message board up. So that I can hear more from people visiting. Well, I guess thats the sight update.

Wednesday April 4th 2001 24th entry
Everyone has the same options and is in the same boat,.If you pick the wrong choice you should not take it out on the person who is trying to help you correct your mistake. It is your decision that was made in the first place.

Tuesday April 3rd 2001 23rd entry
So many gods, so many creeds, so many paths that wind and wind, while just the art of being kind is all the sad world needs. - Ella Wilcox

Sunday April 1st 2001 22nd entry
A whisper of a long lost dream echoes in my heart as the blackened form of what was once loved crumples from my arms.

Saturday March 31st 2001 21st entry
Okay. I have had this long hard quest I have been on for about three years now. It is the quest of how to make spring rolls. Attemp after attampt after attempt, I have failed miserably. So I sat back and took a deep breath to recoupe my attempts. I relaunch my quest. This time bringing Jowie along for the ride, his first time to try. Between the two of us., somehow, who knows how.(might have been all my past failed attemps or his beginners luck) We succeeded! I have a huge batch of perfect spring rolls sitting on the kitchen counter! Okay, now I am off to eat my spoils.

Thursday March 29th 2001 20th entry
This frustrates me so much. There is something I have been wanting to do to my site forever. I can't seem to figure it out. I know it has to be easy. Ugh. I am pissy right now. I just want to get it done. I am told oh theres code for it in frontpage. So I install frontpage. How the hell do you use that? Oh well. another time. Apparently I need to learn how to use frontpage and that will take more than my lunch break. (totally against using things like that, seems like cheating)

Wednesday March 28th 2001 19th entry
More changes. not much going on in my personal life. Except I have another educational Training series on the way. Makes me excited. (Sounds lame huh) I get excited over hours of self torture and sleep deprevation to slave over a series of non sensicle letters and numbers. Okay. Well. I do enjoy it. Do you like the background? I had seen this a couple months ago and was not able to scam the code..Well, have it now. Pretty cool huh?

Wednesday March 21st 2001 18th entry
I am thinking about the future. What lays ahead. Jowie. I see him in my future for a long time. We have had some problems. No major problems. The hardest thing to deal with is he is in a nine month lease now. Which he just started this month. On a one bedroom apartment. The more I think about it. The more it seems to make sense to move in with him. But I can't. Not unless I can find a way to make more money and he can get his apartment complex to transfer him to a two bedroom. It sucks. 9 more months. I guess I have to be patient. 9 months just seems like such a long time. It is obnoxious to always be staying at his house or him staying at mine. Plus we live 50 miles away from each other. I should stop complaining. What I need is a better paying job thats all. Darn Bills! Why can't they be lower?

Tuesday March 20th 2001 17th entry
A new direction in life. All my life I have wanted to move to California. It has been everything I wanted. Everything I did was centered on can this get me to California? It doesn't seem like that is happening. It seems as if I have everything here in Washington I could need or want. Except it is Washington. Cold, wet, dreary. If I go to California I am leaving all I love behind. I would have to start all over. Which is not easy. I am a single parent. Not easy at all. Whats more? Jowie.... How could I leave him behind for something like that? Live a life wondering what if? What if? What if ? What if?!?

Monday March 19th 2001 16th entry
Looks like I have gained another partner in the wonderful world of carpooling. So welcome. Hey at least it cuts down on gas expenses...I think. I have dropped that code from previous post. It looked yucky. Working on something else now. Lets see. My phone lines are down at home so my website may slow down until that is fixed. Think thats it for the day.

Saturday March 17th 2001 15th entry
Okay..I have a favor. I am trying to figure out this code..its in javascript. If you know javascript..Can you look at it and tell me what I have wrong? Just view source this page. you will see something a rainbow..I can't figure out where I went wrong. OKay..on the other side of is my message that I was going to put up...HAPPY SAINT PATRICKS DAY!! For all you irish people out there. Time to get plowed now right? Curious, is anyone already drunk? Hearing people on the radio talking about how there are already drunks wandering around seattle making a rucus. Wonder if there will be more rioting today.?YES. Seattle has been having an epidemic of riots. FOr some reason after that one riot a year ago people have been going off at the slightest excuse. The riots on fat tuesday..They actually beat someone to death. That is not cool. Okay. Happy Saint Patricks Day!!

Friday March 16th 2001 14th entry
What are friends? That is my topic of thought for the day. What length do you go to for a freind? When does a friend stop being a friend and become something else. Whether it is an aquaintance, a chapter out of your past, a lover, or your best friend. What makes a friend your friend? Is it that you can talk to them about anything?Is it that you are comfortable around them? Is it this happy gleeful feeling you Get? Is it a feeling that this person understands you? What makes you friends? Something to think about..Definatly.

Thursday March 15th 2001 13th entry
Well, I guess I never made those changes I have been talking about. I had planned on making them today. But, do to a message from a certain un named major internet service provider who's name does not start with an A, E, or Q...., "optimising my internet service", well I have been fixing my computer since ten this morning. It is now 7:30 and it is still not all the way fixed. I will have to do that on sunday. In the meantime. What do you think of the minor changes I have made? I am fairly happy with the appearance., Although I am no where near done. Gotta go. Something about not eating and instead working on my computer. >^.^<

Monday March 12th 2001 12th entry
My weekend went well. For someone that works saturdays I think it was a very efficient day. (sunday) My boyfriend moved into his new place on saturday while I was working. I am suprised for such an inexpensive apartment it is actually nice. He has a good eye for bargains. (must be in his blood) Also. I planted a whole feild of strawberries for my mom. Saturday was her birthday. I gave her a beautiful Red Lace Leaf Maple. Had to plant that too. My arms are so sore. I have gotton weak with all my computer time. Never do physical labor anymore. Yes I really have been reflecting on the past few months. There are a lot of people I care about that I have let slip through the cracks. I will be getting back in touch with them. So expect to hear from me soon! okay Love you all.>^.^<

Friday March 9th 2001 11th entry
What to write about? I have been seeing alot of new traffic in my website. So for all of you that are new to the world of Serena, Welcome! Be ready to see an ever changing evolving site, becouse I have plans. Now we just need to see me put them all into action. Otherwise, today is a nuetral day. Nothing exciting nothing dissapointing. The most interestng thing for the day is I finally got a book I have been waiting for. "Microsoft Official Curriculum.'Implementing Microsoft Windows 2000 Professional and Server'" Oh boy. Guess that means study time. Yes, I have set a new unrealsitic goal for myself. Lets see if demigod Serena can succeed this time. The goddess of high goals and harsh reality...okay. Time to be back to work! (Slaving over the phones)no not really ..

Wednesday March 7th 2001 10th entry
Further thought. I have been acting like a foolish little girl. I have been neglecting my friends. All of my friends. Yes I have been focusing on my family and my career, but friends are important too. I am sorry. Geoffrey, I am sorry for not being there when you needed me. Flood I am sorry for never writing back to you, calling you, or for that matter getting our kids together for playday. They miss each other. Dave, oh gosh where do I start? Sorry. You are only in town so long, should have spent more time with you. James. James, I am sorry I did not make it out to see you before you moved across the country. Jason. Jason? What the heck is going on in your life? It's been too long. Russ. Russ you are my un related cousin. Why do I never talk to you? You are always wanting to..Eli, Jerry, Bud, Cassandra, Eric, Flood(again) so sorry I havn't made it to a game latly. Hope it is going well. Darkchylde(my opposite)(Mike) Gosh, you live a mile away and all I can pull of is a hi and bye? What's wrong with me. Clarence? Well we havn't hung out much but when we did we got along so well., and now I don't even talk to you. Whats up with that? Richie? I could talk to you about any dream. But now I don't ever have the time for you..Jordan? I HAVE YOUR PLAYSTATION! Can we get together so I can get it back to you? Okay well there are many more sorries to come, but to everyone SORRY. I am now going to try to change myself and get back to the person I was before. Thank you for being patient with my foolishness. Oh and Jowie, I am sorry for all the times I have been sitting on the computer ignoring you while you were at my house. You deserve my full attention.

Tuesday March 6th 2001 9th entry
Okay it has been a while since I have written anything in here. Alot has happened. First off we had an earthquake. It was a 6.8. There was alot of argument , but the official realease is 6.8. After the earthquake was my daughters birthday. That was friday. She is four now! I can't believe it. On friday my car broke. It is the clutch. I can get it fixed in about two weeks, but there is something else wrong too, so I am thinking about a new car heavily. Computer fell through. Ugh. Expenses left and right. Jowie, my boyfriend has been driving me around. Very nice of him. My work schedule. Yuck. well anyways. I am not in school anymore. I am researching online classes I could take at lunch or something. I am also waiting for materials on getting my mcse. I guess that is an advantage of working at microsoft. My best friend, Geoffrey. God I have known him for a long time. It rips my heart out. We are having problems. What is worse is they are the type of problem that there may not be a way to fix. Its crazy, with all that goes on, I still can't shake the feeling that it is all for the good, and I am going somewhere with all this. Oh I also found something cool in javascript, I am working on figuring it out, so there will be some changes here soon as I can piece it together.

Monday February 26th 2001 8th entry
Well I seem to have figured out that last issue. I can pay it off with my income tax return and have enough left over to build a new computer! I am so HAPPY right now! On top of that it has been sunny for three days! My weekend went great. Best weekend I have had in a while. I am coming to this feeling of rightness as if I am headed in the correct diriection in life. It has been rocky, it probably will be rocky., But it will all end well. I just know it.

Thursday February 22nd 2001 7th entry
How could things be more ironic? I have this bill in collection..A very large one. A couple months back I found out who it was and how to contact them. I tried to set up a payment plan. They would not take one. So, in my mind I decided okay they won't take payments, I will just save money until I can pay it in total. Well, today, I was using my debit card and it was declined. I called the bank to find out why., It turns out the collection agency got a court order to take money directly out of my account..Any account I open in Washington. Until the balance plus attorney's fee's are payed off. How can it be that someone honestly trying their hardest to pay such a thing off can get screwed over so bad? Oh, on a side note..What is this over? An emregency medical bill., a headlight malfunction and a speeding ticket.(unmarked back country road, thought it was 50 turned out to be 35)in Washington unmarked country roads are supposed to be fifty but this town was different.Shouldn't they be required to post that in plain sight? Irony....Guess its a good thing I didn't move in with Jowie. I have no money now and won't for a month or so.

Wednesday February 21st 2001 6th entry
My last entry has caused alot of question. No I don't want to talk about it. Don't worry it is looking like all will be well. Over this past year and a half, I have made a very dear friend, actually my best friend. I met him on icq. We have grown close talking every day about everything. I feel I could trust him with anything. As we have grown closer, we have never really had a problem, until recently. A couple weeks ago, something was brought up. Something there is no answer to. I don't know how to react, or how to make things better., What I do know is that I don't want to loose him as a friend. He is one of the people in life that I truely do love. How can someone love someone they have never met? I don't know. But it happens. How often does a person make a friend like this? Once, maybe twice in a lifetime? If you are lucky, three times? Geoffrey., Forgive me for any heartbreak I have caused you. You will always be my friend.

Tuesday February 20th 2001 5th entry
Have you ever had the feeling that this is the last time you would see someone? I had that tonight. As I watched him walk away, I could not shake it. It was as if I was seeing him for the last time. I wanted to stop time, jump out of the car grab him and say "No. You cant leave! I won't let you." I guess what I have to do is anxously wait for tomorrow hoping all is well.Any one that reads this tonight., Please. Please make a wish for him. Send good waves or pray..Whatever you do..Maybe I am over reacting, but the last few times I have felt that way they were true...

Friday February 16th 2001 4th entry
What can someone do when their hopes come crashing down on them? This past few days have been going by so fast. Seemed like everything was falling into place, and I couldn't have been happier.Even though the commute is hell and I am not sleeping, I kept it up. I Knew if I could just go a few days longer, I would be put on the evening shift and no longer have to deal with traffic. That this weekend I would be moving in with Jowie just half an hour from work. Okay., So what happened? Jowie decided that he didn't want to move. I didn't get the shift I needed. A matter of fact I got an aweful shift. I work m-t-w-f- from 11:30-9:00 then sat 9-3:30. I am wondering. Is it worth it? Sure I work at Microsoft. But I only make $12.50 an hour. I am not in a position to best utilize my qualifications. I am not happy. Jowie has crushed me. I find myself thinking."If only I did not love him" How did I ever get to love him so much? Why is the idea that this may not last after all so completly painful that I feel as if I just can't go on? You know., I am giving up my dreams for him. What will I do if it does not work? Am I in the right to give up life long dreams to stay here with him? He may be the only man I ever love. I don't know what to do anymore. I am sitting here in a lost and confused daze. I don't even know if I should be writing this.

Wednesday February 14th 2001 3rd entry
Okay. I just got my score back on my test. I passed., But I am a little upset. I only passed with 82%. I was expecting to at least be in the 90% bracket. Okay little miss perfectionist should stop complaining, I passed. Thats what is important. Okay well they have some big presentation they want to do now. So I have to go.

Tuesday February 13th 2001 2nd entry
Wow. Some how, some way., every time I see Jowie my feelings for him grow stronger. What will it be like to live with him? How did I become so fortunate to have met him? What happens in ones life that makes it so they can meet someone that completly alters realty as they see it.? Well, Jowie., He has made everything around me seem more beautiful.Ever since I met him. I will never forget the moment I first saw him. Maybe I am mushy tonight cause tomorrow is valentines day. Oh gosh. tomorrow is the big test at microsoft. It's weird, I am so confident in my knowledge that I am not even mildly nervous. well, Goodnight.

Monday February 12th 2001 1st entry
Okay so I am starting a web log. Gotta go along with everyone else huh? Follow the herd? Well no, I actually do enjoy these kinds of things. I do have a journal at home and have kept one for years, since elementary school. Neat things going on. Its my best friends birthday today. Happy birthday! Okay. My boyfriend and I are talking about moving in together..We looked around and put a deposit down on a great place. Hope all goes well. I am in training at microsoft right now. I take my final exam on wednesday. Everything seems simple I am sure I will pass. Just wondering what department they will put me in and what my hours will be. Oh kind acool thing, Usually it takes me about three hours to get to work( rush hour traffic) today the roads were all clear, no traffic.! I made it here an hour and a half early..Didn't really know what to do with my time. Okay gotta go. Now we will just see if I actually keep this up.