Recieved December 17th, Micheal of the Bighorns writes:
"oh wise S.P.I.
here's a question for you:
how many annoying polls must we post before the
everquest addicts go insane?
and also who is this wonderful individual known as monkeyman smith? He sounds
facinating, I think I speak for everyone when I say that he should be featured
as much as possible on chris's webpage.
"
" Everquest people are already insane, so the answer is 84, (boggle that one out smart guy). As for your comment MonkeyMan Smith although a good friend of mine is not scheduled to appear here anytime soon, cause chris is lazy athough their is scheduled to be a forum section called legends that will list profiles of myself and cast of characters."
Recieved December 13th, Vince Klortho,
Keymaster of Gozer the Traveler writes:
"I understand that you have named you website after the
island mentioned in the book of Revelations!! Let me
tell you that when the end of the world does come, it
will be brought here by GOZER THE TRAVELER!!! He will
come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the
rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a
large and moving Torg! Then, during the third
reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick
supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a
giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to
be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can
tell you! I am the Keymaster, and I seek the
Gatekeeper!! Once she is found, many horrors will be
unleashed unto your world, including, but not limited
to: Plagues, darkness, dead rising from the grave,
forty years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanoes, riots
in the streets, dogs and cats living together, and
mass hysteria! You have been warned!!!
"
" So you question is? little known fact from your funloving SPI a Giant Slor is is only 13cm high, Shuvs and Zuuls are the ancient babylonian words for sticks and grass."
Recieved December 2nd, Haave the pantsless writes:
"I had heard a rumor that Bill Cosby is at the moment a homeless man, just a shell of the genius that we saw week after week on "The Cosby Show," which aired every Thursday on NBC for quite sometime. My question is this: is Glen Close a lesbian? She is a woman with a
man's name, and I think that is reason enough to suspect that she is. Shameless plug: everyone go ceck
out the movie "Billy Elliot." Very good!! With this letter, I am now eligible for nominations in the
following categories: the Pushing The Envelope Award (get it?) and the Sell-Out Award. My thanks to the Academy.
P.S.: Gorpo tells a different story about that fight. Who should we believe?
"
Okay, let me collect my thoughts, uh huh, uh huh, i hate you. First off Bill Cosby lives in a mansion made of "New" Coke cans and hardend jello pudding. Glen Close (who with the graces of God will never read this and sue my cotton knit @$$) is not a lesbian, in fact is a beastiality freak. Why do you think she keeps making bad movies with all those Dalmations (think about it). As for the rest of your "comment" unless there is a big fat check in it for me, no senseless plugs, and no giving yourself awards, and for the love of pete get a pair of pants. As for the Gorpo thing, He still floats funny (to those who haven't gone to He-man.org Gorpo justs kinda floats he has no legs), and i beat up crippled people, and i call not having any pants i crippling injury, so watch it.
Recieved November 17th, Micheal of the Bighorns writes:
"Oh great and mighty S.P.I.! I have a question. What is the proper temperature that a witch should use to broil a child? how often should she baste? and should she premarinate or just wrap them up and seal in the natural juices?"
375 F ...454 F, if the child is still clothed, but if you are smart about it I prefer to roast my children on a spit.
I also enjoy to baste my children in white wine mix with McDonald's sweet 'n sour sauce and roasted garlic ( too kick it up a notch, BAM). If you still have questions on preparing your small child i think i saw an episode of Iron Chef where it was the ingredient.
Recieved November 13th, Haave The Pantsless writes:
"Dear Sock Puppet Indian,
I was wondering if you ever visited the tiny little town of Hopkinton, MA, long enough to pick up some television waves. If so, you might have seen a
groundbreaking show on a channel 3, no 13 no 8 er, nevermind, whatever the hell channel Hopkinton has for public access. This show was called Lucky 13 News, and although about two-thirds of it was no good, it's one saving grace was a movie review section featuring two
hosts, a man named Jeff and his sidekick Chris. This show broke the ground of public access tv with its
experimental editing, color tints and special effects. QUITE REVOLUTIONARY! Anyway, I had heard that a compilation video of this segment was being made, and I was just wondering what the progress of this production was. Is it done yet? I would love to own a copy of it, I was a huge fan! By The Way, who would win a fight, the Sock Puppet Indian, or Gorpo, advice columnist at he-man.org?"
... okay dokey, first off "Haave" your sounds like a Typo, i suggest spelling check before you mumble any more of this incoherent trash, as for your TV show i have on several occasions seen it during the two weeks when my the TV in my Parapet of Aloneness was on the fritz, and i only got cable access channels, boy did that suck, "Senior upbeat" ha! Not only that, but i missed Crocodile Hunter, Crikey. I digress, my super computer tells me that although the episodes and outtakes still exist in Hopkinton's Cable access studio, only the first 6 episodes have been documented for prosperity. As for Gorpo, i fought him in fight club last month. Kicked his ass so hard that i knocked his soul out, S.P.I. in the House.
Recieved November 13th, The Ambassador from LottieLand writes:
"Ahhh, Patmos illustrated; very witty. And if Bush becomes president,
you may be closer to the truth than you realize. My question relates to
the illustration accompanying Sir Kimball's profile. Do you not think,
oh wise Sock Puppet Indian, that it is a bit deceptive?"
First of all another Bush in the White House is only the 5th sign of Apocalpse. Next of all, yes the illustration is misleading, ladies and gentlemen Chris Kimball owns no T-shirts with prints on them every one of them is an eddie bauer plain one pocket T-shirt. It is so sad, but thank you for your keen observation citizen (using term loosely), you get a gold star for the day.
Recieved November 12th, The Great Spenc writes:
"Are your fans going to see a lot more of your artwork on your site in the near future?"
First of all i would like to clear up something, i am not Christopher Kimball, in fact i don't even like Chris. I am a Native American footwear apperal manican, and i only right this column cause i think it will help me get the ladies. Okay, with that cleared up "Chris" will be posting more of his artwork as soon he gets off his lazy ass and scans it, which will be half past forever.
Fidel Castro, leader of communist Cuba, Emperor of Dartmouth College, and dark
cow of the Sith writes:
Ah, yes, I have a question for the Sock Puppet Indian regarding skunks. My
question is, what is the proper length to trim your skunks's toenails to if you
don't want her damaging your hardwoord floors? And another question: What's
'Patmos'? Sounds Greek to me. Or, as the French would say, "Ah'm Frainch! Whai dew yew theenk Ah haf thees outray-geous akcent, yew sillay keeng?"
Well well well, look at mister fancy pants with all your questions, and designer clothing, talking french ( note: to all other sock talk participants french is not an allowed language here, even the accent). okay okay your pitiful questions 1) long enough not too scrape along the floor. if they are making marks on the floor cut them shorter until they don't, duh! 2) Patmos is the name of the Isle where Jesus told St. John about the end of the world in the book of Revelations. taa taa for now spud monkeys!
