The Minutes of the A.S.

May 1st, 2004

President Lane Sanders
Vice-President Erik Dabel

10:45 PM—First Meeting of the A.S. called to order by Vice President Dabel.

NEW BUSINESS

• Stuart is an ass.
• Stuart sucks.
• Shannon hasn't seen Stuart in six (6) months.
  • There is no point.
• FILIBUSTER: Dean is an ass.
• SPEECH: Stuart is an ass.

10:51 PM—Shannon calls safety; Doorknob declared invalid

10:53 PM—Plank on eastern fence declared "Stuart Face Plank" (S.F.P.); S.F.P. christened by honorary member Eddie.

QUESTIONS ON THE FLOOR

What happened to Stuart's plant?

Died, thrice! Resurrected by Erik

Did Stuart piss on the plant?

No. Jennifer won't let him.

How many Stuarts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Jennifer won't let him.
[Round of applause by all in attendance]

What is Eddie cooking?

Historical question asked while subject in question was cooking chicken, spanish rice, refried beans, and bacon. Subject responded, "Pancakes."

Stuart's reply?

"Oaoukay!"

What is Eddie watching?

Historical question asked while subject in question was watching The Simpsons. Subject responded, "60 Minutes."

Stuart's response?

"Okay. Do you want to watch Apt Pupil?"

10:57 PM—Double Jeopardy declared done by VP.

NEW COMMENTS

Rian was with "both bitches." Jennifer, a second trumpet, said during Capriccio Italia, "You were out of tune." Rian should have replied, "Were you in tune?" Jennifer plays her low Bb without the kicker valve, resulting in a tone ¼ step sharp—she remained unaware for ten (10) minutes. Rian Rodriguez is a band instructor.

11:03 PM—Recess declared.

11:06 PM—FALLACY: Secretary of State Mike Gomez declares, "I don't drink." Vice President Dabel suggests the following correction: "I don't smoke."

11:08 PM—It is observed that Adam has a big bottle.

11:10 PM—Meeting is adjourned