...why, when presented with a perfectly fine plate of food, my teeth would rather dine on my cheek linings. They are moist and tender, but they're there to help push food into my teeth. Their design discourages unwanted chewing upon by my teeth, but the practice has been less than ideal.

Comcast can't provide me with excellent service because they don't have connections to my apartment. Fine, but why mention that two of my roommates can? Because it is such a fucking burden to install a link from their box at the roadside to the access points at the side of the house. They might have charged me a fee to send out a tech to screw in a wire; after all, two before me had done so. However, I made the mistake of asking only for basic service.

By refusing to help expand AT&T's Comcast's digital cable monopoly, I am considered worthless. It's no one's responsibility to provide me, a public citizen, with a quality public service. Perhaps I am better off not watching television (without broadcast static). Otherwise, I might become a valuable consumer! *gasp*

Lately I am finding it hard to talk with people. I'll have something in mind to say, then lose it in a fog. Meanwhile, people stare back at me like I am an idiot. This happens often, actually, but I'm becoming more and more frustrated with it. But how else can I solve something like this than by forcing coherence into my conversations?

I hate how difficult it is for me to speak my mind when others do so effortlessly. If people are supposed to be social creatures, why should there be any difference between ourselves in the effort needed to carry out even simple conversation? I would prefer to be able to say many worthless things than stick around waiting for clarity and opportunity to come around.

I feel like I can't show any real interest in what others do because I'll turn them away with my impediment. I have problems and solutions to share with people, but no reliable way to do so. What good am I?

Late Friday night, a friend of his came to visit. He hadn't picked up his mail in a while, and probably wasn't answering his calls. Concern turned into horror when his body was found, perhaps a few days too late.

I didn't know Kazuki well. I don't think anyone here at the house did either. He was very shy, terribly avoidant to the dislike of some. I had only seen him maybe six times—and just as many seconds—the entire time we were acquainted. Half those times, he was accompanied by a fairly charming red-haired lass, a little shy herself. Given the chance, he moved into the most distant room of the house—second floor, the only room past the bathroom and rear staircase. In his seclusion, he kept quiet, visiting the bathroom occasionally, leaving often.

I thought nothing more of things. Last week, I did notice a strange odor near the bathroom. Inside there, the air was as clear as Downtown will let it. Others noticed it, too, and similarly dismissed it. Even his girlfriend(?) must have been somewhat ignorant of it, only to fail composure at the full sight and scent of death. The shock sent her running out the house and into the night. The police came by within the hour to confirm and document Kazuki's passing and collect his remains.

Today, friends and family came by to gather his belongings. I didn't feel confident approaching them about their loss. My thoughts and sympathy are with them, nonetheless—he was a part of our household and community, whether or not he demonstrated such.

Steadily regaining my footing. The computer is back in top condition, partly due to a fresh reinstall of 8.0. I don't know where things went wrong originally, but I don't intend to repeat them. The Windows Registry Guide was very helpful in fine-tuning the system, something I enjoy doing with each new situation.

Those little AOL CDs that litter everything sure are hard to find when you go looking for them 'round midnight. I got fed up trying to fix the problems I was having with 8.0 that I uninstalled it. Recently, I threw away the spool I had been collecting since they stopped using floppies for their promotionals. The only remaining link I had was version 4.0 on the Windows 98 CD. Needless to say, I am not having any problems getting my mail, surfing, or seeing who else is(n't) online.

I still intend to download/find 8.0 again, if only because I prefer its interface over the other versions. The other tasty alternative is to get in touch with my broadband-enabled roommate—he's been getting people onto his connection wirelessly. If he has a spare card, I'm set for a while.

Alexa's is today; Izzy's was Thursday, and helped to make that day's messes fun. Rich had his a few weeks ago, but I just remembered it now from checking My Calendar (which doesn't seem to be affected by the previous post's topic). Sorry I didn't mention anything at Harry's, whenever that was—I knew something was up, but their rib plate does a job on the mind as well as the stomach.

So much to talk about, but no time/permission to...

I'm not sure what's causing it, but I haven't been seeing my Buddy List for a while. Now my mail's out as well, and I can't visit the message boards to see if anyone can tell me why. If this continues, I'll post alternate points of access.

Everything tech-like has been resolved here. I had a hell of a time switching out this computer's hard drive, if only because I didn't quite plan out the process. Otherwise, it has been a busy week, with the Thursday game and all. The commotion hasn't stopped yet, but I cannot say why.

Sunday, I am heading back home for my brother's birthday. Jerry is turning 21; make your assumptions below:

If this isn't enough, next week is full of shit as well. If you lose track of me, feel free to dial me up. People have my number.

There's a review that I'm not-writing for 100W. Bad...

Meanwhile, I'm trying to find out how to fix some stuff in AOL. Unlike the millions of other AOL users, my problem is actually pretty tough to handle. AOL won't load my Buddy List reliably or give me my mail easily. I think it has something to do with the network, but it could also have something to do with version 9.0, which bombed on my computer and was uninstalled.

While I'm waiting for an answer from the message boarders, I'm helping others with their problems. The two or three moderators that handle most of the complaints are big trouble, I think. They offer the most complicated solutions to everyone's problems: finding weird files and renaming/deleting them, fiddling with the BIOS, hacking into the registry, divining spirits and goblins, etc. And to AOL users, no less! These, they propose in place of the simple answer, like setting Preferences, changing simple options, buying a dust cover, paying attention.

I sure hope none of these fools are paid.

After a wonderful tri-tip dinner at Mike and Coburn's house with Manny and Erik last Friday, we went over to Benny's house for a concert. Benny's band (or three members of, at least) set up a tent and heated their speakers to some late night punkery. Commendable stuff...I'd show you pictures but the camera didn't feel like winding out the roll that night; the lab guy handed me an envelope full of blank film, developed at no cost. Rather annoying, considering that the previous roll (from back in July) failed to catch as well.

To worsen things, Muench (who was first to arrive, despite being banned from all band parties) decided that he wanted to ask me out or something after another quick shot. (un?)Luckily, many friends caught wind of the plan and gave me enough time to disappear. Hell, I make friendly with the kid once and he turns on me. It's not clear yet whether he knows that I knew, or how everyone else is going to complicate things.

Some time ago, he tagged along with a bunch of us on a trip to a restaurant. He whined a little about not having much cash handy—to shut him up, I bought his dinner. Later that year, he showed up at the party back at my old place on Avenida Almendros. The whole time I was aware of him, he was slumped on the kitchen floor. Determined to handle his (excess of) alcohol, he kept bothering me about when it was safe to have another drink. I gave him some exceptionally dodgy answers to the effect of, "figure it out yourself." Whether or not this led to further events that led to his banishment is beyond me. I had figured out as quickly as everyone else that he clearly had no idea how to control himself.

What I was ignorant of was that he felt he could trust and depend on me. In any other case, I would even encourage this. But with Muench, the alcohol likely distorts the sentiment into something more significant.

The point is, why must I be the victim of homosexual tension? Again?! What is it about me that warrants such behavior? I don't mind gay men much—it's their thing, and I don't intend to denounce or praise it. I'm just bothered by this seeming evidence that I might have "better luck" cruising for men than women. And for the record, I don't plan on romancing men until I have long since been dead and reincarnated as a woman. Or perhaps as a gay man. Until then, I'm going to sweat it out for that special lady, whoever the hell she is.

I came across this word again in someone's blog comment. Elitist — (adj.) snobbish; pretending to carry the full weight of social refinement. It's such a dirty word. Its very mention seems elitist to me, in a way different from the one derided in the first place. (To be sure, I didn't find the article in question elitist in any way. Educated perhaps, but not elitist.)

There are people who do use intelligence to belittle others, but I believe that there is a definite level that is considered thorough by some and insultingly esoteric to others. Esoteric itself is cause for complaint by those who refuse to open their minds and expand their understanding. The fools...

Just thought I'd share this with my not-classmates.

The best example for what I am describing is probably seen in the courtrooms of "Law and Order". I was watching an episode last night and marvelled at the numerous implications a lawyer can instill into seemingly tame speech. The stenographer can only record what is spoken, which in most cases is bound to fair procedure. On the other hand, the jury, as well as others in attendance, realize the full impact of the lawyer's expression, posture, and nonverbals. Without truly saying the word, an innocent can be damned and disproven; a criminal vindicated; a jury lied to.

Aesthetics to me is a way of conveying emotions and ideas in a less-than-obvious way. TV and film are powerful media in this way--their very structure dictates that viewers are bound to the will of content creators. This may seem harsh and irrespectful, but I do feel that aesthetics is a leash of sorts. The key is to lead the audience by this leash from significance to significance. We are guiding the viewer through what needs to be seen, in a way that discourages inattention.

All art is about creating or finding significance. Figure 10 in the online lesson reminds me of that essential sketching exercise where a complex figure is plotted with a frame composed of basic shapes. A circle at the top; a curvy line leading down, enclosed by a rectangle; long ovals extending outwards; and so on until something resembling a human emerges from the mass of lines. Of course, Fig. 10 follows this trail backwards, but either one demonstrates the link between a real scene and its abstraction.

Aesthetic principles enable us to manipulate even the most elaborate scene like it was a set of blocks. Used properly, they allow us to give power to spoken words, as well as to speak with unspoken ones.

Finishing up the planned upgrades to the computer, now that it's securely networked and all the hardware is in place. I finally identified the motherboard as a GVC, used by Packard-Bell, among others. I think it was built by Racer Computers long ago, judging by the outer case. It came with a Compaq keyboard, but who knows where that came from. Anyhow, I found enough drivers and BIOS updates to keep it running well.

The Maxtor 40GB drive that I added on is surprisingly quiet. The computer came with an older model that churns and grinds like mad. I think the new one is even quieter than the (correct) heatsink. I'm still thinking about sending it home, but not before I make some changes to my own computer, or even swap the equipment between the two—they both look like µATX boards, so there shouldn't be much of a problem. If I can even swap the outer cases, that would just rock.

Netgear sells a network starter kit (4-port hub, network adapters, drivers, cables) for about $30. Fry's sold it today for $10 less. (They didn't sell a switch by itself, but I don't mind at all.) After some wandering around, I've got both computers set up to network and share the AOL line. Hopefully, no one will think enough of this setup to try and crack it.

The two computers could have easily been linked up with a Cat5 crossover cable, or even a simple serial cable for DCC, but Ethernet is faster than the latter and I'll probably need a hub sometime down the line. Why not have some network experience early on? Probably nothing compared to getting Novell/Microsoft/Cisco certifications, but I'm not looking in that direction today.

Setting up file sharing was kind of a pain at first, especially because neither computer was recognizing the network. When that was taken care of, I had to next tackle Internet Connection Sharing, which brought its own problems. I had a lot of help from Annoyances.org—go check them out if you're having drama with Windows yourself.

The only problem remaining is that AOL won't load up my Buddy List if both computers are on/the network is active. It's not something I comprehend; there shouldn't be a problem just because another connection is active. But that's on AOL to fix.

In my opinion, a boring fruit indeed. Texture leaning towards slimy; full of body, but lacking in taste; pale, fragile green in color; useless nut and stem fragment. Underwhelming of its own accord.

However, mix avocado with certain other foods, and your eating pleasure is essentially multiplied. As often as possible, I order avocado on my hamburgers. Just now I was eating some with corned beef and egg—a strange but tasty combination. Of course, one with my kind of appetite would find many things tasty if only for being edible. Still worth a try, if you're the adventurous type.

There's yet another significant computer lab I need to remember. I'm adding Film and Television Aesthetics right now. This will be my first online class. The lab here in Industrial Studies is pretty nifty. Compaq towers with plenty of familiar programs. I recognize the tables from the old Washington Square Hall lab, which has been CS-only for at least a year.

I'm curious myself how this class is going to work. There are the usual forums, common calendars, and such. But how does this help us learn about aesthetics?

[update]Sarrafan is giving me a hell of a time with the add code, saying I need to come to meetings I've already attended and otherwise forgetting about my situation. If he's not serious about getting me into the class, why bother with it this semester?

Having a hell of a time finding information on the computer's motherboard. There are no obvious brand names on the board, except for a design which might be FIC's old one. I can't tell from the hours I already spent searching. Whatever the matter, getting updates for this thing is a bitch. Possible, but punishing.

The chipset is from SiS, who provides no help finding out which motherboard I have. Their downloads/support page is just wrong. Google says that there are about a dozen or so manufacturers who utilized Sis 530/5595. I've tried identifying by other characteristics, such as the two DIMM slots, three PCI slots, and single ISA slot. I got some close matches, but nothing exact.

I've already gotten so far. I got the computer to recognize the strange new CD-ROM (lifted from my Dell) sitting where the old jacked-up one used to be. I got it to recognize itself as APM-capable again, though it won't recover from standby. I even fixed the little LEDs that indicate hard drive activity and power. I should be able to restore this system without any major trouble, but it seems that the work ethic of others is an obstacle.

The little neighbor kids next door sold me a fully-functioning, complete AMD K6-2 450mHz 10GB system for twice the price of a skateboard I bought earlier that day. An entire system with integrated audio, modem, 3½″ floppy and CD-ROM, monitor, keyboard, wheel mouse, and necessary cabling for $10. If I didn't think more of them for helping me carry the system inside, I would have walked away with $5 more. With little more than a noisy heatsink, a mangled (but probably working) CD-ROM drive, and a lack of interesting programs to deal with, the thing is pleading with me to be upgraded and updated.

Joyfully I went to Fry's, with the help of recent checks. To help switch out my working CD-ROM with the questionable one, I got a Pacific Digital 52x CD-RW drive. I also got a Maxtor 160GB hard drive, storage space desperately needed. Add to that a value pack of air sprays, a flat of Coke (and Sprite), 256MB of memory modules, and a gel wrist rest, and I'm set.

For once, I had a normal number of problems with my Fry's purchase. There was a little spat about a double-charged item, but that was briskly resolved. Unfortunately, it was for an ATI TV card, which won't work with my pitiful integrated video card. Also, the heatsink I bought won't fit with other motherboard components. Depending on how well Windows 98 takes to the hard drive, I might have some problems getting everything I paid for out of the Maxtor. The Logitech Cordless Mouse I thought was also optical isn't, but that's on my ass for not being observant enough.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do with the newcomer. At the moment, it will just be additional storage, hopefully linked by week's end. If my roommates commit to sharing a new DSL line, which was talked about over beer and pizza, one of these will then become a gateway/firewall. I would like to switch out all the good things to the roomier tower, but I'll have to read more about motherboards.

What to buy next? There are a number of ways to go: a better video card, a drawing tablet, a better processor, and so on. I could also go the hardware/appliance route and get a better TV, a digital (video) camera, or others. So long as I remember that I'm still in college with assignments due even this week, things will flow.

What simplifies 6°KB? There is only one requirement for linkage: each intermediary (actor) must have appeared with another on camera in a feature film. Crew members and other non-performers are thusly excluded. No matter how significant each pairing is, it still counts as one degree of separation—there is no qualification, no grading of links. The problem could easily be complicated by considering things such as "she only appeared with him for two minutes total, but it was the two most significant minutes of the movie." I'll leave it for properly interested parties to figure out.