How do I feel about 2001? The same way I feel about every year, I suppose. Things that went well, things I'd
like to improve, things that should never have seen the light of reality. Here's one codified reflection on the
significant events of my past year...
- The Bike
- I sorely wish I hadn't trashed it in that fit of rage one painful summer day. The solution to my
transportation problem arrived every 15 minutes on the next street corner. I could've avoided the mile-long trek
down Snell, the climb up the overpass, and all the stresses of biking with Light Rail. If I had only seen the
answer beforehand.
- Credit Rating
- The little hole I've dug myself wanted to fill itself while I was still inside. I don't
appreciate being buried in my own shortcomings. The recent late payment ticks won't help, either. Now that I've
reached an inflection point in my financial worth, the rate hike they'll likely impose upon me will just
obstruct my rise.
- Arrangement
- I meant to provide some arrangements for the band. I couldn't imagine having an 80's show
without notable artists such as Van Halen and Guns N' Roses. We managed to get through the show without anything
rock (except maybe "Call Me", though it seemed more like a swing arrangement). However, I think we did okay
without "Welcome To The Jungle" or "Hot For Teacher". Would they have detracted or would they have elevated?
- Roberts
- Hmm... Books and art supplies? Sandwiches and mismanagement? Not to dis Togo's, but I should be
able to serve customers without being ridiculed by those in charge, while my co-workers slack and defile. I'm
so glad that they've rotated the staff completely. It'll be a while until once more I can enjoy lunch there
every day, but the occasional roast beef and cranberry turkey are meals I look forward to.
Meanwhile at Roberts, the atmosphere is inviting, the management is lively, loose art supplies and 89¢
old-edition discount books become mine for use, and I can dictate what everyone snacks on. If I could just find
a way to do away with that damned Celine Dion...
- Socialism
- Once I figured out that everyone was in fact not trying to undo my master plan,
hanging with people became much easier to do. Though I still think of myself as a "free agent", there are people
around who patently enjoy my company. What more, all the antagonism and misanthropy I once considered subtle,
underhanded attempts to deny me, are acceptable forms of bonding, according to 89¢ knowledge. I don't
approve of it much, but I realize that it's just part of the human dynamic, and that I'm not as involved as
deeply as I thought in prior.
- Relocation
- Moving out of downtown has been a beneficial experience for me. Though I've lost the
convenience of proximity to places important to me, it's great to be away from the negative aspects of society.
Living with others is an engaging experience. I'm not the ideal roommate, but I've integrated my lifestyle with
people I now consider a second family. If only I had more space...
- Five Dollar Studios
- Some time ago, I maintained a diary; it didn't survive long, but it transformed the
monotony of a year into a collection of significant events and pressing thoughts. In a way, Five Dollar Studios
works like that diary. Revealed is the bulk of my introspections and ideas, explaining my personality, and
hopefully, making me an easier person to get along with.
But what Five Dollar Studios also accomplishes is the presentation of my works. Instead of lying hidden in
the confines of notepads, sketchbooks, digital storage, or worse yet, my head, my creativity is open for all to
see. Though I don't present new works every day, knowing there's a demand gives me motivation, something I've
lacked for many years. It's also comforting to know that you have a geniune interest in what I (want to) do, no
matter the level of said interest...
Also of note is the level of quality I've brought to the site. It took good time to learn how to make
everything here, but I've a pretty site, and homemade HTML/CSS skills to boot.
- Parentheticals
- I'm not sure if it shows in my earlier writing, but I was quite
fond of using parenthetical phrases (like this one) and
asides to beef up my writing style. I now work to avoid
using parentheses whenever possible by using asides. But asides are very tedious to make, since I have to add
extra code. Thus, my writing style has become clarified; the purpose of every word and sentence is scrutinized
before it ever reaches the keyboard. Once I get into writing papers and scripts, this will no doubt demonstrate
professionalism on my behalf.
- Love
- Nope. Still no one to share with it just yet, but I haven't lost anything, either. Yet, I'm still
bothered by how someone I was just beginning to share moments with by spring's end turned face and wandered out
of reach for the rest of the year. Once I stopped letting worry and doubt interfere, I was able to connect
again. The mutual respect endures, I believe—that is something I hope to maintain. Even if I'll never know
her as intimately as I had once hoped, it's great to know I haven't been merely forgotten.
It's also great to hear that a friend who found himself in a similar predicament was able to recover as well.
The fact that he did so with a voodoo death skull is quite exemplary—it takes an original man to
accomplish such a feat.
I've managed to make myself more valuable as a friend in general. For now, I think I can be comfortable with
casual relationships. Then again, why should I be satisfied with stealing only glances, when there's so much
more that can be stolen?
- A Realization
- I've managed to find the essence of my resolutions for the coming year. It consists of a
simple quote:
No, it cannot be made—Happiness is something you allow.
It comes from the observation that even the most disadvantaged person in the world somehow finds bits of joy.
Happiness, I surmise, is an emotion available to all; it constitutes the basic human drive. Somewhere in this
age of outrageous material wealth and conflicting religious ideals, this fact has been obscured by notions of
universal balance, worth as a function of possession, and a myriad of expectations with regards to the human
condition. The simple truth remains: you can be happy whenever you want. All you need to do is abandon the
compulsion that requires such happiness to come with those new shoes you buy, to be dictated by the spiritual
path you choose, or to be provided by someone you love.
It's kind of like what Eleanor Roosevelt said: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." It's
true of every emotion—you feel the way you do because you let yourself be so. No matter the situation, the
manifestation of your emotional response is yours entirely. It may never come to be realized by everyone at
every moment, but those who can command themselves in this way are that much more stronger than those who
restrict themselves to ideals. With that, feel free to apply this bit of knowledge as you will. I promise that
this realization will help you on your path.
Here's to hope.