Title: For the Better

Author: Aim

Rating: Pg...PG-13

Pairing: None...Jack/Daniel Pre-slash...

Summary: Jack doesnt come back from a mission and Danny gets worried

Archive: Sure..if ya want to

Feedback? Of course

Warning: A lil' depressing....heh..

Series: Maybe...dunno.....if ya want...

Changes

By: Aim

Daniel Jackson stood in the control room, he looked down at the gate below him and sighed.

He was being pushed up against a wall as more important people (i.e., the military types) walked in and tried to find a way to get SG-9 back in communication with them.

SG-9 was an ordinary team, the planet they had traveled to was unknown and new and they needed help...The help the got was Colonel O'Neill.

But the team hadn't made contact for four days...

So now, now that they weren't responding..everyone freaked out...

Daniel zoned out, oblivious to the racing personnel around him as he fell into his thoughts, a place he went to more and more often these days.

***************

Hey, Jack..yah, I'm talking to you in my mind again...seems its the only place we talk anymore...funny, huh?

no? I didn't think so either..

Can I tell you something? You know my Mom...my first foster Mom, the one I knew most growing up, before she died...

She always told me, that if I wanted something bad enough and believed in it, it would come true...

...After she died all I wanted was for her to come back.

Just come back and say, 'Sorry Daniel, sorry I'm late..but traffic was horrible', or, 'sorry to scare you, it was just a joke, I'm fine...'

I used to pray and hope and wish every single night and day for her to come back, but she never did....no one ever comes back...

Everyone I've ever cared for has died...You realize that? I have...My biological Mom and dad...my Foster Mom...Sha're...everyone.......everyone...and now you're gone...

.....And now all I'm wishing for, is for you to come back...I believe, I want it bad enough..so why aren't you walking through that gate?

I don't know what I'll do if you're dead..No, I don't even want to think like that....

Let's just put it this way..If you com...No...*When* you come back...when.....I won't annoy you anymore..I'll obey all commands and even pretend everything is fine when you and Sam make goo goo eyes at each other...

...even though it tears me apart every time...

God, I love you, Jack...just come back....Please...I could handle one thousand years of seeing you and Sam flirting if only I got to see you again, be near you...

Why did you go? huh? Didn't get enough outta being the big hero for our team, so when another needs your help you run at the chance. Run at the chance to risk your life...do you really mean that little to yourself, Jack?

****************

Daniel sighed as he sipped his coffee and stared down into the gate room. He was holding back tears as he silently begged for the stargate to open and let Jack come through.

All around him people were talking, walking around looking through things, trying to find a way to make contact with SG-9. Everything was happening all around him but Daniel heard nothing...immersed in his thoughts. Focused on trying not to panic, not to cry.

His brow knit together in frustration and emotional pain as he tried to calm himself.

****************

Why does everyone I care about leave? Just when I begin to know them...get close to them they leave...they die...

My parents...Died before I ever even knew them...I was a baby! Never knew what it was like to look at my parents and compare our features, our traits..our personalities...Would they have been proud of me? Would they have loved me? Wanted me? I don't know...The 'Daniel curse' killed them...

My first foster parents....My father beat me..."Because he loved me"..yah right...I used to think it was all my fault. I was a child, when he said it was my fault..I believed him...Still do. My mother loved me though...She was kind to me, loved me...She was the only mother I knew, and when I was nine, she died. After she died, my father didn't want me anymore...and I was sent to another foster family who gave up on me after a week...and then another...and another...the only thing to comfort me was my books...Guess I really am a nerd, huh?

Sha're....She died before I even knew her. She was the only person to ever care for me, or at least she pretended to...I loved her, I did. She was the only person to see something in me, something important...something meaningful...I don't know if she ever loved me..but I really don't care...She made me feel wanted..

Skarra.......yah...my brother in law. He was a sweet child and I cared for him as if he was my own child...I never had the connection with him that you did, Jack...but it still killed me inside to see him die.

So many people I've loved have died....Because I got close to them...

Don't die, Jack...Please?

Gods, Jack, If you do turn out to be ok... I'm leaving you alone. I won't get close to you anymore. Just don't leave me...don't leave like everyone else. Don't leave me, Jack.

You promised, Jack..you said you wouldn't leave me...we'd always be friends...remember?

You promised...

Why does everything have to change? Why did you and Sam have to have feelings for each other? Why did our friendship have to loose its importance...Why?

Why can't I stop loving you? Why can't I get you out of my mind? God...I can't stop the tears now...They're falling fast and you're not here to tell me it will all be ok...Please come back ....

****************

Daniel wiped his tears away with the sleeve of his jacket and looked up as Janet placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

Suddenly, the alarm went off and Daniel's head shot up hopefully.

Everyone stopped and one voice was heard above all, "Outside activation, Sir!"

Hammond sighed in relief as the next part of the sentence was added, "It's SG-9"

The general gathered his strength and said, "Open the gate" in an authoritative voice.

'SG-9! Jack!', Daniel ran down to the gate room where some soldiers were armed and ready, just in case.

The blue circle of water opened and SG-9 stepped through, along with a very tired looking Jack.

The soldiers put down their weapons as Gen. Hammond and Major Carter entered the gate room.

The general made a salute to the colonel and vice versa as words of happiness were spoken, "I'm glad you're back, Colonel."

"Extremely glad to be back, Sir!", Jack looked slightly out of it but he sounded confident.

Hammond smiled and told him that a debriefing would be in two hours, after he was checked by Dr.Fraizer

Jack nodded as the general left the room and he looked over at Sam and smiled wearily.

Sam smiled at him sweetly, "Nice to have you back, Sir"

"Thank you, Major", He grinned back at her.

Daniel gasped from the corner of the room. He felt a familiar pain in his heart and sighed, looking down at the floor. When he looked back up, Daniel, the friend and compassionate person was gone...Dr.Jackson, shy, quiet, and reserved anthropologist stood in his place. He shoved his feelings back, not wanting to hurt anymore.

Jack spoke with Sam, saying words that Daniel couldn't hear, and was glad not to. He tried to ignore the pain that still formed in his chest and pushed back his feelings as he imagined what Jack and Sam could be saying.

'Oh Jack..I love you so much..'

'Yes, I know, Sam...will you marry me?'

'Oh yes, Sir! I'd be delighted'

Daniel sighed and hitched back a small dry sob, his heart twisting and tightening in pain as it slowly broke into pieces once again.

Teal'c walked into the room and past Daniel, not seeing him. Daniel sunk further into the shadows and watched as Teal'c approached Jack and Jack slapped him on the back, saying something along the lines of, "Hey, Big guy..What's up?"

Teal'c looked over at Sam, raising a brow and they all laughed.

Daniel watched and wished he could sink into the wall, disappear..but then it got worse, Jack looked over and saw him.

Daniel's breath hitched and he looked at the door, wanting to run.

He looked back over at Jack, who had a questioning look on his face.

He couldn't stay, couldn't deal...had to run. Daniel quickly walked to the door and turned the corner out of the room.

Jack watched with a frown on his face. Looking up and seeing that Sam and Teal'c hadn't noticed, he was about to shrug it off but couldn't..He excused himself and walked after Daniel.

***************

Daniel reached the door to his office and opened it quickly. He closed the door behind him before running in and slumping in his chair as silent sobs wracked his body.

Jack was only a few seconds behind. He reached the door and turned the knob slowly, carefully. When he heard the click signaling the doors opening he opened it and walked in, closing it behind him.

Daniel hadn't even heard him and Jack walked forward slowly, stopping abruptly as he heard the soft sobs.

He ran to Daniel's side and kneeled beside him. 'Oh god, Danny...What have I done? What's the matter? Please tell me...tell me...'

He wanted to say so much, but all that escaped was a slow, "Danny....."

Daniel looked up into Jack's eyes and Jack's brown eyes softened as he wiped a tear away from the red rimmed blue eyes in front of him.

Danny was unsure for a minute, he was shivering, needing to feel Jack hold him, comfort him so much...Needing to know he was really there...

He couldn't help it anymore, he collapsed into Jack's arms. Jack held him and rubbed his back as he cried and breathed against him.

Jack let one tear escape his eyes and whispered, "I'm so sorry Danny..."

Daniel held him closer and they knew that everything would be ok....Sometimes, changes can be a good thing....

The End

************************** Part 2