Twelve Year's Old And Up.
This House Represents The House Of My Aunt, And Uncle, Of When I was Twelve
The Blue Fog Represents My Cousin Luceil Age 13 And My Cousin BettyAnn Age 7. Who Died In Their Upstairs Bedroom From Smoke Inhalation, When Their House Caught Fire.
Also The Setting For One Of My Trauma's. That Occurred In The Cellar Of That House. A Nightmare That Haunted Me Every Night Until I was Seventeen
 |
Twelve Year's Old And Up
My Dad Is a great man. He was when I was a child. And still is today. My Dad has always been protective over us. That is something that no one would ever doubt
As children we were not allowed to sleep over other people's house. Because of his fear that something could happen bad to us. He wanted us safe and to always be near. He was very strict, And sometimes over protected us because of his fears. It was through love, And that is something that I've known for year's
What I'm about to tell you, My Dad to this day doesn't know about. I'm afraid that it would kill him to know this horror trauma that happened to me. And the thought that he let me sleep over there sometimes. At my Aunt and Uncles house that he felt sure would be safe for me. He would feel responsible for letting me sleep there. To end up that something bad happened to me
My Dad trusted his sister and brother in law enough to let me sleep over their house. They had a daughter Luceil that was the same age as I. We use to have fun, My cousin Luceil and I. To say that I remember details of the trauma that happened there, Would be a lie. But there is a good reason why
When I was an adult, Doctors wanted to hypnotise me. To bring back the whole memory. I wouldn't let them because I was so afraid. Because at that time I already had to many trauma's haunting me
I was afraid if they hypnotised me. Of all that I would see and feel. I was afraid that if I remembered every detail, It would make sicker then I already feel
My uncle had a friend that was drunk all the time. The smell of beer on someone's breath use to make me physically sick, Because it brought my memory of him back to me quick. An every day night mare of my cousin Luceil and I playing hide and seek
We would run through the outside bulked, Into the cellar and then eventually up the stairs into the house. This particular day in my nightmare we hid in the cellar from my cousin Danny to find us. Who is one year older then I. Luceil and I were in the cellar one day. When on the stairs there appeared my uncles friend that was drunk. He was rubbing his private on the outside of his pants
Luceil and I were afraid of him. He was drunk, dirty and unshaved and aways tried to hug us, We hated when ever he came near us. Children can sometimes sense if someone is unsafe to go near. He was looking and calling for us. My cousin Luceil jumped out of hiding and ran up the stairs past him
But he stayed on the stairs calling for me. For he knew that I was there in the cellar. I was afraid for him to see or find me. I'm having a hard time with this, Please bear with me. I'm trying to find the right words that are very hard for me to write or think about. For the little girl in me still feels the fright of that day, As if it were today
For the little girl in me holds all the trauma memories, Inside of me. Some of that trauma she still hides from me. The last thing I remember is him coming down the stairs for me. My automatic reaction is to cry, When I just think of that part of my memory. For the little girl holds the details and won't let me remember the rest. But I'm not so sure today that was for the best
I was told by doctors when I was an adult, That she pushed the worst into my subconscious. They said she did it to protect my mind.The little girl in me knows that just to remember what I already do of my past, Makes me cry and feel like throwing up. I feel that way now from writing this. I don't remember ever getting out of that cellar. Or anything in between. I just know that it is the in between that most frightens me
I remember the recurring night mare of him coming down the stairs for me. A dream I had ever night until I was 17. Waking up crying and filled with fright. Wondering why I was so afraid of a dream that had no ending of my remembering, Of how I got out of that cellar. And what happened in between that to this day, Still frightens me
Why am I so afraid of that dream and what happened that I can't remember. Because as a child I knew something very bad happened to me. On the part 2 of this part of my life will be explained of how it was proven that I was raped that day. And my youth was taken away
By_Arlene R. Szynal
Copyright © October 20, 2000 All Rights Reserved
If You Would Like To Leave Me A Message PLease Click In Below So That You Can E-mail Me Your Words To Me.I Welcome Your Comments And I Thank You For Reading My Poems.
