"Screams Of A Child Part-1" The screams of a child. I know that well. The screams and tears that only one person besides me can hear, of that I can tell. I still hear the screams and tears of fear from the child in me that makes me not feel well At one time there were allot of people around me. But they were too afraid to come near. Because of their own fears. Fear for their own lives made them drive away from me that day I know those screams, tears and fears as if it were happening today. Being raped, molested, beaten or what ever you want to call it or say. I know that fear and pain that will never completely go away Someone trying to kill you, By strangling you with his hands squeezing around your neck. Feeling and knowing that you are about to die. As you cry praying in your mind asking God why. What did I do so wrong in my life that made this person want me to die Oh God please help me. Were the words in my prayer to God, As I was chocking and couldn't breath while that man Richard Steal was trying to kill me. As the man said to me I have no choice you see. For if you live you could cause trouble for me God made me pass out before death could come to me. That is how God saved me. It took me years to realize that and to see. That God had a purpose and a reason to save me So that I could tell my story to try and help people like me. To make them aware that they too can have Gods miracles as he has given me. If they just pray and believe Because I wouldn't give into Richard Steal's demands willingly, that I knew were wrong that would hurt me. I saw pictures before me of people that I love and the short life that I had lived coming into my view. Do you have feelings of a memory like that, That lives within you Being stalked, being caught, escaping to a house of people who were home that you never knew. But their fear kept them from letting a teenage child in to help you. As you were about to turn blue. From some one trying to kill you. I was 17 with winter cloths on that were torn with blood caused by Richard Steal of whom I never knew They shut their lights off with you knowing that they could hear you banging on their door and screaming. I know that fear and can still hear the screams for help. I know because I lived them, Knowing that only my faith and love for God could help I still live the memories in my mind. Memories I will remember in detail my whole life time. Memories and fears that I am forced to live with every day. Of things that happened to me, That no doctors have been able to make go away Some people would say that I'm lucky that I lived to see another day. After things that were done to me in that way. The question is did I live. Did I really survive. Or do I feel sometimes like I died inside. Answer my question in your mind if you can. Are my words hard to read or understand Have I been alive after that part of my past horrors, That I sometimes still feel the hurt inside. Do you think that I'm talking about me. Or is it possible that some of this true story is about you. It is about me. But I also know that it is about some of you too It is also about children who have been or are about to be victims. It is also about any person, Man or woman who reads this that has any plans in any way in thoughts in their mind of hurting a child, teenager, or even an adult in the way of which I have spoken For the people who have or are thinking of hurting any one in any way without their consent. What you do that you get pleasure from that you fool yourself into thinking that it gives you a feeling of content. Doesn't just hurt them that one day. For they relive it their whole life every day And for some it takes away the normal life that they could have had. Because what you do to them kills a part of them inside. That they sometimes find it hard to hide. That for most causes them to be mentally crippled in some way. And for some. no matter how many doctors they see. Nothing, Not even a pill can take that pain and total memory away Some live with fear when they wake up each and every day. That is if they are lucky enough to even get to sleep the night before in any way. Some even live their horror in their dreams. And wake up crying and screaming. Praying to God asking him will this nightmare ever go away Some people may think of saying to people like us. Can't you just leave your past alone and move on like the rest of us. By learning from it to make yourself a better future that you can trust We learn from it. We learn fear that no matter how nice someone may seem, look or talk to us. That doesn't mean that they are not capable of hurting us. There are no signs on people of evil to warn us. To protect us This is not written to scare. This is written in hopes to make people more aware. For most times people are raped. beaten and killed not just from strangers. It can be a relative, a friend or a friends friend not just strangers You can be fooled by a kind innocent looking face. That you can't see through it, To see that there is a sickness and satans evil behind that face. That may look and talk like it is a person of heavens grace When I was first raped I was between the age of 11 to 13. Because I was young I'm not clear of the exact age or of how many times it happened to me. A doctor when I was an adult wanted to hypnotise me. So that he would know of how many times it happened to me But it would also make me remember in detail of that trauma that would be another thing to haunt me. Worst then the dreams that I lived every night until I was 16 that made me wake up crying and screaming My Uncles Alcoholic friend raped me. That made the child in me hide from the world. That child in me hid also from me to protect me from the world. That in my head twirled I was too afraid to tell any one. I knew how bad it would hurt my parents to know of what was happening to me. I didn't know if any one would believe me. I was afraid that my Uncles friend might kill me if I told my family It was many years later when my Uncle realized that his friend was molesting his children. They and my family didn't know that it also was happening to me. That man was put in a mental institution for molesting children like me Sometimes we hear people say when they hear of something bad that happened to someone. They say, Oh My God that is awful but that can't happen to me. I would say to them please NEVER say NEVER about that to me Some of us use to think that way too. And one was me. For there was a time that I feared no one and no place until it happened to me. Richard Steal who repetedly raped and beat me and tore my cloths and tried to kill me held me captive for almost 24 hours. He never was punished for what he did to me Four years back and forth to court. Through a year of my marriage when I was pregnant with my first beautiful child Barbara. In court I was tormented with having to describe in detail of every thing that was done to me. His family was rich. They tried to bribe me to not show up in court. Because Richard admitted to his grandmother that everything that I said that he did to me was true I refused to take the promise of what his family offered me. A house, a new car and an unlimited bank account of riches so that I would live the rest of my life in luxury. I couldn't bear that Richard might do to someone else of what he had done to me. Especially a child I was told from the prosecutioner that there was a chance that they would bribe a juror and that it would be very hard for him to prove. Money did buy Richard Steals freedom. It also bought the records of me taken him to court to be sealed so that not even I can get a copy and see what is written there But what they didn't think of is that they can't seal my memories and of the part of my life that he took from me. And they can't seal my words called freedom of speech when it is the truth of which I speak. As God wants me to, I have forgiven him. But I will never forget him and the life that he took from me. Because there is no way possible to erase him from my memory from me. I just pray that he learned a lesson from what he did to me. That he has found God. And that he got help so that no women or child had to live that same trauma memory that he gave to me. For even though he didn't succeed at killing me physically. He killed a part of me mentally. That took a big part of my life that I can't get back Please don't let your guard down if something like this happened to you. With you thinking that because it happened once, there can't be a repeat of number two. From someone that you may or may not know, look at me. History can repeat itself of more evil that comes in two's. That can happen to your children or you I'm living proof of that, and so are many others that the fear we sometimes have are not unjust. We sometimes don't know for sure of who to be afraid of, and of who to trust. Don't live your life in fear. Just be cautious and aware of people who come near. And that includes your relatives and family who live far or near "Message From Me" Live your life safe. With a smile and not a sad face. My story here I wrote a very long time ago. I feel no pity for me of what I have written about me. For my love and faith in God made me know that God wanted me to tell my story that is true. In a way that may be able to help you For God can save you as he has saved me. He can help you move beyond your past hurts , So that the pain will lesson as it has for me. Some people think that if you go to see a Psychiatrist that other people will think that you are crazy. And sometimes you might think that of yourself, That makes you afraid to see that kind of doctor With a faith and love for God and a doctor that I spoke of, You have a great chance to be the kind of person that you need to be. Because a Psychiatrist is not just someone who will listen. But someone who cares to help you understand yourself. Your thoughts. your feelings with out being judgmental. They are there to help you with any problems that you have To help you find a solution for your problem. And sometimes a medication that they give you that can help you. They are not there to put you in a mental institution. They are there to help you so that you never have the need to be in an institution. They teach you psychology in a way that someday you can use what they taught you to be able to help yourself with what you have learned A doctor once told me that the people who end up in an institution are the people who refuse to believe that they have a problem. There isn't a person in the world that at some time in their lives doesn't have a problem that they need help with. Sometimes a true friend can help. But sometimes a professional can get to the core and help you faster I was also told that many Psychiatrist wanted to be one so that they can solve a small problem of their own like a fear of heights. And by learning how to help themselves, they also learn of how to help other people. And that gives them a great feeling to know that they can help people live a fuller and happier life Psychologist have the same capability. The only difference between them and a Psychiatrist is that they have to get the prescription for medication if you need one from a psychiatrist that they are affiliated with. A Psychiatrist has to have a medical degree like your regular doctors to write out prescriptions What doctors have taught me. Is how to figure out things for myself, So that I won't have a need to see them. That came from many many years of seeing Psychiatrists. And with the help from God and the help from the doctors that I saw of what I learned from them. It is the back bone for how I make my poems People should never feel embarrassed to admit that they see a Psychologist or Psychiatrist. I'm not embarrassed to admit it. If I were I would not be writing it here for the world to see. But if you have a problem and you know deep down inside that you need help with it. Please don't be afraid to seek help For the kind of doctors that can help you swore to an oath. They are not allowed to tell anyone of what you tell them unless you give your permission. For if they do tell something that you want help with but don't want any one to know. They can loose their license to being that kind of doctor. So please don't be afraid. Get help if you know that you need it. Get help today I Dedicate This Page To "Mary" My dear friend of whom has comforted me at times online with her words of great knowledge when I needed it. She is one of the kind of doctors that I spoke of on this page We haven't spoken in a while. But my friendship love for her with her beautiful earth angel heart, Will always and forever remain in my heart. And in my prayers as I thank God for her and the people of the world of who I care For she has a husband and children to love and take care of. Yet she takes the time to help others. She has helped me understand others of who don't understand me. Others that have hurt me that don't believe my love for people is real. People that think that I'm a phony Mary has helped me understand those people in the way so that their thoughts of me don't hurt me any more. I still love them and believe in them. Even though they don't love or believe in me. Thank you Mary. I miss you my friend. And I wanted people to know that you are an earth angel doctor that God chose with special love. And I'm so honored to tell the world that you are also my friend To try and be a poet that refuses to leave any subject untouched is not so easy to do sometimes. But it is the kind of poet that I more then want, I need to be. To do that I have to chalange fear. Fear that there will be some people upset at me for somethings that I write about. They might reject me and be angry with me if they don't like the subjects or words that I write As my friend Mary said to me to not give up. To not let the few who don't aprove of what I write stop me from doing of what I love to do. She told me that when the good e-mails that I get are much more then the bad ones that I get about things that I write. Then that should tell me that what I'm doing is helping people and making them feel good And Mary knows that is my dream, to help, to heal, to give love, to receive love. To make people aware of what they might normaly not care. To forgive. To see through my eyes of how to love yourself and apreciate the life that you live.To believe in yourself that you have self worth. And that you are every bit as important as every one else is to this earth To be able to face your fears head on until that fear is no more. To be able to stand up tall every time that you fall. And say to yourself and to the world that I will not give up on life. I will not give up on myself. For if I did give up I would have to face the responsability that I not only hurt myself. But I hurt all of who loves me. And that would be so wrong Live, be proud and be strong. Try your best to do nothing wrong. And if you make mistakes. Have the strength to admit to it and say that your sorry and try not to repeat that mistake again. Love your family. Love your neighbors and friends. Be a person of love that the people who love you can depend. LIVE "Thank You Mary" For being my friend God Has Truly Blessed Me When He Made You My Forever Friend By_Arlene R.Szynal Copyright © July 10, 2002 All Rights Reserved Music Midi Playing_It's Why I'm Still Alone Back Home If You Would Like To Leave Me A Message PLease Click In Below So That You Can E-mail Me Your Words To Me.I Welcome Your Comments And I Thank You For Reading My Poems. If You Would Like To Be Removed From or Join My E-Mail List Please Pick and Option, Type your Addy and Click The Submit Button. Join Remove Enter your e-mail address:
