~ Five Years Old And Up

Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

Five Years Old And Up-Part 3

"Five Years Old And Up_Part 3"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Because we were very poor, I sometimes had to wear hand me down cloths, That were my older sisters, They were to big for me. I remember the elastics I had to wear to hold my hand me down socks up

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I remember that my mother didn't like to iron. In a way I couldn't blame her. For there were six of us. She probably wouldn't have had enough time to do that before school

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So to school I would go with my elastics and wrinkled up baggy cloths. I knew what would happen when I went to school. For it happened almost every day. I remember all the children making fun of me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I tried to hide when we were at recess out side behind a tree. Hoping no one could see the tears that I couldn't hold back, From the awful things other children said, That really hurt me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I remember that in the earlier years we were so poor that we had an out house. I still wonder if we really went outside in the winter, In the blizzards in the cold to go to the bathroom in the out house. LOL I wish my mother were still alive so that I could ask her. I miss her so

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I use to walk in my sleep. To tell you the truth I'm not sure that I don't still do that. Sometimes I'm afraid to go to sleep. When I was a child my parents had to put locks on the doors to go outside. In those days where I lived on a street with all relatives, In what I called the hills of Millbury. It was safe to leave the doors unlocked

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But because Of my walking in my sleep, My parents had to put locks on the doors. High enough so that I couldn't reach. Because they at one time had to look for me when they realized that I was walking in my sleep. I would go outside

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It would scare me so bad. Not knowing where I was of where I had been. I would start off sleeping in my bed and wake up standing in different rooms in the house. This was after the locks were put on to keep me from going outside

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Dad said that I use to scare the day lights out of him. He use to wake up in the middle of the night, An instant reaction to when he was in the war and he heard the slightest noise

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He would jump up because I scared him so bad. He said that I would be standing by his bed with my eyes wide opened just staring at him. But I was sleeping. He would walk me back to bed

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Psychiatrist in my adult years told me that sleep walking is usually caused from some kind of life trauma. It can be caused from a long time illness as a child like my being in a cast for almost five years. That my mind somehow tried to hide a lot of that memory from me. Because my mind couldn't handle it as being something real happening to me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It can also be caused from child abuse of different kinds. It's hard to prove of which thing could have caused my walking in my sleep. Because I experienced many different kind of traumas through my life

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The love for my Night In Shining Armor. My Dad. And my love for God. And the love for the part of my mother that wasn't emotionally mentally ill. Helped me be who I am today

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There is a trauma missing within the past few pages. But will have to be written on a different page. For it is about my mother of what caused her emotional mental illness that hurt her children when my father wasn't home

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But when I write about that. I have to write it in a certain way so that who ever reads this will understand. And take it in the way Psychiatrist explained it to me. She was not mentally responsible and aware of how bad some of the things were that she did to my sisters, My brother and me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For she did so many good and wonderful things you see. To try and make up for the bad that she had no control of you see. I will write of all the good first on that page

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As some has been already written on these past few pages. Then I will write how she got her mental illness as doctors told me. And I will write the trauma that has affected my sisters, my brother and me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things that were hidden from my father because he wasn't there at the time to see. I'm the only one that has an understanding of what my mother was going through. Because I was the only one who sought Psychiatric help for all the traumas of different kinds that came to life after I had a nervous breakdown

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My mother is with God now. I love my mother. I would not want my Mother to have been anyone else. For some of my best qualities that I like in myself, I got from her. And the rest like my love for children and my love for life I got from my Dad. No ones life is perfect. But I believe there are special reasons for me to have as many crosses as I have had to bear

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And one of them is to prove to all who have had and still are having crosses to bear. Through Gods love and believing in him and in your self. You can conquer anything in your life. If you open up your heart to loving yourself enough to let Gods love in

He will heal all your physical and mental pain. And he will be by your side to catch you when you start to fall. And if any more crosses come upon you to have to bear. He will be there to help you carry your cross with his love and tender care

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By_Arlene R. Szynal
Copyright � October 8, 2000 All Rights Reserved

Sign My Guestbook
View My Guestbook

Music Midi Playing_Unicorn Horn

Rose Picture By_Rob's World

Background By_KnightRealm's Index

Nevr2lb's Bars/Lines/Divider Gifs_My WhiteStarBars

Back Home