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Maybe I could try counting sheep. I went to bed at a respectable enough time, but I was back up at 2am and I've been up since then, just fretting- for lack of a better word. I couldn't sleep because I was restless with the remnants of a long conversation I had last night with someone that is now lingering in my head. I'm not gonna address this person, and I'm (definitely) not going to recount our conversation- he knows who he is, and he knows what we talked about (well at least I THINK he knows!!!)... He described the issue as one on a sort of well... for several months it has been on the periphery of my mind, but after that conversation and into the night through which I couldn't sleep, the matter has just come swelling and pulsing through me in a fierce and powerful way. It would consume me if I let it- but I don't, not anymore. I don't let it consume me, but I do let it motivate me, inspire me, sustain me, excite me, intrigue me, enlighten me... It keeps me focused, it lends specificity and urgency to my goals, it is an ever-present source of strength and even without explicit articulation, it felt good to share that deep, burning and genuine sentiment with a kindred spirit. Thank you A'..

It's hard to pinpoint why it was such a nice evening- I mean all I really did was take the kids to see a movie and buy some "Almay" powder fresh clear-gel deordorant and to dinner, but I came home feeling incredibly content. I dosed off a little early for the night on accident. I slept like a baby, yeah, that is until at 4:30am I got THE CALL. You know, THE CALL. THE CALL that no matter how tired, busy, groggy, out of minutes on your cell phone... you are, you will drop everything to take THE CALL. We talked for two hours, until 6:30 this morning- I still can't believe that- and I fell back asleep without any trouble. Suffice it to say, the conversation put an unexpected but pleasant enough cap on an otherwise lovely few days. 


A borrower nor a lender be. My aunt and I went to dinner last night. She's visiting us for a minute. I suppose you'd have to know my aunt and I to understand why this was such a noteworthy occurence, but it was. She walked into our house, hollered to me from a distance, I hardly looked up- completely poised to hear her launch into a tirade about how if I werent so lazy I would be cleaning up the house for my mother (uh, I do do that but maybe not when you seen it) or ask why my daughters hair doesnt look combed (uh, I take care of them and their hair stays combed but I cant be there every second behind them doing their hair everytime they decide to lay down or roll around on the carpet but I do my best' ya know to keep their hair in shape) or fuss about something else equally as anal. It doesn't bother me- I'm a pro at tuning her out. But instead she blew me out the water when she called, "Stanky boo- you wanna go to dinner?" So of course I acquiesced before she could rescind the offer, threw on some jeans and met her at the front door. We went to Applebee's, just the two of us, discussing clothes and shoes (we cant have a deep convo'--she doesnt know to chill' and listen and hear people out first-So I dont go there) and we chatted at random. It was odd. The pessimist in me kept expecting her to drop some bombshell like sayin' some really rude comments toward me or saying I was adopted. It actually went nice. I suspected she enjoyed it as much as I did- but we are both too prideful to ever say so. Dont get me wrong, my aunt is a good person who is religious,no kids, never married, no man, and she would never wrongly physically do anything to harm or hurt anyone. She just has her issues in the insecure/bossy department. When we got back we retreated to our respective corners- her to the living room couch and me to my bedroom- where we will wait until the bell rings to signify it's time for a new round of interaction.


And hey again!!! Speaking of people you dont have great acquaintances with'...I made a bad financial gamble with someone who's credit aint get it.  You'd THINK I'd KNOW better- seeing as how I watched Judge Judy twice a weekday every weekday at work (by force)... But in the middle of May I lent John Doe $20. How about that? Me- lending somebody money like I have a REAL job or any money to lend anyone. Who am I kiddin?!  Ha! He mysteriously hasn't returned a single phone call since. He said he'd pay me back in three days. We see how well that worked. Whatever. I figured we'd cross paths soon enough- we always do, but why do I call this negro last night (not expecting him to answer, he has caller id and has deftly avoided my calls of course) and his PHONE is disconnected. Dude done skipped town with my money!!! And this time last year he was swearing he wanted to be with me for life. Ha!!! I laughed then and I laugh now. He dont even know my middle name. Ah well, it'll never happen again. That's for sure. Too bad I got over my vindictive side or I'd post a picture of his fine black ass with a warning. A year of friendship dissolved over a $20 loan. Those are the breaks. So I lost a friendship with a man I once knew. He gave me his word too..."I have yo money girl dont worry..........!" Ain't life grand.


On Tha' Flip Side. Friday night I went over to J's house, and after her roommate and another girl came by the four of us just wound up chillin'. We drank- well two of us did, I and my pregnant girlfriend abstained- and watched two ridiculous HBO movies and gossiped and otherwise enjoyed a pretty mellow evening. I hadn't been over there in a while; I kinda missed those knuckleheads for a minute. And in an odd departure for me I was glad no one felt like gettin' dressed and goin' out 'cause neither did I. I don't know if I've been anti-social or just feelin' laid back lately, because the night before even though they and my sister went out I actually wound up staying in too. 

   Looker On's and digits. I think the most "ghetto" way/place/time I have ever given anyone my phone number was  when I was walking from this store... I saw this really good lookin' black guy on a still' bus who was rockin his head back and forth and 110% enunciating the words "Can I get your number". He was trying to get my attention inside the bus, and when he did I proceeded to flash him the ten digits of my phone number one by one with my fingers. I didn't think he'd be able to decipher it between the movement of the bus jetting off and its tinted windows, I really only did it to trip out my girl, but- as he proved when he called the next night- he did catch all 7-digits. I still can't believe I did that *laffin*. The brother sure was fine though. But now I think the most "ghetto" way/place/time I have ever gotten anyone's number was at the Wendy's after a long day/nite. I was out with my good friend when I was of age 15 and I swear I can't remember ever coming home so tired. My good friend back then had spent the nite over my house. We didnt get any sleep really. Then we woke up to laughin, talkin, being silly and just using up energy man. Then we decided to round up 3 great friends and go out. Through the process not all showed up but we worked with what we had (one friend). We tried to find this party but had no suck luck, so we went to the movies, then we end up walkin forever trying to find someone's house and they werent even at home so we had to walk all the way back and I didnt have on the right kind of shoes for walkatons. Oh yeah- back to the ghetto-fabulous number getting. We're at Wendy's and when the guy ask "Can I take your order please". I said "Yes! Id like to take advantage of your #4!". My friend had already said he was a cutie for sure but walked like a geek (he was just shy/nervously walkin in my presence because he liked me I think because he smiled at me for too long) So we proceeded to sit down and enjoy our meal. We had a minor discussion about his cuteness and she asked me if I wanted his number. I said dont go ask him...! Then she was like you scared, what is he gonna do? make sure you never ever get a job at Wendys? lol. I said okay just ask him if he has a girlfriend and can people call him. My friend walks up to him while he's eating in the same dine as us assuming he's on his break or something. She goes say man whats your name? He was like Thomas, whats yours? (He was mac'n to my friend at first cuz she aint mention me til like 5 good minutes into the conversation, so she wouldnt seem so boy crazy) Then nobody had a pen. So he went to get a pen and wrote my his # on a napkin. I wasnt one to call the boys first so I wasnt sure what to do with his #. Then I read the napkin and he has written on it "Give me a call if you wanna see how I ball" LOL! *Tossin a bag of corn his way* That was so funny and corny to us. We never got to hit it off because his mother would say I had the wrong # everytime I called lmao...So I just stopped calling.

    Another really ghetto way I got around to someone's digits/vice versa was when I was at the beauty shop getting my hair did. This place was really an action packed place. It was a beauty shop on one half and a barber shop on the other half. You had loud continous rap music going on one half of the place and loud continous r&b going on the other half of the place. You also had bad lil' kids runnin around screamin and dancin...and cryin babies, dudes talkin too loud, girls gossipin too loud, a lot of flirtin', and baby moma's yellin at their kids. I got there at 8am but she didnt get to my hair until 9:45am. I was soo unhappy about this'...at how she let 2 girls go ahead of me cuz she do their hair more often and with all that gossipin and phone talkin she was doin' wasted another 30 minutes or so. Anyways when I was gettin my hair did'...with loud rap music in the background' so loud, this guy walks up to me and taps me on my shoulder and whispers in my ear' "Say my patnah wanna holla at you" I said what? who? He wrote on a piece of paper "boy in red shirt, red cap" yes or no. I said I got somebody sorry. Actually I hadnt but all these hoochie mamas was up there starin at me like "You think you all dat or somethin, you lil mixed breed psh whatever" so...I just said it like that so no hard feelings and situation resolved. The girl doing my hair was always cool to me but she aint have to do bad business on a sista' like that. Or maybe the time I was at  this rap concert in the hood and this guy wanted me to write my number on his hand because he didnt have any paper on him. He didnt walk away with my number though. He said he was 25 (goh) I was just 15 still.

Yes I remember these moments because I neva forgets anything...usually lol.