That Kidlet Son Of Mine

Last night he and I stopped by the local grocery store on the way home to pick up a few things so my mommy wouldnt have to (not that she even ask me to go for her but I like to do things when I can for her), and as always when we walked in he made his usual proposal to go see the toys. I said Xavier, hun dont start that Im so spoiled stuff today here. He knew exactly what that meant because he stuck his lip out and didnt say nothing. I cannot talk to him anymore like a little baby he's a growing boy. I said you be a good little boy for mommy and we can go see the toys. Oh and they had to have a huge pin of colorful bouncing balls on display again.. After our last trip here, during which I made him put back the ball I had already told him he couldnt get it because he wouldn't stop throwing it in the aisles. I suppose Xavier learned his lesson, because this time he asked me again and before I even admonished him, he said "I wont throw it". So we're walking along, I stop to check something out and he sees this lil' kid with the same ball bouncing it away and its flying everywhere knocking all sorts of things off shelves while his preppy lookin' mother ignores him. So Xavier decides to run over to him to play with him and help him bounce the ball all over the place. I whipped my head around and said as sternly as I could (you know I'm not hard) "Xavier, get over here son. Baby you need to stay where mommy can see you." By this time I was ready to go because looking on the toy aisle was the last thing on my mind. So we're checkin' out and he goes "Mommy I want my ball". I said Xavier, baby you can wait til we get home. Im sorry my son is not going to get everything he shouts and pouts for. (Well he might but not so directly). He started pouting and I said straighten that face if you want your ball. Sigh...this kid drives me up a wall sometimes. If you have children, you know they can be so active and so whiny and so mouthy sometimes...I was feelin' like aunt flow was makin' an unannounced visit too. Along with a bad headache because I forgot my glasses at home. The spoiled kid who he was playing with in the store earlier were right behind us. Some rich ol' little kid and his unconcerned mother. This kid was screaming,picking up stuff and dropping it and leaving it there, fussing at his mother, talking loud to the strangers shoppin,throwing that ball every which way and hitting people and jus being overly obnoxious and his mother didnt do a thing about it either. Im sorry but Im not letting my child be some mannerless, obnoxious, ruthless kid with no home training skills. When we got in my car, my son goes "Mommy, Ima bounce the ball outside". I said thats right baby...you play with balls outside. He said "I want a kiss mommy". I landed one right on his forehead and he laughed because he stuck his lips out. Then I gave him one on his lil' rosy reds. Then goes "I love you mommy"...I said I love you too Xavier! I love this kid of mine somethin' terrible. I really do...



10... 9... 8... 7... 6... "

Every once in a while I have these Mommy moments where I just have to breathe deep and count (and pray) or else I'd haul off and say something uncool or else pop them one. Tonight I had one of those moments.  Tonight my son decided he needed to throw his shoes at the fireplace while I was stirring the spaghetti (yes, we're having chunky beef spaghetti again, who's fault is that?) in the kitchen. So where are his shoes that I just placed next to the front door neatly for in the morning? ON the fireplace where this nice expensive vase was sitting. Where did it wind up? ON the floor in pieces. You would have thought all that carpeting of ours would have cushioned the blow- but nope. I was SO hot. I know he didn't mean it, he didnt know what do with his anger, but still- he ought not be throwing things in the house- oh man I was hot! Xavier got upset because he could not jump on the couch. He's been coming home from his learning school with his new adaptive behavior he's been learning from some of the spoiled rich lil brats in his class. He's been so fussy about every little thing. I thought we passed the terrible 2's because he's 3 now. After he broke the vase, he started screaming crying and jumping like "Oh..shhhooot I better do something dramatic because I just f*cked up".

My girls are behaving wonderfully and in their room playing away like nobody's business until dinner is ready. Though earlier my oldest was pouting about not being able to go skating with her friend because I dont liker her friends parents. They curse at their 5 year old daughter all the time. That irritates me to the end and Id be damned if they cursed at my child. So she gave me a hard time earlier. I kinda had a lot on my mind already. My son is just a trip sometimes. Is it just that boys like to prove that they are the tough guy?  I had him go sit on the couch for a few minutes, and on the way over he didn't even bother to mumble under his breath- he shouted "I hate yew!" "Shoopid ass!" and then he tries to attack me, kicking me hard too and it takes me like 20 seconds to make him fully stop, and the little bit of calm I had remaining dissipated- fast. I yanked him up by his arm and took(not dragged) him with me, made him go use the bathroom (if he gets upset enough he'll wet his pants), and put him in his bed while I went to my room for a second to get myself together. I had nothing to say to him yet. He was lookin all scared and tryin' to make me let his arm go...cryin out' "mommy your hurtin me". Now I would never physically or emotionally ever try to hurt my dear son who I love with my life and more. He was just wantin my pity. I'm already on edge about the less than admirable new vocabulary he came back with when he got back from his field trip from school and I might have talked to him right then if I hadn't been so pissed. 

Im home alone with my kids and my sisters kids. I-yih-yih! I let him stay in his room alone for 2 minutes max, goodness sake my poor baby is barely 3 but he's a smart 3 year old with more sense than people give him credit for too.  I went in the room and rubbed him until he calmed down enough for me to talk to him (there was no sense in me trying to impart some moralizing while he was sobbing so hard his little chest was heaving). He apologized, put into his own words what he had done wrong and what he learned ("Mommy I sorry, I sooo sorry, I soooo sorry, I sorry...I was bad, I not goin to say it no more") I said do not say those words again, those are bad words. Dont say those words to anyone. Then he goes "Mommy you hurt me". I said I hurt you where??? He just nods his head at me real sad because he's trying to explain himself better but cant. He's trying to say I hurt his feelings. I gave him his little lecture on not fighting, not throwing things in the house, his temper, his whining so much.  I left him in the bed while I went to finish my dinner- still hot about him breaking ish, but much more-so for his outburst.

    I brought him down for dinner a little while later, still annoyed that somehow  apparently he picked up the "I hate you" "Stupid ass" phrase- talking like that child had lost his doggone mind. What annoys me even more is the way my sisters man comes over  and usurps my authority by insisting all loudly in front of him "you should have spanked him, that's what you should have done". Um, no. The kid was already hysterical (literally), upset that he got sent to bed early, embarrassed that he's in trouble and mommys mad at him- I didn't think topping it off with the lesson that "pain along with force is the answer,so I can hit you" was in order. My family would be in an uproar if they knew I was passing licks to my kids. I will say this though, if they are dangering theirself physically and I have told them to stop and explained to them why the need to stop and they do it again, then they get spanked but only once and not hard. I say if spanking your child is the only way to get your point across, then you are not doing it right. 

I fed my son his dinner as I talked to him about his behavior and I ended it with a big kiss on his little rosy red lips and a snuggy hug. I said are you a bad boy and he shook his head no real fast. He goes "Im a good boy". I said well you have to be a good boy for mommy so you wont get in trouble okay. He goes "k..." while drying up his tears. He just was still hugging my neck tight and sniffing still and being overly quiet. Then I gave him more kisses and the discussion was over.

I learned in psychology class about the proper way to instruct lesssons to a child at different ages, and I try to take in account the knowledge I acquired in class, plus my own common sense that I rely on 90% of the time. They said at ages 2-4 just put into their heads good vs. bad (good girl/boy vs. bad girl/boy) nothing else...just keep it simple and to the point. It sounds like common sense which it is but when you hear it as a profession, analyzed with meaning and direction, makes it sound more uncommon. It is hard to follow through but I try my best not to give up on them or let my patience run out. I kinda felt bad in reacting so quickly but I was taking care of 7 children alone at which some point all of them were whining or crying about some matter and me here with a boiling stomach and a headache too. I dont know what was floating around in the house that nite but it was cranky.  


"Conversations"

Two nights ago LaShae shot up in bed and called out to me. The conversation went like this:

LaShae(excited, nervous, and almost angry): Mommy! Something's wrong with my *---*!
Come 'ere!

Me(calm and slightly amused): What's wrong with it Shae?

Shae(pointing): Look at it! It keeps... it keeps... makin' me fart!
Aside from her getting in trouble,lectured and questioned about the choice of language...I couldn't help but chuckle to myself, and she seemed quite satisfied with my simplistic explanation of why that happens- and when she asked did it happen to me I explained it happens when it needs to happen, only it knows when it needs to. That kid cracks me up.... 

    Prioritizin'... 

I just can't seem to reread this quote enough times: "You must always keep your long term and short-term goals in sight. You must also realize that often times your goals are not the same as the goals of your friends [and especially of those who are NOT your dear good friends...]. This means that you cannot always do what your friends are doing. To accomplish your goals you must accept the trade-offs. In addition, it is important to note that different goals require different trade-offs... if your goal is to get into graduate next year from college and your friend's goal is to be [whatever], you must realize that you may have to study when he or she does whatever/whenever. Why? For one, because if you always do what he or she does, you may end up being a [whatever] instead of getting that real job someday. Yeah, that real job that your kinda afraid of getting because you have high hopes. "Different goals require different trade-offs." Preparation+Organization+Determination+Chance+Prayer will get you there. Common sense advice, of course, but it always helps to hear it from someone other than myself. 


 

    "AHHHH!!!"

 OH MY GOD!
 I CANT BELIEVE WHAT I DID!
 OR RATHER- I CANT BELIEVE WHAT I DIDN'T DO!!!
 I BOUGHT TWO OUTFITS  TONIGHT AND PAID AND TOLD THEM TO HOLD THEM 'TILL THE END OF THE NIGHT 'CAUSE I DIDNT FEEL LIKE LUGGING THEM AROUND THE MALL ALL NIGHT- AND I LEFT THEM IN THE MALL! I CAME HOME WITHOUT PICKING THEM UP! I WALKED RIGHT OUT WITH MY OTHER PACKAGES AND NEVER WENT BACK INTO THE DARN STORE! I FORGOT TO PICK THE BITCHES UP!
 OMG! I SAID BITCHES!
 TWICE!!!


 I'm pissed about leaving my outfits smack in the Grapevine Mall. And in answer to the (already asked) obvious questions: The store closed when I noticed this about 10 minutes after driving in my car.  The mall opens at 10 tomorrow morning, and no I can't go by then, because I will be an hour and a half away at home and at a doctors appointment. I had bought these outfits for an occasion too. So anyway, I hurled myself into my pillow and tried to force up a sob (it didn't work, but the ceramic heart-shaped candle holder got broke oops...I was being so careless as I went to my room feeling bombed out over this). Yo! I spent 3 hours in this mall and drove an hour and a half to get there and spent mad doe' there...and it took time to find the right outfits too. I went thru downtown Dallas's suicide hectic traffic for nothing...sigh. I cannot get  over my dumb-ass-ish-ness. Then the next morning I called and explained my situation vividly and they said they would hold them for me. Thank You!! :)

Check out this poem I once heard on Oprah. Im not embarassed to say I love that woman and that she's da bomb to me.  

Poem: "I hope I dance... "

"Risk Taking is Free"
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feeling is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams before the crowd
is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure. But the risk must be taken,
because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The men and women who risk nothing, do nothing,
have nothing, are nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
Chained by their certitudes, they are slaves,
they have forfeited freedom. Only a person who risks--is free to dance.