• CORNER: definition
    the angular
    part or space
    between meeting lines,
    edges, or borders
    near the vertex
    of the angle.

    VERTEX: definition
    the intersection
    of two endpoints,
    connection or
    togetherness as one.

    KANDI: definition
    but not limited to'
    5'4 .
    black italian mix.
    college junior.
    sista now
    in the
    dirty south.
    chosen one.
    open minded.
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Monday May 20, 2002

You Go Girl!
The black girl won Survivor 4 on CBS long aired strenuously challenging game show! Woo go Vee! Im sorry I could not participate in that show. To be away from food,clean water, showers, beds, and a roof over my head at night for that long in the wilderness with wild animals and nasty bugs. That really is such a sacrifice cuz this sista' couldnt do it. I watch nearly all the episodes! To be quite frank, Sean kept me interested enough to start watching the show. His strong political correct black man attitude, his coolness, his dearness to Vecepia and just the way he carried himself, the style ya know. He was a true brutha representin'! WOW (his body! although it was kinda short? lol) He kinda reminded me of D'Angelo a tiny bit too. But, sorry he's taken ladies. Im amazed at how 2 black people made it that far on this popular American broadcasting show/game. I was rooting for Sean and Vecepia, from day one. Kathy did play the game well enough to win but Vecepia was just too clever! Although I didn't think for one moment either of them would win. Although I thought they'd come close maybe. Come on, the odds just aren't good to bet on black, not in mass market entertainment of American Pop-"cookie cutter" Culture. We all have seen enough action movies to know the black guy always gets shot/ eaten/ caught/ killed first. But I root for them anyway, without much thought. I prayed that Vecepia would get that last vote as it came down to it. When she fell out on the ground like someone pushed her down I thought that was a bit funny. Then I was all excited for her. It feels good (even in the relatively insignificant arena of "reality" tv gameshows) to see black come out on top. Vee (Vecepia) just won a million dollars! Yay!

P.S. Homegirl had the right hair-do for a 36 day adventure into the jungle.

It was hard for me to watch after that because my favorite all time television show The Cosby Show' was having their lil' celebration special on NBC. Arent they just so beautiful! That sums them up in one word. I know every show line for line almost and that is no exaggeration! I watched the Cosby show when it was being aired on NBC on Thursday nites. I can remember every Thursday nite after dinner, me and my family would watch the Cosby show lol. I still watch the repeats and laugh on the same parts I have always laughed on lol! I liked what the cast had to say for instance:

-- "The only time we were not acting was when we laughed..."
-- "Bill would add-lip and take our lines to see how well we could really act or just to mess with us, he was always trying to get us off balance to loosen up some..."
-- "We truly had a family chemistry, I think thats why we could bring the show together the way we did..."
--"There are only 5 Cosby kids on this earth..."
-- "The greatest educated parents and most romantic were definitely Cliff and Claire."
-- "The Cosby Show wasnt just a black family, they were a family period...!"
-- "Bill's show ideas where to have the show with mainly blacks who were educated and well-balanced but show issues dealing with parent-kid relationships and solving them realistically but classy,clever,color-ful,funny and jazzy as he would do it naturally"
-- "Who ever said we couldnt be a black family realistically living in some nice brownstones in Brooklyn,New York with a doctor as a dad, lawyer as a mother, and well mannered, adjustable kids...was being really shallow and limited view on Afro-Americans and in education."
-- The Cosby Show was the biggest trend setter in sitcom television but there has not been another "Cosby Show" since."
-- "The way the show ended when the lights were off and Bill slow danced Phylicia Rashad (aka Claire Huxtable)off the set and through the exit doors." (looked so cute)

They had guest speakers Quincy Jones and Oprah Winfrey. Im still puzzled why the 3rd guest was on the special, Mr. Sean Combs, Puff Daddy, P-Diddy (*NAS voice* damn you on that jazz lol). Phylicia Rashad is gorgeous! A natural beauty she is. Some people have told me my own mother favors her. Actually 3 different people in 3 different times of my life have brought this to my attention. Anyways, Bill Cosby and Oprah Winfrey are my biggest inspirations to stay positive, keep searchin',smilin',dreamin',hopin',lovin', fightin',educatin',stayin' humble,progressin' and to be myself. I just had a great television watching weekend which is so rare because most shows that come on television these days are so boring or copycat. Showtime At The Apollo' had Kids Talent Show Amatuer nite this past Saturday. It was sooo good! They are the only reason why I watch the show period. I barely watch television these days unless its something that really captures my attention.

Go Outside Already! I threw my son his 3rd birthday at this kiddy ghetto pizza place over the weekend. I tried to dress him really cute in his lil' timberlands on, khaki pants on, lil' preppy colorful cute button down tshirt from the Kids GAP (that I should of never bought on my tight budget), wit a bead necklace, watch on, and i did his hair in corn-rows. I showed him, himself in the mirror and he just gave this blank stare lol. I said man you look so fresh and so clean' clean' with your lil' gear on. He still didnt say nothing, oh well he was wearing it regardless lol. There must of been like 15 other parties going on while I was trying to have his lil' party. He was being such a great little boy for mommy too. Out of the 15 invitations I sent out for a total of 35 kids, 12 kids showed up. Which worked out so great for me (lol). The majority of kids were girls but was kinda a plus too (lol). He sat down in the chair I told him to sit in for like 90% of the time which surprised the heck outta me. While the other kids ran around playing on all the kiddy games. I was like Xavier baby, go play with the other kids (like go be a kid lol). Then he goes but mommy, I want to sing the song now (Happy Birthday song lol). It was way too early for that so I rushed him off to play. Once everybody did sing to him he sang along with them lol. Then a party was going on like 3 tables away from us and he walks over there and stands by them as they were singing "Happy Birthday" (he thought they were singin' to him lol). We all had a nice lil' time over all. My sister's 9-month year old baby girl Solae is soo cute! My sister had her lookin' so cute that nite. She's the happiest baby in the world too! She will smile if you smile. My mother was holding her and I walked over to play with her for a minute. I said hey mami' and she glance up at me lookin' as if she was in such a drunkened state and then she just closed her eyes and went right to sleep lol. I was kinda feelin' beat too trying to do all I could to make this moment special for him. My sisters friend A' brought (her cousin' who brought her 3 year old son.) This boy was rappin' and dancin' to Fat Joe's "What Luv" like it was cute. Her cousin was like mad ghetto so I understand, yada, yada, yada but damn your 3 year old girating and going on but then I asked him what his name was he said "Tiny". I said whats your real name? He said "Tiny tha' 3rd". He was cute tho'...I said well oh k "Tiny tha' 3rd". Im sorry but Im not raising my son to be a penis grabbin,female disrespectin', cursin', weed smokin, and playerish lil boy. I want to raise him into a well balanced,adjustable,lovable gentleman. However, I know not everyone has that chance to possess the proper channeling,resources and tools to achieve that...due to education, racism, discrimination, prejudices, hate, and oppression. You really have to count your blessing ya know. I want my son to attend a historically black college and make something out of himself. I did give the little boy a hug and a high-5 and he was smiling so shy. His mom was like he's a big flirt lol. Poor lil' man...he aint know any better tho'. I know one cannot predict the future or be in control over someones life. However, you can influence it greatly by many factors but...Ima try my darn near hardest to give him the opportunity to make the best out of his life.
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Wednesday May 22, 2002 

Man oh man.  Yesterday was so sweet. For once I actually did everything on my "to do" list and more (that never happens- and I still have a wealth of things to accomplish before the week is out), AND through some fluke this known black beauty shop is doing hair free for a style show, and luckily for me it was at a perfect time- of course I snatched the appointment up. I dont want nothing crazy, I usually wear the quiet but jazzy, simple do's. However I do need to my hair cut trimmed and flat ironed. Now how many times can you go to the hood and get your hair did for free? Never. Unless they having a style show. 

   Looky here at what I found. I copied it straight from the paper it was wrote on. I was cleaning out my closet and found some this old diary I once started but did not it keep up for long. I remember this moment very vividly...too. Here goes a trip down memory lane...Im kinda embarassed but taking in mind I was a youngin' then again Im not.

 The Worst Schools Are Jr. High and High School.  Let's just say you're 13, in the 8th grade, and your family doesnt have a clue about your love life.. Let's say you start a new middle school and your mother doesnt have the finances to dress you in the latest fashion. Let's say you really dont care too much because your a tomboy anyways. Let's say you dont too much fit in anywhere at your school because it is so preppy and so unrealistic. Let's say you are a quiet one around strangers. And let's just say there is this gorgeous but thuggish ninth grader named Rashad Corey Dangerfield. Let's say you have an overwhelming crush on him- you skip 7th period Spanish, which you had a substitute anyway, to sneak to the gym and watch him play basketball; you skip out on lunch early so you can be seated in the computer lab when he gets out of homeroom and goes to the computer lab; you beg your friends to come with you to watch the college basketball games on the weekends where he sells sodas for his basketball team fund; you pray you never drop a notebook near him seeing as how all of yours are totally covered in his name; you send him an anonymous candy-gram on Valentine's and wish somethin' terrible that the one of the unsigned ones you got were from him...

Let's say you dont think you have a shot in the dark with this guy because he's just too popular and into girly girls. Let's say your impressed with his friendlyness to everybody regardless of their clique association. Let's say you are crazy about him the whole school year and then one day, on the day of your 8th grade graduation, when you and a couple hundred other kids all cheery and dressed up and running around signing yearbooks and giving teary goodbyes, let's say Rashad's best friend comes up to you in the cafeteria where you are getting punch with a close friend named LaToshia and her folks since your mother is working and cannot be at your graduation and neither can the rest of your family due to their jobs. Let's say your starting to feel akward, shy and sad because your family can never make it to special moments for you. Let's say your trying not to show this because you never show your weakness infront of friends. 

    Let's say say then Rashad's friend says to you, "Hey, aren't you Kandi?" Yeah. (you know that?) "Do you know Rashad?" Yeah.(of course) "Did you know he likes you?" He does?(oh my goodness) "Yeah, he does. He wants to know what high school you are going to next year. Now let's say you think you hear cherubs calling, you feel queazy and happy and faint, you have to fight not to sigh and pass out right then and there. Let's just say now Rashad's friend bust out laughing as if it was an evil joke that he's just played on you. Let's say now Rashad comes up to his friend and starts wrestling him out of embarassment. Let's say Rashad comes up to you and goes ewww...I dont like you, your a boy, I dont like tomboys. Let's say you laugh with him as he laughs at you for being a tomboy. Let's say you walk out the side door of this nice huge theater where this graduation is taking place and hide and cry your eyes out. Let's say you cannot believe the guy you lived for all year long has totally ruined your day. Let's say you skip out on the after party which consisted of great free food,rap music of our own selection not just teacher approved songs, playin' games from a screen television, free cool prizes, swimming pool,and the chance to throw a pie at any teacher who got on your nerves for any reason. Let's say instead you went home to cry some more.


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