Last night he and I stopped by the local grocery store on the way home to pick up
a few things so my mommy wouldnt have to (not that she even ask me to go for her
but I like to do things when I can for her), and as always when we walked in he
made his usual proposal to go see the toys. I said Xavier, hun dont start that Im
so spoiled stuff today here. He knew exactly what that meant because he stuck
his lip out and didnt say nothing. I cannot talk to him anymore like a little
baby he's a growing boy. I said you be a good little boy for mommy and
we can go see the toys. Oh and they had to have a huge pin of colorful bouncing
balls on display again.. After our last trip here, during which I made him put back the ball I had already told him he couldnt get
it because he wouldn't stop throwing it in the aisles. I suppose Xavier learned his lesson, because this time he asked me again and before I even admonished him, he
said "I wont throw it". So we're walking along, I stop to check
something out and he sees this lil' kid with the same ball bouncing it away and
its flying everywhere knocking all sorts of things off shelves while his preppy
lookin' mother ignores him. So Xavier decides to run over to him to play with him and
help him bounce the ball all over the place. I whipped my head around and said as sternly as I could (you know I'm not hard)
"Xavier, get over here son. Baby you need to stay where mommy can see you." By this time I was ready to go because
looking on the toy aisle was the last thing on my mind. So we're checkin' out
and he goes "Mommy I want my ball". I said Xavier, baby you can wait
til we get home. Im sorry my son is not going to get everything he shouts and
pouts for. (Well he might but not so directly). He started pouting and I said
straighten that face if you want your ball. Sigh...this kid drives me up a wall
sometimes. If you have children, you know they can be so active and so whiny and
so mouthy sometimes...I was feelin' like aunt flow was makin' an unannounced
visit too. Along with a bad headache because I forgot my glasses at home. The
spoiled kid who he was playing with in the store earlier were right behind us.
Some rich ol' little kid and his unconcerned mother. This kid was screaming,picking
up stuff and dropping it and leaving it there, fussing at his mother, talking
loud to the strangers shoppin,throwing that ball every which way and hitting
people and jus being overly obnoxious and his mother didnt do a thing about it either. Im sorry but Im not
letting my child be some mannerless, obnoxious, ruthless kid with no home
training skills. When we got in my
car, my son goes "Mommy, Ima bounce the ball outside". I said thats
right baby...you play with balls outside. He said "I want a kiss
mommy". I landed one right on his forehead and he laughed because he stuck
his lips out. Then I gave him one on his lil' rosy reds. Then goes "I love
you mommy"...I said I love you too Xavier! I love this kid of mine somethin' terrible.
I really do...
10... 9... 8... 7... 6...
Every once in a while I have these Mommy moments where I just have to breathe deep and count (and pray) or else I'd haul off and say something uncool or else pop
them one. Tonight I had one of those moments. Tonight my son decided he needed to throw his
shoes at the fireplace while I was stirring the spaghetti (yes, we're having
chunky beef spaghetti again, who's fault is that?) in the kitchen. So where are
his shoes that I just placed next to the front door neatly for in the morning? ON the
fireplace where this nice expensive vase was sitting. Where did it wind up? ON the floor in pieces. You would have
thought all that carpeting of ours would have cushioned the blow- but nope. I was SO hot. I know he didn't mean it, he
didnt know what do with his anger, but still- he ought not be throwing things in the house- oh man I was hot!
Xavier got upset because he could not jump on the couch. He's been coming home from his learning school with his new adaptive behavior
he's been learning from some of the spoiled rich lil brats in his class. He's
been so fussy about every little thing. I thought we passed the terrible 2's
because he's 3 now. After he broke the vase, he started screaming crying and
jumping like "Oh..shhhooot I better do something dramatic because I just f*cked
My girls are behaving wonderfully and in their room playing away like nobody's
business until dinner is ready. Though earlier my oldest was pouting about not
being able to go skating with her friend because I dont liker her friends
parents. They curse at their 5 year old daughter all the time. That irritates me
to the end and Id be damned if they cursed at my child. So she gave me a hard
time earlier. I kinda had a lot on my mind already. My son is just a trip
sometimes. Is it just that boys like to prove that they are the tough guy?
I had him go sit on the couch for a few minutes, and on the way over he didn't even bother to mumble under his breath- he shouted "I hate
yew!" "Shoopid ass!" and then he tries to attack me, kicking me
hard too and it takes me like 20 seconds to make him fully stop, and the little bit of calm I had remaining dissipated- fast. I yanked him up by his arm and took(not
dragged) him with me, made him go use the bathroom (if he gets upset enough he'll wet his pants), and put him in his bed while I went to my room
for a second to get myself together.
I had nothing to say to him yet. He was lookin all scared and tryin' to make me
let his arm go...cryin out' "mommy your hurtin me". Now I would never
physically or emotionally ever try to hurt my dear son who I love with my life
and more. He was just wantin my pity. I'm already on edge about the less than admirable new vocabulary he came back with when he got back from his
field trip from school and I might have talked to him right then if I hadn't been so pissed.
Two nights ago LaShae shot up in bed and called out to me. The conversation went like
LaShae(excited, nervous, and almost angry): Mommy! Something's wrong with my *---*! Come 'ere! Me(calm and slightly amused): What's wrong with it
Shae? Shae(pointing): Look at it! It keeps... it keeps... makin' me fart! I couldn't help but chuckle to myself, and
she seemed quite satisfied with my simplistic explanation of why that happens- and when
she asked did it happen to me I explained it happens when it needs to happen,
only it knows when it needs to. That kid cracks me up....
I just can't seem to reread this quote enough times: "You must always keep your long term and short-term goals in sight. You must also realize that often times your goals are not the same as the goals of your friends [and especially of those who are NOT your
dear good friends...]. This means that you cannot always do what your friends are doing. To accomplish your goals you must accept the trade-offs. In addition, it is important to note that different goals require different trade-offs... if your goal is to get into
graduate next year from college and your friend's goal is to be [whatever], you must realize that you may have to study when he or she
does whatever/whenever. Why? For one, because if you always do what he or she does, you may end up being a [whatever] instead of
getting that real job someday. Yeah, that real job that your kinda afraid of
getting because you have high hopes. "Different goals require different trade-offs."
Preparation+Organization+Determination+Chance+Prayer will get you there. Common sense advice, of course, but it always helps to hear it from someone other than myself.
OH MY GOD!
I CANT BELIEVE WHAT I DID!
OR RATHER- I CANT BELIEVE WHAT I DIDN'T DO!!!
I BOUGHT TWO OUTFITS TONIGHT AND PAID AND TOLD THEM TO HOLD THEM 'TILL THE END OF THE NIGHT 'CAUSE I DIDNT FEEL LIKE LUGGING THEM AROUND THE MALL ALL NIGHT- AND I LEFT THEM IN THE MALL! I CAME HOME WITHOUT PICKING THEM UP! I WALKED RIGHT OUT WITH MY OTHER PACKAGES AND NEVER WENT BACK INTO THE
DARN STORE! I FORGOT TO PICK THE
OMG! I SAID
I'm pissed about leaving my outfits smack in the Grapevine Mall. And in answer to the (already asked) obvious questions: The store closed
when I noticed this about 10 minutes after driving in my car. The mall opens at
10 tomorrow morning, and no I can't go by then, because I will be an hour and a
half away at home and at a doctors appointment. I had bought these outfits for
an occasion too. So anyway, I hurled myself into my pillow and tried to force up a sob (it didn't work, but
the ceramic heart-shaped candle holder got broke oops...I was being so careless
as I went to my room feeling bombed out over this). Yo! I spent 3 hours in this
mall and drove an hour and a half to get there and spent mad doe' there...and it
took time to find the right outfits too. I went thru downtown Dallas's suicide
hectic traffic for nothing...sigh. I cannot get over my dumb-ass-ish-ness.
Then the next morning I called and explained my situation vividly and they said
they would hold them for me. Thank You!! :)
Check out this poem I once heard on Oprah. Im not embarassed to say I love that
woman and that she's da bomb to me.
Poem: I hope I dance...
"Risk Taking is Free"
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feeling is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams before the crowd
is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure. But the risk must be taken,
because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The men and women who risk nothing, do nothing,
have nothing, are nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
Chained by their certitudes, they are slaves,
they have forfeited freedom. Only a person who risks--is free to dance.