August 26th - I'm starting to worry about September 14th coming up. I want to take him out to dinner I know that, but what do I get him? And what's with this party business? I know what went on at those cottages the last time.. a big drug fest, and thank you NO that's not how I wanted to spend your birthday. I don't want to be hanging out with people I don't really know and explaining to them that I don't do chemicals or letters of the alphabet. If I want to enhance my fun, natural drugs work fine for me. I don't need to destroy my brain for it's full future ahead of me. If I'm the only one not doing drugs(cuz what's stopping Chris from doing them) I'll feel so uncomfortable... Everyone is going to judge me because I'm this new "boy" and they wont like me being a part of Chris' life if I'm not into drugs or "the scene". And I definately don't need Chris Green asking if I can go to bed with him, or asking for a threesome with Christopher and I.

August 25th - It's been a while since I've written in here.... busy summer. Some things have changed, some not so much.
Evan is back in town, and he missed a bunch of parties, and a bit of drama... but everything is where he left it. So glad to have him back.
Christopher and I are enjoying each other's company and have been for near 3 months now. I sometimes wonder whats in store for us, because there are days where everything feels so good, but there are also other days where the littlest of things will tick me off... one day at a time keeps us going.
Miguel and Marco are no longer together, which is upsetting. I always looked to their relationship as something to strive to. I know they had their tiffs, but to be together for so long... I wanted it too.
School starts soon, and Andrew Moniz and I will be attending classes together.... and hopefully attending College Nights together too! I'm anxious and overwhelmed thinking about the year ahead. I think maybe that's why I can't sleep tonight.
I just had dinner at Zelda's with Andrew, Trifon and Chris. Casual conversation and run-ins at dinner, I can't stress enough how small the world is. Andrew realised the connection between Kevin and I, and can't beleive I used to be best friends with such a "sketch". Not only that, running into Wayne and Cory, I explained to him how I know them. And he was so sorry to hear that. So am I. I feel sick remembering the whole big night... the whole reason I got my tattoo. Matt & Andrew have now said that they will always protect me, and they will never let anything happen to me.
We had been discussing drugs vs alcohol. I guess through my own evidence, I proved that drugs do suck big time. When you're on drugs you do things out of character, things you wouldn't do sober or even want to do. When you're drunk, you may still be messy, but it only makes you lose inhibitions. The desire to do these stupid things has to be there. So for instance loosing your virginity or cheating on someone even though you don't want to would happen on drugs, but not by being drunk. Hence my hatred for chemicals is justified.

June 9th - Ciao Evan. Enjoy Banff. I'll miss you *sniff*
I just spent the weekend at Ian's place taking care of his dogs for him. He and Dave have a really nice place! On thursday, I had Evelyn over there, and we chilled in the hottub. Then on friday, I had Sara over, and later Miguel came over. It was so much fun to just sit and relax and pretend that place was mine.
Saturday night, Frank had his extravaganza (his house-warming party). By the time I got there, Shirley had already left. Oh well, her loss. Anthony has a big crush on Frank... tee hee. That would definately be a cute one. We all moved the party over to Buddies after... and of course, Kevin and Mike were there. I love how Mike will talk to me when Kevin isn't around, but when he is, I don't exist. Kevin has him trained well.
When I was going home after, I was waiting for the lights to change colour, and Jackae Baker pulled up and rolled down her window to tell me that she just loves what I was wearing, my black and white socks are just such a cute idea, and she'll have to do that with her stockings at her next show. That was cute.
Frank told me some interesting news (some of it I aready knew). Like the fact that my sister reads these entries (I knew that already), but that she also snoops through my files on the computer (chat logs, and such), and then makes judgement calls on my character.
COLLEEN. IF YOU ARE READING THIS. GET A LIFE.
Does she really have nothing better to do? I don't understand why she feels that she has to be "in" on everything in my life. And if you want to know who I'm dating..... Try asking me.
So Kevin is spreading lies and talking shit... suprise suprise. He said he was there when I got my paw done, and I was crying like a baby. Bullshit! I was with Marissa and Tai... you didn't see it until later that night when I was with you and Mary at It. Therefore, you don't know that because where I got it, it was so fleshy... that it didn't even hurt a bit. My cartilege piercing hurt more. He also said that last Vazaleen I was up on stage with my ass hanging out as usual. Obviously referring to when Rose and I were dancing while I was wearing my ripped jeans. And hey, I wasn't the messy one that night. I wasn't the one hitting on other people's boyfriends *ahem*

I heard you're going 'round
playing the victim now
I don't even begin feeling I'm the one to blame cuz you dug your own grave.

June 3rd - WEEKEND OF SUPERFUN!!
Whoa... so much to say. Friday I went to Vazaleen.. but because I was so freaking late, they were at capacity, and I couldn't get in. So I hung out with Melissa, Shanker's friend, upstairs in the Dance Cave for a while. I met this guy Marc who seemed cool, and then he gave me his e-mail before he left. I finally got in, and then chatted with Shanker's boy for a bit (the one from last Vazaleen).
Saturday I almost went insane trying to get the right look for Fashion Cares. It was so hard to co-ordinate with Evan. But when I arrived (White Tux shirt -- open, White Capri pants, black bow-tie, and my new Diesel shoes), we both looked fab in our all white outfits. Evan, Matty and I got free wine from Evan's friend Mike. We drank straight from the bottle! So classy! I had so many people comment on my outfit... some specifically on the shoes (makes it all worth while). Mike's roomate Chris was looking mighty hott, and we chilled most of the night, until he was too drunk and I had to help him home into a cab. Went back in, and couldn't find anyone! Ended up hanging with Wayne and Cory until I finally ran into Matty who told me Evan had left (notorious for that). Got a ride from Wayne and Cory, and didn't make it home until 5pm the next day. Just in time to change and go back downtown for the staff meeting!
After the staff meeting, Anthony joined me with Evelyn to the Irish Embassy Pub. Then Eve and I tried so hard to pull a mission getting McD's. No such luck.
Monday, woke up to a GREAT call from Evan telling me to check my e-mail. Such a nice forward he had sent me... Went to the Bluffs with Sara and Eve. Picnic, Pictures, near death experience... it's all good. I was reminded again of why I'm afraid of heights, and why I shouldn't climb cliff faces.
New guy was hired at work. Chris Copperthwaite. I know him through Jeff from the K/W Pride Prom thingie. How many times do I have to say it... SMALL WORLD.
Speaking of Chris, Evan is telling me to grab my balls and make a phonecall to a Mr. Artymko. I think Evan is right

There are too many guys with the same name... Makes me glad to be a Conor.

May 29th - Went to Gillian's for another Clam Chowdah adventure last night... not as much laughing as the first... but still all good times. I went to 5ive afterwards with Andrew and Amanda!...and met Mikey there. He was trying to hook up with Matt (hot tanning guy).. but he's "kinda seeing someone". All losses were covered when he hooked up with "piercing guy" instead.
I can't wait for Fashion Cares on Saturday... it's gonna rock! Evan and I are gonna be so fabulous... if only we can pull outfits together in time..

April 2nd - Well... I got what I wanted. I woke up yesterday to find an e-mail from Kevin. Seeing it there on my screen scared me. I almost didn't want to open it. But, I finally got a reason for being tossed out like the garbage after a wild party. I have to say, his words were very... eloquent? Except for the whole "controlling slug", I accept his words. The important thing is that I totally see his point of view.... I don't agree with it, but I see it.
Thank you Kevin. All I wanted was a reason. I at least deserved that.
I wanted to write an e-mail back, but I'm not sure if I should. He said what he wanted to say, does he want a response? He wants me out of his life so a response would be inflicting on that.

Run. Run away from your problems. You can try to remove me from your life, but you can't expect everyone to want to do the same just for your sake.
I never intentionally seeked out a friendship with Denise to hurt you. It just happened... not only that, it happened before we broke up. So don't say I'm trying to hurt/maim/kill/destroy you. That's twisting the truth. I was not trying to 'hold on' to anything. I knew it was gone. I admit I didn't get over us as quickly as you did, but I had moved on.
The only "controlling" I can even conceive of is telling you that you have more than enough potential to be going to class, or to be careful and not to use drugs for the wrong reasons. I can see how my caring for you could be confused with the manerisms of a controlling slug, but please know that I never tried to run your life. I pity anyone who ever tries to love you.
I know it's hard to accept, but I'm not a bad person. I know that makes it hard to hate me. But if you really want it, keep trying and you can get there.

I don't know. He said at one point that maybe this is the time we needed apart to be able to become friends again. And I thought about that. I don't think I could be his friend again. I wont stop caring about him. But his self destructive behaviour and his spite towards others is not what I want in a friend. It's funny... cuz I do miss him. But I don't think I want to be around him. I think I miss who he was.

March 31th - I decided that I wont take the job at French Connection. As great as it would be, it's less pay, and more rule oriented. I have so much freedom at Out on the Street. Not only that, but with Ian wanting me to be the designer for his clothing line, I have doors opening. I'll save more money here than at FCUK anyways. I'd end up buying way too much stuff =p
How is it that I HAD to arrive the exact same time as Kevin at Ann's? I feel bad for him. To have to put so much effort into avoiding me, it must be hard. He tries so hard, but I'm always there. I spent most of the night with Misia... I missed her! It had been too long. She still has a crush on Andrew Richmond. I walked her home and we had some great talk time... it was weird walking past Kevin's place and suddenly realising where I was. All in all, it was a good night.
Saturday I went out with Frank. Why did we both wear the same shirt?! We didn't know where to go at first. I was thinking Wett Bar, and then Buddies. But we went to Woody's and then the Barn. Which is funny, because it turned out Kevin went to Wett Bar and Buddies. Where he apparently bragged about avoiding me on friday. Whatever buddy... if that makes you feel cool, keep boasting.
Sunday I went out with Shanker. We thought we were going to a Hop, but realised that they had changed it to thursday, so instead found ourselves at a 'Sinful Sunday' party. It was nice to make it up to him for not being able to go to Vazaleen with him on friday. I had a customer come up to me and start flirting with me... I didn't recognize him until I realised what is was he had tried on. It's funny how that you remember the person for the items not their appearance. He was cute... we'll see if it goes somewhere. I saw Marlon with Cory and Wayne (tag team).. interesting. Marlon still likes me I think, he bought me a drink, so meh. Happy birthday Marlon (March 29th).
And so you know the way it feels to cry
The way that I cried when you broke my world in two
Baby I learned the way to break a Heart
I learned from the best. I learned from you.

March 23rd - I went out with Frank to Grapefruit on friday. It was SO much fun. I had such a good time. Love the Retro party scene. Unfortunately I don't remember much. I went to work on saturday... and I threw up as soon as I walked off the subway. That's the first time I've been sick the DAY AFTER... I usually throw up the same night. I couldn't deal with how sick I was feeling at work... I kept passing out in the back room on the floor. Becuase I felt so sick, I didn't go to Buddies on saturday. Good thing, Mike and Kevin were there. That would have been an awkward moment. Frank and Mike arguing as Kevin and I ignore each other. I totally need to make plans with Evan. We keep ending up staying in, and I don't know the next time we'll go to IT... Next friday is Ann's thing, the friday after that is Margaret Cho.. whooo.. I have a full calendar =)

March 18th - I can't beleive how pathetic Kevin is acting. Sunday night, he got in a fight with Deinse about me. He was angry that I was at the Semi-formal party... and he basically implied that she's choosing me over him, and she can't do that. (I agree. She shoudln't choose ANYONE over Anyone else). He said that her being friends with me is a "knife in my back". I'm sorry... since when is being friends with me a crime. He's so dramatic. I can't beleive he said I was the one who was melodramatic. Always looking for attention that boy is. Now I'm glad I don't have a friend like that. I have so much to say to him... How dare he treat Denise like that. Sooner or later he's not going to have any friends left to mistreat.

Your pathetic attempt to control others is your fatal flaw.
I pity you and the depressive life you have chosen.
Trade your friends in for a Tiara, it'll suit you much better.

I'm annoyed at the fact that I never get to see Murray. It was incredibly annoying seeing him still fukd up from the drugs and lack of sleep from the weekend. I can't see how that is soo much fun. I told him that I'm annoyed that we never get to see each other, let's hope he'll make an effort now.

March 16th - Tomorrow I celebrate the Green side of me! Happy St. Patrick's Day! I've done quite the bit of partying the past weekend. On Friday, I went to It with Miguel, Chad, Marco, Rob and Jamie. I missed hanging out with those guys, they're so much fun. Then I met up with Evan, Robin, and Jasmine and chilled with them for most of the night. I had a great time and didn't think about missing a chance to be at Fly.
Saturday I went out with Eva, Brent and Lee to go meet Shanker at Wett Bar and then head to Peroxide at Club 56 in Kensington. It was obvious that Brent was uncomfortable at Wett Bar... but he really didn't need to be. Unfortunately it put a damper on the rest of the night, and when we got to the Club, Eva, Lee and Brent decided to go somewhere else. I felt kinda bad but I wasn't going to leave Shanker by himself. I'm glad I didn't. We had such a great time. After we went to the Barn, and I hooked him up with his crush from Vazaleen/Buddies. Go Shanker! We didn't get home until 5... crazy night.
I ran into Kevin at It on friday. At first I just saw Mike and was going to say hi, but then thought twice when I saw Kevin was there too. I realised I could be the better person and at least say hi (unlike him). I really wish I hadn't. Never have I ever been so dissapointed with a hello. He was so cold and just plain rude. I really wonder what goes through his mind. How can he honeslty think I ever did any wrong to him. I feel sorry that he leads such a dark life. He always said I was melodramatic, yet he's the one that conjures up so much drama from nothingness.

March 14th - I went out to the Hop with Murray last night, kinda fun times. He told me he loved me. I was incredibly shocked. Because I had no idea where we were going with this relationship. I honestly thought he had lost interest in me. He never calls, I always make the effort to see him (which most of the time he blows me off for dinner plans or the gym and stuff). I'm not expecting to change everything so he can see me. But some rearranging would be nice. A little compromising would help to make things work out. I almost wonder if he even wants anything.
He got really angry about the whole drug thing too. I NEVER ONCE asked him to stop or change his ways. I only let him know I don't like it, and then he goes and says "you need to tell me now if you have a problem with it, because if it's drugs or you, I'll chose drugs". That is so lame. I can turn a blind eye to it, but he doesn't have to rub it in my face like that. I wouldn't drop him over it, but he would drop me. Ouch. I'm worth less than drugs are. I sure know how to pick 'em.

March 9th - I had such a weird weekend. I went to It with Murray and Evan on friday we had a cool time. But Drew (Mikey's Ex - the DJ for 5ive) hit on me... so weird. I decided he did it only so word would get back to Mikey. Murray got 2 VIP passes to Candy Ball for free which is cool.. didn't ask me, so whatever (I can't go anyway).
Saturday night, I chilled with Marissa! yay! It had been too long. but shortly after that I had an experience that I will only refer to as my first encounter with Hancuffs. I always wanted to use them, never thought it would be like that. Well, as it was said before "God Did That" Yes he sure did. The Con-Artist became the Con-Vict. Afterwards I went to Buddies to get into a better mood. Jaymar was so drunk... he needs some control. Chilled with Shanker mostly. We went to 7 West to say hi to Brian after.
I don't know why, but when everything happened Saturday night, I wanted to call Kevin. It's so odd, I've been dreaming about him too. Little things, like me getting the job at French Connection and wondering if he'll be jealous. Him calling me and my dad talking to him: "Hey Kevin, I haven't heard from you in a while, how are you?". weird.
So what went wrong?
Was it me that let you down again?
So what went wrong?
How could I ever lose my best friend?

February 20th - Had a great time with Murray last night! He kept saying things that made me feel so good. Like "I don't have sex unless I'm in a relationship".. it made my heart skip a beat! *sigh* He makes me feel so relaxed. He has such a great chest too! It just calls for me to lie my head on (ya.. and then wake up having drooled on him). I want things to go well, I like this one.

February 18th - Had an amazing weekend! On friday I went out with Lee to hand out resumes. At one point we went to Out on the street because she had said "they are always hiring". Well... they weren't, or so they told us. The next day I got a call from them, to have an interview sunday! During the interview, the manager stopped halfway and said "oh forget all this, I like you, you're hired." He then made up a schedule for me and I started monday! Yay me!
After all the job stuff, Lee and I drank in the lobby of the Marriott and then went to Woodys. After that I went to Karma Sutra at IT. I met up with Evan and his friends Jasmine and Robin... we had such a great time! After he left, I hung out with Randal for a bit, and went back upstairs to see Sofanda. I had just missed her, so I'm walking thru the bar, and this guy grabs me and says, "Talk to my friend!" Okay... both me and this guy's friend are like "uh, Hi". Fortunatly, 'Murray' was very good looking, so I was happy to talk to him. Then the first guy, Dominick, puts his hands down my pants to grab my cock. "Hey this boy has a big one!" What's with guys putting their hands down my pants?
So anyway, Murray and I talked, and danced, and hit it off well. We exchanged numbers and now I have a 'date' with him tomorrow night!! yay!

February 8th - Still no job. This is getting pathetic. It sucks not having any cash. And I'm supposed to go to Florida how?
I found out Tuesday that Jeannette's mom had passed away. That was a huge blow. I'll miss you Nancy. Jen, my heart is with you. I will always be your shoulder. I went to the funeral on friday. Stan's speach was incredible. He really did represent her so well. Especially with the 'Jenny and Nancy weren't just Mother and Daughter... They were best friends'. It was good to see Jen again, too bad it was under such horrible circumstances.
After the funeral, I went to Jeff's to pick up something for Denise (which I got totally ripped on!), where I then proceeded to the Humberside Hotel party! Fun times at The Grande! Nice to see everyone. Ann, Lauren, Peter, Claire! It was Claire's 19th too, so Tequila shots were in order. Kevin kept calling Denise, and I'm not sure, but I felt she didn't talk to him on my behalf, which I think is stupid. I'm not the one that wants to pretend he doesn't exist. 1) If he wanted to come, he could have, and if needed I would have left (if, and only if, he had asked me himself =p). 2) He dropped his Humberside friends, He dropped my friendship... would he really have wanted to be there?
So I left around 3 to go home, and while waiting for the Blue Line, I totally got cruised and picked up. Never have I felt so.... self-loathing. He took my dog collar, and I want that back! So after doing some thinking I came to a few conclusions:

*The whole thing with Jeff, started out Hot&Heavy.. so it couldn't go anywhere except there. There's so much of him that makes me realise how good he would be for me. I want a provider, a protector. I want to be taken care of. He would do that, but there's nothing. No interest, no spark. I feel nothing for him.
*Sex is a turnoff sometimes. It's not all that great, I really only like Sucking Cock really... anything beyond that kinda Sucks. I want something different. I want to make out, and feel all hot and in the moment, but not let sex ruin that feeling. I want love. I want to wake up next to someone in his embrace, or my arm lying on his chest, and know, that that will be forever.
*I miss Kevin. At first I hated how he just decided my friendship wasn't good enough. But if I could, I would just give him a big hug. I don't know if it's the right thing, but if he called me, I would forgive him for everything just so we could be friends again.

So that's what I got to think about while walking home. As cold as it was, it was nice to solve a few things. Know Thy Self.

I want to wake up to the sound of waves,
crashing on a brand new day.
Keep the memory of your face,
but wipe the pain away.

February 1st - All I have to say is... The world is so fucking small! I went to a pride prom last night in Kitchener/Waterloo, and I run into Marcos a friend of Kevin's. I guess that makes sense sice he goes to Laurier. But then I'm talking with this guy Scott who is one of Jeff's close friends (used to live together too), and he was saying how he met this guy in Toronto last weekend at a party that Marcos had. So he's friends with Marcos too.. thats cool. Wait... rewind, Marcos said Brown was up last weekend.. So, I ask Scott what his name is. Kevin. Of course! It only makes sense. Stuff like this happened when we first started hanging out, why not after too? All I can say is, good for him. Scott's an awesome guy, and I totally approve. But, what about Scott? Denise said, "Kevin is a big mess, and I don't wish him upon anyone I know." So very true, if only I had been warned as to how hurt I would get. I don't think Scott deserves that. =\
So afterwards, I go to Renaissance (the gay club in KW), and WHO DO I SEE? A friend of mine who is 'supposedly' straight. Fun times. On thursday night, I was at 5ive and saw Marlon there... who is he hanging out with? Tag team couple! Weird how everyone knows everyone.

What would you say to:
Your Siamese Twin after the operation?
A fellow hostage from a life or death situation?
Your partner in crime after time in jail?
A lover that you left at the altar?
A soul mate that decided 'forever' was too long?
A best friend that gave up?

I've got to buy all new shirts now
The old ones are covered in blood
From wearing my heart on my sleeve too often.

January 28th - I've pretty much decided that I'll going to stay in Toronto for the fall semester. I'll have to apply for full time student status which means a portfolio asessment in March, I think I'll ask Shanker and Dena for ideas putting a portfolio together.
I still don't have a job!! I went to 7 West, because both Brian and Jason have told me that it's a fun place to work, and they're always hiring. But apparently they are NOT always hiring, because the manager said she had just done some hiring and wasn't looking for the moment. So Lee and I went to 'The Living Well' for a pint each afterwards. Nice to be out of the cold, but the place did not have a good crowd. The DJ/MC was giving me weird looks, and then Lee said "That woman looks so weird... what is she wearing?"... "um.. Lee, that's cuz she's not a woman." And of course... they had to be playing 'Dirty Bingo that night. The Dj then asked if I was staying for Dirty Bingo, or if I would just strip down naked now before I leave. That was for sure our cue to go.
I'll be going with Jeff to the KW pride prom or whatever it's called on friday. It'll be nice to be all dressed up and enjoying the night, but I'm worried to what direction he thinks we're going. He's a great guy to hang out with, but I'm really not interested in pursuing anything with him. I need to find a focus, like my school and art, and then have boys on the side. =9

January 26th - I went to see a play today with Sara. It was called "Those Who Wait". It was an indie play at a small theatre at Queen and Dovercourt. A two woman show, each the same character but differents aspects of the one personality: The Id and Ego. It was really amazing! Funny, smart, well acted, but most importantly, I found I could identify with a lot they were talking about. At one point one girl said, "I want to go home". "You are home... we moved out and live on our own now. This is our home.", is how her counterpart replied. It's odd, but that's how I felt in Guelph. I wanted to be home... but technically I was. I didn't like the idea that that house was my 'home'. And when I came back here, I didn't want to be here because it didn't feel like home anymore either. The only place I felt truly safe and comfortable... was at Kevin's. You have to find a place of your own, and make it your home. More reason for me to move out this summer. I wish I could stay here and save money, but in reality, to keep my sanity I will have to move out... somewhere to call home.
One other thing they talked about was how much the girl lies to people. Nobody wants to hear what you're really feeling. They want to know that you're doing amazing and that everything is up. They want to hear that your life is jam packed with fun. So you lie, so that they hear what they want. What's wrong with that? Giving people what they want.

January 23rd - Yay! Feeling much better... although much worse too. I've been so incredibly sick... most likely from being locked out Saturday. I had to lie in bed all day just so I would be able to make it to class okay.
Hung out with Lee Monday and Tuesday. Secretly looking for apartments and such. The thought of her being my roomate brings dreams of good times and laughter. I saw Brian at 7West which felt so good. Then ran into Shanker on tuesday, and again my TLC. Seeing Dena was good, it felt like high school again. I can't beleive Shanker goes to OCAD too! All 3 of us all go up to York Mills on the subway (yay travel buddies!). I'm really starting to settle into the groove of things. My room is cleared of all the clutter, and so is my life.
Sucks to Kevin, it's his loss for not having me around. Soon he'll hear of all the goodtimes he's missing.
Tomorrow I'm going to IT with the BBW crew... good times had by all hopefully. I don't know how to explain it, but seeing all these people from the past is like the biggest reminder of great all my freinds are. I'm again surrounded by these people and feeling the love! ;)

January 19th - Right now, I don't know what to think about my life. Everything seems so wrong about it. I got kicked out the house and told "I think it's time for you to find a new place to live" by my father. Apparently I'm supposed to 1) Not sleep in anymore 2) Not stay out all night and 3)Not stay over at people's houses... those are the rules decreed by the masters of this house. I accept the first one, and I've been being pretty good about that. But the other two... I'm 20! I'm not a teenager anymore. They're trying to control me.
Not only that, but the search for a job is not working, I have $30 in my wallet.. that is all I have left. And, since Guelph decided to cash my tuition for this semester even though I signed a Notice of Withdrawl, money that isn't even mine is now gone. I will now be short $1400 until Guelph issues me my refund check (ummm.. Maybe March?!).
It just seems as though it would have been easier to stay in Guelph. I have a place to live (where I am still paying rent even though I'm not there... Stupid lease). I had a full course load which would have kept me on track, and I would have been surrounded by friends in class and out. NO threats of being shipped out of the house, NO pety control method, NO being stuck in a house where the only conversations are "Are you done watching T.V/using the net/on the phone?". I miss Guelph, didn't think I'd be saying it, but I am. Not to the point where I regret my decision, just not as confident with it. As Tai used to say, "When it rains, it pours... and then lightning strikes!".

Where's my best friend now when I need him the most?

2 GIRLS, A BLINDFOLDED GUY IN THE BACKSEAT, AND A VERY CURIOUS COP
January 7th - Roadtrips!! Sara & Eve... I can't believe you two! I get picked up from Guelph... only to be kidnapped and blindfolded by these girls! Next thing I know, we're pulled over by a cop (the whole time I'm thinking it's joke... cuz I can't see with my blindfold on) "yeah right there's a cop... stop it guys I don't beleive you"... I'll tailgate you. Sara and her speeding.... anyways. So the cop asks Sara where she was heading.. "Niagara Falls".. which inevitable ruined the surprise as to where they were kidnapping me too. We explained the situation with the blindfold to the cop, and since he ruined the surprise, he DIDN'T give us the ticket (over $300 plus a couple demerit points)! Ahh... dumb luck.
Speaking of Dumb Luck... when is Sara gonna learn not to gamble. TRUST IN CON... and you may walk out of there up $20, or at least even-steven. Damn War. At least it wasn't slots this time. Anyway, thanks guys for such a great Welcome back to T.O kidnapping!

I put your picture away...!

January 4th - okay... what I wanna know is... How did Kevin get his panties all in a bunch? Seriously.... I'll fucking overstep your boundaries assmunch. I love being tossed to the side of the curb like garbage. No explanation either, that's what I love. He's treating me like an ex, not like a friend... and now it looks like I only am aloud to fit into one category and not the other. Best Friends forever my ass.
Here's a question: When did friendship become not good enough?
I could fully understand if this was like break up... over... that's it... don't call me... ever. But it's not! the whole thing was to go back to the friendship, the partners-in-crime days... because we both missed that so much. And now I'm not even worth the effort. It Hurts. It really does. I don't wish anyone ever finds out what it feels like for a friend you had so much love and care for to pour a big bucket of hate on you.

Please tell me honestly you wont give up on me.

January 1st - 2003!! It's the new year, and it's time to start new things. I'm going to be attending OCAD this semester instead of Guelph as a change to see how I like it. Everyone I know was shocked when I began the years towards a BscH... that should have been indicationg enough, but alas, I ventured down the wrong path. Not to say I didn't enjoy first year, all the great people I met, and I like Zoology... it's just not a career choice, and that kind of schooling is not what I need right now.
Last night was sooo wild! Evelyn, we had such an amazing time (since when do I know how to salsa?!) I had such an awesome time... it definately hits the list of GREATEST NIGHTS EVER! Which generally are either all crew nights or 'partners in crime' nights. It was really good to see Jenny again, I have never had such an ecstatic reaction to my coming out as that! Thanx Jen!