The Fragile:
My Descent Into The Spiral

"fourteen was the age of my progression into the realms of self-deprecation. at fifteen, the spectrum broadened and i developed a hostility towards other individuals. at sixteen, the concepts of religion, the Creator, and His Kingdom came under fire. at the age of seventeen, i had begun to detest the whole of civilization and the society in which they inhabited. by eighteen, i proposed that meaning in life did not exist and the world was not enough to satisfy me being a component of it any longer..."

Introduction to The Fragile by Y'erdua Mah'caeb

Book Excerpts

These are two of my favorite passages from my still unfinished book, The Fragile:

passage from:
part iii: the collegiate life

by: Y'erdua

"Excerpt One"

"Once, I had the belief that I was connected to society through my humanity and

isolated by my indifference,

and then I discovered an individual who

rejected the accepted social standards

almost to the point of madness. His striking good looks and dynamic personality

hide the ugliness within him,

and distinguish a familiar paradox between exterior versus interior appearance.

His saving grace lies with his potential for greatness, his untapped musical and

literary talents. Fear of exposure, commerciability,

or failure may hender his productivity in those areas, sadly. He is the epitome of

the nihilistic character. However, he has yet to completely reject the possibility

of God due to the feeding of his then young and impressionable mind the

traditonal teachings

of a Catholic family and school. Despite his boyhood experience, he is still


of the many versions of

the Creator. He is well versed in

the scriptures of the bible,

yet he questions every aspect of it, of any organized religion, of

society, and of existence.

The rhetorical aspect of each question leaves his thirst for knowledge and

understanding unquenched. He can never fully acquire answers to those

gnawing questions and

the knowledge of the lack of knowledge

destroys his humanity and leaves him with only anguish and anger.

The analytical character no longer has the desire to analyze himself or

existence, and instead speculates that ALL things are meaningless.

The voice of indifference emerges and the internal struggle between nihilism and

humanity begins! The character shall struggle to hold on to any connection to

humanity, yet systematically destroy these connections

as a result of his own behavior.

His only connections are those whom he still has the ability

to trust and love inlcuding his family, friends, and most of all his lover.

Without her, he loses this vital connection to mankind and may never truly

regain it.

He may begin to pursue

an assortment of self-destructive behaviors in hopes of relief while knowing the

consequences and even inviting them.

He turns to the "sins of the flesh" (alcohol, sex, drugs) to supply him with a way

of escaping his pathetic plight. These things will inevitably lead to his downfall

despite their temporary healing effects.

The rebel quality in his nature may cause him to finally rush to either madness,

self-destruction, violence directed towards


or others, and maybe even suicide. His only hope for salvation is himself.

He can overcome his struggle (humanity over nihilism) either through death or


acceptance of life and its limitations.

The latter will lead to a transformation and a return to humanity and its fragility

while the path of death is an unknown one.

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