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WAYNE'S ESSAYS
SINGLE AND WHAT?  ESSAY 1

Single and What?

 

At what point do we throw in the towel?  I guess I should begin by telling you my story.  I am 23 years old.  I am a college graduate currently seeking my masters.  I am relatively attractive.  I have a nice personality.  So that raises the question:  WHERE IS HE?

 

I have been dating off and on since I was 18 years old. I guess that you could consider me a casual dater until this year, when I took a different perspective on the situation.  I guess this year; it hit me that I would like to be in a serious relationship.  The problem is, most gay 23 year old men, aren’t ready for a serious relationship.  I look around, and if I see another Madonna or Cher poster, I think I will kill myself.  More importantly, most gay men are spending their nights in clubs, and their days in low paying job.  Not to mention, that a portion of their money (A Big One) is spent on drugs.  Is it possible for an attractive, educated, kind young man, to find a man with the same qualities?  I’m beginning to wonder.

 

It’s not just me either.  I have friends of various stages of there 20’s who are still looking hopelessly.  These women are smart, attractive and have dynamic personalities, and yet they are ALONE.  What’s the hold up?

 

            What is wrong with us?  Or better yet, what is wrong with them?  I’ve gone out with a number of guys, and for various reasons, none of them work out.  Am I being too picky?  There was one guy who had his “music” as his life goal.  This was the same man who felt that Mariah Carey was a poet laureate.  NEXT.  Then there was the college debater.  He was nice enough, with the exception of that compulsive lying problem.  NEXT. There was the heroin addict.  NEXT. There was a young man who was 22 and still in high school.  NEXT.  Then there was the “great sex” guy.  He turned out to be “married”.  NEXT.  There was a great guy down in Florida who had a web page devoted to himself and his “special interests”.  NEXT. There was the guy with back hair.  NEXT. Then of course, there was the perfect man.  The one I wanted to work more than anything.  Blond, blue eyed, educated, kind, and perfect.  OF COURSE, THAT DIDN’T WORK.  NEXT (If only it was that easy to move on from him…) He was probably my “Mr. Big.”  My Mr. Big didn’t move to Napa, he moved out of the country.  DAMN, WHY CANT THIS GET EASIER.

 

Is it wrong for a 23 year old to have certain expectations for what they are looking for in a relationship?  I mean, I want someone who has goals in life.  Someone with true academic and professional goals would be lovely.  I want someone who is attractive.  I want someone who has a personality and some level of conversational skill.  Above all, I want someone who wants me as much as I want them.

 

Therefore the question arises again, WHEN DO WE GIVE UP?   I am beginning to think that perhaps my towel needs a good washing.  Is my emotional baggage over past relationships tying me down?  When do we throw in the towel…? 

 


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