Courtship in Victorian Times

Courtship and Marriage

Long ago the Puritans had a law which required a young man to get special permission from a girls father to even get a chance to address a lady. He had to be keenly aware of the proper etiquette and rules in which he had to abide in order to address or confront her. A fellow could obtain a whipping if he did not follow these rules. If he winked at his lady fair, planned a secret meeting, or even sent a valentine he could be subject to some very severe penalties.

Much later came the chaperone system in which a young lady of "good breeding", or ( wealthy and socially elite ) was allowed to be in the company of a suitor only if there was a chaperone…a parent, aunt, or an older relative present to see that proper decorum was observed. To err against decorum could ruin one's reputation.

A very young married woman did not gad about without her husband. This did not make a proper chaperone likely. Even young married women were almost always chaperoned by other older women.
An escort was to never except an invitation enter a lady's home after a ball or party if it was late and if her parents, guardians or elders had already gone to bed. She must not allow a man to come in for a while. Even her fiancé must be respectful and say his goodnights at the door and be on his way, if the hour is late. If a lady was out after dark someone almost always stayed up to let her in.

In courtship it was the older relative or old friend of a lady's family who paid for transportation, carriages, theater tickets or refreshment. This was not the responsibility of the suitor or any gentlemen when the lady was out. Some gentlemen did hire carriages and took long summer rides through the park, by a pond, or down a country road. The Lady when out was under the protection of a parent, old friend or family member at all times.

With courtship moving quickly and marriage growing closer within the prospects of a lady, there was also the dowry to be considered. This is something you don't hear of anymore. A dowry is money, real estate and land given to the groom upon marriage to someone's daughter in order to secure her financially and to maintain her social status.

However, sometimes a lady married a man strictly out of convenience; perhaps because the gentleman paid the debts of her family. And in return he would be allowed the honor to marry the daughter of the one in debt. This was a marriage of convenience and not always the happiest.

Once a lady had marriage in mind it wouldn't be long until she would be married and starting her new life with her husband. Victorians did not believe nor practice lengthy engagements. Courtships could be rather lengthy as a lady weighed a gentleman's potentials for marriage by considering aspects of his social standing, financial security, and his regard for her.

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