Chapter III: One Forward, Three Back

by Aries

"Crap, where’s the cream?"

Peter rummaged around the in refrigerator for a bit longer then gave up and shut the door. He grimaced down at the coffee he’d just poured. Sighing heavily, he dumped it into the sink. He never could stomach black coffee. Alex always gave him a hard time, saying that his coffee looked more like dishwater by the time he was done plying it with cream.

The thought of his brother brought his eyes up to the kitchen door for the tenth time. He’d walked into the living room this morning to find it empty. The sofa, where Mulder had bedded down, still had the blanket and pillow on it... not folded and placed neatly at one end, but covering a good part of the cushions and rumpled as though Mulder had just risen to use the bathroom or something. But since the bathroom was empty, Peter could only assume that Mulder had gone into Alex’s room.

He’d heard the sounds of another of Alex’s nightmares very late last night, and he purposely didn’t get up, hoping that Mulder would. It was a big chance to take; Alex could very well have flipped out, seeing that the other man had not left the apartment, but it was one that Peter determined he had to take. Alex was driving him crazy with his damned brooding. Good or bad, something had to give. When the cries had stopped and no yelling had ensued, he’d crossed his fingers and gone back to sleep.

Now, he was eaten up with curiosity. If Mulder had gone into Alex’s room last night, had he stayed in there the whole time? And if he had, where’d he stay? Floor? Chair? ... Bed? That last choice had kept him so far from checking the room. The last thing Alex needed was to be caught in an embarrassing position.

Peter laughed to himself at the thought.

He chuckled again, though somewhat uneasily.

"Naaah."

Drumming his fingers on the counter for a few seconds, he hobbled out of the kitchen and down the hall. He put his ear to Alex’s door and listened. There was a faint sound... from the TV, he thought, but that was all.

"So. To snoop or not to snoop?"

Gritting his teeth, Peter carefully turned the knob and pushed the door just far enough to see inside. The first thing he saw was Mulder, legs stretched out in front of him, head tilted at what had to be an uncomfortable angle... asleep in the chair a few feet from Alex’s bed, where Alex lay, soundly asleep. The television was on, the volume turned down low.

He just about had the door shut when the phone rang. He jumped and let go of the knob quickly, hopping into the living room and snatching up the shrilling object.

"Hello."

"Why are you whispering?"

Peter blew out a hard sigh and dropped into a chair. "They’re asleep."

"They? He stayed?"

"Yeah."

"Uh... where?"

"Well, he started out on the couch, but he ended up in Alex’s room... in a chair."

"Really."

"I’m guessing that he went in to wake Alex up last night... he was having another nightmare. I don’t know what happened after that, except that I just checked, and he’s asleep in a chair; Alex is asleep in his bed; and the TV is on."

"Well, that sounds like a good sign. Last I heard, Mulder was ready to storm out."

"Yeah, we talked. Well... more like argued. He insisted he was leaving, and I had no choice... I told him."

"Told him..."

"That Alex was in love with him."

"Hooooly... how’d he react to that?"

"He went white. I don’t think he knew what to do with himself. He was in no shape to drive after that, so I insisted he stay. A little while after that, he said Samantha showed up."

"What’d he say about her?"

"Basically, he said she took my side. She... talked to him... for a bit, then she left, and we turned in. He’s so sincere about that, Dana. Do you really think it’s possible that our sister’s ghost is visiting him?"

"Reason dictates that I say no. But where Mulder is involved, reason generally gets chucked out the window. Whether she’s real or just a figment of his imagination, she’s on our side, so..."

"We need all the help we can get. So, anyway... what are you up to today?"

Alex shifted onto his side with a soft moan. He had awakened just barely and would most likely have drifted back into sleep were it not for the feeling that he was not alone. He allowed himself to move further into consciousness, and he remembered. His eyes opened, and the first thing they saw was the sleeping form of the man he’d spent a good many hours last night with, watching TV.

He stared.

No questions, no arguments or yelling. Just two men sitting in almost companionable silence, watching television.

What was Mulder’s angle? Up until last night there’d always been an air of uneasiness between them... even on a good day, and more often than not, Mulder made no effort to hide the resentment he felt. Now, there was this.

What the hell was he going to do with it?

Before he could attempt to answer the question, Fox shifted and moaned. His eyes opened, and he grimaced at the ache in his neck.

"Shhhit."

The pain reminded him of where he was, and he sat up straight, looking toward Alex’s bed. His gaze fell on the other man, and he watched Alex’s eyes quickly look away.

"How long have you been awake?"

Alex cleared his throat and sat up. "Not long. You uh... y-you must be hurting after sleeping in that chair all night."

"Little bit," Fox grunted as he stretched. "How’d you sleep?"

"Okay." Alex watched Fox’s head roll from shoulder to shoulder.

"If you want to come lie in my bed..."

Fox stopped cracking his neck and fixed a disconcerted gaze on the other man.

"I mean, I’m going to get up n-now, so if you wanna... uh... wanna sleep on the bed for a while longer... you still look pretty beat." Fox nodded and pushed himself to the edge of the chair. "I am a little tired."

"All right, then." Alex got up and motioned to the bed. "Go ahead."

Fox looked up at the other man for a moment, taking in the tousled hair and sleep-softened features. He glanced away quickly, realizing that Alex was apparently studying him too. Alex moved away from the bed, and he got up, passing within touching distance of the younger man, but this time their eyes did not meet. As Alex moved toward the door, Fox kicked off his shoes and sat on the bed. Sucking the corner of his bottom lip into his mouth, he swung his legs up onto the mattress and lowered himself to the pillow.

Alex’s pillow.

He turned onto his side and closed his eyes and tried not to let the smell of the other man affect him, but he lost that battle quickly. Slowly, he turned his face into the pillow to memorize the scent he only now realized he already knew.

He flipped onto his back and speared his fingers through his hair.

"Ohhhh, yeah," he whispered to himself. "This is a good one."

Almost half an hour later, Alex re-entered the room, showered and dressed, to find Fox still awake. Their eyes met, and Alex looked away quickly.

"I uh..." He moved toward the closet and pulled out a pair of sneakers. Showing them to Fox, he made his way back toward the door and slipped out. Fox let him go without a word... mainly because he had no idea what to say.

So, what are you going to say to him later on? He groaned softly. Better think about it.

"Morning," Peter called as Alex walked into the kitchen. The greeting got him less of an icy reply than he’d expected.

"Morning."

"Uh... where’s Mulder?"

"Sleeping... well... trying to sleep."

"In that chair?"

Alex looked up sharply, and Peter shrugged.

"He wasn’t on the couch when I got up. I just... I didn’t know if he’d left, or... I didn’t call him, Alex... y’know... in case you thought I had."

Alex paused for a moment then nodded as he walked to the refrigerator. Opening the door, he pulled out the orange juice.

"I offered him my bed."

Peter’s eyebrows shot up, then he quickly made his face into a bland mask.

"Oh. So. Uh... you want some breakfast?"

Alex sat at the table and rested his forehead in his hand as Peter moved clumsily around the kitchen. Sneaking a glance at his brother, he spoke.

"You look tired. I heard you dreaming again. I assume that’s how Mulder ended up in your room?"

"Yeah."

Peter waited for more, but more was not forthcoming. He sighed inwardly and set about preparing the morning meal. From time to time he’d sneak a glance at his brother, who remained in pensive silence.

"I’ll make enough for three, in case Mulder wants to eat when he gets up."

"Don’t know when that’ll be."

"Well, I’ll keep it warm for a while."

Just as he’d finished, and the two sat down, the kitchen door opened, and Fox walked in. Peter smiled up at him, and Alex’s expression immediately turned to one of uneasiness.

"Morning! I thought you were sleeping."

"Yeah." Fox ran his fingers through shower damp hair then glanced quickly at Alex. "I tried, but..." He shrugged. "No go."

"Well, sit down. Now I won’t have to worry about your eggs drying out."

"Peter, you didn’t have to."

"Don’t be silly. Come on, sit down."

"No, you stay put. I’ll get it." Fox retrieved his breakfast from the oven and took a seat at the table. The men ate in silence until Fox thought of something to say.

"Talk to Scully this morning, Peter?"

"Yeah, actually. She called earlier."

"Thought so. I’ll call her in a while." He looked to Alex. "Do you have any appointments or anything today?"

Alex cleared the gravel from his throat before responding.

"No... no. Nothing."

Fox nodded. "Exercise?"

"I usually walk after breakfast."

"... Mind some company?"

Peter’s eyes went from one man’s face to the other.

Alex answered so softly, Peter was barely able to make out the single word.

"... Okay."

When breakfast was over, Fox insisted on cleaning up, but Peter absolutely refused.

"No, no. It looks like a beautiful day. You guys go for a nice long talk. Uh, walk."

Alex glared at his brother then rose from the table. "See you later." Fox got up and followed him out of the kitchen, leaving Peter alone at the table. As soon as he heard the front door open and close, he snatched up the phone.

"... Dana. Okay, here’s the latest..."

The couple walked slowly, side by side, breathing in the warm morning air. Neither man spoke for nearly fifteen minutes, then Fox decided to get the show on the road.

"How’ve you been feeling?"

"Okay. A little stronger week by week, you know... I don’t tire as quickly as I first did."

"Good. That’s... that’s good. I’m glad to hear it."

"Really?" The question was out of Alex’s mouth before he was able to think about it, and now it was too late to take it back.

Fox looked at the other man. "... Yeah."

Alex lowered his gaze to the sidewalk and said nothing more. Fox let the silence stand for several minutes before trying again.

"So, d’you like living here?"

"It’s okay, I guess. Haven’t given it a lot of thought one way or the other."

"It seems nice," Fox said, taking in his surroundings. Alex just shrugged.

"Is there any place you’ve been that you like better?"

"... I didn’t mind D.C."

"Why’s that?"

Another shrug. Fox waited for a while, hoping for more of an answer, then he sighed.

"Alex... we need..." He changed his approach in mid-sentence. "Would you like to talk?"

He knew it was coming. This morning. On this walk. But the question still unnerved him. Fox saw it in his face.

"We don’t have to."

Alex didn’t know whether to feel more relief or disappointment at that. Then he thought that maybe he should feel neither. He looked at the other man, who kept his eyes on the path they were walking. There was no anger in his face, no irritation. His expression was sincere. Ordinary. Not that Alex thought Fox Mulder looked like any ordinary man. An ordinary man didn’t make his pulse pound when he looked at him. He just thought that... fuck, he didn’t know what he thought.

"... You want to sit down? There are some benches up this way."

Fox’s expression went from pleasant to concerned in an instant.

"You feel okay? Should we go back?"

Alex blinked, momentarily shaken by the older man’s tone.

"No, I... I’m okay."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Fox studied the younger man for a moment then nodded.

"Up there." Alex pointed to a walking path flanked by desert palms and benches. There were a few people out this morning, jogging, power walking. The men watched them as they passed, then Alex leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"You... came a long way to talk."

"... Yeah."

"I figured if I didn’t answer your calls, you’d give up... I didn’t expect you’d come all the way across the country."

"... Neither did I."

"So, you wouldn’t have come if Samantha hadn’t talked you into it."

"I don’t know," Fox answered honestly. "I think I would have. I can tell you that I would have ended up regretting it if I hadn’t." Fox turned a bit to the side, gaining a better angle at which to see Alex’s face. "Can I ask you something?"

Alex lowered his head. "Okay."

"Why did you not answer my calls? I mean, obviously it was because you didn’t want to talk to me, but why?"

Alex pressed his lips together and paused for a considerably long time before answering.

"Because I... you got dealt a shit hand right from the word go. Every time you turned around, you were getting hit upside the head with some more shit. I had no small part in that. Your decision or not, me having Samantha’s heart beating in my chest is like a red hot knife in yours. It was... it is... time... for the shit to end."

"And you think that was the way to do it?"

"... Yes."

Fox drew in a long breath and let it out slowly. "... You’re right about what it felt like for me to give my sister’s heart to you of all people. I only did it because I knew it was what she would want. But it was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do." There was a pause filled with silence, then he continued. "After your brother’s accident, when I was here taking care of you, there were times when I would look at you, and... you looked so frail. So vulnerable. I wanted to beat the hell out of you. Not, I’m just realizing, because I thought you were putting on an act... it was because I knew you weren’t. And I was forced to see you as a person in need of sympathy and kindness... cold cocking you was the fastest, easiest way to remind myself that I hated you. And I needed reminding. More often than I would have liked to admit. But Samantha kept coming to me and giving me these... cryptic little nuggets, these... reasons... why I needed to stay."

Alex kept his gaze to the ground. "What reasons were those?"

"She said you needed me."

"Because Peter was laid up."

"In part, I’m sure, but there were other reasons. Reasons, she said, that would become clear to me in time. She also insisted that there was much more to you than I knew. She asked me to stay for you and for myself. I didn’t know what she meant. Or maybe I just told myself that I didn’t. I don’t know. Then after a few visits she told me something else."

Alex risked a glance at the other man, and now it was Fox’s turn to look at the ground.

"She told me that I needed you too."

"W-what for?"

"She didn’t say. And I wasn’t sure that I wanted to ask." Fox changed the subject. "Peter said that when I left, you were hurting. I could see the pain in your eyes that day, out on the balcony. I didn’t want to think too much about it then. But actually, it’s been pretty hard to forget. Why, Alex? Did you not want me to go?"

There was no place for Alex to hide. No way to disguise the emotions that the question dredged up. He took a shaky breath and faced Fox as best he could.

"Part of me didn’t. But you had to. It was the best thing. You never should have come in the first place."

"So, it did hurt you to see me go?"

Alex closed his eyes and said nothing.

"But you let me leave. What part of you was that?"

Alex thought on that for a moment. Then, "Same part, I think."

"Is that part up for discussion?"

Alex opened and closed his mouth a few times, not knowing how to answer.

"Okay," Fox said softly. "It’s okay. Maybe another time?"

Alex ran a hand through his hair. "... Maybe."

The two sat quietly for a while after that, then Fox made an announcement.

"I’m leaving tomorrow. That’s not a deadline," he added quickly. "Just a statement of fact. I have to be in Iowa for a case."

Alex’s heart thudded in his chest. It was stupid, but he hadn’t thought about the fact that Fox would have to leave. He folded his hands together, rhythmically squeezing them.

"Uh huh."

"And I uh... I don’t know when the next time would be that I could get out this way... there’s always the phone, I guess," Fox said with little conviction.

Alex frowned at the ground.

"Yeah. Yeah, I... I guess."

He shouldn’t have said it. It needed to be said at some point, but now was not the time. He felt Alex shut down as the younger man processed the clearly unwelcome information. Fox cursed his stupidity and tried to gently draw him back out.

"Those last few days... I thought we had been getting along much better. It... it was a bad time to have to go. I wished that I could have been able to stay a while longer."

"What difference would it have made?" Alex asked, his tone despondent. "A few days one way or the other..."

"I’m sorry," Fox murmured. "I’m... I don’t know what else to say."

"There’s nothing to say," Alex replied flatly. "You’ve got a job to do, a life to get back to. If you want to call me once in a while... make sure I’m taking care of your sister’s heart... I’ll answer. It’s kind of you to want to do that much."

"This isn’t about kindness," Fox argued softly. "It’s not about making sure you’re taking care of Samantha’s heart. This is about you. And me. And something that neither of us had ever expected. It’s more than the occasional phone call to say, ‘Hey, how’re you doing?’"

"It shouldn’t be."

"But it is. Whether or not either of us intended for it to be, it is."

Alex shook his head and pushed himself off the bench, walking then stopping a few feet away. "Go home, Mulder," he said. "Go home and don’t come back. Don’t call; don’t think of me."

"Just a minute ago we were talking about having phone contact." A touch of agitation crept into Fox’s tone for the first time this morning. "Now you’re telling me to get lost? Why?"

"Because."

"Great answer."

"It’s all I have."

"Bullshit. It’s not what you want; I know it isn’t. So, tell me why."

"Because it’s too hard!" Alex shouted, spinning to face the other man. "All right? It’s... hard. You’re there; I’m here. You’re you; I’m me..."

Fox cut him off. "What the hell’s that mean?"

"You know what it means."

"Tell me what it means to you."

Alex turned away again, anchoring his fingers in his hair. "I don’t want to do this with you. It’s pointless."

"Tell me!"

"Jesus Christ, Mulder, come on! Do I need to run down the whole list? The lying, the double crosses... the killing. I’m the bad guy! You’re the good guy! The good guy, who the bad guy did a lot of low down, rotten shit to," he concluded on a pained murmur. "That good for a start?"

"And that makes it hard," Fox said. "Hard for who? You? ‘Cause what if I said for me, not so much?"

"I’d say you were either crazy or deluding yourself."

"I have no delusions," Fox promised. "I may be crazy, but if I am, I’ve been that way for years. So what?"

"So what?"

"Yeah. So what? It’s not like I’m going to wake up suddenly one morning completely sane and take my entire life in a totally different direction."

"Not your whole life," Alex droned. "Maybe just part of it."

"You know, Alex, I understand why you feel you have to fight so hard to discourage this. I know you think that you’re finally doing the right thing. But can’t you try to worry a little bit less about what you think is bad for me and concentrate on what we both want?"

Alex’s hands began to shake.

"What do you think we both want?"

Fox got up and moved toward the younger man.

"To get far enough past the pain and the animosity and the resentment to... see what we might find on the other side."

Alex stared. "What if what we find is worse?"

"How can it be?"

"Never ask that question. You just might find out."

"Yeah," Fox admitted. "But it’s a chance I think I’d like to take."

"Why? Because Samantha tells you that you should?" Alex raised his hands to the sky. "The gospel according to Samantha. Being dead doesn’t make her right, you know."

The words struck Fox like a baseball bat to the head.

She was his sister too. He meant no disrespect. Somewhere behind the gathering anger, Fox knew that, yet his hands clenched into tight fists. He turned away and took a couple of deep breaths and spoke softly.

"Yeah... I know."

Without another word, he walked away.

Peter finished sorting his laundry and was on his way to the washer when he heard the door open and close. Backing up into the living room, he frowned at the man who had just entered.

"Hey. Uh... where’s my brother?"

"Still out."

Ah, shit. "So, how come you’re here?"

"I tried, Peter. I... he fights me at every turn. There’s nothing more I can do."

"Mulder... please. Don’t give up. He’s starting to come around, I know he is."

"I thought so too. But with that one little step forward, he’s taken three back."

"Have a little patience, Mulder. He’s been through so much. He’s still more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen him. He’s got all these emotions crashing around inside him, not the least of which is tremendous guilt..."

Fox rested his hands on his hips and tipped his head back. Peter kept his eyes on the other man’s face.

"... and crazy love."

"Christ. Peter..."

"He’s scared, Mulder. Haven’t you ever been scared?"

"What, you think this hasn’t got me terrified?"

"Okay, fair enough. But you aren’t the guy walking around with the heart of the sister of the man you’ve given every reason to hate you, but whom you’re hopelessly in love with."

Fox sighed heavily. "I don’t know what else to do," he whispered. "I’ve told him..."

"Forgive the interruption, buddy, but maybe the time for talking is over."

Fox gave Peter a suspicious glance. "Meaning?"

"Meaning..." Peter began to walk away with his laundry. "... whatever you want it to mean."

Fox watched Peter disappear into the hall, and he stood where he was, trying to decide what to do.

"You remember I told you that it wouldn’t be easy."

Fox spun around and found Samantha standing by the windows.

"He thinks that if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here right now."

"Well?"

"Yeah, well, probably not. But I don’t do anything that I don’t really want to do. It may have taken me a little longer, but I think I would have come."

"Is that such a hard thing to say to him?"

"I tried... kind of... I don’t think he believes much of what I’ve said."

"Make him believe you."

"How?"

"That’s for you to figure out."

"I thought you were here to help me."

"I am, Fox," Samantha said gently. "But... my time here is limited."

Fox frowned. "Limited?"

"Yes. I won’t be here forever. I’m sorry, I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, but you have to know. You need to be able to deal with this on your own. You need to figure it out for yourself."

Fox didn’t hear anything past ‘my time here is limited’. "How... how long?"

"If you’re looking for an exact time, I can’t give it to you. I’m not exactly sure. I only know that they told me soon."

A light mist covered Fox’s eyes. "I never... I wasn’t thinking that you’d have to..."

"I know. I’m sorry."

"I’ve lost you twice," Fox croaked. "Three times is just... it’s a little much, you know?"

Samantha nodded. "But you’ll be okay. If you’ll do what I’m asking. You and Alex can be so good for each other if you’d each just give it a chance."

One tear dropped off of Fox’s lashes.

"I don’t... there’s too much."

"It’s overwhelming. I know. If you feel that way, imagine how Alex feels. Peter was right. He’s got an enormous burden to carry."

"Yeah, but... he won’t even try."

"I know he’s being difficult. But he’s terrified, Fox. You have to be patient."

"I don’t know if I can without you here to keep me in line."

"You can, Fox. Just remember what I’ve told you and know that it’s true. I’m your sister, and I would never steer you wrong. Figure out a way to get through to Alex."

"What if there is no way?"

"There is."

Fox looked away.

"Fox."

He looked back.

"There is. Find it. I promise you, you won’t be sorry."

Fox closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

"Will I know when you’re leaving, or..."

"I’ll be able to come and say goodbye."

"Can’t you just stay with me until you have to go?"

"It takes a lot of energy for me to come to you for these short periods of time. It’d be impossible to stay for as long as you’re asking."

Fox nodded.

"Fox?"

"... Yeah?"

"Do you understand what I said? About Alex, I mean?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I’ll... I’ll keep trying."

Samantha smiled. "Good," she said. "I love you, Fox. I want so much for you to be happy, and you will be with Alex. More than you realize."

"My sister the matchmaker."

"I have to go now, but I’ll be back."

"... All right."

"See you soon, big brother."

Fox watched Samantha’s image fade and disappear. He stood where he was for a while then swiped at the dampness on his cheek and turned in the direction of the door.

"Where’re you going?"

Fox looked behind him to find Peter walking back into the living room.

"I was... thinking about going back out."

"To find Alex? I uh... I heard you talking... to Samantha?"

"Yeah."

"She talk you into giving it another shot?"

"... Sort of."

Peter gave the other man a smile then looked upward. "Thanks, Samantha."

Fox sighed and opened the door, surprising the man on the other side.

Alex stared wide eyed then dropped his gaze to the floor. Fox stepped away from the door, allowing him to enter. He moved quickly past the older man and stopped several feet away.

"Leaving?"

Fox shut the door and leaned against it.

"No. I was just going to go looking for you."

Gritting his teeth, Peter crept silently out of the room.

"What for?" Alex asked.

"To tell you that you’re being an unreasonable, stubborn pain in the ass... and I’m not leaving until I’m supposed to."

Alex asked the question softly. "Sucker for punishment, Mulder?"

"Something like that. Wanna go see a movie or something?"

Alex turned his back to the other man. "I don’t think so," he murmured.

"Okay." Fox went to his bag and pulled out his laptop. "Guess I’ll just get some work done." He sat down and booted up the computer. "This Iowa case is a freaky one. Wanna hear about it?"

Alex lifted his eyes to the ceiling before sighing loudly and coming to sit in the chair diagonal from Fox’s.

"Okay." Fox put his glasses on and opened the file. "Check this out..."

Alex sat quietly as Fox ran down the details of the case for him. When he was done, he took his glasses off and looked at the younger man.

"What d’you think?"

"... What?"

"Do you think that every man in this woman’s circle of family and friends is being systematically wiped out by the dark shadowy figure she claims is constantly stalking her, or is she just some deranged lunatic harboring an unknown grudge against all mankind?"

No answer from Alex. But Peter had since come into the room and heard part of it.

"Are you serious? And how would this be happening?"

Fox’s gaze went from Alex to his brother. "The locals say that it happened several years ago, when her husband was on the road. He was a traveling salesman. She supposedly was sneaking around with another woman’s husband. The woman found out about it through the grapevine and went to confront them. She lost control of her car on a back road and plowed into a tree. Before she died, she cursed them both. The husband of the dead woman... wait... did you hear this part already? ‘Cause I really don’t want to repeat it if I don’t have to."

"No, I didn’t hear it." Peter smirked. "Sorry."

"Crap." Fox glanced at Alex again and found him sitting with his eyes to the floor. "Well, a few weeks after the woman died, her husband had an accident of his own. The theory is, it was hot one night. He got out of bed, naked, to open a window. It was hard to open. He put his back into it, leaning forward as he pushed it up. The window... slipped and slammed shut on his penis. A pane broke, and a big shard of glass separated him from his best friend."

Peter spun around, grimacing.

"Ohhhh, damn!"

"Yeah."

"God. Were they able to reattach it?"

"Uh. No. See, he was alone in the house, and it’s assumed that he passed out when it happened. He bled to death there in his bedroom."

"Shit."

"So anyway, since then, the woman has lost three male family members and two friends under suspicious circumstances. She says it’s the doing of this... shadow thing that she sees everywhere she goes. She’s making the claims from the local jail, since police have found evidence pointing to her involvement."

"Was her husband among the victims?"

"Surprisingly, no."

"... You think maybe the husband is the one doing this? I know about the whole ‘a woman scorned’ thing, but who’s to say that finding out that his wife was creeping around with another man couldn’t send a guy over the edge?"

"I was actually thinking that this shadowy figure left her husband alive on purpose so she would suffer the consequences of him finding out what she’d done. He’s in the process of getting full custody of the two children, and he won’t pay any of her legal expenses."

"I was going to ask if you’re serious, but of course you are. Well, any way you slice it, excuse the pun, that’s some messed up shit." He looked to his brother. "Huh, Alex?"

Alex shrugged. "Uh huh."

"So, you got any thoughts on this, Alex?" Fox asked.

"... Not really."

Fox looked to Peter, who cast him a wary glance.

"Well. Okay, then."

The rest of the day was spent in silence. Unless Fox and Peter spoke to each other, nothing was said. After dinner, Peter retreated to his bedroom, leaving Fox and Alex alone in the living room.

"What do you want to do tomorrow? Besides your walk?"

Alex gave no answer.

"Alex?"

"When are you going to quit?"

Fox shook his head. "You know what kills me? If I did quit... I mean really quit... you’d be miserable." He scratched his head. "Of course... you’re miserable now, aren’t you?"

Again, no response.

"Well... so am I, so..."

"Then, why don’t you leave?"

"Soon enough. But I left you in pain once. I don’t want to do it again."

"When are you going to get it through that thick skull, Mulder? Whatever pain I’m in, I’m in now for the rest of my life. If you wanted to end my pain, you should have let me die. You and my brother."

And with that, Alex got up and walked out of the room. Fox sat where he was, listening to the other man’s shuffling retreat and the soft click of his bedroom door as it closed.

Fifteen minutes later, Peter skulked into the room and sat down.

"No luck, huh?"

"He’s in a darker place than I realized," Fox said softly. "He really would rather have died than be given Samantha’s heart."

"His sense of self worth is in the toilet, Mulder," Peter advised. "He doesn’t think you’d ever be able to have the feelings for him that he has for you. Too much has happened. And he sure as hell doesn’t think he deserves to have your sister’s heart after he’s had so much to do with the men who conspired to take her from you." He waved his hand. "We could go round and round on this subject forever. I’ve told you how he feels about you. You know how you feel about him. The question is, how far are you willing to go to make sure that it doesn’t end after you leave here?"

"How far am I willing to go to make sure that it doesn’t end... That implies, Peter, that something had actually started."

Peter slouched in the chair and put a hand to his head, and the two sat in silence.

"So, how are you this morning?"

"Exhausted."

"Okay, let’s have it."

"Things didn’t exactly go well yesterday. It started out sort of promising, but it went to hell real fast. I gotta give Mulder props though, Dana. He’s sticking it out. I mean, he felt like there was no choice left but to leave, but a little talk with our sister put that notion to bed."

"Alex not being cooperative?"

"Not really. He’s so screwed up," Peter sighed. "It’s going to take one mother of a miracle to pull him out of this hell he’s in."

"Well, let’s hope Mulder figures out what that miracle is. Where is he, by the way? He was supposed to call me yesterday, and he didn’t."

"He ran out to the store for me. I can’t wait to get this damned cast off so I can do that stuff for myself."

"How much longer?"

"Three weeks."

"Good. I’m sure it’ll be a huge relief. I’ve never broken anything, but I’ve been told how uncomfortable it can be."

"That’s an understatement. This damn thing itches like hell!"

"So, where’s Alex?"

"Still out walking. He’s been gone quite a while. Trying to avoid Mulder, no doubt."

"Has Mulder got anything cooking? Any new ideas on how he’s going to reach Alex? Time’s getting short."

"I know. His flight’s at seven tonight. If he doesn’t come up with something by then, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I take that back. I know exactly what’s going to happen. Alex is going to be so impossible to live with that I’m going to end up shooting myself in the head."

"Well, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that," Scully said. "I kinda like having you to talk to."

Peter smiled into the phone.

"Yeah, but uh... while talking is nice, it’s getting kind of old already. How about after I get my cast off, I fly out to see you? By then Alex should get the all clear to drive, and I can leave him alone for a few days."

"I like that idea," Scully agreed. "Okay, let’s plan for it..."

Fox pulled the last of the grocery bags out of the trunk of his rental car, then he pushed the lid down with his elbow. Toting the eight bags into the building, he ran into Alex, who was just coming back from his walk.

"I’ll take some."

Rather than argue, Fox quickly determined which two of his load were the lightest, and he handed those to the other man.

"I can carry more."

Okay, so it was time to argue.

"It’s okay, I got the rest."

"Give me a couple more."

"Have you been cleared to handle more than ten pounds?"

"Not yet, but..."

"Then that’s enough."

Alex said nothing more, but his expression spoke volumes.

"I don’t want you to hurt yourself," Fox said softly, trying to smooth things over. "Okay?"

"Yeah. Great."

Fox bit his tongue and said nothing more for the few minutes it took to get to the apartment door. Once inside, he moved into the kitchen, Alex following at a distance. He set the bags down, and Alex did the same, then he started unloading his purchases.

"I’ll put them away," Alex said flatly. Fox finished removing the items from one bag and moved on to the next.

"Can’t we both do it?"

"Don’t you have to pack your bag or something?"

"I did it last night."

"I thought I heard voices." Peter thumped into the room and started poking around. "Did they have my cupcakes?"

"I got ‘em," Fox assured the other man.

"Thanks, buddy." Peter looked around. "Let me help put some of this away."

Fox grinned at him. "The more the merrier."

"So, Alex," Peter began, opening a cabinet door and storing a box of rice, "how was your walk?"

"Fine."

"Good. So, what are you going to do the rest of the day?"

"I don’t know."

"Might be nice for you two to go out for lunch or something... you know, since Fox is leaving tonight."

Alex stopped in his tracks, staring for a second at the can he held. Then, dropping it down on the table, he turned and walked out of the room.

"Son of a bitch." Peter leaned against the counter and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. "I’m sorry, Fox. I was hoping it’d have the opposite effect."

"It doesn’t matter what you say or don’t say," Fox said. "It doesn’t seem as if anything is going to have a good effect."

"So... what’s going to happen tomorrow when you’re back home?"

"I don’t know."

"Will this be the end of it? Are you going to give up?"

Fox sighed. "I don’t... how long can I keep after him?"

"I understand that, Mulder, I really do. I would get fed up too, if I was the one putting in all the effort. But he’s my brother. I love him dearly, and it kills me to see him in so much pain. I want him happy. That may be an unreasonable hope at this point, I don’t know."

"Samantha has told me just about the same thing, so I do get what you’re saying." Fox opened the refrigerator door and put a jar of pickles on the door. "I just... I don’t think I’ve ever been faced with a situation I’ve seen as hopeless before... I mean, you’re talking to a man who’s spent years trying to break an international conspiracy. Ask Scully and she’ll tell you that I just don’t know when to quit. But this..." Fox crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at the floor. "I’m at a loss."

Peter watched Fox, hopelessness glazing his eyes. The other man looked up at him and sighed softly.

"I’m... I don’t know. I just... I got some thinking to do."

Peter nodded. "’Kay," he croaked. "I understand. Let me finish putting this stuff away. Why don’t you go for a walk or something. Try and clear your head."

"Yeah, I... I think I will."

Alex turned away from the window and watched as Fox made his way to the front door. Feeling that he was being watched, Fox looked around and found the other man at the other end of the living room. He said nothing; just held Alex’s gaze for an instant, then he opened the door and walked out. Almost fifteen minutes later, Peter came into the room and found Alex in the same spot he’d been in since before Fox left.

"He’s gone for a walk in case you wanted to know."

Alex said nothing.

"You should be spending this time together, Alex. What the hell are you doing?"

The younger man continued to stare out the window.

"Remember how upset you were when he left the first time? Remember you were on the verge of tears? I do."

Zip.

"He’s leaving tonight." Peter looked at his watch. "He’ll have to be at the airport in about five hours or so. And what are you doing?" He stood there for a moment, waiting. And then he walked away.

Fox sat on the bench he and Alex had occupied the day before, and he watched the walkers and joggers pass him by.

And? It’s not as if he’s thrilled to see you.

He closed his eyes and tried to access his Samantha voice.

Okay. We’ve been through this again and again. You know what’s wrong with him. You know how he’s feeling. Well... kind of. You also know that nothing you’ve done or said has had much of an effect. So. What haven’t you done?

He wracked his brains for an answer then finally lowered his head in his hands and let out a frustrated groan.

He lifted his head and spoke to the air.

"I don’t suppose you’d be able to pop in and offer a few suggestions."

When all he got was a few strange looks from the people passing by, he slouched down on the bench and fell into a brooding silence.

Peter sat drumming his fingers on the arm of his chair, pretending to watch TV while Alex sat at the desk, sorting through the bills. Every few minutes, he snuck a glance in his brother’s direction and found the younger man shuffling through the same six envelopes that he had been for the past twenty minutes.

"Checkbook’s in the top right drawer," he finally said, "in case you’re wondering."

"I know."

"Okay. ‘Cause it seems as though you’re a little lost."

"I’m fine."

"Mmm. ‘Kay. Sure." Peter made a show of looking down at his watch. "Wow. Three thirty."

"You want those steaks for dinner?" Alex asked softly. "I’ll go season them in a little while."

Peter stared. What he wanted was to bang Alex’s head against a wall and hopefully knock some sense into him.

"Yeah. That’s fine. I don’t suppose Mulder’ll have time to eat with us before he goes. I guess he’ll have something on the plane."

Alex let the hand holding the envelopes drop to the desk, and he stared down at it, saying nothing. Peter shook his head and returned his attention to the TV. Almost half an hour later, Fox walked in, and Alex got up, heading into the kitchen. He watched the other man’s exit, then he joined Peter in the living room.

"Believe me when I tell you that he’s fairly freaked out by the fact that you’re leaving soon."

"Yeah," Fox sighed, taking a seat.

"Did that walk do you any good?"

"Besides getting a little exercise?" Fox shrugged. "Don’t know." He looked toward the kitchen. "I’d go talk to him, but I don’t know what the hell I’d say." He turned to Peter. "So... what are you watching?"

Alex covered the plate containing the steaks and put it into the refrigerator. He fished the spinach and tomatoes out of the vegetable drawer then went back in for a cucumber and broccoli. He made the salad, stopping several times to take a steadying breath. He didn’t look at the clock. He couldn’t, but he knew that the time was nearing for Mulder to go. The knowledge made his hands shake and his knees weak.

Alex closed his eyes and fought back the burning sensation behind them.

"Alex!"

His eyes opened, and his heart began to pound double time as his eyes automatically went to the clock on the wall.

Four forty-five.

"Hey, Alex?"

His feet wouldn’t move. They were stuck to the spot he stood in, and he couldn’t get them to work.

The kitchen door opened, and Peter came in, followed by Fox. Peter took up position on the other side of the room, and Fox remained by the door.

"What’re you doing, kiddo? Didn’t you hear me calling you?"

Alex’s eyes went from Peter to Fox, then to the floor.

"I have to leave now."

Fox’s words echoed in Alex’s head like a scream. He managed a nod and called on all the strength he could muster to look the other man in the eye.

"Have a... a uh... safe trip. Thanks for coming."

Peter looked at his brother like he had six heads.

"... Bye, Mulder."

Fox stared as the younger man lowered his gaze, then all at once he was dropping his bag and striding across the room. Peter’s jaw dropped as in one fluid movement, Fox stopped in front Alex and pulled him into a long, bone melting kiss.

All the air in the room was sucked out in an instant, and Alex’s head began to spin as Fox’s mouth fed tenderly on his. He couldn’t think. He could barely react. All he could do was stand there, frozen, and try to keep a grip on his quickly dissipating sanity.

Fox broke the kiss, but his mouth remained only a breath away from Alex’s. He felt the unsteady rush of air leave Alex’s lungs and stagger over his lips, and he fought the urge to pull the younger man fully into his arms and lay a really serious kiss on him.

"... I’ll call."

Once he backed far enough away, he could see deep shock registering in the wide, glittering eyes of the younger man.

He picked up his bag, turned and walked out.

End of chapter three