Nobody Has to Know XIV
Battle Scars

By Aries

Fox opened the door, catching C.J. as the other man stumbled in, carrying more bags than he could handle.

"I got everything you wanted except they didn’t have..." He stopped abruptly as his gaze found the apartment’s owner sitting in the living room, staring at nothing in particular. He looked from Alex’s still form back to Fox, a question forming on his lips. Before he could speak it, Fox steered him into the kitchen.

"What the hell happened?" C. J. whispered, setting the grocery bags down on the table.

Fox put his bags on the counter and leaned up against it.

"We had a... a thing... earlier."

"A thing?"

"Yeah, I don’t..." Fox lowered his head and speared his fingers through his hair. "I don’t know, C.J."

C.J. stared, looking utterly baffled. "Don’t know what?"

"I may have screwed him up really good."

Frowning, C.J. looked from the door to Fox and back again. Cautiously, he sidled over to it and pushed it open. He peeked out into the living room and watched Alex for a while then walked back over to where Fox stood.

"He hasn’t moved from that spot since I walked in. Is he okay? Stupid question, you just said you may have screwed him up."

"Yeah," Fox rasped, then he looked up at the other man, eyes brimming with sorrow. "I love him so much, C.J." His gaze again dropped to the floor.

C.J. let out a long, soft sigh. "C’mon, bud." He pulled a chair away from the table. "Sit down."

When Fox had dropped into the chair, C.J. sat in front of him. "Now, tell me what happened."

"He had another nightmare last night, and he didn’t want me to give him any comfort. Didn’t even want me to touch him. Now, none of that is any big surprise, but it continued into this morning. He wouldn’t let me get him cleaned up, so I left him alone for a while. When I came back in to try again, he really dug in his heels. I tried to talk to him, and he refused to listen. Just kept his eyes on the TV. I shut it off, he turned it right back on. We went back and forth like that a couple of times, then I tried to take the remote from him. We ended up in a big struggle, and I finally wrestled it away. I should’ve just let it be. I don’t know why I didn’t, I was just so... I got so mad, and I couldn’t stop myself. He... flipped. I mean, really lost it. Scared the shit out of me. I gave the remote back to him, he calmed down after a while, and ever since, he’s been like you see him now."

C.J. rubbed a hand over his head. "You uh... you think it’s safe, though? Leaving him unrestrained? He threatened to kill you... and me... remember?"

"He’s been very docile," Fox answered. "Practically catatonic. He let me wash him, dress him. I was even able to feed him a little. Only thing is, I can’t take the remote from him."

One dark eyebrow arched. "So, what? He took into the shower with him?"

"Yeah. I’m sure its useless now, but what was I going to do?"

"I can pick up a universal for you," C.J. offered. "So, uh... what’re you going to do?"

"I have to try and reach him."

"Yeah, but how?"

"Any way I can."

C.J. sighed heavily. "Fox... won’t you tell me what all this is about? Maybe I can help. If in no other way, at least to give you someone to talk to. I’m worried about you too, you know? You could flip out, keeping all this shit to yourself, and then what help will you be to Alex?"

"You’ve been a huge help," Fox answered. "And I thank you for your concern. But I can’t tell you. I-I’m sorry."

"Dammit, Fox..."

"I’ll be okay, C.J. I promise."

"... All right. Is uh... is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, doing the food shopping was plenty." Fox got up and fished through the bags, finding the receipt while C.J. checked again on Alex.

"He’s still sitting there, staring at nothing," he informed the other man. "You think maybe I can go see him?"

"If you want to," Fox replied, pulling several bills out of his wallet and shoving them at his friend. "Don’t be disappointed, though, if he doesn’t answer you."

C.J. stuffed the money in his pocket and walked into the next room. Fox followed, but he stopped several feet away, choosing to remain out of sight while C.J. talked to Alex.

"Hey, buddy," C.J. said softly, carefully sitting in the chair across from the sofa. "Good to see you out of that room. How’re you feeling?"

Alex sat quietly, slowly turning the remote over and over in his hands.

"Alex? Please say something, man. It’s damn painful seeing you like this."

Alex blinked, but it was all the response C.J. got.

"Okay... okay. But at least talk to Fox. He loves you, Alex." C.J. moved to the edge of the chair. "And I know you love him," he said softly. "Let him in. Trust him. He’ll take good care of you... you just have to let him." He waited, hoping in vain that Alex would say something. Finally, he rose to his feet and gently touched his friend’s shoulder. "I’ll see you again soon."

Fox accompanied C.J. to the door and stood there with the other man for a while, talking.

"I think maybe this is worse than the threats," he said, looking very unsettled.

"Yeah," Fox said, giving the other man a sad smile. "I’d give anything about now to hear him telling me how slowly and painfully I’m going to die."

Both men looked back to Alex for a few seconds before C.J. reached for the door. "I’ll get that remote to you sometime tomorrow."

"Thanks."

C.J. opened the door and stepped through it. "If you need anything before then, call me, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, C.J."

The other man nodded and left, plunging the apartment into silence. Fox stood facing the door for a number of seconds, then he turned and walked into the room.

"How about some dinner?" he asked, almost too softly to be heard. But in the deafening quiet, he knew Alex heard him. He just didn’t answer. Or he couldn’t answer; Fox wasn’t really sure at this point. But he meant to find out.

"I uh... I have some groceries to put away. You wanna go sit in the kitchen with me?"

Alex gave no answer.

"Come on," Fox coaxed gently, reaching down to wrap his hand around Alex’s arm. The younger man slowly rose to his feet and let Fox lead him into the kitchen. He sat in the chair that Fox pulled out for him, and he looked down at the table, holding the remote tightly to his chest. Fox watched him for a moment then took a deep breath and turned around.

"Uh... it was good of C.J. to bring us this stuff, huh? He’s a good friend." He began putting the groceries away. "He’s worried about you."

He may as well have been talking to himself.

"I’d like to be able to give him some good news, y’know? Tell him that you talked to me or... hit me or something."

Alex remained speechless as Fox put the last of the items away. He allowed the older man to conduct him back to the living room and seat him on the sofa. Fox dropped down next to him, and his hand firmed its grip on the one thing that kept the blackness from swallowing him completely.

"It’s okay," Fox said gently, noticing Alex’s reaction to his proximity. "I’m not going to take it... Alex? I’m sorry about what happened earlier. I didn’t mean to upset you, I... I just wanted to talk to you. Can I talk to you now?"

Alex crossed his arms over his chest, thumb stroking back and forth over the surface of the remote.

"I don’t know what happened. I don’t know why you won’t talk to me now, and it’s hard... it’s hard, Alex. I don’t know what to do, I... I should know, but... I’m too close, I guess, to think straight about this, so I need your help." He paused for a moment then slid to his knees in front of the other man. "Please, Alex. Talk to me. Just one sentence. A word. Let me know you’re still in there. Tell me that this hasn’t gone too far to be able to fix it."

Alex remained unresponsive. Fox closed his eyes and lowered his head for a moment, then he drew a deep, unsteady breath and rose to his feet.

"It’s getting late. I’m going to go get dinner started, okay? You wanna... y-you wanna watch some TV.?"

Not waiting for the silence he knew would greet him, Fox turned the television on and flipped through a few channels before stopping on a documentary about Titanic. He paused, trying to find something more to say. When nothing came to him, he took one more long look at Alex then retreated to the kitchen. Once there, he fell into a chair and draped himself over the table. He took breath after painful breath, and when he was able to pull himself together, he set about making their dinner. Over twenty minutes later it was in the oven, and he returned to the living room. He said nothing as he carefully sat in the chair across from the sofa. He followed the line of Alex’s gaze and deduced that the younger man was watching the program. Or at least looking at the screen, which was something he wasn’t doing when Fox had gone into the kitchen. Fox pressed his knuckles to his lips and watched for some sign that Alex was coming out of the darkness he was now lost in, but no clue was to be found in the dull, expressionless eyes.

A shudder of despair passed through Fox’s body, and he started thinking that he may have to seek help. He hated the thought, since doing so would betray Alex’s confidence, but he might have to turn to that last resort if something didn’t change soon.

Almost an hour went by, and the timer went off. Fox got up without a word and walked into the kitchen. He pulled two plates down and put a small amount of food in each then returned to the living room. He set the plates down on the coffee table and turned to face Alex.

"Okay... soup’s on." He sucked his lower lip into his mouth and chewed on it, waiting. When Alex didn’t reach for his fork, Fox picked it up. "I don’t mind feeding you, but sooner or later you’ve gotta do it yourself, y’know?" He lifted the fork to Alex’s mouth and nudged gently. "C’mon. open up."

It took a little patience but Alex finally opened his mouth and took what Fox offered. An eternity passed before he swallowed that first forkful, and when they got halfway through the meal, he would eat no more. Fox picked up his own untouched plate and Alex’s, and he carried them into the kitchen, disposing of the cold contents. He rinsed everything and loaded the dishwasher then spent the rest of the evening in absolute silence.

Around ten thirty Alex’s eyes began to close. Fox watched him for a while, wanting with all his heart to go to him and wrap him in his arms and make him believe that love did not equal pain. Instead, he sat beside the dozing man and gently touched his arm. Alex’s eyes snapped open, and he skittered back against the corner of the couch, clutching his remote.

"M’sorry. Oh, God, Alex, I’m sorry. I just... you were starting to fall asleep. I just wanted to see if you might not be more comfortable in bed." Fox moved closer. Cautiously, he took the younger man’s arm and coaxed him up. When he got him settled into bed, he took up position in the nearby chair and watched as Alex’s lashes fluttered and closed. When Fox was sure that he was asleep, he came to sit on the edge of the bed. Stroking the sable head tenderly, he prayed for some sort of insight into the situation and the strength to do whatever he had to do, to make everything all right.

"Four? Aww, come on, Andy! It’s not enough that you got me to go in tonight, but now you’re adding on clients? I don’t give a damn who called. I said I could only stay until eleven thirty, and you know it." C.J. unlocked his car door but before he could open it, he caught sight of the petite redheaded woman who had just pulled up and was storming toward the door of Alex’s apartment building.

"Shhhhit. Andy, I gotta go." C.J. snapped his phone shut while the other man was still talking. He trotted to catch up to Scully then passed her and whirled around, blocking her progress.

"Hey. How are you?"

"Get the hell out of my way."

"Is Fox expecting you?"

"What are you, the door man? Move."

"Can’t do that."

"Oh, I think you can."

The girl’s got a set, C.J. thought, admiringly.

"Okay, technically I can. But I won’t."

"What the hell’s going on here? It’s been days since I’ve talked to him. He hasn’t called me. He hasn’t answered my messages. And I’m willing to bet that you know why."

"He’s fine. He just needs not to be interrupted."

"And you’re not interrupting? You did just come from Krycek’s apartment, didn’t you?"

"I’m helping."

"Helping what?"

"Listen... Scully? Scully. Go home, I’ll tell Fox you were here and that he needs to call you, okay?"

"And why should I trust you? You think I’ve forgotten about how you lured me into that room and then locked me in?"

"I’m sorry about that. Really. But my loyalties lie with Alex... and Fox. They’re my friends, and I will do what’s best for them."

"And it’s best to keep his partner and best friend from seeing him?"

"At the moment it is, yes."

"Oh, this is unbelievable." Scully speared her hands through her hair and paced in a short line. She stopped in front of C.J. and grabbed the front of the big man’s shirt. "Get the hell out of my way, or I’ll fucking shoot you!"

C.J. looked down into stormy blue eyes, and he saw deep fear and concern behind the anger.

"I’m sorry. I can see how worried you are. Please... will you walk with me for a bit? I swear, I’ll do my best to fill you in on as much as I know."

"As much as you know."

"Yes. I don’t know the root cause of Alex’s issues. Fox does but he refuses to betray Alex’s confidence."

"Great."

"I respect his reasons, but I think the time is coming soon when he’s not going to be left with a choice. He’s going to have to tell someone."

Scully let go of his shirt and stared up into his face. She shouldn’t believe him. She had no reason to. Son of a bitch, why the hell did she believe him?

"Please... tell me what you know."

At the end of their walk, Scully knew as much as C.J. did.

"... And he’s been practically catatonic since last week?"

"That’s about the size of it."

Scully leaned up against her car and crossed her arms over her chest. "Forgive me, C.J., but, while it’s easy to believe that Alex Krycek has serious psychological issues, I do have a difficult time believing that it’s having the kind of effect on him that you’re describing."

"So, you either think that I’m lying or he’s faking."

Scully sighed. "No, I believe you. I don’t know why, but I do. But I’m very familiar with Krycek’s duplicitous habits, and I wouldn’t for one instant, have trouble believing that he’s up to something."

C.J. turned his face up to the sky and closed his eyes. "Why would he be up to anything?"

"You don’t know our history... Mulder’s history with him. You wouldn’t be asking that if you did."

"I’m sorry, Scully, but there’s no way in hell that Alex is faking whatever the hell this is."

"He’s a good actor, C.J. You have no idea how good."

C.J. gave an adamant shake of his head. "No. No way. In the time I’ve known Alex, I have never seen him out of control. Yet, I’ve recently seen him drunk off his ass, depressed as hell, furious to the point of violence, sappy sweet, and half a dozen other things that just are not any way I’d ever have described Alex before he got involved with Fox. He’s in love with your partner, Agent Scully. Deeply. Completely, and unfortunately, right now, painfully. You may not want to hear that, but it doesn’t make it any less true."

Scully stared at a spot on the pavement just beyond C.J.’s feet, then she shook her head and turned away.

"Alex Krycek is incapable of love."

"Not so long ago, I would have agreed with you. But I’ve seen them together. The way he talked to Fox... the way he looked at him... I saw him all but kill three men for hurting him."

Scully turned back and cast an angry stare on the man.

"He made Mulder wear a collar like a dog... sleep on the floor, and God knows what else. Tell me, C.J., is that your idea of love?"

"You don’t get it," C.J. sighed. "And I doubt that you would even if I explained it to you."

"Save your breath. Mulder already tried."

"Didn’t make a dent, did he?"

Scully gave no answer.

"If you can’t support Fox, Scully, at least stay out of his way. Let him do what he needs to. I promise, I’ll see that he gets your message."

Scully stood tapping her foot for a moment then dug in her coat pocket for her keys.

"Fine. He probably wouldn’t open the door for me, anyway."

"Probably not."

"Tell him I’ll be waiting to hear from him."

C.J. nodded and watched the woman get into her car and drive away.

"Christ."

Pulling out his phone, he dialed Fox’s cell number and waited three rings until Fox picked up.

"C.J. What’s up?"

"I got a message for you. From Scully."

"How did you end up with a message from Scully?"

"She pulled up outside the building as I was leaving. I managed to stop her from going up."

"Thanks. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been pretty if she had showed up at the door."

"Not with that attitude, no."

Fox sighed. "What did she want?"

"To find out what the hell was going on, mostly. She said she’s tried to contact you, and you haven’t returned her calls."

"Yeah, I... I just can’t deal with her right now, you know?"

"I know. But if you don’t tell her something, she will be back. I asked her to please just step back and let you take care of business, but she’s worried about you. That’s why she’s so bitchy... isn’t it? I mean... she’s not like that all the time, right?"

That earned him a small laugh. "No, she’s not always like that. She’s been the best partner and friend I could have asked for. And I know she’s only worried about me. She’s got good reason not to trust Alex."

"Then... why do you?"

"Not so easy to explain... I’ve always been intensely attracted to Alex. Even when I hated him."

"Wait, wait. You hated Alex?"

"Yeah, I did. It’s a very long, very complicated story."

"I’d like to hear it."

"You’d need several hours of spare time."

"Start talking."

Fox started at the beginning, grateful to have something to take his mind off of the current situation. Toward the end of the consortium related portion of his story, he asked C.J. to hold on while he checked on Alex.

"He okay?"

"He’s asleep," Fox said as he dropped back down to the sofa and made himself comfortable.

"So... that’s one wild story, Fox."

"Every word of it is true, I swear."

"I know you wouldn’t lie to me. Doesn’t make it any less insane, though."

"I know."

"So, when all was said and done, Alex was instrumental in helping you save us from alien colonization."

"Yeah. But even then Scully wouldn’t cut him the slightest amount of slack."

"Would you have? I mean, if you didn’t want him?"

"I don’t know... maybe not. I just... I saw something in him that no one else who knew him then would ever be able to see. Anyway, when all the stuff that kept us at odds with each other was over, he dropped out of sight. I had a feeling that he was around, but I had no idea where."

"If he had stuck around, would you have told him how you felt?"

"Probably not. Mainly because I don’t think I really knew... or I didn’t want to know." Fox sighed and went quiet for a moment before going on. "But after he was gone... I thought about him all the time. Those thoughts got more and more uh... intimate, until one night I just couldn’t take it any more. That’s how I ended up at the club the first time. I had just gone out for a drink, and... and, there I was. I was jumped practically the second I got there. These guys kept feeding me drinks, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up in my apartment, bruised and sore. I found a note saying that someone knew what I had done. I figured out that it was Alex, and it was then that I found out for sure that he was still around, and that he was watching me. I started yelling, figuring that he had my apartment bugged. I was right. He called me. We went back and forth for a bit, then I agreed to him coming to my apartment so I could find out what the hell he knew.

"He showed up a while later, and he told me what had happened. He was pretty pissed about it. I remember the tone of his voice... the way he looked at me. I hadn’t known until that night that he wanted me. I gave him the opportunity to do something about it, but he backed off and left."

"Shit. He did?"

"Yeah. I let three weeks go by. Three weeks of brooding and second guessing and... I snapped. I knew he was still watching me, and I started talking to him. Telling him stuff I hoped would draw him out."

"What’d you tell him?"

"In a nutshell? I flat out offered myself to him. He didn’t answer. That sort of freaked me out. I was mad, and I was hurt, and... I went back to the club that night. I figured if he didn’t want me, fine. I knew someone there would. He showed up as I was talking to one of the same guys I’d met that first night. He scared him off, and I asked him what he was doing there. I tried to show him some attitude, but I wasn’t sure that I’d pulled it off. He pulled a collar out of his pocket, I let him put it on me, and you know the rest."

C.J. began to chuckle.

"God, you gave him such a bad time. I didn’t think anyone would ever have the balls to give Alex a bad time. That he didn’t smack you down hard, gave me a pretty good idea that he had a thing for you. I’ll admit it shocked me. Alex didn’t strike me as the type who would ever be sweet on someone."

"You knew that early on?"

"I knew that he was feeing something for you. It took me a little while to figure out how bad he had it." The ensuing silence held a definite heaviness. "Fox?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I’m here."

"What is it?"

"I was just... I was thinking about what I would have given to hear him tell me he loved me."

"Would have given?"

"Yeah. At this point, I’d be happy to hear him say anything at all."

"He’ll talk. I know he will."

"It’s been a week."

He sounded so despondent. C.J.’s heart ached for him.

"I know, buddy."

"What if he never comes out of this?"

"He will. Keep trying. You’ll get through to him."

"I don’t know."

Deep sigh. "Is there anything you can think of that you haven’t tried?"

"God, C.J., I’ve begged, I’ve pleaded, I’ve threatened... I’ve tried to make him mad. I’ve attempted to arouse every..." Fox stopped.

"Every what?"

Fox didn’t answer.

"Dude."

"Sorry. Uh... I just had a... an idea."

"Yeah? Great! Can I help?"

"You already have. I wouldn’t have thought of this if I hadn’t been talking to you."

"So, what’s the idea?"

"I was about to say that I’d aroused every emotion in him, but I forgot one."

"Which one?" The moment the words were out of C.J.’s mouth, he tapped into Fox’s train of thought. "Ohhhhhhhh. God, if that gets no response, you might as well pack up his apartment and call the nice men in the white coats."

"I’ll give it a shot tomorrow."

"Good luck, man."

The two talked for a few minutes more then said goodnight. Fox set the phone down and entered Alex’s bedroom to check on him once more before he turned in. He leaned over the sleeping man, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest. One hand rose to the sable head, petting the wild strands, then he brushed a tender kiss into them before straightening up and walking to the spare bedroom. He made the call to Scully, listened to her tirade, insisted he was fine and that he’d call her again soon, then he hung up and turned out the light.

It was mid morning before Alex opened his eyes. He’d been asleep since eight the night before. Not that he knew that. His mind had blanked just about everything out, including a sense of time.

Staring at the windows he’d awakened facing, he lay quietly as he had every day for a week, his hand sliding over the sheet and finding the remote he’d let go of at some point during the night. Clutching it against him, he again closed his eyes, but they didn’t stay shut for long.

There was a presence in the room. Close. Of their own volition, Alex’s eyes drifted open. Fox was there kneeling by the bed, wearing his collar and little else.

Fox watched Alex’s face for some sign of recognition, some hint of reaction, but there was nothing he could see. His heart sank, but he pulled himself together quickly and made his last ditch effort at reaching the other man.

"It’s..." He stopped to clear the gravel from his throat then began again in a soft voice. "It’s almost ten thirty. You’ve been asleep for a long time. Would you like to get up now?"

He didn’t expect an answer, and no answer was what he got. He sucked a corner of his lip into his mouth, chewing on it for a moment, then he got to his feet and cautiously pulled the sheet down. Alex got out of bed with a little coaxing, and Fox went about his morning routine of showering and dressing the unresponsive man. He fed him as much breakfast as he would eat, all without a word said. When he had him seated in the living room, he sank down to the floor and laid his head on Alex’s knee.

"I think," he began, "that... these past few weeks have left you with a different impression... that maybe you might think that things might never be like they were between us." He lifted his head and looked into blank eyes. "That I didn’t want to be who I was to you. I never meant to give you that feeling." He let one hand slide over the younger man’s thigh, stopping midpoint. "I’m still yours, Alex. You could never say another word to me for the rest of our lives... you could never touch me again, and it wouldn’t change that fact. Alex..."

Dead silence.

"Okay, I... uh... I just wanted you to know that. I have some things to do... laundry and whatnot. If you want me for anything, just call me."

Fox got to his feet and waited there for a moment, hoping for... something, but Alex didn’t even look at him. Tears burned the backs of his eyes, and he turned quickly and left the room. Once in the spare bedroom, he let the moisture pool and drop off his lashes as he separated the laundry into three piles.

Whatever something was, he didn’t find it that day or the next. He continued to dress the way he had at the beginning of their relationship, continued to see to all of Alex’s needs, sit by his feet in the day time and sleep on the floor by his bed at night. On the third day, he decided to be more blatant.

"Alex?" he called softly that afternoon, laying his head on the other man’s thigh. "Do... do you remember telling me one day that if I needed... um... s-some attention, I should ask for it?." His hand rubbed back and forth on the outside of the other thigh. "It’s been so long, and I... I miss you. Remember how you used to wake me in the morning?" Fox’s respiration deepened as the recollection began to arouse him. "You used to pull me back against you and shove your cock inside me before I was even fully awake. Do you remember how good that felt?" His hand stroked a bit higher. "I want that back. I... I need it." He rubbed his cheek against Alex’s leg. "Do you want me, Alex? Just a little? I’m here. I belong to you. Anything you want. Any time you want. Please." He sounded desperate and pathetic, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Alex didn’t move. He didn’t speak. Not even his breathing pattern was altered, and it was more than Fox could deal with. His shoulders shook as a few sobs escaped. He choked back the rest, but the tears flowed freely, dampening the leg of Alex’s jeans, and still Alex said nothing. A few minutes went by before Fox stopped crying. He dried his eyes as best he could and lifted his head, glancing quickly up at the blank face before turning away. He remained seated where he was until meal time, when he reheated some leftovers from the day before. When dinner was over, he cleaned up the kitchen and sat alone at the table for over an hour while Alex occupied his usual seat in the other room. It was almost nine o’clock by the time he decided to get up. He was surprised to find the other man awake; lately, he’d started dozing off before eight.

Alex sat staring at the flickering television, showing no evidence of comprehending what he was watching. Fox slumped to the floor and sat in dejected silence for almost another hour before Alex begin to show signs of fatigue. He roused the younger man gently then led him into the bedroom. Once Alex was down for the night, Fox left him and shuffled into the spare room. Falling onto the bed, he lay with his hands over his eyes for a long while, then he picked up his cell phone and dialed.

"... Hello?"

"... Mick?"

"Yeah. Fox? That you?"

"Yeah. How... how are you?"

"I’m good, man. How ‘bout you? C.J. and I were just talking about you this afternoon."

"I’m okay."

"You don’t sound okay, dude. You sound fried."

"I’m a little tired, I guess. Uh... is C.J. around?"

"Yeah. He’s changing his clothes. We were getting ready to go out."

"Oh. Well, I won’t bother him then."

"Oh, no. I’m sure he’ll want to talk to you. Hang on."

"... Fox?"

"Yeah."

"I was going to call you tomorrow if I didn’t hear from you before then. I’m afraid to ask, but, how’s it going?"

"How do you think?"

"From the sound of your voice? Not good."

"I’m at the end of my rope, C.J. Nothing is getting through to him. I’m wearing the things he bought me... the collar, the clothes. I’ve hinted... hell, I’ve straight out begged. Nothing."

"Goddamn," C.J. breathed. "What’re you gonna do now?"

"I gotta get him some help."

"You mean like... hospitalization?"

"I don’t think it’d do him a whole lot of good. In fact, I’m afraid it may only make things worse."

"I think I’d have to agree with that. But Fox, how long can you go on like this?"

"Tomorrow I’ll start looking around for someone who might be willing to see him here. If not, I’ll have to take him someplace on an outpatient basis."

"Okay, Fox, but how long can you go on taking care of him? I mean, you gotta go back to work sooner or later. Then what?"

"I’ll resign if I have to."

C.J. let out a heavy sigh. "Your partner won’t be too thrilled about that."

"I can’t worry about what Scully thinks. Alex is my first priority. But, listen... I know Mick’s waiting for you. You go on. Have a nice night."

"Yeah, I... are you gonna be all right? You sound like shit."

"So Mick said. I promise, I’ll be fine."

"Okay. I’ll check on you tomorrow."

"Sure."

C.J. hung up, and Fox dropped the phone down by his side, closing his eyes as he considered what lay ahead.

C.J. was right. If Alex had no breakthroughs either with him or in treatment, and Fox had to quit the Bureau to take care of him, Scully would definitely go ballistic. And their friendship might be toast. It was already strained because of his devotion to a man Scully deemed utterly unworthy. If he quit, it’d be over; in what would probably be a very ugly way.

He raised his hands to his head, massaging his temples.

But he couldn’t desert Alex. He wouldn’t. He might very well be insane, but he loved the man, and he would see this through to the very end.

His thoughts began to jumble, and consciousness faded in and out until he finally fell into a fitful sleep. It wasn’t until almost three hours later that he opened his eyes. They darted to the alarm clock, and he let out a startled breath.

"Shit."

He hadn’t meant to fall asleep. He’d had every intention to go sleep beside Alex’s bed as he had for the past few nights but, God, he was so tired. So fucking tired.

He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath as he sat up. He let it out in an audible hiss then cracked his neck. As he rolled his head to the right, he stopped, frozen. There by the door, washed in the pale light from the hall, stood Alex. Fox stared, dumbstruck. It took him several seconds to compose himself enough to speak.

"Are you all right?"

The shadowed figure said nothing.

"I... I didn’t mean to fall asleep in here. I didn’t mean to leave you alone. I guess I was just more tired than I thought." He slid off of the bed and approached the other man slowly. "You want to go back to bed?"

Alex watched Fox walk toward him. He continued to stare when the older man stopped just inches in front of him.

"Alex? What is it?" Fox’s heart filled with hope. "Please talk to me."

He said nothing but there was finally something in his eyes besides the emptiness that Fox had seen for far too long. He began to tremble ever so slightly as Fox laid a gentle hand on his chest.

"It’s all right," Fox whispered. "It’ll be all right." His hand slid up to Alex’s shoulder as he moved closer. When they were only a couple of inches apart, he leaned in the rest of the way and brushed Alex’s mouth with his own. "I miss you, Alex. Please... please." His other hand moved up to touch Alex’s face, but before it could complete its journey, Alex grabbed his wrist and held it in a firm grip. Startled, he backed off a fraction, and their eyes met and held.

Fox’s respiration increased, and his pulse quickened at what he thought he saw in Alex’s gaze.

Heat. Pain. Deep longing and many more turbulent emotions than a man in his current state of mind would be able to handle without breaking. It prompted him to speak again.

"L-let me take you back to bed. Maybe in the morning you’ll feel more up to talking." He tried to back up but Alex wouldn’t release his wrist. In fact, his grip tightened, his fingers now biting into the soft flesh.

"What... what do you want?"

Silence.

"Alex... whatever you want. Whatever you’re feeling. If you can’t say it... show me... show me."

One green eye glazed over, and Alex snapped Fox around, slamming him back against the wall. Fox grunted with the force of it, and his head immediately began to ache at the point of contact. Alex fell against him, hands going to the skimpy thong he wore. A quick, brutal tug tore it away, leaving Fox naked but for the collar he still wore. And then his hands and mouth were everywhere; grabbing, sucking and squeezing painfully. His breaths came loud and erratic, and Fox knew that whatever this thing was, it had Alex firmly in his grip.

He would ride it out; let Alex take him as deeply into the darkness as he needed to go, so that when he was ready to come out, Fox would be there to insure that he made it.

He stood pressed to the wall, taking the punishing touches, his cock erect and throbbing, even as his mind assured him that whatever was in control of Alex, had no interest in his pleasure.

Alex shook violently, the glaze in his eye welling up and spilling over. He backed away far enough to spin Fox around and plow him back into the wall. One hand went into the older man’s hair, curling tightly around a good many strands, and he quickly worked his cock free of the pajama bottoms that he wore.

Fox closed his eyes, willing himself to relax. The attempt fell flat though, as soon as Alex began to push his unlubricated cock into him.

"Mmph... Alex... Alex, please." The rough sobs of the man behind him grew louder as he thrust harder, and Fox scratched at the wall, gritting his teeth. "It hurts," he croaked, hoping that Alex would hear and understand, but he continued to force himself into the clenching muscle. Fox’s erection began to soften as the pain increased, and seconds later, it was completely flaccid.

He could have fought. In Alex’s present state, Fox more than likely would have been able to catch him by surprise and knock him away, but he couldn’t. He had no idea how Alex would respond if he were to reject him after weeks of basically no intimate contact, and besides, he did just finish asking Alex to show him if he couldn’t tell him what he wanted. But Christ, it really did hurt. He tried to remain quiet, but the pain made it difficult, and a small whimper escaped his constricted throat.

"Stop crying," Alex grated, banging the side of Fox’s head against the wall. "Do you fucking cry."

But he was the one sobbing.

"You’re nothing. N-nothing until I... I touch you. Then you’re m-my whore. You’ll... do what I want, how... how I want, whenever the fuck I w-want. An’ when I’m... when I’m done with you..." He became more difficult to understand. "You’ll... you’ll be n-nothing... nothing again."

A tear made it past Fox’s tightly closed lids, and his lower lip began to tremble, but he kept silent. Alex bucked frantically against him, spewing unintelligible curses until a short while later, he came violently, pulling and scratching at the other man. When it was done, he collapsed against Fox, and his sobs, rather than decreasing and fading, grew louder and more anguished.

Fox turned carefully, wincing at the pain the simple movement caused, and he wrapped his arms around Alex as the younger man lost what was left of his strength.

"It’s okay," he whispered in the sable hair as he inched Alex over to the bed and laid him down. He stretched out alongside the younger man, gently stroking his hair as he cried himself to exhaustion. When he went quiet, Fox got up and shuffled to the bathroom. He swept away the last of the dampness from his cheeks and turned on the water in the sink, letting it run to warm before holding a face cloth under it. He wrung out the cloth then looked up into mirror. The cheek that had hit the wall was beginning to turn color, and there was a dull ache inside that felt like nothing he’d experienced thus far. He’d sustained a few scratches; some he could see, others he could only feel, and he was sure that more would be visible tomorrow.

The words Alex had spoken to him so many months ago came home to him like a knife through his heart. There was no pleasure in this pain. No excitement, no satisfaction. No feeling of trust or closeness. There was only more pain. For him. For Alex. And there would be more still unless together they could stop it. For him alone, it would be impossible. And he would have to learn to endure it or leave.

His eyes fell from his reflection, and he returned to the bedroom. Silently, he took a seat on the edge of the bed, grimacing as he did so, and he began to carefully wash Alex. He blinked rapidly, registering the trace of blood that had transferred to the cloth.

Listless green eyes opened a fraction and focused on Fox briefly before they slid away.

"I guess I understand what it was like for you, now," Fox said softly.

"You don’t understand shit," Alex croaked.

"I understand that it hurt. That it was humiliating... that it made you feel used and worthless," he said to the spot of mattress beside Alex’s hip. "That’s how it made me feel."

"You asked for it," the flat voice said.

"... Yes, Alex." Fox fought to still the quivering of his bottom lip as he rose and left to clean himself up. When he returned, he came to stand by the bed.

"Do you want to go back to your own room?"

Alex’s only answer was to turn onto his side and close his eyes.

Fox stood frozen for long minutes before giving himself a mental shake. He shuffled to the closet, pulling out a blanket and pillow and lying down on the floor. His eyes refused to close though, and he lay there, awake, his mind racing until the sun came up. He was never sure if Alex had slept, but when he rose at seven, the other man’s eyes were closed.

His muscles had stiffened during the night, and he bit down on his lip to keep from making any sound as he got up and put the bedding away. One more look toward the bed, and he moved into the bathroom and closed the door.

Alex heard the shower go on, and his eyes opened slowly. He lay staring at nothing in particular even after Fox had reappeared in the bedroom some twenty minutes later, wearing his collar and a pair of soft leather shorts. He watched the older man move with some difficulty around the bedroom. Feeling that he was being watched, Fox turned in his direction, and their eyes met.

"Would you like some breakfast?"

Alex gave no answer.

"Alex?"

"Please," Fox’s soft voice took on a pleading tone. "Please don’t shut down on me again. I love you, Alex. I’ll do anything I can. Anything I have to." His eyes filled with tears. "You wanna beat me within an inch of my life, okay. You wanna fuck me until I bleed, I’ll take it. If it’s what has to happen for you to be able to deal with your own pain, I’ll take it. Just please don’t put that wall back up."

He was fully aware of what he’d just said. He knew what he’d been thinking the night before, and there was no way. No way at all that he could ever leave... which meant, unless Alex came around, he would have to bear it.

Scully would have him committed for those thoughts, he was sure. And he should have more self respect than to think them. But Alex wasn’t just some cruel, heartless prick doing these things for the fun of it. He was sick. His mind, his body... his heart had suffered the ultimate in indignities, and this was the result.

Fox approached the side of the bed that Alex was facing and carefully lowered himself to his knees.

"Alex?"

Alex’s eyes rose to his face, and for a split second Fox thought he saw something other than darkness. He remained where he was, letting the vivid proof of what Alex had done to him sink into the younger man’s consciousness.

"What can I do for you?"

"You can get the fuck away from me."

"Why?" He was pushing. "Because seeing what you’ve done to me is too much like what they did to you?"

"Get out."

"Why won’t you answer me?"

Alex sat up quickly and bolted out of bed, prompting Fox to rise as quickly as his injured body would allow.

"I don’t answer to you."

Fox eyed the other man warily but said nothing. Alex continued to rail at him.

"You think you have some idea now, what they did to me? You really think you understand?" He laughed manically.

"I don’t? Then, tell me. Come on, Alex. Man up and fucking tell me!"

Alex lunged at Fox, giving him a hard backhand before grabbing him and throwing him to the bed. Straddling the older man, he grasped his face in one hand, squeezing hard. "I told you enough. You don’t fucking get it." His eyes held a dangerous glint. "Maybe you will if you feel like you’re being split in two. Or you’re beaten and burned with cigarettes... and you’re in so much pain that death would be more than preferable. Maybe I should fuck you with shit that tears you up inside so bad that you can’t walk for two weeks!"

"Is that what you need to happen?" Fox whispered, his eyes glittering with unshed tears. "Will it help you? Then go ahead."

Alex stared hard down into the bruised face. Then he abruptly removed his hand and shoved himself off of Fox and the bed. Without another look, he stormed out of the room, and the next thing Fox heard was the slam of his bedroom door. He wrapped his arms around himself and rolled onto his side, his body heaving with barely restrained sobs. He passed the whole morning in that position, and it wasn’t until the doorbell rang that he moved.

Slowly, he got up and walked to the door. He looked through the peephole and sighed.

"C.J., I... I’m sorry, I forgot you were coming over today. Uh... I’m not... feeling well. Can I call you in a few days?"

On the other side of the door, C.J. frowned and cocked his head. "Fox? What’s wrong? You sound terrible."

"I told you, I don’t feel well."

"No. Uh uh. Open the door."

"C.J., please."

"Fox, open the door, or I’ll break it in. I think you know that I can."

Fox closed his eyes, trying to decide what to do.

"Okay. Okay, uh... give me a few minutes."

"You got two."

Fox leaned against the door for a moment, hands to his face, then he went into the bedroom to get dressed.

C.J. waited in the hall, his heart pounding. He’d didn’t know Fox inside and out, but he didn’t need to, to know that something was really wrong.

"Jesus, what now?"

A couple of minutes later, the door inched open, and Fox walked into the living room, now dressed in jeans and a t-shirt but still wearing the collar. C.J. looked around as he entered, then he focused on Fox.

"All right. What’s going on?" When Fox didn’t turn around or give him an answer, C.J. circled around him and gasped at what he saw. "What the fuck? Fox, what the hell happened to you?"

Bloodshot, muddy brown eyes cut away, and Fox said nothing.

"Christ. Oh, my God. Alex did this?" C.J. looked past Fox. "Where is he?"

"Closed himself up in his bedroom..." Fox shook his head then shrugged. "Hours ago."

C.J. started toward the hall only to be stopped by Fox’s hand around his bicep.

"Leave him alone."

"Leave him alone! Fox, he beat you!"

"He didn’t beat me," Fox argued.

"Okay, so we’re going to get nitpicky? Fine. What exactly did he do."

Fox walked farther into the room, taking a seat on the sofa. C.J. noticed how slowly he moved. He rubbed his hand over his head and followed, sitting across from the other man.

"It took a few days, but that last thing I tried had an effect. I fell asleep in the spare room last night, and he came in. I begged him to talk to me, to do something. I kissed him. Told him I missed him. One thing led to another, and he uh... threw me up against the wall and..."

C.J.’s eyebrows rose.

"... Things got a little rough. This morning, the wall was back up. I got desperate. I started pushing his buttons, I guess, and he..."

"He what?"

Fox sighed heavily. "He... hit me. Once," he said, looking up at C.J. "There was some yelling and threats pertaining to his issues, I told him that if following through with those threats would help him, he could feel free. He left and went to his bedroom. That was this morning."

"Fox, listen to me. This has gone far enough. He’s getting violent. With you!" I never though that would happen, but he’s clearly gone around the bend. You need to leave."

‘I can’t."

"He could kill you next time! I can’t let this go on."

"You don’t have a choice."

"Fox, you and Alex have become important to me. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t try and do something to help you?"

"The best thing you can do is go home. I’ll be all right."

C.J. stared, shaking his head.

"Dude, go look in a mirror and then tell me that... and while we’re at it... you said things got rough last night. I assume that’s why you’re moving around like that. Fox... was it... consensual?"

"What are you asking?"

"You know what I’m asking."

Fox drew a deep breath then let it out. "I could have stopped it. I didn’t."

C.J. wasn’t letting it go. "Was it consensual?"

"He’s messed up, C.J. Seriously messed up."

"Ffffffuck." C.J. bolted out of the chair and started down the hall. Fox moved quickly, ignoring the discomfort it caused, but he wasn’t fast enough. Before he could stop C.J., the other man had already thrown Alex’s door open. He reached the door in time to find it shutting in his face, and he heard the snick of the lock.

"C.J. C.J., don’t. Open the door!"

C.J. ignored Fox’s pleas, instead concentrating on the man he’d surprised into a sitting position. Before Alex could say anything to him, he approached the bed. "What," he rumbled, "the fuck is going on here? What did you do to him?"

Alex spun to his feet.

"Why are you here?"

"He didn’t call me if that’s what you’re thinking. As you can hear, he’s very upset that I’m in here. He’s very protective of you and your secret... even after you beat and raped him."

A look that C.J. could only have described as at once terrified and terrifying crossed Alex’s face, and while it backed his friend up a step, he did not back down.

"All he got was what he asked for," Alex hissed, beginning to tremble.

"You believe that shit you just said?"

The question only got him an withering stare.

"I know what went on last night and this morning. He didn’t ask for you to do that to him. Just because he didn’t fight you doesn’t mean he wanted it. He loves you, asshole. More than you apparently deserve, and he thinks you’re so fucked in the head that you don’t mean any of this shit. So, tell me, buddy. Were you in your right mind? Did you mean to do what you did to him?"

"This is none of your fucking business. Get out."

"No."

"Get out!"

"Alex, we’ve got serious fucking problems here." C.J. looked toward the door. All was quiet on the outside. "Let me show you something. He unlocked the door and let Fox in. Cautiously, the older man entered, looking warily at Alex before speaking to C.J.

"C.J., please leave. You... you have to leave."

C.J. ignored him.

"Look at him, Alex... look at him! You did this to him. Is this who you’ve become?"

"C.J...."

"A remorseless bastard?"

"Stop it."

"An abusive sadist?"

Alex’s fingers clenched in his hair, and he turned toward the wall.

"A fucking rapist?"

A choked sound escaped the distraught man, and he hunched over.

"C.J., stop it!" Fox shouted, pushing his friend toward the door.

"He’s got to see Fox!" C.J. yelled back then turned to Alex. "This shit has gone on long enough! Turn around, Alex! Turn around and face what you did!"

Alex leaned into the wall and slid down it, shaking his head. C.J. kept hammering at him, resisting Fox’s attempts to get him out of the room.

"You almost killed Shane for hurting him, yet, what have you just done?" I’d say you were just like him, Alex, but I think you’re worse. Shane didn’t know Fox. Didn’t give a shit about him. Fox wasn’t his baby. He was yours. And you’ve done to him what should never be done to someone you love!"

"Nooo," Alex moaned. "No, no, no, no..."

Fox approached him on trembling legs, kneeling down in front of him. Gently, the older man stroked his hair.

"I don’t... I... can’t m-make them go away. They’re always here. In my... my head."

"I know," Fox whispered. "I know."

"I want them out," Alex rasped through gritted teeth, and he began to bang his head against the wall.

"Don’t," Fox pleaded, placing his hand on the side of Alex’s head, stopping him. "You’re going to hurt yourself."

C.J. watched in horrified fascination but didn’t interfere.

"He used to bang my head against the wall sometimes when I didn’t behave," Alex said in a small voice. "Once, he did it so hard that I passed out. When I woke up, I was naked, tied to one of the guest beds, and one of his friends was leaning over me with this fat candle..."

C.J. gasped and dropped down onto the bed, hand covering his mouth.

"He lit it and dripped the hot wax all over me. It hurt," Alex murmured. "It hurt, and I started to scream. He hit me. Hard. Split my lip. Then he took the other end of the candle and shoved it in me."

"Jesus," C.J. whispered, lowering his head and covering it with his hands.

"They can’t hurt you any more," Fox promised. "Never again."

"But they’re there." Alex pounded his fist against his forehead.

"I’ll help you, Alex. I’ll help you, and we’ll make them go away."

Knuckles still pressed to his head, Alex grimaced, then he began to shake. Tears sprang to Fox’s eyes as Alex began cry for the second time in as many days. He moved forward and gently wrapped his arms around the quaking man, rocking and stroking him.

"It’s okay. It’ll be okay. I promise."

Slowly, Alex’s hands rose and clenched in Fox’s shirt. He clung to the older man, turning his face into his chest, and Fox tightened his hold, choking back a sob.

C.J. swiped at one eye and sat in silence as his friends cried together in the corner. When all was quiet, he lifted himself off the bed and walked toward them. "Fox," he called softly, squatting in front of the two men. "Let’s get him off the floor."

Fox sniffed and nodded. He pressed a kiss into Alex’s hair and called to him.

"Alex... come on. Let me make you comfortable on the bed, okay?" The younger man held tightly to him and gave no response. "Alex?"

C.J. helped pull Alex to his feet then backed off as Fox walked him to the bed and laid him down.

"You’re so tired," Fox murmured, stroking his knuckles over the stubbled cheek. "Why don’t you try and get some rest?"

Dark, exhausted eyes rose to Fox’s face then quickly looked away.

"What is it?"

No response.

"Alex? Please?"

"... I hurt you."

"I’m all right."

Alex pressed his lips together, frowning.

"Try and get some rest, okay? I’ll be in the living room."

Fox lingered for a moment then got up and started to follow C.J. out of the room, but Alex’s voice, soft and more than a bit fearful, called him back.

"Fox."

He hadn’t heard Alex say his name in a long while. He closed his eyes for a second and let it vibrate through him, then he returned to the bed.

‘I’m here."

Alex’s eyes welled up again.

"I... I didn’t m-mean to."

Fox sat down on the edge of the mattress. "I know you didn’t." He brushed Alex’s hair back. "Try not to think about this now, okay? You need rest. We’ll talk when you wake up."

Alex’s eyes fell away from his face. "You’ll... be here?"

"I wouldn’t be anywhere else."

Alex closed his eyes and, more than half an hour later, he was asleep. Fox laid a tender kiss on his forehead, and he and C.J. retreated to the living room.

"Jesus Christ, Fox. Who did that to him?"

He knew now.

Fox ran trembling fingers through his hair. All that was left to do was fill him in on the details.

"A man with absolutely no soul."

"Who?"

"His... adopted father."

"You mean this happened when he was just..."

"A baby..." The tears started again. "He was ten."

"Oh, my God. Is the fucker in jail?"

"This man will never go to jail. Not him, not the friends and associates that he... loaned Alex out to."

"WHAT?" C.J. fell into a chair. "This just gets worse," he gasped.

"You have no idea."

"Didn’t he have a mother?"

"He was an orphan. The boy’s home he lived in sold him to the man who I’d later know as Cancerman."

"The... the dude you mentioned in your aliens take over the world story?"

Fox nodded.

C.J. leaned forward, resting his head on his knees. "This is insane." He lifted his head. "No wonder Alex has no idea how to handle his feelings for you. He’s never known love. God, I’m amazed he’s functioned as well as he has up until now. Shit... oh, shit, Fox. I’m so sorry I lit into him like I did."

"I was upset about it at first, but it seems to have had some positive effect, so maybe I won’t have to smack the shit out of you after all."

Both men smiled at the statement. Fox’s smile was the first to fade.

"Actually, one of the men who used to... he would make Alex tell him that he loved him while he was..." He couldn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t have to. C.J. moaned in understanding.

"It all makes so much sense now. Son of a bitch."

The two talked for the next hour and a half, then C.J. cursed softly.

"I gotta call Mick. I don’t think he was expecting me to be here this long."

"You don’t have to stay if you’ve got something to do," Fox offered. "We’ll be okay."

"I’d like to stick around and make sure of that if you don’t mind," C.J. countered, pulling out his phone. "Mick’ll be fine with it... hey, babe. Yeah, I’m still here. Listen, I’m going to hang around for a while, okay? We’ve had some uh... developments..."

While C.J. talked to his lover, Fox got up to put some coffee on. As he headed toward the kitchen, he heard Alex’s door open. He looked into the hall and found Alex moving uncertainly toward him. He met the younger man half way, stopping a few inches in front of him. Alex met his eye for an instant then averted his gaze.

"You okay?" Fox asked gently. You didn’t sleep very long."

"I just... I woke up."

"Um... C.J. and I were about to have some coffee. You want to come join us?"

Alex shook his head. Fox reached out but stopped short of touching him.

"I’ll ask him to leave so we can talk."

Alex backed up a step, shaking his head again. "No. N-no."

"Okay," Fox said in his most soothing tone. "What would you like to do?"

"I... I’ll go back to bed."

"But you were coming out here for a reason. What was it?"

"... It was quiet."

"And... you thought I’d left?"

Alex shrugged at the floor. "I don’t know. I... I guess."

Fox reached out again this time letting his hand rest on the other man’s arm.

"I told you I wouldn’t leave."

"You might have thought about it and changed your mind. You should have."

Fox shook his head and closed the distance between them again. "I’m not leaving you." He took another step and let their bodies touch lightly. "I love you, Alex. If it takes the rest of my life, I’m going to prove that to you and make you understand that it’s not cruel or hurtful or any of the things that bastard and his friends made you think it was."

"What if I can’t..." Alex bit down on his lower lip.

"Can’t what?"

"... Can’t... return..."

"I don’t believe that. I think you’re filled up with love. You’re just afraid to let it out." Fox tilted his head and lowered his eyes to the floor. "C.J. says you’re madly in love with me." He lifted his gaze and offered Alex a tiny smile. "I chose to believe that. You just need some time to believe it yourself."

Alex took a deep, shuddering breath and attempted to look into Fox’s eyes. He only managed it for a few seconds before he had to look away again. This time Fox slid a hand over his cheek and coaxed his attention back to his face.

"They’ll go away." Fox shrugged. "Until then, just think of them as battle scars from a fight I have every intention of winning."

Alex closed his eyes and a look of pure agony crossed his face.

"I said... terrible things to you. I treated you the way they treated me." He forced himself to look at Fox’s face. Lifting a hand to the other man’s cut lip, he lightly touched the wound. "I hurt you."

Fox covered Alex’s hand with his own and nuzzled the palm. "You can make it up to me."

Alex waited in silence.

"Just talk to me. Trust me."

"Hey, Fox. Mick said not to worry about..."

"I’m here, C.J."

C.J. stopped at the kitchen door and looked toward the hall. "Oh. Sorry, I didn’t realize you were..." He took a step forward. "Alex? You okay?"

Alex pulled his hand from Fox’s gentle grip and lowered his eyes as he nodded and backed off a bit.

"Hey, buddy. I’m sorry about those things I said earlier. I didn’t know. I... I had no idea."

Eyes glued to the floor, Alex wrapped his arms around himself.

"You were right. Everything you said."

"No. No, I... those bastards fucked you up good. Every one of them deserves to die in the slowest, most painful way possible, and then burn in hell."

Alex said nothing.

"Well... anyway... I’m gonna get going now. Give you two a chance to talk."

"You don’t have to go," Alex murmured at the carpet. "You were going to have coffee."

"Yeah, but now that you’re up, I’m sure that you’d rather be alone. Fox, I’ll call you later, ‘kay?"

Fox nodded. "Thanks for everything."

C.J. gave his friend an understanding smile and a wink, and he made his exit, leaving Fox and Alex standing alone in the hall. They stood in silence for a bit, then Alex spoke.

"Why are you wearing that?"

It took Fox a second to realize what he was talking about. His hand went up to his throat, stroking the black leather.

"Do you want me to take it off?"

"I... I just don’t know why you’re still wearing it."

"I still belong to you," Fox said simply.

Alex shook his head. "No... no."

"I don’t?"

"... You never did. You were always too strong. Too independent to be turned into a mindless slave like all those you see at the club."

"And you knew that. You wanted me anyway. So, here I am. You got me. I’m yours in every way I possibly can be."

Another shake of the sable head. "No, Fox," Alex whispered. "You can’t be. You... you shouldn’t be. You deserve better. You deserve so much better."

"You’re all I want. You’re what’s best for me."

"How can you say that after what I’ve done to you?"

"You said it earlier," Fox murmured. "You didn’t mean to."

"But I did it," Alex whispered. "They filled me up with their poison, and now that’s all I am. It’s all I know how to be."

"That’s not true," Fox chastised. "There’s a lot of toxic, nasty stuff in your past, and it’s gotten the better of you recently, but there’s so much more inside you. I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it. It’s what holds me to you, Alex. It’s why I won’t leave. I’ve learned more about myself these past months than I’ve known my whole life. You gave that to me." He made sure Alex was looking at him. "You did."

Alex stared, mesmerized not only by Fox’s eyes but by the sheer brilliance of the man’s confidence and the strength of his will. He found himself venturing to believe that he could fight the shadows of his past and win.

Fox took a step forward, and now they were only a breath apart.

"Do you want me, Alex? Do you want me in your life?"

Alex opened and closed his mouth, and his gaze dropped back to the floor. Fox waited patiently for a response. Alex said nothing, but he lifted his eyes to the other man’s face for an instant before it dropped to the collar. Slowly, he lifted one hand, brushing his fingertips over the black leather.

"I’m not looking to solve all our problems right here in the hall," Fox said finally. "Just tell me whether or not you want to try... not whether you should, or even are able to... just tell me if you want to."

A troubled frown creased Alex’s brow, and his gaze began to wander. His mouth fell open, and a heavy gasp tumbled out. Another followed it, then he held his breath, cutting off a gurgling sob. His eyes squeezed shut, releasing a single tear. Fox placed his hands on the trembling shoulders, and Alex all but fell into his arms, clinging to him as he cried softly. Fox held him tightly with one arm as he buried his other hand in his hair, massaging gently. He pressed a kiss into the sable strands and sighed softly.

"That’s good enough."