Nobody Has to Know IV
One More Try

By Aries

X-Files M/K

May 2004

Rated NC-17 for R for m/m sexual implications and language

Disclaimer: All XF characters are the property of Chris Carter. pbththfhththtbbtht

"...And furthermore, I want to know what the hell is going on with you that’s got you so distracted. It’s bad, and in the context of our work, it’s dangerous, and it’s... it’s bad. Mulder. Mulder, are you listening to me?"

Mulder sighed softly and rubbed at the inside corners of his eyes.

"I hear you, Scully."

"So, answer me. What’s going on?"

"...Nothing."

"And if I believe that baloney..."

"I’m sorry, Scully, but it’s true."

"Fine, Mulder. Fine. Obviously, you don’t want to tell me. If you ever decide that you want to talk about it, you know where I am."

"Good night, Scully."

"Night."

Mulder hung up and buried his face in his hands. He sat that way until the back of his neck began to protest, then he got up and slowly paced the living room.

It had been four days since he’d left the club alone, his mind and body screaming for what he’d lost.

Actually, for what he’d given up. That’s what he’d done. Alex had offered him what he wanted, and he’d turned it down.

Well...in fairness to himself, it wasn’t really what he’d wanted. He’d never wanted another man to have any part in what he and Alex had been about to engage in. How could Alex have thought that it would be okay with him?

How? Are you shitting me? How? How about that little group thing that had almost turned into a gang bang, he hissed at himself. How about that? Why wouldn’t he think it was okay with you?

Mulder turned and banged his head against the nearest wall.

Mulder let out a hard breath and wheeled around, heading for the kitchen. He hadn’t eaten since yesterday, and he decided that he really should cook something.

Opening cabinet doors seemingly at random, he began to pull all manner of pots and pans, not stopping until he had enough cookware on the counter to make dinner for a party of ten.

Slamming the frying pan down on the stove, he turned around and gripped the counter, eyes tightly shut.

"Damn," he whispered. "Damn, damn, damn, damn."

He opened his eyes, and looking down at his watch, he pushed away from the counter and shuffled out of the room.

The club was jumping despite the fact that it was the middle of the week. Mulder wound his way through the crowd and stopped at the bar, summoning the bartender.

"Hey. Getting to be a regular, aren’t ya?"

"No, I...I’m looking for someone."

"Everybody here is, friend."

"No, I mean...I’m looking for C.J."

The bartender lifted one eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yeah. I need to talk to him."

"Yeah, sure, you do."

"I do. Please. Is he here?"

"Maybe. Does he know you?"

"Tell him Fox is here. Remind him that I was downstairs with Alex last weekend."

The man studied him for a moment then held up a hand.

"Hang on."

Mulder turned around and watched the goings on for a while until the bartender returned.

"He’s downstairs. Said he’ll meet you in room C. That one’s empty."

Mulder nodded. "Thank you."

Spinning slowly away from the bar, he took a deep breath and found his way to the door that led to the dungeon. As he descended deeper into the darkness, his heart pounded harder.

He’d been asking himself that question a lot in the last several weeks it seemed.

He tried to tune out the sounds of pain and sex as he walked to the door, but there was no way to block them out all together. His cock began to twitch at the thought of Alex and himself in one of those rooms...alone...

Before he could plunge headlong into fantasy, the door opened, and C.J. stared out at him.

Had he knocked? He didn’t recall knocking.

"Hey. What can I do for you?"

"I uh..." Mulder started, looking warily at the other man. "...I need to talk to you."

C.J. waved him in. "What do you want to talk about?"

"....Alex."

C.J. pursed his lips. "What about him?"

"He’s obviously somewhat of a regular here. I need to know if you know where I can find him."

"Uhhh....I can’t tell you that."

Mulder closed his eyes. "Please...please, C.J. I need to talk to him."

"I’m sorry." C.J. sounded genuinely sympathetic. "I’m not supposed to give out anyone’s address or phone numbers to customers."

Mulder shook his head. "He’d obviously said something to you about me before that night we were here. You know I’m not just a customer."

C.J. sighed. "You sure as hell aren’t."

Mulder’s heart skipped two beats. "Then please tell me where I can find him."

C.J. thought a long while then groaned. "I’m taking my life in my hands, you know. If he doesn’t want to see you, he might kill me."

"You haven’t seen him since that night?"

"No. He doesn’t come around nearly as often as you think."

"It sounded like you knew each other well."

"We’re not best buddies or anything. I don’t think Alex has that kind of closeness with anyone. He’s just such an intense presence, he’s..." C.J. shrugged. "...unforgettable."

Mulder bowed his head and nodded in agreement.

C.J. studied him for a while then looked around for something to write on.

"Shit. I uh...I gotta go get some paper and a pen."

"No." Mulder lifted his head. "Just tell it to me."

"You gonna remember it?"

Mulder nodded.

"Okay. Well...good luck, and maybe I’ll see you again sometime."

"Yeah, uh...thanks." Mulder made his way to the door. "I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing." He slipped quickly out the door and as quickly as he could, exited the building.

Once in his car, Mulder sat back and closed his eyes

"One more time." He opened his eyes and started the car. "One more try."

The black silk sheets glided sensuously over Krycek’s naked skin as he changed position for the tenth time in as many minutes. He turned his head to glance at the clock and groaned.

One fifty-eight.

He’d been trying to sleep for almost an hour and a half now, and no luck.

So he did what he’d done all of those several nights before.

Rising from the bed, he tread naked to the kitchen and pulled a bottle down from a stainless cabinet. Foregoing a glass, he carried the bottle back to the bedroom and removed the cap. He took a long drink. And then another. And another until the bottle was empty. It wasn’t enough to get him drunk but enough to put him in a mellow, sleepy state. He settled back against the pillows and closed his eyes. In less than ten minutes, he was asleep.

He awoke before dawn, cursing softly. No matter how tired he was, no matter how late he got to sleep, he could never keep his eyes closed past four-thirty. Probably because he had himself trained to get up when Mulder did.

But he hadn’t watched Mulder this week. He couldn’t. Looking at him...listening to him only made things worse.

As if they hadn’t been bad enough.

Moaning softly, he turned over and stopped.

Something was... off.

He lay frozen except for the hand that reached slowly under his pillow. Closing his fingers around the Glock he kept there, he jerked into a sitting position, and what he saw in the grayness of the near dawn nearly made him drop his gun.

Quickly, he composed himself and lowered the Glock to the mattress. He made his face into the cool mask he was used to showing everyone, and he willed his voice to be soft and steady.

"You’re as good at breaking in to places as I am. I never heard you."

Not a sound came from the figure sitting on the floor by the chair.

"What are you doing here, Mulder?"

Mulder winced at the sound of his last name, but it went unnoticed in the darkness.

"I needed to talk to you."

"...About what?"

"The other night. I... I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it."

"No? Why?"

"Because I... I didn’t want it to go that way. I didn’t... but I couldn’t..."

"You couldn’t what?"

"That other guy... C.J. I thought... I... I... I didn’t want him. I wanted it to be just you, and..."

Krycek stopped him.

"What makes you think he was going to join us?"

"He... you were talking and... he was putting on those gloves..."

Krycek opened his mouth but nothing but a soft click came out.

"I know what you said about me being a slut, and I could see why you might think that I’d... but I couldn’t. I just wanted it to be you." His voice dropped to a pained whisper. "Just you."

Krycek sighed, raking his fingers through his hair, then he reached over to turn on the bedside lamp.

Both men blinked in the sudden flood of light. When Krycek was able to see clearly, he gasped at what met his gaze.

Huddled there on the floor, Mulder presented to him the perfect picture of his wildest wet dream.

Low riding, tighter than tight black leather pants that laced up on the sides, a sheer black, body hugging shirt, and the collar that Krycek had given him last weekend. Mulder had come with more on his mind than just talking.

Krycek stared, stunned at the awesome beauty of the man. Beneath the sheet, his cock rose and stiffened to ridiculous proportions.

"Fox."

Mulder barely heard the whisper of his name. He lifted his head and looked up into glittering dark eyes.

Krycek pointed to the floor beside the bed, and Mulder lifted himself to his hands and knees and crawled over to the indicated spot. Head down, he kneeled beside the bed and waited on seconds before he felt Krycek’s hand in his hair, petting and smoothing the strands.

"C.J. wasn’t going to join us. He was getting ready to meet with someone in another room. I wouldn’t have had anyone else there. I wouldn’t have let him touch you. I don’t ever want any one else to touch you."

Mulder lifted his head but didn’t meet Krycek’s eyes.

"I’m sorry, Alex. I... I didn’t know."

"You would have if you’d have trusted me."

"I..." Mulder fell silent.

"I know how hard that is for you with me of all people. But understand me, Fox. There needs to be unquestioning trust between us or this can’t work."

Mulder stared at Krycek’s left peck and said nothing, but the other man could read the turmoil in his eyes.

"I think you need some time to think about what it is I’m asking of you."

Mulder frowned, looking at once sad and confused.

Krycek slipped a hand beneath his chin and lifted his head, making contact with his eyes.

"I want you."

The words sent a bolt of lightning shooting through Mulder’s body, and he doubled over, grunting at the intensity of the sensation.

"I want you too much, Fox, to have to let you go if you decide you can’t give yourself to me one thousand percent. So, go home and think about it. I’ll give you a week to decide."

Mulder shook his head. "No. No, I can’t."

Krycek cocked his head.

"Don’t make me go," Mulder pleaded, his voice ringing with desperation. "I don’t want to go."

Krycek closed his hand into a fist to keep it from shaking. This was a Mulder he never dreamed he’d see, and it knocked him flat on his ass.

"Fox, don’t. It needs to be this way. For both of us."

Mulder shook his head, not wanting to hear it.

"Please, Alex. I’ll do anything. I promise. Just please..."

Krycek closed his eyes and fought the steady disintegration of his will. Then a thought came to him.

"Fox..." What the hell are you doing? "Listen to me. I have one more option for you."

Mulder listened hopefully.

"I still want you to have that week to think, but you can do it here. During that time, you’ll have a taste of what things will be like if you accept the relationship I’m offering you. There’ll be no sexual contact, but in every other way, you’ll be mine. You’ll do what I ask, any time I ask, without question or hesitation. You’ll wear that collar every minute in the apartment, and probably little else. Outside, of course, you’ll wear your normal clothes unless I decide I want to go to the club. When we’re out together, your place is beside me, and you wont’ speak unless I allow it. If I sit, you sit on the floor by my chair. If there isn’t room for you to do that, you stand beside it. Same goes for at home. You sit on the floor at my feet unless I say otherwise. At bedtime, you’ll sleep on the floor beside my bed." He studied the other man, looking for signs of revulsion and refusal.

"Do you agree?"

Mulder swallowed once and nodded.

"I want to hear you say it."

"Yes."

"All right. At the end of the week, we’ll sit down and talk. Not before. Okay?"

"Yes."

As much as Mulder’s appearance had excited him, Krycek couldn’t believe that he actually, suddenly felt sleepy. Yawning, he rubbed his hand over his face.

"I can’t believe that I might be able to actually sleep." He shook his head. "Wow." Ruffling his fingers through Mulder’s hair, he nodded toward the closet at the other side of the room. "There are blankets and pillows in there. If you’re tired, you can try to sleep. What time have you got to be at work?"

Mulder looked down at his watch. "Not until eight-thirty."

"You can catch a couple of hours. You look like you could use them about as much as I can."

Nodding, Mulder got up and walked over to the closet. Pulling the desired items from a shelf, he spread the blanket out on the floor and dropped the pillow down. He lay at one end of the blanket then pulled the other end up over himself and snuggled down in the pillow. Krycek watched him for a moment then took a deep breath and sank down into his own pillows. He lay staring up at the ceiling for a few moments then drifted into sleep.

Krycek blinked in the bright light of morning and craned his neck to look at his alarm clock. Seeing that it was after seven-thirty, the first thing he did was look down to the floor. Mulder was gone. The blanket and pillow were put away, and the apartment was quiet. Krycek sat in bed for a while, wondering if Mulder would come back tonight, then he got up and trudged through the spacious apartment looking for signs that the other man had been there.

Nothing was out of place, there were no dishes in the sink...nothing missing from the refrigerator. He was beginning to think he’d dreamed the whole thing when on his way back through the living room, he spotted Mulder’s collar on the hall table by the door.

Walking to the table, Krycek picked up the strap of leather, cradling it in one hand while he caressed it with the other.

Did Fox leave it here by the door so that he could put it back on as soon as he arrived after work, or, after a few hours on Krycek’s floor, did he decide that he couldn’t do what Krycek was asking of him, and this was his goodbye?

"Guess I’ll find out tonight."

Letting his fingers drift over the leather once more, he set it down gently and left the room.

END