Admission IX: Recovering by Aries

Disclaimer: You know the drill. Don’t make me say it again. The thought alone that these beautiful, beautiful boys don’t belong to me sickens me.

Note: Clyde is dedicated to and a little more than loosely based on Merlin, my sweet, sometimes dopey but always fiercely devoted German Shepherd whom I lost to cancer on May second of this year, just three weeks before his tenth birthday. While I love my other two Shepherds dearly, he’ll always be first in my heart.

Admission IX:
Recovering - Part 1

By Aries

Dear Alex,

I know I’m probably the last person in the world you’d ever expect to hear from. I’m sure I’m the last person you’d want to hear from, but it’s been almost nine months since we were freed from Justin, and I’m still having some problems. My doctor has suggested that I write you this letter as a sort of therapy. I refused to do it at first, but the nightmares and flashbacks are getting so bad, Alex. I can’t take it anymore.

You might laugh at this letter. You might want to track me down and blow my head off. Or you might just tear this up and throw it away without ever having read it. I have no control over what happens once I mail this, but my doctor says that no matter what you do, it will have been good for me to write out my feelings.

Alex, Doctor Peters has suggested that we meet. He knows everything that happened, and he really thinks that the only way I’m going to get past this is to confront you about with it and talk it all out.

I know you must think I’ve got one hell of a nerve asking you for anything, but I’m trying hard here to take control of my life. I don’t want to be the scared, easily manipulated puppet that Justin used and screwed up so badly, and settling things with you is an important step in fixing that.

Please, could you maybe just find it in your heart to meet with me once? We can do it on your time. Anywhere you want. My doctor has agreed to fly out with me to any place you name. Please, Alex. I hope to hear from you soon. I think it could benefit us both.

Sincerely,
Matthew

The late afternoon sun glistened on the hood of the black Porsche as it rumbled into the driveway and slipped into its spot beside its garage mate. The tall, darkly dressed man exited the car and, pulling his sunglasses down to the tip of his nose, walked over to the Ford and placed his hand on the hood. Cool metal met his fingers, indicating that his lover had been home for a while. He prowled into the house and was immediately pounced on by ninety plus pounds of howling, wagging German Shepherd.

"Oh, God." Alex fought to remain balanced as the dog leapt all over him. "Yeah... hi, Clyde. For Christ’s sake, I’ve only been gone three days!"

"He’s almost two years old," the amused monotone drifted from the doorway of the kitchen. "When do you think he’ll be past the dopey, puppy stage?"

Alex finally managed to get the dog off of him and walked over to the smirking man. "I keep telling you, male Shepherds don’t fully mature till they’re about three." He stopped only when their bodies were lightly touching and leaned in for a long, tender kiss. "Missed you," he whispered when they finally parted.

Fox wound one arm around his returned lover and plucked the sunglasses from his face with his free hand. "I missed you too," he murmured, now able to look into his lover’s eyes. "Sorry about the way we left things."

"I think so." Alex held Fox to him, kissing a moist path up the side of his neck. "These new friends of Smokey’s... " He shook his head and smiled, "... what a bunch of clowns. I waltzed right in there, found what I was looking for, and waltzed right out. I can’t believe how lax security is around there."

"Are you sure it was that easy," Fox asked, knowing that he was probably looking for trouble, "or did they just let you blow through?"

"No," Alex answered emphatically, lifting his head to look at the other man. "It was just that easy."

More and more lately, he had become concerned about the way Alex had been throwing himself into these Consortium-related projects of his. He used to be a patient man. Never made a move before he was absolutely sure of what it was he was doing and why. He would have everything worked out down to the minutest detail. He knew what time each member would be at the offices, where they would be when they weren’t there, and if need be, what time any one of them used the can. But recently, Fox saw him making moves before he had all his information secured, and he was worried. It was as if Alex was trying to prove something, and Fox had a pretty good idea what that something was.

Alex had recovered fairly well from his encounter with Justin Saint James, but not completely. The nightmares still haunted him from time to time, and though he seemed happy and normal enough to any outsider, there was this little something about him... a fear he kept tightly locked away, but Fox, the only person in the world who could see straight through to his soul, knew it was there.

Not such a horrible thing for anyone but Alex Krycek. His sharply honed instincts and astounding audacity were as much a part of him as the organs that kept him alive, and he depended on them to keep them both safe. The thought that he might one day fail Fox when his lover’s life might depend on him was far more than he could accept, and so, to prove to himself that he was still the man he was, he would go out and put himself in more danger than he needed to, almost daring someone to confront him.

Fox had begun to take notice several months ago, and when he called Alex on it one day, Alex denied it vehemently. Fox continued to push the issue, and all hell broke loose. They fought bitterly for hours, gave each other the silent treatment for several more, and then it was Fox who finally put an end to the standoff with an apology and a declaration of his deep love for the younger man.

Knowing that Fox was simply concerned, Alex accepted the apology, issued one of his own, and they ended the night in each other’s arms, making love until dawn.

Nothing had changed, however. Alex continued his nerve-wracking behavior, and Fox continued to worry, though in the interest of peace, he usually did so in silence.

It was starting to wear on him, though, and he just knew that sometime soon, they were going to have to have it out again. Only this time, Fox would not give in. He couldn’t. Not if they were both to remain sane and alive.

The younger man walked over to the table and began sorting through the mail. "We’re not going to do this again, are we?"

"Alex... can you understand that I’m worried? I love you, baby, and I can’t stand to see you like this."

"No, of course not. It’s just... you know, maybe we should have listened to Scully when she suggested that you see someone."

Alex discarded the envelopes one by one, slamming them down onto the table. "I’m not nuts."

Fox raised both hands to his face and sighed into them. "I didn’t say you were. You’re completely sane. You’re just... you’re not dealing with what happened as well as we thought... "

Fox stood, quietly banging the back of his head against the door while Alex opened up the envelope and pulled out a single sheet of lined paper. The look that crossed the younger man’s face had Fox at his side in an instant, forgetting about the fight they had just narrowly avoided.

Except for the barely perceptible quivering of his lower lip, Alex stood stone-still, gaping at the letter.

Receiving no response, Fox gently took the letter from his lover’s grasp and quickly scanned it.

Fox pulled out a chair and carefully lowered the shaken man into it. "Alex?" He stroked the sable head. "Baby, are you okay?"

Fox took one look into the wild, dilated eyes and decided it would be best to just do as he asked. He dropped the letter and envelope into the small trash barrel and returned to Alex. "Okay?" he asked, drawing a hand back and forth across the younger man’s shoulders.

Alex sat silently for a while, head down, eyes darting back and forth, then Fox felt him physically force himself up and out of the chair.

"I’m okay," Alex said less than reassuringly. "I’ll take Clyde for a walk, and I’ll be fine." The dog approached, carrying his leash, and Alex took it out of his mouth, snapping it onto his collar. "I’ll be back in a little while."

Silently, Fox watched Alex leave with the dog, his mind and heart racing. A few seconds later, he turned and retrieved the letter from the trash, reading it over and over again as he sat down at the kitchen table.

"Why now?" he whispered, tapping his fingers on the wooden surface. "Shit. Why ever?"

Alex walked along in silence, listening to the familiar sounds of the neighborhood settling down for the evening. Clyde matched his pace, eyes and ears always alert, taking notice of every sound or movement around them.

The two crossed the street and headed for the park where Alex let the dog off his lead and found a stick big enough for a game of fetch. Clyde immediately began to yap at his master, insisting that he hurry up and begin the game.

Looking around to make sure that no one was in Clyde’s path, Alex threw the stick as hard as he could, and the dog streaked after it. As Clyde retrieved the stick, Alex stood quietly, thinking about the events of the last hour.

First, the tension between him and Fox, and then that fucking letter from Matthew.

Matthew. What the hell did he want? Alex was sure he’d made it clear the day they left the hospital that he wanted no further contact with the young man. And now, here he was, writing him a letter... asking if they could meet.

Justin Saint James’s smiling face... hovering over him just before that whip broke open the skin on his back... that sickeningly sweet way he spoke... Matthew’s mouth on him... draining him of more than a little semen...

The sound of growling brought Alex shuddering out of his thoughts. He looked down to find Clyde prancing around him, stick in his mouth, ready to go again. He reached down to take the stick, and Clyde decided to play tug of war, pulling and growling.

The dog released the stick the instant the one word command was given and began circling Alex, barking incessantly. He threw the stick again and fell back into deep contemplation, his thoughts again going to Fox. He grimaced, asking himself how he could treat his lover the way he had.

Against some pretty staggering odds, Fox had found and rescued him from the hell created by that bastard who had dared to take him from their home. He’d killed for him, for Christ’s sake. Never left his side at the hospital... took him home, cooked for him, held and comforted him even when Alex’s nightmares had proven nearly fatal for him ... loved and wanted him even after he’d found out what had happened with Matthew...

Alex raised his hands to his face, groaning softly as Clyde returned, circling him madly.

He had to go home. He had to wrap his arms around Fox, beg his forgiveness and find some way to put Matthew’s letter out of his mind and keep it out.

Fox moved from the oven to the counter as the sound of the kitchen door caught his ear. He felt the approach of his lover, and before he could turn around, Alex’s hands slid up over his shoulders, massaging gently. The weight of the younger man’s head rested against the back of his neck, then he felt a soft whisper of a kiss and a genuinely issued apology.

Fox turned, looking warily into repentant, green eyes. "I know." He rested his hands against Alex’s chest as the younger man pulled him into his arms. "Not the best welcome home you’ve ever had."

"It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. To you, or to that letter. It’s not important. It means nothing. I’m fine; let’s just forget about it."

"I don’t think it is, Alex, or you wouldn’t have reacted the way you did. You wouldn’t take some of the chances that you do."

Fox pitched forward until their foreheads rested against each other. "Baby, a walk with Clyde isn’t going to make it all go away."

Alex returned and stood before the older man, gently rubbing his upper arms. "Not with you, lisa. I didn’t mean with you. You’re the only person in the world I’ve ever felt safe enough with to open myself up completely... "

"There is. There’s stuff going on inside of you that you refuse to let me see. Why?"

"You can tell me a million times," Fox interrupted, "and I won’t believe it. I know you better than that. I hate that I let this go on this long. I hate that I backed down every time I tried to bring it up and you got mad. I wasn’t doing you any good, doing that."

"You’re not doing me any good right now," Alex snapped, whirling around and stalking across the room.

"What the hell are you afraid of?" Fox shouted, anger finally getting the better of him.

Back to Fox, Alex squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth, willing the voice away.

"And you’re trying damn hard to prove it, aren’t you? Would it help any if I told you that you’re still the most contentious, nastiest bad-ass this side of the Atlantic? Or is my word not good enough? Do you have to kill a few dozen people just to be sure?"

Fox bent at the waist, taking in a deep breath, then straightened up and let it out. The combative glint in his eyes diminished, and when he spoke again, it was in a soft, coaxing tone.

"Alex, please talk to me. And I don’t mean all this yelling and fighting. Sit down and talk to me about this unfounded fear of yours that you’re getting weak. Tell me about what went through your mind when you read this... " Fox reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

Alex’s eyes narrowed on the letter then focused on the other man’s face. "What are you doing with that?"

Alex spun around, fingers clenched in his hair. "Jesus Christ, Fox, why do you have to take every fucking thing apart and analyze it piece by piece? It’s a letter! From someone I’d sooner kill than look at. What do you find there to talk about?" His eyes grew wide as he studied his lover’s face. "Oh... .. oh... .. you don’t think I should actually talk to this asshole, do you?"

"Is that what you think I want to do?" Fox asked, not wanting to believe what Alex had just said.

"Good. That’s... that’s good. Thanks for your trust, Alex, it really means so fucking much to me."

Fox turned and quietly left the room, leaving Alex in resounding silence. He leaned back against the wall and covered his face with both hands, groaning softly.

Alex lowered his hands and walked over to the table. He picked the letter up from the spot where Fox had dropped it before he left the room and began to re-read it. Halfway through, he stopped, inhaling deeply to keep his body from trembling.

"Stop," he whispered harshly, trying to force the unwelcome thoughts away. He dropped the letter and closed his eyes, talking to the demons that still lurked in the corners of his mind.

A bit more composed, Alex opened his eyes and walked into the living room where Fox had just come in from the hall. He heard the metallic jingle of keys and asked the older man where he was going.

"You just don’t want to be around me," Alex countered, sadness tingeing his voice.

"It’s not that I don’t want to," he said softly. "I... I can’t." He opened the closet door and removed his jacket then moved to the front door. "Don’t wait up," he said without looking back, and left the house.

Alex considered going after him, begging him to come back into the house, but what right did he have? Not once but twice in the same afternoon he’d turned on the only person he could truly trust, and Fox had every right to be pissed at him. But he couldn’t... he just couldn’t let himself accept what Fox was suggesting. Acceptance meant admission, and he’d never admit that he’d even for a second been made to feel fear. Fear denoted weakness, and he could never be that. Fox neither needed nor did he deserve a weak man, and the only way Alex could stay strong was to deal with this the way he had been. He had to make Fox understand that... and somehow manage to keep their relationship intact.

He walked back into the kitchen and, tearing up the letter, tossed it back into the trash. Then he set about completing the meal that Fox had started and abandoned.

Fox cocked his head, eyeing his partner as she stood in the doorway. "What are you doing here?"

"I forgot some forensics reports that I really wanted to get out of the way this weekend. Now, why the hell aren’t you at home, doing whatever it is that you and Alex do on the weekends? Is he still away?"

The redhead entered and dropped into the chair in from of her partner’s desk. "Okay... Alex just got home, and you’re here at work. Now I know something is up."

Scully cast a doubtful gaze on the man. "Work. Right. Sure. Mulder, what’s going on?"

Fox’s eyes dropped to his desk, and he rocked slowly in his chair. "We had a fight."

"I don’t know for sure, but I’m willing to bet on it." Fox emitted a long sigh. "He refuses to see what he’s doing."

"You have to find a way to make him understand, Mulder, or it’s only going to get worse."

"He got a letter, today... really freaked him out, though he will not admit to it."

"He’s apparently under an analyst’s care, and his doctor thinks that in order to purge his demons, he needs to confront Alex."

Scully lowered her head. "Oh, God. Let me guess. Alex wasn’t exactly thrilled about that."

"Like I said, he freaked. His face went pale... he started to shake. I had to sit him down. He made me throw the letter away, and then all of a sudden, he jumped up and decided he was going to take Clyde for a walk. When he came back, he tried to make me believe that a walk to clear his head was all he’d needed and that he was fine. I told him I wasn’t buying it, we got into it, he blew up and said some stuff I’m sure he’s regretting about now, and I left." Fox buried his face in his hands. "I should’ve listened to you last year. It would have been so much easier to get him into therapy back then, before he had a chance to convince himself that he didn’t need it."

Fox let the observation pass. "You know, I don’t think that it’s an altogether bad idea for him to meet with Matthew."

Scully paused then answered. "Neither do I. Matthew isn’t the only one who needs a little cleansing."

"I don’t... Scully, I don’t know how I’d ever get him to agree to it. He insists he’s just fine, and I’m making way too much of this."

"Wish I had some advice for you, Mulder, but if you can’t find a way to deal with him, you know I sure as hell can’t."

Fox nodded. "I know." He looked sullenly down at his folded hands. "I feel so damn helpless. He’s hurting, I know he is, and he won’t tell me. He won’t tell himself."

"Well, Mulder, it’s not helping either one of you for you to be hanging around here being miserable while he’s home being miserable." Scully gave her partner an encouraging smile. "Go on. Go back to him. You know you want to."

Fox nodded. "Yeah, I do. I never should have left in the first place, but I was so damned frustrated."

"Did I say, kiss and solve all your problems?" Scully huffed. "No. I said, kiss and make up. That’s step one in getting your problems solved. Now, let’s go. Out."

Sculled picked up her files, herded Fox out of the office, and five minutes later he was on his way home.

Alex flipped blindly through channel after channel then gave up and shut the TV off, plunging the house into silence. He slouched down against the pillows and closed his eyes, but minutes later, they drifted open and glanced over at the alarm clock.

Nine-eighteen, and he was in bed already. He never turned in this early unless Fox was with him, and they had plans that had nothing to do with sleep.

From his corner of the bedroom, Clyde picked his head up and began to whine softly. Seconds later, Alex heard the soft hum of the garage door. Clyde got up and trotted from the room to greet Fox, and Alex settled himself on his side, pulling one pillow under his head.

As Alex speculated on the reasons, Fox moved into the room, unable to see in the darkness that the other man’s eyes were open.

Alex watched the outline of his lover as he stopped momentarily then moved on toward the bathroom. He closed his eyes as the light went on and kept them shut until he heard the door close long seconds later. He couldn’t see, but he knew without a doubt that Fox had been standing in the doorway watching him.

The door opened, and Fox crept back into the bedroom, moving cautiously toward the bed. Slowly, he drew the sheet and light blanket back and slid in next to Alex. His cock twitched at the warmth of his lover’s naked body so close to his own, but he took a deep breath and stamped down the rush of desire that threatened to overtake him. His head turned to the side, and he gazed at the dark, motionless outline of his lover.

Fox sighed softly, contemplating waking the younger man. He couldn’t stand the thought of going to sleep with things the way they were between them, but before he could make a definite decision, he felt soft brush of a hand down his arm.

The soft, husky answer flowed across Fox’s nerves like warm honey, and he gravitated toward the younger man, reaching out to touch his face.

Alex turned his face into the touch, kissing his lover’s palm. "I shouldn’t have given you reason to leave. I know you’d never do anything to hurt me."

"Can we talk about it?" Fox asked hopefully. "I mean really talk... without fighting or feeling the need to be defensive."

Fox turned to his left, turning on the lamp on his side of the bed, and looked down into his lover’s eyes. "If you’re okay, then why were you shaking so badly when you read Matthew’s letter?" he asked gently.

"I... I don’t know," Alex answered vaguely. "It just took me by surprise, I guess."

"I don’t doubt that it took you by surprise. God knows it shocked me, but... there’s a lot more to it than that. I can see it all over your face. You may be good at masking your emotions when it comes to everyone else, but you can’t hide from me."

"I’m not trying to hide," Alex insisted in a somewhat whiny whisper. "I’m just dealing with things the best way I know how."

"I j... I only meant that the letter... throwing it away and forgetting it is the best way for me to handle it."

"I don’t think it is," Fox countered as gently as he could. "Baby, I’ve seen you do some things you never would have done before last year, and I think it’s got everything to do with what happened to you... "

Alex shook his head, shifting and draping himself halfway over Fox’s chest and tucking his head beneath the older man’s chin.

Fox wrapped his arms around Alex, stroking his back and continued. "I... I think I know why you’re behaving the way you are, but... "

Alex nuzzled his lover’s stubbled chin then dropped a line of soft kisses down the column of his throat.

"Tell me what you need," Alex murmured as he traveled down Fox’s chest, pausing to tease one already hardened nipple.

Alex released a breathy moan and sucked the brown peak into his mouth, flicking his tongue back and forth across the tip.

"We have to... " Fox struggled to remain focused, but the tiny vibrations that had begun to swirl through him quickly fragmented his thoughts and doomed all good intentions.

Alex moved on to the other nipple, not wishing to neglect it, and smiled as Fox began to squirm beneath him. He closed his teeth gently around the aroused nub and pulled, drawing a soft gasp from the other man, then let one hand slip beneath the blanket, creeping down over his belly and into the crisp thatch of dark hair.

Fox lifted his hips from the mattress, silently begging for Alex to touch his cock, and as the younger man’s fingers slid over the warm column of flesh, he shuddered, whispering his lover’s name.

Alex released the sensitized nipple from his mouth and slid back up over Fox’s chest, licking and nipping patches of flesh along the way. When they were face to face, he brushed his mouth over his lover’s then whispered against it, "I missed you." He lowered his head, sealing their lips together in a long, tender kiss as he slowly caressed the older man’s cock, and by the time he pulled away, Fox was in no condition for conversation.

The words sent a fresh rush of tingling heat through Fox’s body, and the older man smoothly rolled his lover beneath him, letting Alex bear his full weight. He again found his lover’s lips, feeding hungrily as he writhed against him, rubbing their erections together.

Alex moaned frantically into Fox’s mouth, pushing up against him, seeking greater contact. He pulled away from his lover’s mouth, whispering soft, broken words of encouragement as his hands wandered feverishly over Fox’s back.

The younger man’s incoherent ramblings barely registered in Fox’s head. Three days without Alex had been an eternity, and after that fight they’d had, he felt the overwhelming need to prove his love. He lowered his head, dropping a tiny kiss on the younger man’s chin, then drew his tongue across the rough surface, prompting a soft moan. He moved lower, tickling and teasing Alex’s throat, sucking gently and leaving a pale reddish mark before moving on to his chest. Warm, velvety smooth skin met his tongue, and though he’d done this thousands of times, he never tired of the taste and feel of his lover.

Alex’s mouth fell open on a soft gasp as Fox’s tongue flicked at the tip of one rigid nipple then the other. He raised one hand to the other man’s head, restlessly combing his fingers through the golden-brown silk as the other stroked over his shoulders. His cock, wedged against Fox’s abdomen, throbbed almost painfully, and he thought that he might actually come if the pressure remained. But as if reading his thoughts, Fox moved on, and the urgency subsided.

Trailing a number of light kisses over Alex’s belly, Fox smiled at the slight quiver of muscle. Knowing that Alex was a bit ticklish in that area, he kept the touches brief, maintaining just enough contact to tease.

Approaching the fine line of hair that ran from Alex’s navel to his groin, Fox’s tongue inched out, following the trail, then skimming through the patch of hair and dancing around the base of the younger man’s cock.

Alex’s head rolled to one side, and a low moan escaped his lips as Fox moved at an infuriatingly slow pace, enjoying the feel of him on his tongue. Involuntarily, his hips began shift, thrusting gently... silently asking for more.

Fox understood the plea as clearly as if it had been whispered into his ear, and his mouth moved over the flushed head, tasting the small pearl of fluid that glistened at the tip. His tongue gently probed the tiny slit for more, then he closed his lips over the head and applied a light suction, taking Alex in a little at a time.

Alex’s back arched, lifting a few inches off of the bed, and he moaned his pleasure. As difficult as it was, he maintained some control, denying the urge to thrust into Fox’s mouth. He lay whimpering and allowed the older man full control, knowing that Fox would not fail to bring him to a mind-numbing finish.

Slowly, Fox slid down the length of his lover’s erection, his tongue playing over each new inch of flesh as it pushed past his lips. By the time he reached the end of his journey, Alex had become completely unraveled, gasping for each breath and pleading for relief. In response, he began to suck at his mouthful, ever mindful of his lover’s increasingly precarious condition. His fingers played over the heavy sac, caressing and measuring, then moved away, dipping into his mouth briefly before wiggling into the crevice of Alex’s ass and finding the small, tight opening hidden within.

Alex’s eyes squeezed shut as he sobbed his pleasure, encouraging the older man to push first one finger into him, then two. Automatically, his muscles contracted, clamping down on the welcome intruders as Fox continued to deep throat him.

"Jeez... Jesus," he panted, "that mouth... right there, baby... moy lisa... "

Fox worked his fingers in as deeply as they could go, stroking over Alex’s prostate, and a loud, mewling gasp broke from the younger man’s lips. His fingers curled in the sheets, tugging at the material hard enough to pull it away from the mattress, and he cried out for mercy.

Gently, Fox removed his fingers and pulled away from Alex’s cock, incurring a desperate protest

"Shhh." He slid up over Alex’s chest and looked down into passion-darkened eyes. "I won’t make you wait." He reached into the nightstand drawer and withdrew a tube of lubricant. Having gently but efficiently applied it to his cock, he pulled Alex into position.

Tender kisses rained down on Alex’s face and shoulders, drowning him in love as Fox filled him completely. He sucked in a long breath, reveling in those first overwhelming sensations of possession, and as the older man began to move, the initial shock melted into sweet, languid warmth. Alex wrapped himself around his Fox, returning kiss for kiss as he helped the older man maintain his lazy rhythm.

Fox pulled himself away from Alex’s mouth to stare down into hazy green eyes. He threaded the fingers of one hand through the sable hair and lowered his head, letting his mouth graze the younger man’s cheek before whispering into his ear.

Alex tightened his hold on the man above him. "Then, don’t let it," he whispered back, though somewhat raggedly.

Fox came to a near stop and attempted to regulate his breathing, moaning as Alex bathed his shoulder and the side of his neck. He turned his head, coaxing his lover’s mouth into another kiss as he increased his speed by a mere fraction. His tongue slipped into Alex’s open mouth, caressing the moist interior as it searched for its mate.

Alex tightened his muscles as Fox withdrew, increasing his lover’s pleasure as his tongue swept over the other, stroking and tasting. Fox came to a near halt again, trembling with the effort it took to regain his composure, and Alex lay still beneath him, not wanting to push him over the edge. He stroked the older man’s back as they kissed endlessly, enjoying the feel of his lover so hard and deep inside of him, and when Fox began again, it was at an even slower pace than before.

The older man broke free of Alex’s mouth, pulling himself up on his hands, and looked down into his lover’s face. "I love you," he murmured, seeing the emotion mirrored in the magnificent emerald eyes. His head fell back and his eyes dropped shut as he increased his speed a bit more, letting the enhanced friction take him to that place where he longed to stay... that sensual heaven where nothing else existed but the man beneath him and the devastating sensations that being inside him produced.

Alex watched Fox, his heart and cock pounding in unison at the achingly beautiful expression on his lover’s face. He needed desperately to find relief, but not so much that he was willing to sacrifice Fox’s pleasure. Fighting back his own need, he forced himself to relax and slowly caressed the older man’s arms and shoulders. "So beautiful," he whispered. "Take your time, baby. Take all night... "

For hours to come, Fox kept himself and Alex quivering on the edge of madness, and sometime just before dawn, he let them fall.

Gray light filtered in through the blinds, casting its pale illumination on the two bodies writhing together. Fox buried his face in the curve of his lover’s shoulder, harsh grunts muffled by the perspiration-dotted flesh as his hips rose and fell in a quickly intensifying tempo. His hand, wrapped around his lover’s aching cock matched his hips stroke for stroke as Alex clung to him, sobbing incoherently, switching from Russian to English and back again.

"God," Fox grated into Alex’s shoulder before he lifted his head. "C’mon, baby... .. " He stared down into his lover’s glazed eyes. "It’s time... come on... " He shifted into a fierce rhythm, snarling as the building heat flashed and engulfed him in a firestorm of sensation.

Immediately caught up in the blaze, Alex’s head snapped back, pushing into the pillows, and a long, feral scream ripped from his throat as he shot a seemingly endless geyser of fluid over himself and Fox’s hand. He collapsed then, blackness surrounding him as Fox sprawled over his body, frantically trying to drag some air into his lungs.

Fox thought he had said the words aloud, but neither his mouth nor his vocal chords had cooperated. Receiving no response from the virtually unconscious man beneath him, he closed his eyes and let sleep take him to meet his lover.

God, he felt like he’d been out drinking all night. What the hell did Fox do to him, anyway?

He turned his head and blinked a couple of times, trying to focus. Although things were still a bit blurry after a few seconds, he could see well enough to know that Fox was awake and staring at him. He gave the other man a weary smile and reached across the brief distance to touch the stubbled face.

"Morning," he croaked then grimaced and attempted to clear his throat. "God, I’m hoarse."

Alex forced himself to wake up and propped his head up in his hand. "You okay, lisa?"

Alex blinked rapidly, taken aback by Fox’s statement. "You... you can’t think that I didn’t want to... "

"Of course not. I know you well enough to know that you wanted it as much as I did. But I also know you well enough to know when you’re trying to avoid something. You didn’t want to talk, so you took advantage of the fact that we hadn’t been together in days, and of my weakness for you. Of course, it wasn’t until this morning that I could think clearly enough to consider it."

Fox slipped his hand under Alex’s chin and lifted his head. "If you’ll go to those kinds of extremes to evade this issue... " Fox sighed softly, letting his thumb brush back and forth over his lover’s chin. "... baby, can’t you see why I think it’s a lot more serious than you’ll admit?"

Alex closed his eyes and turned away. "Jesus, Fox, why are you pushing so hard on this?"

"Because I love you," Fox answered. "How many times do we have to go through this?"

"The only trouble," Alex argued, "is the trouble you’re making. I’m fine. Damn, I’m tired of saying that."

"Believe me, Alex, I’m just as tired of hearing it. But at the risk of repeating ourselves just one more time, tell me again. And this time, look me in the eye and say it."

Alex’s head snapped around, and for one shocking moment Fox thought that he might actually do it. He waited, silently praying that Alex wouldn’t be able to look right at him and lie.

Alex stared hard at the other man, willing himself to speak the words, but they wouldn’t come out. Finally, he flipped the blanket back and spun to his feet.

"I don’t know what the hell you want from me, Fox. I’ve given you everything! My history, my secrets... " Alex plunged a hand into his hair and moved a few steps away, then turned around. "... I’ve given you all the love I know how to give... you’ve got my pride, my life... I’d bleed myself dry for you. What else is there?"

"I want the truth. I want your fear, and your hurt. It’s part of you, and I need it all. I need all of you."

Alex’s breath caught in his throat, and he stood staring mutely at the man on the bed. Then he spun around and stormed off in the direction of the bathroom.

Fox jumped slightly at the sound of the slamming door then slumped against the pillows, clutching his hands to his head and growling his frustration.

As he lay considering his next move, the bathroom door flew open and Alex came out, pulling some clothes out of the closet. As he stepped into his jeans and yanked them up, Fox watched warily from the bed.

Clyde’s head popped up at hearing the words ‘going out’. He leapt to his feet and began to prance around Alex, whining.

"No, buddy, I can’t take you with me right now." Alex looked up at Fox, all gentleness gone from his tone. "He’ll need to go out soon, though."

"Nowhere." Alex finished pulling on his boots and picked up his t-shirt, drawing it down over his head and chest

"Alex... " Fox got out of bed and walked over to the younger man. "Baby, don’t go." He curved his hand around the back of Alex’s neck. "Please, I’m begging you. Stay and talk this out with me."

"I’ve talked enough about this bullshit to last me five lifetimes. I’m sick to death of talking about it." Alex pulled away from Fox’s grasp and moved toward the door.

"I don’t know." There was the slightest bit of hesitation as Alex reached for the knob, then he opened the door and walked out.

Fox stood in the middle of the bedroom, listening as another door closed, and then Alex’s car started and roared out of the garage. When quiet again fell on the house, he walked toward the bed and sat heavily at the edge of the mattress. Clyde joined him, resting his head on Fox’s knee and whining softly.

"I don’t know what the hell to do," Fox said to the dog as he stroked the broad head. "I don’t... I... " He dropped his head and fell into silence.

Alex drove, watching the early afternoon sun give way to depressing, gray clouds.

He groaned softly as he thought back to the fight he’d had with Fox just a few hours ago.

God, he knew that the man was stubborn when he thought he was right about something, but why the hell couldn’t he see that he was flat out wrong about this?

"I’m not avoiding my problems, because I don’t have any freakin’ problems."

Alex glanced into his rearview mirror and frowned. Out of nowhere it seemed, two cars had appeared, quickly flanking him. He looked from one car to the other, noting that there were two men in each, and all four kept their eyes on the road.

They drove on for a distance, neither car pulling ahead or falling behind, and after a few minutes, Alex reached under his jacket and pulled his gun from the waistband of his pants, resting it on the seat beside his thigh.

As he drove, he considered putting the gas pedal to the floor and giving the assholes a run for their money, but those thoughts were quickly squashed as another car pulled up behind him and another two came into view in front of him.

He let the men pull him over and, tucking his gun back into his pants, got out of the car. In seconds, he was surrounded by ten men.

"Look, asshole, if you think I’m gonna leave my car here on the side of the road and go anywhere with you... "

Alex emitted a disdainful laugh. "Ain’t a single one of you sitting your nasty asses on my leather. I’ll follow you."

One of the men standing behind him moved forward and grasped his upper arm, trying to shove him forward, and the fight was on. Before anyone could act to prevent it, Alex had drawn his gun and shot two of the men in front of him. Frozen with shock, the man behind him was next to fall. As the others attempted to rally from the surprise attack, Alex spun around put a bullet point blank between his eyes. Before he could turn again, he was grabbed, and, not without tremendous difficulty, he was wrestled and beaten to the ground.

"You son of a bitch," the first man spat, leaning over him. "That was my cousin."

Pain exploded in Alex’s head as the butt of the man’s gun came down across his cheek. The coppery taste of his own blood filled his mouth as the world spun and went hazy but not completely black.

He was brutally jerked to his feet, and a voice he hadn’t yet heard wafted through the air.

"He told us this guy was dangerous. That’s why he sent so many of us. I know Lenny was your cousin, but disobeying his orders can get us dead just like him."

Jack glared at the other man, knowing he was right, but at that precise moment, anger spoke just a little more loudly to him than good sense. He walked up to the dazed man and drew his arm back, plunging his fist into Alex’s stomach, doubling him over. The two men holding him pulled him back up, and Jack backhanded him, cutting the other side of his face. Satisfied, he picked up Alex’s gun, turned around, and began walking.

Jack turned to face the group. "Much as I’d love to torch the fucking thing, I guess we should take it to the motel. Jerome, sit your nasty ass on the man’s leather and drive, would you?"

It had only been a little more than four hours, but he had hoped that maybe the younger man’s anger would have subsided by now, and he would come home.

He stalked back and forth across the living room floor, occasionally stealing glances at the door as he thought about what it was he would say to Alex when he got back.

He stopped pacing, letting his head fall back against his shoulders and stared up at the ceiling.

The man fixed a watery stare on the others in the room, taking note of their disheveled, bruised and battered conditions. "Apparently." He returned his attention to the semi-conscious man on the bed. "But he was not to be harmed."

Gray smoke swirled toward the angry man. "That’s unfortunate, but I warned you of the risks involved. This man is far more dangerous than in just the physical sense. He’s supposed to have our protection." The smoker nodded to the man who had arrived with him, and in front of all present, his companion pulled a gun out of his jacket and shot Jack once in the head. The remaining six men stared in mute shock as, with a soft thump, he fell dead.

"Insubordination of any kind will not be tolerated. The rest of you would do well do remember that. Now, leave us, and take Jack with you."

Quickly, the other men removed the body, cleaned up, and left the smoker alone with Alex.

The man walked into the bathroom, running a washcloth under cold water, and returned. Sickly blue eyes watched as the younger man groaned softly and flinched at the chilly touch of the terry cloth.

"Alex... " He sat down on the edge of the mattress and made a closer inspection of the other’s wounds as he tended to them. "Alex, can you hear me?"

Sable lashes fluttered and glazed, green eyes attempted to focus on the wrinkled face above. "What," he whispered then went silent.

"Yeah, I heard." Alex winced at the pain in his face. "But nobody moves without your okay."

"This man did. My orders were for them to bring you here for a talk. Nothing more. When we’re through here, I’ll see that you get home safe and sound."

"I told you. I want to talk. Surely you know that you and Agent Mulder are still watched. We can’t protect you if we don’t know where you are and what you’re doing... "

"You’ve infiltrated my offices... procured some very sensitive information. Fortunately, I’ve been able to act quickly enough to head off any trouble regarding said information, so no real harm has been done."

"I’m very surprised, Alex." The man stubbed out his cigarette and pulled another out of his pack. "Do you know how many times over you could have been dead?"

Alex snatched the cloth from the gnarled hand as it moved again toward his face. Pressing it to his cheek and grimacing, he said nothing.

"I would attribute your negligence to age, but you’re still a young man. So," he paused to draw on his cigarette. "I must assume that it’s something else."

"You know, Alex, if there’s any chance that you and Agent Mulder will be going your separate ways, the group would welcome you back. Even at half capacity, you’re more efficient than these incompetents we have now." He shook his head and took another drag. "No one takes pride in their work anymore... "

Avoiding the thinly veiled inquiry, Alex mumbled a question of his own. "You know I’m working against you. Why would you want me back?"

The smoker shrugged. "I believe that with a little bargaining we could strike up a mutually beneficial deal. You’re an intelligent, resourceful man, Alex. Now, if for some reason Agent Mulder can’t appreciate that... "

"Fox appreciates me just fine. Now, get the hell out of here and leave me alone."

"You only killed three out of ten of the men I sent to escort you here, Alex. Something has got you feeling out of sorts. I can help you. And I will. Surely you have no doubt of that... not after I tidied things up for you and Agent Mulder last year during your ordeal."

"Just like he thought," Alex murmured to himself then glared at the other man. "And now you’re trying to collect on the favor?"

"No, not at all. You owe me nothing. Nor does Agent Mulder. I just see a change in you, and I wouldn’t be much of a businessman if I didn’t see if I could coax you back into the fold."

The man put out his cigarette and automatically reached for another. Instead of immediately lighting up, he paused, rolling the cigarette between his fingers. "All right. I won’t push. I know how you hate to be pushed."

"Alex, I can’t leave you here in this condition. I must take responsibility for what those in my employ did to you. I’ll see you home."

"I’m not so sure of that. You keep holding your hand to your middle. Did Jack break any ribs?"

"Just a little sore... where’s my car?" Alex asked, just realizing that he was driven to this motel. "Did those assholes do anything to my car?"

The smoker shrugged. "I don’t believe so. It’s outside. It looked fine when I drove up."

The old man nodded and made his way to the door. "Very well. Just do yourself a favor and rest a while before you try to leave." He opened the door and smiled down at the man on the bed. "My offer stands, Alex. You know where to find me if you change your mind."

The door closed and Alex’s head fell back against the pillow. He groaned softly, finally giving in to his injuries.

Jesus, had he been right? That wrinkled bastard had known every time he’d been to his offices and had just let him go. And now, this morning. If he’d been at the top of his game, he’d never have let those amateurs get their hands on him, and none of them would have lived to tell about it.

But in admitting that Fox was right about him being careless, he’d also have to admit the rest.

"No," he moaned as the ache in his body continually intensified. "Can’t... gotta be stronger than that. Can’t let a dead man beat me... "

"Yeah. It’s a long story, but he got mad and took off late this morning. I haven’t heard from him since... wait... my cell phone is ringing." Fox snatched the other phone off of the coffee table and answered.

"Such a snippy attitude for someone who’s talking to the only person who can tell him where his wayward companion is."

Worry and anger combined, giving Fox’s voice a desperate tone. "What kind of incident? Where is he?"

"Mulder?" Scully called, only able to hear her partner’s end of the conversation. "Mulder, what’s going on?"

"He’s at the Capri Motel on Morton Road. Room eleven. You might want to come out and get him, he’s not in any shape to drive himself."

"I can assure you that I have done no harm to him. But rest assured, the man who did will never hurt anyone again."

"What reason do I have to lie? I’ve looked after you both in the past; I’m simply continuing that trend."

"You have his location, Agent Mulder. I’ll keep an eye on him until you get here... from a discreet distance, of course."

The line went dead, and Fox lifted the other phone to his ear. "Scully, I need you to meet me at the Capri Motel on Morton Road. Room eleven."

"Thanks." Fox disconnected, grabbed his weapon and his cell phone, and sprinted out to the garage. Twenty five minutes later his car screeched to a stop beside Alex’s Porsche in the parking lot of the Capri Motel.

Leaping from the Ford, Fox quickly found room eleven and opened the unlocked door, weapon drawn just in case. Except for the figure on the bed, the room appeared empty. Fox checked the bathroom and, finding no one there, he hurried to the bed and sat down beside the still man.

"Oh, God." Gently, Fox turned Alex’s face to the light to inspect the damage. The movement roused the younger man, and he groaned at the pain it caused.

Alex blinked and squinted up at the other man. Remembering his condition, he turned his head away and closed his eyes.

Fox gently lifted the other man’s shirt to assess the damage. "You’re pretty bruised. Do you think any of them are broken?"

Fox turned at the sound of his partner’s voice. "Thanks for getting here so fast, Scully."

The woman advanced and sat down on the other side of the bed, gently turning Alex’s face to her. "You’ve got some pretty good swelling going on here. Couple of cuts. It’s gonna hurt a little, Alex, but I have to touch you, okay?"

As Scully checked his face, she asked questions. "Do you know what you were hit with?"

Alex pointed to the lesser of the two injuries. "Just his hand, but... " He pointed to the other side. "... caught the butt of his gun on this side."

Fox flushed a deep crimson, and his eyes glittered a murderous green. "This fucker had better be dead."

"I think you might have a slight fracture on this side, but we’ll have to get you x-rayed to be sure," Scully announced. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

Scully prodded gently, apologizing when Alex flinched. "Again, we gotta get x-rays, but I don’t think you’ve got anything broken here... did you say Cancerman?"

"Yeah." Fox again reached out to stroke Alex’s hair. "To tell me where he was."

Alex’s eyes drifted open, but he kept his gaze averted from his lover’s face, instead looking down at the mattress.

Fox watched Alex, noting the look on his face, and decided that now wouldn’t be a good time to press him for any answers. He worked one arm under Alex’s back and lifted gently. "Come on, babe," he murmured to the other man. "Let’s get out of here."

Alex allowed himself to be moved, wincing as little as possible as he rose to his feet. Slowly, the three walked out into the lot and moved toward Fox’s vehicle. Alex looked toward the Porsche then at Scully who happened to be in his direct line of sight.

"Yeah, Alex, don’t worry about it. I’ll grab one of the Gunmen and we’ll come out and get it for you, okay?"

"Okay," Alex sighed, unhappy at the prospect of anyone but himself or Fox driving his baby.

Once everyone was in their cars, they headed to the hospital, silence hanging heavily in the compartment of Fox’s car.

Alex sat quietly brooding, hand to his abdomen as the Ford moved smoothly down the old road.

"Can you imagine driving road this in your car in your condition?" Fox asked, finally breaking the silence. "You’d be suffering for sure."

"Yeah," Alex answered, awaiting the questions that he thought would surely follow. To his surprise, none did. Risking a quick glance over at Fox, he frowned then leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes.

When they reached the hospital, they walked Alex into the emergency room where he was checked out and taken to Radiology. While he was being x-rayed, Fox and Scully sat together in the waiting room.

"You wanna tell me what this latest fight was about, and what the hell Alex was doing at a motel several miles from home... bruised and possibly fractured?"

Fox sighed heavily. "I... I tried to talk to him last night... again... he didn’t want to talk, so he... diverted my attention."

Fox ignored the dig. "So anyway, this morning, I called him on it, we got into it again, and he blew his top and left. I had no idea where he was until Cancerman called."

"I don’t know. And I won’t know until I can talk to Alex... if he’ll speak to me. He didn’t say two words the whole drive over."

Scully patted her partner’s knee. "Somebody did a number on him, Mulder. That’s probably eating a hole straight through his gut. Maybe he’s just trying to sort it all out."

"I told him about this, just this morning," Fox said. "I told him that he was going to get hurt or worse."

"No, of course not. I’m just grateful that he’s okay... and alive. I... "

Fox and Scully looked up to find the nurse smiling from the doorway of the examining room.

Scully gave Fox an encouraging smile and waved him off toward the room. Within just a couple of minutes of him entering, Alex was brought back in, followed by the emergency room doctor.

"Well," he began, smiling at Fox. "As Dr. Scully had predicted, there is a slight fracture in his cheekbone. It’ll be sore and bruised for a while, but it’ll be all right. There were no broken ribs, only severe bruising. He missed having to have stitches on that cheek by only a few centimeters, but the cuts should heal up fine. I’ll give him some antibiotics to keep away infection, but other than that, rest is what he needs."

The doctor shrugged. "Two, three days should do it." He turned to Alex. "You hear that? Take it easy. And no bar room brawls for at least two weeks."

The doctor released him, and the three left together, walking through the afternoon drizzle over to Fox’s car.

Fox opened the door for Alex who docilely sat in the passenger’s seat. He shut the door and looked to his partner who stood not more than two feet away. "Thanks again, Scully."

"Physically, yeah, I know. But what about the rest of it? I love him so much, Scully, and I don’t know what to do to help him."

"You can’t do much else, Mulder. Just love him and stick by him. It’s up to him from there."

Fox bowed his head and nodded. "Well, let me get him out of here, so he can ignore me in the comfort and privacy of our own home." He handed his own key to the Porsche to Scully and thanked her.

Scully took the key, smiled and walked away, leaving Fox no choice but to get into the car.

Alex sat quietly, contemplating the events of the day and the issues that helped bring them about. He thought about Fox’s failure to discuss what had happened to him, and why that might be. He recalled the look of fear and concern in his lover’s eyes when he first entered the room, and then the fury when Alex had explained what was done to him.

And as much as he didn’t want to do it, he began thinking again about Justin Saint James and the torments inflicted on him. He recalled the nightmares afterward and the terrible results of those dreams. He thought about the nights spent awake, watching Fox sleep and listening to the quiet, afraid of what he might not hear... terrified that the things he could not see were out there waiting for him to drop his guard. And he thought about Matthew’s letter and the effect he’d refused to admit that it had on him.

The younger man wrapped his arms around himself, huddling into his jacket and said nothing.

Heart pounding frantically in his chest, Fox broke every speed limit to get home. When he finally pulled into the garage, he quickly exited the car and came around to open the passenger’s side door.

"We’re here, Alex." Fox reached in to gently touch the younger man’s head. "Come on, you need some rest."

"Nooo," Alex groaned miserably, rocking back and forth even though the movement caused him considerable discomfort.

"Alex, please," Fox whispered hoarsely, tugging carefully on the younger man’s arm. "Come on inside. You’ll feel better once you get some sleep."

Fox shook his head. "All right, Alex. I’m sorry. Come on, let’s go into the house." He finally got Alex out of the car and led him inside where they were immediately greeted by Clyde, whom Alex passed by as though he wasn’t there.

More concerned now than before, Fox led Alex into the bedroom and laid him down. He removed the younger man’s boots and top garments then drew the blanket up over his chest.

"You don’t have to sleep if you don’t want to," Fox soothed. "But you’ll be more comfortable if you’re lying down."

Thankfully, Alex relented, and he eased the younger man into a reclining position.

Fox sat at the edge of the bed and covered the younger man’s hand with his own. After a few seconds of silence, he cleared his throat and spoke up.

Fox let his head drop, feeling a scream forming in his throat, but he maintained control. He took two deep breaths and let it go.

"Okay. All right. You stay here and rest, and I’ll go get something started for dinner in case you get hungry."

He rose from the bed and started toward the door but before he could reach it, Alex’s voice, tinged with restrained fright sounded.

Fox looked to the man on the bed, and the expression he read in the glassy, green eyes sent wave upon wave of pain slamming through him. He moved back toward the bed and stared down at Alex, waiting.

Alex turned pleading eyes up to the other man but was unable to ask Fox not to leave him alone.

Alex opened and closed his mouth twice as if he wanted to speak, but ultimately remained silent. He shook his head and turned his face away from his lover’s worried gaze.

Without a word, Fox sat down on the bed. "Alex, please don’t do this," he murmured, lifting a hand to the younger man’s head. "You want to say something. I can see it all over your face."

Avoiding the older man’s eyes, Alex shook his head and turned onto the side that wasn’t wounded.

Fox adjusted the blanket and let his hand rest on Alex’s shoulder. Through the light cotton he could feel the tremors running consistently through the prone body. Hesitating for just a moment, he swung his legs up onto the bed and lay on top of the blanket, facing Alex. He wound an arm around his lover, pulling him close and tenderly stroking his back. The relieved sigh did not escape his notice, and he pressed his lips to Alex’s forehead.

Alex melted into Fox’s embrace, reveling in the warmth of his lover’s touch.

So he needed that security. So what? There was nothing wrong with it. This was Fox, for Christ’s sake, and there was nothing wrong with needing his comfort.

No. There wasn’t. Not usually, but not... he shouldn’t need comfort for this. This should not be having this kind of effect on him. Fuck it, it shouldn’t be having any kind of effect on him...

The last three words of Alex’s statement were so soft, Fox had to strain to hear them. "Did that sound believable to you?" he asked softly. "Didn’t to me."

"That statement didn’t sound any more credible than the last one. Wanna try again?"

Alex fell into silence, the truth of his needs being conveyed through his body’s unrelenting tremors. Trying to con Fox was a useless endeavor, and he knew it.

Fox once more pulled the younger man to him, enveloping him in soothing warmth. Minutes later, he felt Alex’s fingers slide up to his chest and curl around the material of his shirt. He rested his cheek on the top of the sable head and closed his eyes, thankful that at least for now, all protests had come to an end.

A very long time later the shaking ceased, and the familiar sounds of his lover asleep greeted Fox’s ears. He dropped a kiss into the soft hair and closed his own eyes.

Up until a few years ago he hadn’t much enjoyed the sound of rain falling. It wasn’t that he’d been scared by rainstorms as a child or any such reason. He simply got no enjoyment out of them until he learned to relax and really listen to the erratic but soothing rhythm that the drops pounded out.

And now, he loved the sound. Especially when they were in bed, wrapped snugly in each other’s arms...

Fox reached out, expecting to touch his lover, but his hand felt nothing but cool sheet. All at once he was awake, blinking, trying to focus in the near-darkness.

Fox leapt out of bed and performed a quick but thorough search of the house. As he moved through the living room, he saw Clyde sitting by the glass doors, staring intently out into the pouring rain. He walked over to where the dog was sitting and peered into the yard.

He saw nothing but sheets of rain at first, then movement at the far end of the yard caught his eye.

The younger man staggered toward the north side of the yard, having given no indication that he’d heard Fox calling to him. His eyes blindly searched through the downpour, looking for intruders that weren’t there.

Fox finally caught up with Alex and grabbed at his drenched shirt. He released him immediately as the disconcerted man whirled around and pointed his gun at him.

Alex blinked, focusing on the obscured figure and recognizing it as that of his lover. The weapon fell from his loosened grip, and he stood staring at Fox, trembling violently.

Fox quickly stooped and picked up the gun, shoving it into the waistband of his jeans, and wrapped the stricken man in his arms.

"I heard s-something," Alex stuttered, clinging to Fox’s soaked shirt. "Someone... someone was out here."

"I don’t see anything," Fox assured Alex as he looked around the yard. "Come on, you’re soaked. Let’s go back inside." He maneuvered the younger man toward the house and into the bathroom where he began peeling off his waterlogged clothing.

"It was him," Alex whispered, his teeth chattering. "He made me go out there, and I almost shot you... again... "

Once he’d completely stripped Alex, Fox dried then wrapped a towel around him and gently sat him on the down-turned toilet lid. He then removed his own clothing, dried off, and put the gun away, then he returned to his lover.

"Baby?" Fox called softly, brushing a few damp strands of hair out of Alex’s eyes. "Who were you talking about? Who made you go outside?"

Distressed green eyes looked up, remaining focused on Fox for only a matter of seconds before skipping away.

"Alex... Alex, please. I’m begging you." A heavy mist coated Fox’s eyes. "Please talk to me. Let me help you."

Alex kept his gaze to the space between them. "J... .. Justin Saint... Saint James."

Fox closed his eyes for a moment, and when he reopened them, he gently pulled Alex to his feet and led him into the bedroom. When he had the younger man tucked back into bed, he responded to the admission.

Fox’s eyebrows drew down into a heavy frown. "How long has this been going on?"

"Off and on since last year. But s... since that letter came... I hear him almost every day. I don’t want to. I want him to shut the hell up and leave me alone."

Fox leaned forward, planting a soft kiss on Alex’s forehead. "You need to confront him."

"But... " Alex sighed in confusion. "... he’s dead. God, a dead man is talking to me."

"Matthew isn’t. Settle it with him, and maybe you’ll settle it with Saint James."

Alex’s brow creased. "But I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to have to look at him."

"I know you don’t. And I wouldn’t ask you to if I thought it would do no good. I love you Alex, and I’d rather die than see you hurt."

Alex closed his eyes and lowered his head. How could he ever have believed otherwise?

"I... I’m afraid." He drew a shaky breath and looked up as Fox touched his face.

"After those really bad first few weeks, I... I started to feel better. I felt strong for a while. I felt like myself when you were with me, but when I was alone, it was like my mind turned against me. I couldn’t control the flashbacks, I couldn’t... the nightmares came with a lot less frequency, but when they did come, I’d wake up terrified. I tried not to let you see... "

"I know," Fox whispered. "But I told you before, Alex, you can’t hide from me."

Alex nodded and continued. "I felt so out of control and at times, helpless. I hate that feeling. I was... I am afraid of it. I have to be... I have to be on top of things. Can’t be weak... "

"Baby, it’s impossible to be rock solid all the time. You don’t have to be."

The younger man shook his head, struggling for a coherent answer. "I couldn’t live with myself if I let you down."

"Let me down... Alex, what makes you think... God." Fox lay down beside the younger man, pulling him into his arms. "Baby, we’re supposed to take care of each other. There’s nothing wrong with you feeling weak or out of control. I’m here, and I’ll catch you if you fall."

Alex dropped his gaze. "You don’t need to have an emotional wreck on your hands."

"And how many times have I been wrecked? You held me up, Alex. You gave me all the love and strength I needed, and you never ran dry." Fox slipped a hand under Alex’s chin and lifted his head. "I can do the same for you. I want to. And it hurts that you won’t let me."

"I know I’ve hurt you plenty in the last few days," Alex murmured, the pain clear in his voice. "I... I didn’t mean to. I love you, lisa, and it kills me to think about how I’ve treated you... "

Fox hugged the distraught man to his chest, gently shushing him. "It’s all right. What happened to you was horrific. You’ve done amazingly well, all things considered."

"How can you say that? I’ve taken stupid chances, treated you like shit... I hear dead people talking to me... sounds pretty loony to me."

"You’re not loony," Fox argued softly, petting his lover’s hair. "But you’re not well, either. And it’s not your fault." He leaned back and placed a tiny kiss on the tip of Alex’s nose. "You’ve fought these demons of yours for almost a year now, and it’s wearing on you. Please, baby... stop trying to do it all alone. Stop trying to prove to me, you, and everyone else how tough you are." Fox cupped the younger man’s cheek, letting his thumb brush back and forth across the stubbled surface. "Give me all the bad stuff you’ve been lugging around for so long."

"I don’t care. Dump it all on me; that’s what I’m here for." Fox moved in, covering the younger man’s mouth in a tender kiss. "Let me carry you."

Alex leaned into Fox’s embrace, tucking his head under the older man’s chin, and for the first time in several months, he let go of the pain he’d held so tightly to.

Fox tightened his arms around his lover as his body began to shudder and muffled sobs broke past his lips. "Let go of it," he whispered into Alex’s hair. "I got you... "

The muffled sobs turned to louder, heart-wrenching wails and continued without cessation for nearly twenty minutes.

Fox let Alex cry himself to exhaustion, shedding his own silent tears, and when the other man was through, he held him quietly, unsure of whether or not he was asleep. When Alex shifted and took a couple of shaky breaths, Fox pulled back and looked down into severely bloodshot eyes. He gave the younger man a sweet, sympathetic smile.

He reached over to the nightstand and plucked a couple of tissues from the box, folding them in half and holding them to Alex’s nose.

The absurdity of the moment brought a tiny smile to Alex’s lips as he obeyed the soft command.

Fox discarded the tissue and turned back to face the other man. "How do you feel?" he asked, brushing some residual moisture from the sable lashes.

"Yeah, I guess." Alex closed his eyes, letting the steady beat of his lover’s heart lull him and provide the strength he needed to do what he had to do. "I uh... I guess we should talk about that letter."

"I’m s... I’m sorry, lisa, I tore it into little pieces and threw it away."

"I still don’t want to, but you’re right. I should or it’ll eat me alive. But I destroyed the envelope with his address." Fox’s conspicuous silence made him look up into the older man’s eyes. "You memorized it, didn’t you?"

Fox displayed a sheepish grin. "You know how information just sort of sticks in my head."

Alex closed his eyes, attempting to hide the glimmer of disappointment. "Yeah, I know."

The thick curtain of lashes rose, and Alex fixed a determined if bleary-eyed gaze on his lover. "Not entirely. But I will be."

"I think we may be turning a corner," Fox informed the younger man, hugging him tightly.

"Nooo. Everything’s going to be fine. I’m not saying that it’ll be easy, but it will turn out okay. Just remember to hang on to me." Fox felt Alex’s arms tighten around him as the younger man pressed impossibly closer, and he smiled a contented smile. "Think you can go to sleep now?"

A few minutes passed in silence, and Fox thought Alex might have fallen asleep, but the younger man shifted and lifted his head.

"I’ve almost shot you twice because of this shit. I think it’s a good idea if you took my gun... at least until we’re sure I’m completely over this."

Fox hesitated, hating to commit the act of distrust, but Alex insisted again, and he slid out of bed and did as the younger man asked. When he’d hidden the weapon away, he returned to his lover, wrapping him securely in his arms.

"Knowing I can’t blow your head off in my sleep? Yeah, I feel a little better."

Fox scattered a number of kisses in the damp, sable hair and hugged Alex to him. "Okay, babe. You don’t have to worry about it now."

"It’s going to be fine," Fox whispered, petting his lover’s hair. "I promise."

Alex fell asleep not long after all conversation ended, and Fox lay holding the younger man in a protective embrace, staring into the darkness and thinking about what lay ahead.

As much as the thought of looking at your face again sickens me, I’m going to agree to a meeting. I don’t give a rat’s ass about your problems; this is solely for my own benefit.

Fox walked into the room, sucking on a banana popsicle and looked over Alex’s shoulder to see what he was typing.

Alex stopped typing and spun around, startling Fox into taking a couple of steps back.

"Well... " Fox scratched the back of his head with his free hand. "... yeah, brief and to the point is good, but... well... your point is just a little too sharp, don’t you think?"

"Fox," Alex interrupted, "do I have to remind you about what this fucker did to me?"

"It’s crystal clear in my mind, babe, believe me. I’d like to beat the shit out of him too, but I can’t. And neither can you. And," he added, motioning to the partially-typed letter, "if you send that, he’ll probably be too afraid to meet with you."

"No, baby, bad. We want to meet with him, remember? Getting things squared away with him is a key factor in your recovery."

Alex emitted a hard sigh and looked back at the monitor. "Well, what the hell am I supposed to say to him? Everything I can think of is nasty."

Fox moved forward again and kissed the top of his lover’s head. "Okay, how about... " He handed his popsicle to Alex and extended his arms, one on either side of the younger man, and began to delete most of what he’d typed.

Alex settled back against Fox’s shoulder, comfortably nestled in the circle of his arms, and began to take bites out of the popsicle.

"Hey, that’s the last banana," Fox complained as he watched the yellow block of ice begin to disappear.

"It wouldn’t be if you didn’t eat them all first," Alex threw back, finishing off one side, removing the stick then going to work on the other.

Alex sighed heavily then fell silent as Fox typed up a very brief answer to Matthew’s letter. When he was through, he snatched the remnants of his popsicle from Alex’s hand.

Alex grimaced at the older man and examined the message. "I suppose it’ll do," he grunted disdainfully.

Fox finished off his popsicle then planted a cold peck on his lover’s cheek. "Have I told you that I’m proud of you?"

"No pressure, babe," Fox assured the younger man. "But you know this is best. It’s necessary."

Alex reached back, lacing the fingers of one hand with Fox’s. "Yeah, yeah. Do me a favor and hit print before I change my mind and delete the whole damn thing."

Fox kissed his lover’s cheek again and printed the short note. He printed up an envelope, deposited the folded paper inside, and sealed the flap then set it aside.

Alex sighed, pulling the top left drawer open and withdrawing a book of stamps. Fox grasped the other end of the book, playing tug-of-war with him before he finally let it go.

"There." Fox removed a stamp and handed the book back to Alex. "We can mail it when we take Clyde out later."

Fox leaned down, pulling the younger man back against him. "It’s gonna be okay, baby. I promise."

"Hey," Fox whispered into the other man’s ear. "I got something to make you feel better."

Alex knew the tone, and so did his cock. It leapt to attention, pushing against the fabric of his jeans. He shifted in his seat and smirked up at Fox.

Fox wrapped his arms around the younger man, starting at the back of his neck and kissing a path over his shoulder and then up the side of his neck to his jaw. He turned Alex’s head toward his and drew his tongue across the perfectly bowed lips.

Alex’s eyelids drooped, and he drew in a long, soft breath. "Mmm. What else have you got for me?"

Fox moved around to the front of the chair and kneeled in front of his lover. Slowly, his hands traveled the length of Alex’s thighs, and he looked up at the younger man from beneath a curtain of lashes. "Everything you need, baby," he purred, letting his hands gently skim over the bulge in Alex’s jeans.

Alex’s eyes closed as he concentrated on the delicious sensations being generated by the simple touch. He fought to keep his hands relaxed by his side and let Fox have complete control, and the effort showed in his face. The older man gave him a sly grin and undid his belt. Pulling the leather strap through the loops, he dropped it into Alex’s lap then set about removing his own.

"Nothing," Fox murmured, pulling the belt free of his jeans and lifting Alex’s left arm to the corresponding arm of the chair. He deftly secured the younger man’s forearm to the chair, then did the same to the other.

"This doesn’t look like nothing to me. Just remember, whatever you do to me will be visited on you tenfold, okay?"

Fox smiled at his lover’s failed attempt to sound threatening. "Yeah, okay, tough guy. I’ll remember to shake in my pants later."

"Mmm hmm," Fox barely answered, busying himself with undoing the younger man’s jeans. He wrestled them down Alex’s hips with a bit of assistance from his captive, and left them pooled around his ankles. His attention turned to the flushed cock that, now free, swelled to its fullest potential. "Very nice," he moaned, his face drawing close but not close enough to the flushed length of muscle.

Alex lifted his hips, encouraging Fox to accept his offering, but the older man smiled and pulled away.

"Don’t start what?" Fox asked innocently as his hands traveled up Alex’s chest and started undoing the buttons on his shirt.

"I promise," Fox said as he pushed the material away from his lover’s chest, "that by the time I’m done, you’ll be feeling fantastic."

"Not... shit!" Alex grimaced as Fox abruptly pinched both nipples. "Not if you’re not done until tomorrow!"

Fox laughed softly and pushed Alex’s legs apart so that he could kneel between them. The younger man’s head dropped back against the back cushion of the chair, and he groaned his lover’s name through gritted teeth as Fox began to thoroughly bathe his upper body with his tongue.

"Gee, really?" Alex gasped as the mobile tongue slid over a nipple. "Can’t imagine why."

"Relax." Fox continued to lick at the heated flesh while his hands gently kneaded Alex’s thighs.

"Relax? Alex grated, his patience quickly wearing thin. "I’ll relax after I shoot a load down your throat. Now, suck me, dammit!"

"I don’t think you’re in any position to be demanding, sweetheart," Fox reminded him, sinking his teeth into one nipple and pulling.

Alex jerked forward, unconsciously trying to relieve some of the pressure, but Fox pulled back as he moved forward, maintaining the tension on his nipple.

Fox released the nipple then lovingly soothed the reddened peak. "You know you love it," he whispered, meeting wild, green eyes. He lowered his head to his lover’s thighs, drawing tiny designs there with the tip of one finger. "Tell me you love it."

Fox nodded, holding Alex in his smoky, amber gaze. "And then I want you to ask for more."

"Kitchen." Fox pulled Alex’s jeans under his feet, making it impossible for the younger man to try and move without tripping and falling flat on his face. "Gonna make sure there are no more banana popsicles."

Alex whined pathetically as Fox sauntered out of the room, then sat quietly plotting his revenge until the older man returned.

"Aww, I’m sorry, baby. Did you want one? There are definitely no more banana now, but there are plenty of orange and grape... "

"But I feel terrible standing here eating in front of you." Fox snapped his fingers. "Tell you what... " Eyes never leaving Alex’s face, he undid his own jeans and withdrew his very erect cock.

The green in Alex’s eyes almost disappeared, and he sucked the corner of his bottom lip into his mouth as he watched Fox stroke himself.

Moving to Alex’s side, Fox smiled down at the bound man. "How about some of this?"

Fox moved closer and, hand still moving over his cock, let the head slip inside Alex’s mouth. A smile trembled at the corners of his lips as he heard his lover’s deep groan and felt the warmth of his mouth partially envelop him.

Alex suckled avidly on what little he was given then opened his mouth wider to accept the fingers that slid along the solid shaft.

"That’s good, baby," Fox encouraged softly, momentarily able to keep a handle on his control. He broke off a small piece of his popsicle and pushed it into Alex’s mouth, letting the younger man tease his cock with the bit of flavored ice. "Oh, God, yeah, that’s good... "

Alex pushed forward as Fox’s hand receded, working the disappearing ice down the length of his cock, then pulled away when it had melted completely. He raised his head, accepting another piece, and he immediately swallowed his lover’s cock to the base.

Alex slowed his movements, letting his tongue slide gently over the shaft as he withdrew, then inched back down, moaning as the head of his lover’s cock hit the back of his throat.

Fox’s mouth fell open on a loud gasp, and his fingers clenched in Alex’s hair. "Don’t move," he panted. "God, don’t even breathe."

Alex remained as still as he possibly could, and just when the position began to get a bit uncomfortable, he heard the soft, slow exhale, and then Fox’s voice.

Carefully, Alex pulled away, his lips just barely grazing the older man’s cock. When Fox was finally free of his mouth, he looked up into smoldering, gilded eyes and licked his lips.

Alex could have protested it to the moon and back, and the fact would have remained that he knew that sooner rather than later, he would give in and admit that he enjoyed the hell out of Fox’s special brand of torture.

A triumphant grin twitched at the corners of Fox’s mouth. He brushed a thumb across Alex’s lips, letting the younger man lap at it. "And?"

Fox smiled, raising the softening popsicle to his lips. "Yeah?" Never taking his eyes off of Alex, he extended his tongue, letting it slide up the side, catching the sweet moisture as it turned to beads of liquid.

Alex swallowed past the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat and nodded. "Please."

A pensive expression crossed Fox’s face before he slowly kneeled in front of the younger man and turned what remained of the popsicle upside down, letting it drip onto Alex’s cock.

Alex jumped at the first few cold drops, then just as it was beginning to feel good, Fox’s hot tongue swiped the liquid away. Again the process was repeated, and Alex felt much like the disintegrating ice in his lover’s hand.

Compromised in the sweetest sense of the word. Yielding to Fox’s heat... surrendering to his will and melting at his touch, begging to be consumed...

Fox slid the last of the popsicle off of the stick then did what Alex had done just a few minutes earlier. He opened his mouth, taking every last inch of his lover’s cock inside, and swirled his tongue around the shaft, distributing the icy slush over the hard warmth.

"Oh, God." Alex stiffened, his teeth clenched tightly as his fingers gripped the arms of the chair. "Fox... oh, baby, please... "

Fox continued to suck gently at Alex’s cock until all of the popsicle had melted, then he pulled away slowly. "Feels good, doesn’t it?" he asked, letting his tongue skip over the throbbing erection.

Alex rolled his eyes up, letting his lids drop over them. A tiny whimper escaped his lips as he nodded, and Fox smiled.

"Want to feel better?" the older man asked, lowering his head to gently lap at Alex’s balls.

"God, Fox, we got lube in every room in the damn house," Alex gasped as he anticipated his lover’s next move.

Fox rose up and, leaning across his lover’s chest, searched the drawers to his left as Alex licked and nipped at whatever flesh he could reach. Finding the tube in the second drawer, he again lowered himself to his knees and unscrewed the cap.

Alex watched, hands straining against the belts. "Let me go, lisa," he pleaded, but Fox smiled and shook his head.

"No. If you touch me, your concentration’ll be divided. I want it all in one place."

Alex whimpered and twitched for all of the ten seconds that it took for Fox to apply the lube to his cock, and then Fox got up and turned around, grasping the slick shaft and holding it steady while he lowered himself onto it. He sat as still as he could, fighting the urge to buck and thrust, and when Fox was completely impaled, he sat quietly trembling, waiting for his lover to move.

Fox closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of Alex inside of him. He bore down, making sure that his lover was as deep as he could be, and then he began to contract his muscles, slowly milking Alex of his sanity.

Fox stopped and carefully leaned back, resting against Alex’s chest. "Shhh." He turned his head and tenderly kissed the other man while one hand drifted down to his neglected cock and began to lightly caress it.

Deeply embedded in slick warmth, and feeding hungrily on his lover’s mouth, Alex whimpered his intense pleasure. He gripped the arms of the chair until his knuckles showed white, and he thrust upward as far as Fox’s weight would allow, but stopped as Fox pulled away from his mouth.

"Don’t move, baby," the older man whispered soothingly. "Let me do it for you." Slowly, Fox writhed in Alex’s lap, squeezing the presence inside him as he began to pump his own cock.

Alex watched, mesmerized by movement and sensation as Fox took them both to their shattering conclusion. His insides coiled tighter and tighter until he thought he could no longer stand the pressure, and as Fox’s movements became more insistent, he snapped, bucking and screaming obscenities into the still air.

Fox rode out Alex’s wild thrashing, gritting his teeth and pulling roughly at his own cock until he exploded, shooting a stream of warm fluid over his hand and belly. His frantic cries turned to soft whimpers as his body relaxed, and he slumped back against Alex, floating on the outer edges of unconsciousness. Only the soft whines of his lover kept him from falling asleep.

Forcing his eyes to open, he struggled into a sitting position and turned to look at the other man. "Sorry. Want me to let you go, now?"

Fox undid the belts and lifted Alex from the chair, guiding him over to the sofa. He settled onto his back and let the younger man drape himself over him.

"Definitely good wasted." Alex drew his hand up and down Fox’s chest. "You take such good care of me."

The sincerity in Fox’s tone brought Alex’s head up, and he stared down into steady, hazel eyes. A tiny trace of a smile graced his lips, and he heaved himself to his feet, pulling Fox up after him.

"What are you doing?" Fox half asked, half complained as Alex tugged him forward.

"Let’s go grab a shower so we can take Clyde out for his walk." Alex reached out, snatching the envelope from the desk. "And mail this thing."

"C’mon, Clyde, do you have to sniff every blade of grass?" Fox turned to Alex, a serious question in his eyes. "D’you think he’d knock some of this off if we had him fixed?"

"Oh, for Christ’s sake, he’s a dog. You really think he’s gonna care?"

Fox emitted a burst of laughter. "I know he’s smart, babe... " He looked down at the sniffing dog. "... sort of... but really, he’s not going to know the difference. Besides, it’s better for his health."

Alex stared at his lover, stricken. "You know, I can understand that coming from Scully, Fox, but you? You’re a traitor to your gender."

Fox rolled his eyes. "I am not. I think it’s something we should consider before he gets too much older."

"It’s not like we’re going to breed him or anything," Fox reminded Alex. "We agreed that we didn’t have the time... "

"I know," Alex whined. "Let... let’s just get through one trauma at a time, okay?" He pulled the envelope from the inside pocket of his jacket as they approached the mail box, and dropped it in. "See that?" he asked, a hint of pride in his tone. "No hesitation."

Fox gave his lover a proud grin and reached out to gently graze his chin with the tips of his fingers. "I noticed."

They walked on, and as they came back in the direction of the house, their young neighbor ran up from his yard.

The boy briskly rubbed the dog’s head. "How are ya today, Clyde?" He squinted up at Alex, and his eyes grew wide. "What happened to you, Alex? You got bruises on your face."

Alex’s gaze dropped to the sidewalk. "No, nobody took me. It was just an accident. I’m okay."

The boy nodded then looked across the street to where his friends were hollering his name.

"I think you’re holding up the game," Fox informed the boy. "Maybe you’d better get back to them."

"Yeah, or Bobby Jameson’ll probably start to cry," the boy complained. "He’s such a baby if he doesn’t get his own way. My dad says it’s ‘cause he only lives with his mom. Said she’s turnin’ him into a pansy... "

Fox quickly covered his mouth and looked the other way to keep himself from breaking into laughter.

"Ah. Yeah. Well, I wouldn’t tell that to Bobby or any of your friends if I were you, okay, Mitchell? It’s not a very nice thing to say."

Mitchell dashed back across the street, and Alex turned around to the sound of Fox’s snickers.

"I can’t believe you’re laughing, Fox. You know, if Mitchell’s father is talking that kind of junk about a little kid, what do you think he must feel about us?"

"Yeah. To our faces. What’s he saying behind our backs? Not that I give a shit personally what he says, but I just don’t want the kid getting the wrong message, you know?"

"I think if he was saying anything, we’d hear it from Mitchell just the way we heard about Bobby Jameson. We’re hardly girlie men, Alex, and I think that’s what he’s got a problem with."

Alex snorted then cut his eyes in Fox’s direction, giving him a leering grin. "I don’t know," he purred, bumping Fox gently with his hip as they moved into the driveway. "You are pretty... "

"And when I hit just the right spot, you make this soft, whimpering noise that could be interpreted as kinda feminine."

Alex chuckled as he opened the front door and preceded Fox inside. "Come on, pretty Fox, I’ll fix you a nice dinner, then you can prove to me what a manly man you are... "

"Mom? He... I can’t believe it. He wrote back. And it’s only been a little more than a week."

The woman moved toward her son as he dropped heavily into the nearest chair. "Isn’t that what you’d hoped for?"

He wanted nothing more than to say yes, but he knew that Doctor Peters would tell him that he needed to do this for himself.

Slowly and deliberately, Matthew unsealed the stark white envelope and removed the matching sheet of paper. He read the typewritten words and looked up at his mother, paler than he had been.

Matthew swallowed, trying to rid himself of the unreasonably large lump that had formed there.

"Honey," his mother called softly. "You’ve been through hell with that Justin character, and you made it. Now, why should you let this man scare you so much?"

Matthew shook his head. "He was caught by surprise, Mom, but this man... Alex... he’s not like anybody I’ve ever known, or will ever know, I dare to say. Do you know how many of Justin’s men he killed? He’s... he’s unbelievable."

"He’s just a man, Matt. You should know that. Didn’t you tell me that he fell apart after what that monster made you do to him?"

"I’d say that makes him pretty human and nothing to be afraid of. He did what he did to those men because... well... he was backed into a corner. Everyone reacts differently when they’re trapped. Some become paralyzed with fear, and others lash out like he did."

As his mother left the room, Matthew’s eyes fell shut, and images of Justin beating then bathing him crept into his head. He shuddered as even almost a year later, he could clearly hear that soft, taunting voice speaking words of comfort as his hands moved gently over him.

In his mind, the obscenity of those moments had far surpassed any sexual humiliation that he’d been subjected to, and that was saying a hell of a lot.

Matthew shook his head, trying to rid himself of the images, but a new one took their place.

Alex... restrained, struggling... begging and cursing as, in only a few minutes time, everything he’d held most sacred was stripped from him.

Matthew could never recall feeling sicker than he had at that moment. What Justin had done to him on a regular basis, he had just done to another human being, and he’d hated himself for it. He hated himself still.

The young man shook his head. "Just stuff." He dialed the doctor’s phone number and waited. "Doctor Peters. It’s Matthew... I got an answer today... "

Alex lifted his head from his lover’s sweaty chest and glanced over at the clock. "It’s only eight o’clock, you know. You just think it’s late because we’ve been in bed since six-thirty."

"Oh." Fox reached for the phone. "Well... she’s just damn lucky we’re done, that’s all I gotta... .. yeah, Scully, what is it? Who?" Alex watched Fox’s expression go from annoyed to guarded. "Yeah. Yeah, it is... uh huh... fine, but if you want this to happen, you’re the one who’ll be doing the traveling... okay, as long as you know... "

Alex lowered his head back to Fox’s chest and tightened his hold on him, listening to his lover’s part of the conversation with the caller he now knew was not Scully.

"... no, you’d better make it sooner than that. I don’t give a damn about preparations. I won’t have him thinking about this a second longer than he has to... that’s right. Get it arranged and get back to me... right."

Fox hung up and looked down at the top of Alex’s head. "You know who that was."

"He’s going to talk to his doctor again and get back to us. You heard me tell him he’d better hurry the hell up about it... "

"Yeah." Alex lifted his head and gave his lover a grateful, half-smile. "Thanks."

"It’ll be over and done with before you know it," Fox promised, stroking Alex’s back.

Alex nodded and nestled against his lover, tucking his head under the stubbled chin.

"Aww, baby." Fox hugged the younger man to his chest and kissed the top of his head.

"You won’t leave, right? I mean, even if this doctor wants us to talk privately or something?"

"Either the four of us talk, or the two of them can sit there alone. I promise, I won’t leave you alone with them for any reason."

"Must’ve learned it from you," Alex murmured flatly, but Fox could hear the tinge of humor in his tone.

"It’s probably like moving to another state," Fox reasoned. "After a while, you pick up the accent."

Alex smiled back. "It’s not the same, though. I don’t have that big old sexy bottom lip."

"Your mouth is beautiful," Fox whispered, brushing his fingers across the younger man’s lips, then his mouth slanted into a lascivious grin. "Especially when it’s wrapped around my cock."

Alex burst into laughter. "Very sweet, Fox. You really know how to charm a boy."

"Well, yeah. But that’s because I’m easy." Alex let one hand drift down to Fox’s groin, fingers crawling over his awakening cock.

Fox sighed softly, eyelashes fluttering. "Wish I could say I was sorry, but... "

With very little coaxing, Fox opened his mouth, allowing Alex’s tongue to sweep inside. The low vibration of his moan triggered a similar sound from the other man, and as their tongues writhed together, Alex’s hand wrapped around his cock and began to slowly stroke it. He arched beneath his lover’s touch and broke the kiss, panting softly. "C’mon, baby."

Alex studied his lover’s face for a brief moment then slid down the length of his body, kissing and nipping the flushed skin. Finally reaching his goal, he looked up, meeting Fox’s eyes. Never breaking eye contact, he gently nuzzled the velvety shaft, inhaling his lover’s scent. His tongue slithered out, licking a delicate trail along the side, working his way toward the tip. Once there, he lashed quickly at the head, the tip of his tongue snake-like in its movements.

Fox’s head rolled languidly on the pillows, and he gave his lover a lazy smile.

The younger man chuckled softly and swiped away the bead of fluid that had gathered at the tip of his lover’s cock. "You mean you’re not having fun right now?"

"Sure, I am, baby. But I could be having more fun if you’d just be a good boy and do as I say."

"Yeah, I know. Not unless you’re properly coerced. So, okay, will you do it if I ask you nicely?"

Alex closed one eye and pretended to give it some thought. "Mmm... maybe. Why don’t you try it and see?"

"Do you think you could... if it isn’t too much trouble... would you pleeeease suck my cock?"

Fox began to whine and turned a most pitiful stare on the younger man. "Alexei... "

"Please... " Fox lifted his hips, letting his cock rub against Alex’s cheek. "I need to feel your mouth around me."

Alex kissed the side of the swollen shaft. "How can I say no to you when you look at me like that?"

Fox hissed through gritted teeth as, in one fluid motion, Alex swallowed him to the root. "Oh, God... thank you, baby... " He grasped handfuls of sheet, groaning deeply as Alex sucked and tugged at him. "Shit... Alex... oh... Jesus, don’t... no... no, no, no... "

Refusing to release the pressure, Alex worked two fingers inside Fox’s ass, their passage made easy by the mixture of lubricant and semen that had remained inside of him from their earlier session. The older man began to buck, alternately pushing himself down on Alex’s fingers and up into his mouth, and Alex let him do so for a moment, then, with his free hand, held Fox down and turned the pressure up. Quickly, his head bobbed up and down on his lover’s engorged cock as he worked a third finger inside him, pushing as deeply as he could.

Fox’s head pressed back into the pillows, and a strangled snarl escaped past his lips as the ever-escalating tension broke and he came in an endless stream down Alex’s throat.

As his lover’s convulsions subsided and then ceased, Alex released him and slid up beside him, kissing a moist path to his mouth. His tongue dipped into the warm interior, sharing Fox’s taste with him, then he pulled away and gently rolled the older man onto his side. He pressed up against Fox’s back, making his unfulfilled arousal known.

Despite his own very recent satisfaction, Fox wiggled against the hardness pushing insistently against his ass. The soft chuckle behind him was followed by brief movement, then Fox felt Alex’s hand stroking over his own cock just seconds before he slowly worked it between the smooth cheeks. Fox pushed back, hastening his lover’s entry, then relaxed into the warmth of Alex’s embrace, sighing contentedly as he was filled completely.

Once he was as far inside Fox as he could go, Alex stopped moving. He simply wrapped himself around the older man, tenderly kissing and licking at the back of his neck while his hand moved in lazy circles over his chest.

"What’re you doing?" Fox asked softly, rubbing the back of his head against the younger man’s.

"Nothing," Alex answered, tightening his hold on the man in his arms. "Just enjoying being close to you."

Alex rocked slowly against him. "Really close." He returned his attention to the back of Fox’s neck, teasing the sensitive skin. "Why? Does it bother you?"

"Are you kidding?" Fox wriggled back against the younger man. "You know how much I love having you inside me... "

Alex laughed softly and bit into the padding of his lover’s shoulder. "Seriously, you’re not dying for me to just get this over with?"

Fox frowned slightly and reached back, threading his fingers through Alex’s hair. "Of course not. You take as much time as you want."

Alex moaned softly and pushed his hips forward again. "Such a perfect fit... like you were made for me."

Fox’s lips curved into a contented smile, and he tightened his muscles just enough to encourage another moan from his lover.

"My beautiful Fox," Alex whispered, mouthing the edge of the older man’s ear. "You were made for me."

"Sweet baby," Alex breathed into Fox’s ear, sending a shiver down his spine. "There aren’t words enough... " He withdrew a bit then slowly sank back in. "... for me to tell you how much I love you... "

Fox shivered in the younger man’s embrace, and though he didn’t think it possible tonight, his cock began to lengthen and swell.

Fox whimpered softly, squirming as the other man caressed the front of his body.

The tip of Alex’s tongue flicked in and out of his lover’s ear. "... Or how very much I want you."

Fox pressed himself against Alex, writhing languidly. "Show me, baby," he moaned. "Make me believe it."

Alex clamped his arms around the older man, and with a soft growl, began to thrust in and out of him.

"Mmmm." Fox rubbed the back of his head against Alex’s shoulder, panting softly. "Give it to me, Alex."

"It’s all yours, baby," Alex croaked. "Take it." He pulled out and slammed back into the older man, prompting a sharp yelp. "Come on... take all of it."

Fox broke from Alex’s grip and rolled to his knees, lowering his shoulders to the mattress. Golden-brown eyelashes swept upward and a wild, gilded gaze met Alex’s eyes. In an instant, the younger man was on his knees behind Fox, spreading his ass cheeks and driving forward. His eyes snapped shut, and his mouth opened, allowing a cry of pain and pleasure to tumble forth.

"Tell me you love it," Alex whispered, as he pulled back, preparing to resume his assault.

"Tell me you need it," the younger man commanded softly, stroking his lover’s back.

"I need it," Fox sobbed, trying to push back, but Alex moved as well, leaving only the head of his cock inside of the older man.

"You’re going to come one more time for me," Alex stated, leaning over and biting gently at his lover’s shoulder. "And you’re going to do it right now." He grasped the older man’s cock and began to stroke it expertly. "And when you’re done, you’re not going to sink down onto the bed. You’re going to stay here like this... just like this, until I’m finished with you. Understand?"

Fox’s limbs began to tremble as he felt hot rush of sensation barreling through him, and he began to whine and grunt incoherently as Alex worked him mercilessly.

Seconds after Alex finished speaking, Fox stiffened then began to buck into his lover’s hand, drenching it and the sheets below in semen. As his cock was drained, so was his strength, and his arms and legs began to quiver. His whimpering called Alex’s attention to the fact that his energy was waning, and the younger man wrapped an arm around his waist, holding him up.

"You promised," Alex murmured softly against the back of his neck. "Are you going to break your promise?"

"It’s hard, though, isn’t it?" Alex held Fox’s hips in a tight grip and plunged into him. "You’re ready to collapse, aren’t you?"

"But you’re not going to." He pulled out almost to the tip then drove back in. "You’re tired, but you promised me... you promised me, Fox... "

"You’re going to stay strong for me, aren’t you?" Alex gasped as he pumped relentlessly into his lover. "You’re going to... to take it all... "

Fox’s head snapped back, and he howled into the humid air. "Yes! All of it... all of it, I swear... more, baby... harder... I can take it... give it to me... "

Alex held Fox in a grip that was sure to leave bruises, and he increased the speed and strength of his thrusts, never letting up until he exploded inside of the other man, shuddering violently and sobbing into his shoulder. As he slumped exhausted onto Fox’s back, they both dropped to the bed and lay shivering in the aftermath of their pleasure.

Long minutes passed before either man moved, and then it was Alex who stirred first, lifting his head from Fox’s perspiration-dotted shoulder. He looked down at his lover’s profile, taking in the long sweep of golden-brown lashes, the relaxed pout of his mouth, and he smiled wearily.

"Nothing," Alex whispered, planting a tender kiss on the older man’s jaw. "Go to sleep."

Fox snuggled down into the pillows, heaving a satisfied, exhausted sigh and promptly obeyed the soft command. Alex relaxed his own body, letting flesh rest against flesh, and he strung a line of moist kisses along one shoulder, his tongue occasionally inching out to taste the salty beads of sweat that lingered there. Soon enough, he drifted away, joining Fox in peaceful, mindless oblivion.

Doctor Peters took a seat across from his patient. "Try to relax, Matt. This is what you’ve been working toward. I’m very proud of you for having the courage to face this man."

"I don’t know if I’d call it courage or stupidity," Matthew droned, looking down at his folded hands. "You know, maybe we shouldn’t have done this. Maybe we should’ve found another way... "

"Those are just your nerves talking. Come on now, what do you say we go down and have a little breakfast and unwind before they get here?"

"I don’t know," the young man sighed. "Anything I eat’ll probably just make me sick right now."

"You have to put a little something in your stomach." The older man reached out to pat Matthew’s knee. "It’ll be fine, you’ll see. You’ve worked very hard at putting your life back together. Now, just tell yourself that you’re going to do fine, believe it, and let’s go down to breakfast."

Matthew took two deep breaths, gave the doctor a sickly smile, then the two headed down to the dining room.

Still too early for kids to be rushing off to school or parents to be heading to work.

Alex walked through the still neighborhood with only his thoughts and Clyde for company. Fox had seemed to understand without him ever having said a word that he needed a little time to himself, and he gave Alex a long, sweet kiss and let him leave this morning, alone.

He walked in the direction of home, Clyde in keeping in step by his left side, and the closer he got, the stronger the urge to turn around and head back out toward the park became.

Alex continued on his path, letting his legs carry him into the yard and through the kitchen door where Fox was just finishing the breakfast cleanup. He hung up Clyde’s leash, got him some water, then walked over to where Fox was stacking the dishwasher.

Alex shrugged and leaned back against the counter. "Been better." He gave Fox a wary smile. "Been worse."

The older man took the few steps necessary to straddle his lover’s legs and wrap his arms around his neck. "You’re gonna be fine."

Alex nodded, staring into the calm sea of amber before him. "As long as you’re with me." He raised his hands to Fox’s back, stroking lightly.

"Every minute," Fox replied, planting a chaste peck on the tip of Alex’s nose. "You ready?"

They shared a brief kiss then exited the room together, separating at the living room. While he waited for Alex, Fox slipped into the black leather jacket so similar to his lover’s, deposited his cell phone into the inside breast pocket, and checked his hip pocket for his keys. Alex emerged from the bathroom seconds later, and they walked hand in hand to the garage, automatically gravitating to the Porsche.

"Sure." Fox laid a gentle kiss on the younger man’s temple and opened the door for him. Once Alex was comfortably settled inside, he rounded the car and dropped into the driver’s seat. He hit the second button on the remote, and the garage door rose while he started the car. The engine roared to life at the turn of the key, and Fox backed down the driveway and turned onto the street.

The twenty minute ride to the hotel that Matthew had indicated in his last phone call was a relatively quiet one, and when they pulled into the parking lot, Alex bowed his head and took one long breath.

Fox placed a hand on Alex’s knee, letting the younger man absorb his warmth. "You okay?"

Matthew paced, looking at his watch for the twentieth time in as many minutes. "Maybe he won’t show up."

Doctor Peters checked his watch as well. "He’s not late, Matthew." The knock at the door turned both men’s heads. "In fact, he’s right on time."

"Breathe, Matthew. Remember your exercises? Easy now; everything is going to be all right."

The doctor left the young man and walked over to the door. He turned and gave Matthew a reassuring smile then turned the knob and swung the door open. His still-smiling face met the two men standing side by side in the hall.

"Good morning, Alex," he said, looking to the man who fit Matthew’s description. "I’m Doctor Peters."

"I’m very glad you decided to meet with us." The doctor turned to the man by Alex’s side. "You must be Fox."

Doctor Peters gave the two an understanding smile and motioned them inside. "Shall we sit down?" he asked, indicating the sofa and chairs at the far end of the room.

From his place by the window, Matthew watched, frozen as Fox murmured soothingly to Alex, placed a tender kiss to his temple, and led him by the hand to the sofa.

Timidly, he stepped forward and took a seat in one of the chairs across from the sofa on which the other two men sat, and practically withered under Alex’s intense glare.

Once everyone was as comfortable as they were going to get, the doctor spoke again.

"There’s no doubt that this is going to be a difficult session for all involved, but if we can gain just an inch of ground this first day, we will have done well."

Alex tilted his head, his brow creasing. "First day? What the hell do you mean, first day?"

"Well," Doctor Peters looked from one man to the next. "From all that Matthew has told me, I hardly think that we’re going to get through this all in one day."

"You’d better get through it all in one day," Alex warned, anger rising quickly, "’cause I have no intention of ever coming back here after today."

The doctor paused, not knowing quite how to answer to that. Fortunately, Fox stepped in.

"I mean it, Fox," Alex whirled to face the other man, anger turning to pleading. "I don’t want to come back here again."

Fox moved closer, laying a comforting hand on the back of the other man’s head. "But what if we don’t get it all resolved today? We can’t leave it up in the air, what good will that do you? Please, baby? Let’s just do this, and see where it leads. We can talk about other meetings if at the end of this one, they appear to be necessary." Fox leaned forward, resting his forehead against the younger man’s. "I’m here," he whispered just loud enough for Alex to hear. "Remember?"

Alex drew a deep breath and nodded. He kissed the corner of Fox’s mouth then reluctantly pulled away. He maintained body contact, though, sitting close enough to the older man that their thighs touched. Once again, he turned a stony green gaze on the other two men. "We gonna talk about this or what?"

"Yes," the doctor replied softly. "Yes, we are. Matthew, would you like to start?"

"Yeah, I... " Matthew stuttered and stammered, only occasionally directly subjecting himself to the hatred that blazed in Alex’s eyes. "... I uh... I wanna thank you, Alex, for coming... "

The stiffening of Alex’s body could be felt all around the room, and Fox quickly closed his hand around his lover’s, silently soothing him and keeping him in his seat.

Matthew realized his slip and squeezed his eyes shut, inwardly cursing himself. "I mean... God... I appreciate that you would meet with me... "

Alex’s jaws convulsed rhythmically, and he lowered his gaze to his lap. "I’m not here for you," he rasped softly. "So, let’s just dispense with the nicey-nicey bullshit and get to it."

Doctor Peters watched the other man closely, taking mental notes while he waited for Matthew to continue.

"All... all right, I’m s-sorry. Uh... y-you and I had very little time together, and so, you don’t know about everything I went through with Justin... "

Alex’s head snapped up, and he shot a searing glance at the young man. "Don’t even... "

"Let you what?" Alex hissed. "Let you try and justify what you did? Understand what? Understand that you helped that mother fucker try to take my life away from me? You want me to understand that you really didn’t want to rape me?"

Fox blinked in surprise. Never since Fox had found him at Saint James’s house had Alex ever referred to what Matthew did to him as ‘rape’.

It was obviously a surprise to Alex as well, because he came to an abrupt halt, his eyes registering his shock. Almost immediately, he withdrew into himself, looking down at the floor and clinging to Fox’s hand.

The doctor held a hand up to Matthew, silently asking him to give the other man time to come to terms with what he’d just said.

Fox cupped the back of his lover’s neck, pressing soft kisses into his hair and mumbling words of comfort.

"That’s what he did, Fox," Alex said to the older man. "I’ve been dancing all around it, but that’s what it boils down to... "

"Take your sorry and shove it up your ass," Alex spat at the younger man before being drawn into his lover’s arms.

"It’s all right, baby," Fox cooed. "It doesn’t change anything. It’s just a word." He turned cold eyes to the youngest man in the group. "Go on."

"Like I had told you that first time Justin sent me in to visit you, I came to him on my own. It wasn’t because I’d come from a broken home or anything like that. I had a good childhood. Lots of friends... I did well in school, joined lots of clubs... my father died when I was fairly young, but mother and my sister have been wonderful. They took it a lot better than I thought they would when I came out, and they’ve never been anything but supportive.

"I m-met Justin while a bunch of friends and I were on vacation in St. Croix. He was so smooth and so kind. I remember he kind of did this little bow when he approached us at our table at the club where I met him, and he asked me to dance. I wasn’t really sure at first, but my friends kept nudging me and telling me to go ahead, so I did... "

Alex’s head rolled against the back of the sofa. "Do we really have to hear a blow by blow account of your courtship?"

"Matthew feels that he needs to really explain the circumstances of his situation for you to understand," Peters broke in.

Alex snorted and cut his eyes away, and Matthew picked up where he’d left off.

"I don’t remember how many dances we had that night, but it was quite a few. He asked me if we could find a quiet corner to talk in, and I agreed. He bought a bottle of expensive champagne, and we drank and talked. By the end of the night, he had me promising to let him take me out to dinner the next night.

"He was right on time the next evening... picked me up in a Rolls. We went to some really exclusive place and ate things I’d never even heard of. And the whole time he kept looking at me. I actually got a little uncomfortable at one point, and he noticed and apologized. But I was so beautiful, he said, that he couldn’t help himself... "

Alex’s eyes snapped back to the younger man. "And you fell for all this bullshit."

Matthew winced and continued. "Uh... he brought me back to my hotel sometime after one... all that time we just talked. He asked me all sorts of questions about myself... he seemed genuinely interested... when he dropped me off at the door of the hotel, he asked if he could see me again." Matthew shook his head. "He was so nice and so sincere. I really liked him... I said yes. We got together again the next night, and the night after that. On my next to last night, he dropped the bomb. Told me that he knew it was going to sound insane, but he was head over heels in love with me... "

Alex threw a vaguely amused glance at Fox, surprised at his lover’s response. Fox caught himself and cut of his remark, ending it on a disgusted grunt.

"I know," Matthew said quietly. "But I sucked it all up. He promised me everything under the sun... told me he’d lay the world at my feet if I would stay with him. I’d never been the impulsive type. I was always so shy and cautious. But this man just swept me away." He paused for a moment then continued. "My friends left two days later without me. I told him that I had to call my mother and let her know I wouldn’t be home when she expected me, and he suggested that instead we should go together and speak with her. Well, that just made me think he was even more wonderful than I’d originally thought, and I agreed.

"We got on his plane the next day, and he told me that he had to stop at home first for some very important business, but he assured me that the next day we’d fly right out to Pennsylvania. We went to his house, and he showed me around. Introduced me to the staff... had the cook prepare a wonderful welcome dinner for me... and that night he took me to bed for the first time and gave me a glimpse of who he really was."

Matthew lowered his head into his hands and rocked back and forth for long seconds before pulling himself together and continuing.

"All the uh... all that gentleness disappeared. He was rough, and he was thoughtless... he gave no consideration to me or what I wanted. When he was through, I hurt. I was so sore, that when I got up to use the bathroom, he noticed that I was walking stiffly. He asked what was wrong, and I made the mistake of telling him. He flew out of the bed and shoved me so hard, I fell over a chair and landed on the floor on my back. He kneeled over me and asked me how I dared to criticize him. I was scared to death. I didn’t know what to say, so I just kept apologizing.

"Justin reached down and touched my cheek, and he gave me that smile that I had been used to seeing. And even though his tone was soft, his words were threatening as hell. He told me hat I should never question or criticize him. He said he really didn’t like it, and I’d do well to remember that. Then he told me that I could get up and use the bathroom.

"I don’t even know how I got my legs to work well enough to stand, but I did. I made it into the bathroom, and I stayed in there a while, trying to stop shaking. He called to me a while later and asked if I was all right. I didn’t dare say no. I told him I was okay, and I came back out. He was lying there, propped up against his black, silk pillows. He smiled and held his arms out to me, and I felt my stomach tighten. But I went to him, and he pulled me into his arms, stroking and kissing me, and again he promised me a rich, exciting life. He fell asleep with a vice grip on me.

"God, I don’t think I slept a wink that night. I laid there sick and scared and thinking that as soon as we got to Pennsylvania I’d tell him that I wasn’t going to go back with him. Of course, the trip never happened... "

Matthew lowered his head. "I... I asked him why we weren’t going, and he told me that I was being punished for what had happened the night before. I asked him when we’d be going because my mother had to have been getting worried about me, and he gave me one of those looks and asked me if I was questioning him. Before I could answer, he backhanded me and cut my lip. He told me I was insolent and undisciplined, and he was going to fix that. He never took me home... he never even allowed me a phone call...

"The abuse just got worse and worse after that. Pretty soon, I was actually afraid for my life. I did as I was told, and the beatings decreased, but he’d still let me have it once in a while just for drills." Matthew momentarily found the courage to look up at Alex.

"Justin was a cruel, manipulative man who did nothing but use me. He used his charm to lure me in, then he trapped me and broke me down so much that I honestly didn’t think I had a life without him. He... " Matthew stopped, swallowing hard, then continued. "... He loaned me out to his friends, sometimes for entire weekends, and they’d do terrible things to me... " The young man’s voice cracked on his last words, and he lowered his head.

"I don’t give a shit what they made him do," Alex threw back, lifting his head from Fox’s shoulder. "He’s trying to use it as an excuse. Fuck his excuses. Nobody can make you do want you don’t want to do."

"You didn’t want to have that orgasm," the doctor pointed out softly, and Alex flew off the sofa. Fox caught him just before he was able to reach the man, and firmly restrained him.

"You fuckin’ son of a bitch!" Alex railed, struggling against the arms clamped insistently around him. "I should kill you where you sit!"

Terrified, Matthew shrunk back against his chair, watching wide-eyed as Fox continued to restrain the infuriated man.

"Baby," Fox murmured into his lover’s ear. "Come on, now. He wasn’t trying to upset you, he was just trying to point out a fact." He turned his eyes to the doctor, who was trying his level best to appear unruffled. "Don’t do anything like that again, or I just might not stop him the next time."

"I’m sorry," Peters apologized earnestly. I truly did not mean to offend him, but I wanted him to realize that his statement doesn’t apply to everyone."

"Hell of a method you got there," Fox said after seating Alex. "Tell me, doctor, where did you learn that antagonizing a person nets positive results?"

While Fox perused the doctor’s qualifications, Alex sat quietly, eyes closed, the pain of what had happened to him renewed.

Fox rubbed his palm over the younger man’s cheek, searching his eyes. "Are you all right, sweetheart? You had this look on your face... "

Fox nodded and, moving as close to Alex as he could get, interlaced the fingers of one hand with his lover’s.

Once everyone was again settled, Doctor Peters coaxed Matthew into continuing his story.

"I um... I had to accompany Justin to parties... these weren’t ordinary parties. They consisted mostly of old men. Old... rich, perverted men who bought anything they wanted, including companionship. Every one of them had a young man on his arm. And at some point during the night, they’d have entertainment. I was the center of their amusement once."

The young man paused, struggling to get a handle on the tremors that passed through him. Seconds later, he raised his head and went on.

"There was a platform in the middle of the room... like a stage. There were at least six or eight of them... the young men who were there... they... took me up on the stage, and they were... they were all over me, ripping at my clothes. They forced me down on my hands and knees, and then they... I couldn’t do anything. One took me from behind, and another one forced himself into my mouth... I can’t remember how many times I almost choked... and when they were through, two more took their place, and the old men... they just watched.

"I uh... I caught Justin’s eye once, and he smiled at me." Matthew laughed softly, bitterly. "He was proud, that sick bastard. His eyes just sparkled." He stopped speaking and lowered his head into trembling hands.

"You’re doing fine, Matt," Doctor Peters’ soft voice encouraged. "It’s okay. It’s in the past."

Matthew lifted his head and blinked back the moisture that scalded his eyes. "When... when they’d finished with me, I was so sick. I ... I threw up. I couldn’t help it. I hurt, and I... I could taste them all in my mouth. God, I was so sick."

Fox watched the young man, wincing at his genuine distress. This Saint James bastard was worse that he’d originally thought. He’d definitely done the world a service...

"Justin was furious," Matthew continued. "I’d embarrassed him. When he was sure that I wasn’t going to throw up anymore, he hauled me out of there, just like I was. No clothes... no one even offered me a jacket." The young man squeezed his hands together. "He shoved me into the car and said nothing the whole drive home. I remember... I remember curling myself up in the corner of the seat and not moving until the car stopped, and he dragged me out." A soft sob escaped his lips. "He beat me. I mean, he really beat me, screaming about how I’d made him look like a fool in front of his friends. I was almost unconscious when he stopped. He stormed out of the room and came back, I don’t know how soon after, and he helped me up off the floor and cleaned my wounds. Then he ran a warm bath, and he sat there on the edge of the tub, washing me. His touch... the things he said to me were so gentle, it made me sick all over again. I held it down, though, because I was afraid he’d kill me the next time." Tear-filled eyes looked up to the two men on the sofa. "This is what it was like with him. Every day."

Alex lifted his head and leveled an icy gaze on the young man. "Did you hate it?"

"You must have got something out of it. You had to have enjoyed it on some level."

Alex cocked his head, brow wrinkled. "Who in their right mind would have gone through the shit you just described and not even tried to get away? Nobody can be that big a pussy."

"He... he made himself the center of my whole world," Matthew tried to explain. "He made me totally dependent on him for everything. He’d confine me to my room for weeks at a time on a whim. He’d withhold food for days... all to let me know that he was in charge. He’d beat me just for the sake of beating me, and he’d tell me that it was just a little reminder for me to behave myself. I was never the assertive type, but he’d taken me far beyond that. He’d reduced me to a sniveling little mouse, afraid of my own shadow. He’d taken every last shred of my will away from me. I had no choice but to do the things he told me to do."

Alex glared daggers at the young man, unwilling to believe a word he’d just said.

"You were so strong. I thought... I could almost believe that you would beat him, but a little bit of me, way down deep inside kept reminding me who he was, and I couldn’t let myself hope for it." He looked into Alex’s eyes, repulsed by the thought that came to his mind. "You want to hear something really sick? You want to hear how badly he’d screwed me up? The first day he brought me into that room to see you, I watched him. I saw the gleam in his eyes as he looked at you, and along with the confusion and fear, I actually felt a twinge of jealousy. He said he’d brought you there as a companion for me, but I knew better. He wanted you. I could hear his mind clicking. You were gorgeous, and thought of parading you around on his arm thrilled him to no end. And I honestly didn’t know whether to be relieved that maybe he’d not bother me so often, or to envy you because it’d be you to have his attention." He looked away, deeply distressed. "Oh, God, I was so messed up."

Alex stared at the younger man for a good, long time before turning his attention on the doctor. "You wanna tell me what the hell this is supposed to accomplish?"

Peters leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and pressed his fingertips together. "During our sessions, I noticed he would be doing very well until we touched on the subject of what had happened between you."

Alex leapt to his feet and, under Fox’s watchful eye, began to pace like a caged leopard, and abruptly cut the man off. "Nothing happened between us. I was restrained... chained to a fucking bed and drugged. I was stripped. I was beaten and taunted. And then Saint James stuck this little weasel in the cage... oh. I’m sorry. Did I mention I was also caged like a fucking animal?"

"Yes. And Saint James sent him in to take care of me after he whipped me." Alex continued to pace, shaking his finger at the younger man. "You know... you almost had me. I’d actually started feeling sorry for you." He cut his eyes back to the doctor. "He spent hours with me. Trying to get me to eat... cleaning my wounds... talking to me... and then he fuckin’ ripped me in two."

"You didn’t, you didn’t," Alex imitated the younger man’s soft whine. You did it!" he roared, whirled around, and stalked toward the terrified young man. Fox was there in an instant, hovering close by in case Alex went for him, but he stopped just short of snatching Matthew from his seat, instead towering over the trembling man, eyes burning into him. "You sashayed into that cage, dropped to your knees and sucked my dick down your throat. Killing me would have been kinder, but you know that, don’t you?"

"I didn’t want to," Matthew whimpered, curling himself into a ball of misery. "He made me... he would have killed me if I didn’t."

"Are you really that spineless, you little shit, or is this ‘he would have killed me’ crap just a line you’re using to excuse the fact that you’d turned around and did to me what he’d basically done to you!?"

"Please don’t what?" Alex shouted. "Don’t remind you? Why the fuck not? I’m reminded every goddamn day! Why shouldn’t you remember?"

"I’m sorry," the young man whispered, covering his ears. "I’m sorry, I’m sorry." He looked to Doctor Peters. "Please. I want to stop now. I can’t... I... .. "

"You’re not stopping shit. You started this. You wanted to dredge all this up, and now you’re going to listen to it. All of it!"

"He’s right, Matthew," Peters agreed softly. "We talked about this. You got to say what you wanted to say, and he has to do the same. It all needs to get out."

Before Alex could fire off another round, the doctor spoke up. "But, perhaps it would be a good idea if we stopped here and picked up tomorrow when we’re all just a bit calmer... "

"What the fuck do mean, when we’re all calmer? You got no reason to be worked up. You weren’t the one who was knocked out, snatched from your home and taken to that asshole’s house. You weren’t chained and caged and drugged out of your fucking mind... "

"Alex... " Fox slid his arms around the irate man’s chest and laid his head on his shoulder. "Come on, baby, take it easy. It’s Matthew you want to tell this to, and he’s not hearing anything right now."

"Why the hell not?" Alex spun in his lover’s arms, curling his fingers in his shirt. "I didn’t want to come here. I didn’t want to hear his damned excuses, but I did. Now, tell me why he shouldn’t give me the same fucking courtesy?"

"He will, babe. But he needs to deal with what’s happened so far today. He needs to pull himself together, and we can continue tomorrow... "

"Why should I give him any time to get his shit together? This was his idea."

"I know. I know, Alex, but... he’s obviously working on it, but he’s still very weak. He’ll hear everything you’ve got to say. And he’ll do it tomorrow, even if I have to lock his doctor in a closet and tie him to a chair."

Alex slumped a bit but his anger remained in place. "I don’t want to look at his face again. I’m the goddamn victim here, and we’re doing everything his way... "

Fox drew Alex into his arms, stroking his back soothingly. "I know you don’t want to hear this, sweetheart, but he’s a victim too. Justin Saint James messed him up big time. He didn’t want to do what he did, but he honestly felt he had no choice. He’s not you, Alex. I know you would have died before you gave an inch to that fucker, but Matthew simply was not that strong. He still isn’t." He drew back, looking into turbulent, green eyes. "Saint James tried and failed. He did not take your life from you. He altered it a little, but you’re dealing with it, and you’re recovering. You can afford to be a little generous... "

Alex dug in his heels. "I was generous enough to meet with him. I don’t want to give him anymore than I already have."

"Okay, baby, okay. But listen to me. You’re not giving anything to him. You’re only giving to yourself. To us. You want us to be completely free of all of this, right?"

Alex’s expression softened. "That’s the only reason I’m here. You know that."

"All right, then. Let’s just back off for now and finish this tomorrow." Alex’s silence prompted him to speak again. "Come on. We’ll go somewhere for lunch, then we can take a nice long drive and unwind." Fox massaged his lover’s shoulders. "Okay?"

Fox slipped a curled finger under the younger man’s chin and lifted his head for a brief, tender kiss. When their lips parted, he took Alex’s hand and began to move toward the door. Doctor Peters followed and thanked them both for their time. Alex simply glared at the man, but Fox nodded and asked the doctor to contact him later that evening so they might discuss a time for their next meeting.

Once out of the hotel and back in the car, Alex slouched down in his seat and closed his eyes. His lover eyed him warily.

Alex sighed. "No, I’m not okay. I got a headache the size of all outdoors, and the overwhelming desire to see someone’s blood splattered on a wall."

Fox gave him a tiny smile. "Well, as long as it isn’t mine, we can work through it, I guess."

"So, you don’t want to kill me for asking you to meet with Matthew one more time?"

"No," Alex answered softly. "As much as I hate the thought of going back there, I gotta trust you to do what’s best." He shook his head. "I know there’s no way for me to be objective enough."

Fox reached across the short distance and petted the sable head. "It’ll be over tomorrow, baby. All done."

Alex reached for his lover’s hand and laid a soft kiss in the palm before holding it to his cheek. "I’m so sorry I was such an asshole to you before."

"I don’t know, I... I just thought about it. I should get down on my knees at the beginning and end of every day and thank God that I’ve got you. I mean, look at Matthew. Look at what he wound up with. Of course, I still think he deserved it for being such a fucking moron. But me. Me of all people." Alex laughed softly. "I get you. If that isn’t pure luck, I don’t know what is. I’ve got no business giving you a bad time about anything."

Fox let out a bark of laughter. "Baby, the day you don’t give me a bad time about something is the day I start to think that Cancerman has pulled a fast one on me and replaced you with a clone." Fox drew his hand down Alex’s cheek and cupped his chin. "Seriously, I want you just the way you are. I fell in love with Alex the opinionated, stubborn, aggressive, impatient pain in the ass, and that’s who I expect to live out my life with. Capice?"

Nearly forty minutes later, they were seated by a sunny window in a bustling restaurant, and though Alex smiled and spoke with him of other things, Fox could feel the tension in him still. When they’d finished with lunch over an hour later, Fox made good on his promise and took him for a nice long ride.

Alex sat quietly and watched the afternoon sun dance rapidly through the trees as they moved down the country road, and for the first time that day, he felt a little more like himself. He turned his head and looked at the man beside him, and breathed deeply.

He was incredibly fortunate. There were people in the world who had lived a much more virtuous life than he, and had been slapped in the face time and again by fate. They’d never been lucky enough to find true and lasting love, or for one reason or another had it ripped from them. And then there were those like Matthew whose only crime was that they were fool enough to fall for the wrong person and have their entire lives ruined or worse.

He’d definitely had his share of horror; much of it of his own making, but the unwavering love and devotion of this man had saved him. It had turned his life around when he’d thought nothing in the world ever could, and he’d be damned if anything was going to fuck it up. He’d see the gutless little bastard again, and he’d get rid of all the excess baggage...

"Yeah." Alex straightened his posture. "Yeah, I’m fine." His attention drifted to the passing scenery, and Fox returned his eyes to the road.

Driving on for another ten minutes or so, Fox pulled off the main road and came to a stop about a half a mile in. Alex looked out over the trees and stream below and turned to the older man.

"Uh huh." Fox reached across the seat and stroked his lover’s jaw. "And secluded."

Fox leaned over, nuzzling the side of the other man’s neck then kissed his way up along his jaw and turned him into a teasing kiss. When he pulled back, Alex smirked at him.

"Yeah," Fox rumbled, dragging his tongue across the younger man’s bottom lip. "Any objections?"

"Well," Alex shrugged. "I just thought that you brought me up here for the spectacular view."

Fox let one hand slide beneath Alex’s jacket, caressing down his chest and coming to rest over the growing mound at the front of his jeans. "I’ve seen it."

"So, look all you want." The older man popped the button at the waistband of Alex’s jeans then began to pull his zipper down. "I’ll just be checking out this spectacular view."

"You’ve seen that too," Alex reminded Fox, moaning softly as his fingertips grazed the surface of his cock.

"True. But it’s that kind of scenery you never get tired of." Fox moved in for another kiss as his hand crept farther into his lover’s pants, wrapping itself around the engorged shaft. The soft sounds of Alex’s growing desire vibrated against his lips, and his tongue swept into the younger man’s mouth, exploring the sweet warmth.

Alex anchored his fingers in the golden-brown hair as his tongue met the gentle invader, curling around it, stroking and sampling the taste he would recognize even if struck blind.

Fox fed on his lover’s mouth for an eternity while he caressed and teased the warm length of muscle in his hand, and when Alex began to fidget impatiently, he broke the kiss and smiled into emerald-green eyes.

Alex’s head fell back against the headrest and his eyes slid shut as Fox shifted in his seat and lowered himself so that his head rested in the younger man’s lap, and the tip of his tongue slithered along the length of his cock. He stroked the golden-brown silk beneath his fingers, enjoying the gentle, unhurried touches and slowly opened his eyes and looked down.

Lost in the sensations that the velvety warmth generated, Fox drew his tongue over every inch of his lover’s erection, starting at the base and ending at the tip where he teased from it the small bead of viscous fluid. As the moisture disappeared into his mouth, the feeling that he was being watched prompted his head to tilt, and his eyes rose to meet the smoky gaze that rested on him. His tongued swiped at his own lower lip, and he smiled up at Alex.

"I bring you up here to take in this beautiful, relaxing view, and what do you do?"

Alex returned the smile. "A bunch of trees and some water have got nothing on the sight of you licking my cock."

Fox gave him a crooked grin then closed his eyes and slowly slid his mouth over the head and down the stony length of his erection.

Alex’s hips involuntarily lifted off the seat, and a deep growl rumbled in his chest as his lover’s head rose and fell on his cock in a lazy rhythm. He fought to keep his eyes open and trained on
Fox while his hand combed lovingly through the older man’s hair, and his soft whispers echoed in the small enclosure...

Alex’s eyes squeezed shut, and he fought to block out the voice that continued to torment him.

Feeling Alex stiffen and sensing that the sob he attempted to choke back had nothing to do with passion, Fox lifted his head and stared up into his lover’s anguished face.

Eyes still closed tightly, Alex lowered his head and took a shaky breath but said nothing.

Fox sat up and drew Alex into his arms. "It’ll go away, baby. When this is all over... when you’ve been able to confront Matthew with all of it, he won’t have any kind of hold on you anymore."

"I’m sorry," Alex murmured into Fox’s chest. "I’m sorry I let it go this far. I’ve wasted so many months of our life letting this eat at me... fighting with you, making you worry... "

"It’s all right," Fox comforted, tightening his hold on the other man. "We’re going to fix it."

"Knock it off with the apologies." Fox tilted Alex’s head up and looked down at him. "There’s no need for them."

The two men sat quietly studying each other for a few moments, then Alex stretched up the few inches necessary to touch his lips to his lover’s. "I love you," he whispered just before his mouth covered Fox’s.

Fox pulled the younger man closer, deepening the kiss and re-heating his temporarily cooled desire. He heard the soft, throaty sigh, felt Alex’s hands wander up under his jacket, and he knew that the ghost of Justin Saint James had been exorcised at least for a while.

"Fox... baby, I... " His eyes rose to meet a warm, hazel gaze, and he finished his request. "... Please... finish me."

A satisfied smile curved Fox’s mouth, and he kissed the younger man once more before resuming his position and teasing his cock back to the its previous state.

Alex’s eyes drifted shut, and a grateful moan escaped his throat as he again relaxed against his seat. The warm, moist pressure on his cock gently ebbed and swelled, and his body vibrated in anticipation of the moment when control would be lost, and Fox would take him into that blissful oblivion where nothing else could reach him.

Fox felt the increase in tension in his lover’s body... heard the growing impatience of his moans, and he hastened his movements, sucking harder as his tongue lashed over the engorged shaft. As Alex’s hips began to lift off the seat, and his soft moans turned to frantic whimpers, he knew it was time.

The moment came quickly, rocking Alex’s body with a series of violent spasms. One hand clutched at the door handle as the other curled in Fox’s hair, and he cried out harshly, bucking again and again into his lover’s mouth.

He wished he could remain there, lingering in beautiful completion, but already he could feel his descent. Though he struggled against it, he became more aware of his surroundings... the pounding of his heart, and the heavy breaths that fell from his lips in soft gasps and wheezes. And he became fully aware, again, of the mouth that had not yet released him but remained, tenderly cradling him, tongue stroking and caressing him until he went completely soft.

Fox released his lover’s exhausted cock, planting a soft kiss on the head before he righted himself and covered Alex’s mouth with his own. Alex opened his mouth, allowing Fox to share his taste with him, then the older man pulled away, smiling at the weary, contented glow he found in the forest-green eyes.

"Hell of a view," Alex breathed, grinning slightly. "Thanks for bringing me up here."

"Any time." Fox kissed his partner once more then secured his clothing. "Guess we should get out of here and get home before Clyde thinks we’ve both run away from home."

Alex nodded and sat up straight in his seat. he turned his head to his left and watched as Fox resumed his place behind the wheel. The older man returned his gaze, giving him a tender smile, and they headed for home.

Fox dashed through the door and dove for the ringing phone as Clyde tackled Alex, yapping and howling.

More laughter. "He does this every time we walk into the house. He’ll quiet down in a... Clyde... no, Clyde, come on! Alex, would you get this animal off me?"

Fox finally managed to push the dog away, reaching for his squeaky porcupine and whipping it into the hall. The dog bounded after it and returned seconds later, growling and hitting Fox’s leg with the bright orange object in his mouth. He took the porcupine and threw it again while Alex went for the dog’s leash. "So, what’s up, Scully?"

"Yeah, you’d mentioned that to me before. I haven’t heard from you for a few days, and I don’t know if you really went through with it or not."

Alex walked into the living room, swinging Clyde’s leash, and Fox asked Scully to hang on for a bit. Before he could speak, Alex held up his hand.

Fox nodded and accepted a quick kiss before Alex and the dog exited the house. He took his hand away from the mouthpiece and returned to his conversation.

"Yeah. I can’t tell you how unhappy Alex is about that. I gotta admit, it doesn’t thrill me either, but... "

"Yeah, I do. Scully, Matthew told us some awful stories about what Saint James did to him, and not that he really gave a damn, but Alex listened to him. When Alex started to vent, the kid fell apart. He just lapsed into this state. His doctor asked if we could give him some time to pull himself together, and Alex had a fit."

"No, neither do I. But it’s my job to hold him together, so I managed to reason with him. He’s not going to be free of this until he confronts Matthew, and he only did that in part today. He’s got to finish."

"He’ll be okay, Mulder. He’s communicating with you now. That’s half the battle."

"Yeah, I know." Fox sighed softly. "I just want this over. It’s like even from the grave this son of a... " He stopped and breathed deeply. "For almost a year now, he’s been tortured... possessed by a damn ghost, and I’ve felt so useless... "

"You haven’t been useless, Mulder. There was nothing you could do for him till now. You tried, and you tried, and... God, you tried some more. Alex pushed you away. But you told me that’s changed now."

"Yeah. I’ve finally convinced him that admitting that this thing’s still got a hold of him doesn’t make him weak."

"We all have weaknesses, Mulder, including Alex. You’re a huge one for him."

Fox smiled into the phone. "And he’d be happy to admit that to you. He might confess to a couple of other innocuous ones, but this is a biggie to him. It’s screwing with his mind, it’s caused trouble in our relationship, and he hasn’t been able to get a handle on it. He couldn’t admit to that. He talked himself into thinking that there was no problem, and any time I confronted him about it, he’d just shut down. I’d push, and we’d end up fighting."

"So, you told me that he’s talking, but you never said what turned him around."

"We had a breakthrough after I brought him home from the hospital. We fell asleep, and I woke up later to find that he wasn’t there. He was wandering around the yard in the pouring rain looking for intruders."

"Yes and no. I think he really woke up when I came up behind him. He turned around and a couple of seconds later, he recognized me and dropped his gun."

"Good. But you know what? I’m going to say it anyway. You’ve been through this before, Mulder. He’s almost killed you. Maybe you should consider taking his weapon away from him."

"Mulder, I know you don’t want to hurt him by making him think that you distrust him, but this is your life we’re talking about here."

"You’re right, Scully. I’d never want to hurt him like that. And, luckily, I don’t have to. Alex made me hide his gun that night."

"Yeah. Personally, I believe that even asleep he’d never be able to hurt me, but he feels better not having access to his weapon, so I put it away where he couldn’t find it."

"Well, I feel a little better, then... although he could try and strangle you again... "

"Scully, would you stop borrowing trouble? Alex isn’t going to do anything to me."

Just as Fox was finishing his sentence, he caught Alex out of the corner of his eye, standing not more than ten feet away. The pained look in the younger man’s eyes stabbed at his heart, and he quickly brought his phone conversation to an end.

"Y-yeah, I just... I gotta go." Not waiting for a response, Fox hung up and rose to his feet. As he advanced toward Alex, the other man spoke.

"Yeah, I heard you." Alex’s eyes shifted to the floor. "I... I haven’t tried to hurt you since that time... "

Alex’s wounded gaze refocused on the man before him. "Did you tell her I asked you to hide my gun?"

"Come on, Alex, let’s not do this again." Fox shrugged. "It wasn’t even me you went after the other night, right?"

Fox moved closer and let his hands glide up and down the other man’s back. "You’re not going to kill me."

Distraught, green eyes skittered away again. "You’ve got so much faith in me."

"Never. Asleep or awake, Alex, I trust you with my life." Fox lifted the younger man’s head and smiled at him. "Now... I need your help with something."

"Wow." Alex’s smile grew wider. "An hour’s a long time to be suffering with that."

Fox shrugged. "I’ve certainly gone longer, no thanks to you, but I’m sure that you have no intention of tormenting me tonight, do you?"

"Good." Fox leaned in, nuzzling his lover’s throat. "Then, what do you say we call it a night?"

The younger man tilted his head back, still smiling. "Of course. Why didn’t I think of that? Well, I guess we’d better get to bed, then."

Fox nodded and tried to pull him in the direction of the bedroom, but Alex resisted. When his lover shot him a questioning look, he tossed his head in the direction of the dog who had settled down in front of the coffee table and was presently gnawing a new hole into his porcupine.

A heavy, groaning sigh left Fox’s throat, and he waved the younger man off. "Hurry up. I’ll meet you in the bedroom."

Alex watched Fox disappear from sight then clapped his hands together, rousing the dog to his feet. "Come on, Clyde. Let’s get some dinner." The dog bounded into the kitchen, practically knocking Alex into the wall in his enthusiasm to get there. "Jeez, Clyde, when was the last time we fed you? Last month?"

Quickly, Alex fed the dog and headed into the bedroom where Fox was waiting, sprawled across the bed, wearing nothing but a screaming erection and a smile.

"That’s a damn long time when I’m lying here thinking about being sunken up to my balls in your ass."

Fox smirked, letting his hand skim back and forth over his cock. "Some guy named Alex. He taught me well." He gripped the shaft at the base and waved it toward the standing man. "Come and get it, baby. You know you want it."

Alex held up one finger and disappeared momentarily into the bathroom. Fox heard the water run then stop, and Alex emerged seconds later, unbuttoning his shirt.

Fox squirmed in anticipation, and when the shirt finally hit the floor, he released a soft moan and began to stroke his cock. "Hurry up, Alex. Don’t make me come in my hand."

"I can’t touch you and undress at the same time," Alex reasoned as he began to pull his pants down.

Fox’s lips formed a beautiful, sulky pout. "You could if you really wanted to."

"Not yet... " Fox passed his finger over the bead of moisture that had formed at the tip of his cock and raised it to his lips. "... but if you’ll hurry up and get over here, I’ll give it a good try."

Alex watched the older man lick his own semen from his finger, and his cock swelled beyond the point of comfort. He quickly finished undressing and fell onto the bed beside his lover.

Fox arched beneath his lover’s touch. "I got plenty for you. Climb on and I’ll let you have it."

Grinning, Alex swung himself up on his knees then straddled Fox’s hips. His hands roamed the expanse of his lover’s chest as he rocked back and forth, rubbing over the solid muscle under him. He watched the green and gold of Fox’s eyes disappear behind drooping lids, and those sinfully lush lips part on a soft gasp, and he smiled, leaning over to reach for the nightstand drawer.

Fox’s eyes snapped open as the pressure with lifted from his cock. "What are you doing?"

Stopping the younger man, Fox reached under a pillow and produced the tube, smirking up into gleaming, green eyes.

"Should’ve known," Alex murmured, taking the tube from Fox’s hand and unscrewing the cap. He squeezed some of the contents into his hand and lifted himself just far enough to stroke it onto his lover’s cock.

Fox lay moaning at the teasing touch, impatient to feel the familiar warmth surrounding him, and when Alex’s hand finally moved away, he gripped the younger man’s hip with one hand, steadied his cock with the other, and pulled him down. "Come on, baby," he panted. "I can’t wait."

Feeling the same impatience, Alex positioned himself then sank down onto the older man’s cock. He pulled up immediately, tightening his muscles as he rose, prompting a harsh groan from Fox, who began to buck wildly beneath him. Before they both fell over the edge, he took control, forcing Fox into a harder, more disciplined rhythm, driving the breath from each of them with every thrust.

The veins stood out in Fox’s neck as he struggled against the urge to throw Alex onto his back and fuck him straight through the mattress. The fingers of his left hand bit into his lover’s hip while his right hand curled around the base of his cock, and he watched as Alex’s eyes fluttered and closed.

"Gonna come again for me?" he asked, arching up as Alex dropped back down onto him.

Alex nodded, whimpering as Fox regained control, synchronizing the movements of his hand with his hips.

"Don’t hold it, baby... I can’t... come on... " Fox jerked Alex’s cock harder as he thrashed beneath him.

No longer able to hold himself up, Alex fell forward, burying his face in his lover’s shoulder as they neared satisfaction. His muffled cries grew more and more frantic as the unstoppable rush of heat thundered through him, and when the final explosion occurred, his head snapped up and a long wail escaped his throat. Fox followed immediately, his cries echoing around them then dying to a soft whimper. Alex’s head fell back to his shoulder, and the two lay quietly together, neither man taking a breath for long seconds. When finally Alex was able to function properly, he took a deep breath and planted a soft kiss on his lover’s chest.

"No." Alex stretched himself out along his lover’s body, snuggling against him. "But I just felt the need to tell you."

Fox wrapped Alex securely in his arms and kissed the top of his head. "Okay." He glanced over at the clock. "Hey, it’s still way too early for bed... wanna grab some dinner and see what’s on pay-per-view?"

"Sure." Alex lifted himself up and away from the other man. "I’ll go get the shower running, and you can think about what you want to eat."

"Nothing much," Fox called after the retreating man. "I’m still pretty full from lunch. You didn’t eat a whole lot, though. Are you hungry?"

"A little," Alex answered over the rush of water. A moment later he returned and helped Fox off of the bed. "Wanna get Chinese?"

"Yeah, that’s fine," Fox agreed linking fingers with his lover and following him into the bathroom. "Just do me a favor. If you’re going to get that disgusting bird spit soup... "

"I don’t know," Fox droned as they stepped under the water. "It just looks nasty."

"Oh, and the paper cups full of chewed up sunflower seed shells that you leave lying around look really appetizing."

Fox turned the younger man around and began to lather his back. "But they’re disgusting after they’ve been eaten, not before."

Alex heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Don’t worry, I won’t eat my soup anywhere near you."

Fox spun Alex around and rubbed the sponge across his chest and shoulders. "Thank you."

Irritated that Fox refused to take the bait, Alex snatched the sponge from him and turned his face up to the warm spray. Just as he touched the sponge to his skin, and hand snaked around from behind and snatched it back.

"Do you mind?" Fox asked, a hint of a challenge in his tone. "I wasn’t finished."

"I can wash myself," Alex countered, reaching for the sponge, but Fox moved it out of his grasp.

Fox shook his head, and before Alex could protest further, he pulled he younger man back against his chest, running both soapy hands over his torso. A soft giggle escaped Alex’s lips as Fox tickled the sensitive interior of his ear with his tongue, and one hand whispered over his exhausted cock.

"If you’ll trust me... " Fox purred, continuing to gently stroke the depleted organ.

"I do, lisa," Alex said in his most condescending tone. "But I’m telling you, it’s just not gonna happen. Not right now. I’m wasted."

"No challenge," Alex insisted just before stifling a moan as his lover’s awakening cock nudged his rear. "God, already?"

Fox lightly ran his fingers over the younger man’s cock. "Your lips say no no, but little Alex says yes yes."

Alex turned around and wound his arms around Fox’s neck, writhing against him. "You’re gonna make me old before my time."

"No way," Fox leered. "Mass quantities of sex keep you young. Dr. Scully’ll confirm that."

"Okay, I’ll be sure to call her later and check." Alex backed Fox into the wall. "But just in case you’re right, let’s tack another couple of months onto our lives... "

Twenty-five minutes later, weak and happy, the two men dropped onto the sofa together and awaited the arrival of their food. Four courses later, they lounged together and finished the movie they’d begun watching, then took Clyde out for a leisurely walk. Falling into bed a little after ten, both almost immediately fell into a deep, dreamless sleep, not waking until well after eight the next morning.

Fox sipped his coffee, perusing the morning newspaper as Alex snuck bits of Fox’s ‘home baked’ corn muffins to Clyde.

"Anything interesting?" Alex asked, keeping one eye on his lover as he repeatedly lowered his hand to the dog’s mouth.

"Same stuff," Fox answered absently. "Murders, scandals... none of my teams won... you’re going to clean up whatever crumbs Clyde misses, by the way."

"Uh huh." Fox folded the paper down and stared at the younger man. "See if I make you breakfast any more."

Alex was about to answer when the phone rang. "I got it." As Fox returned his attention to the paper, he slipped one last piece to the dog and reached out, snatching the cordless phone off the counter. "Hello?"

"Yeah, what... wh... .. wait a minute. What the hell do you mean, he’s still not up to it?"

"I don’t give a shit what he isn’t up to," Alex snarled. "You drag his sorry little ass out of bed, prop him up in a chair, and make him finish this!"

"Ah, shit." Fox dropped the newspaper and tried to get Alex’s attention, but the younger man had shoved himself away from the table and was now pacing impatiently.

"Oh, you can’t? Well, hang on. I’ll be there in about half an hour and we’ll see."

Fox leapt from his seat and snatched the phone from Alex with one hand and clamped the other around the younger man’s forearm. As he dug in his heels to keep Alex from dragging him along into the living room, he brought the phone up to his ear.

"Doctor Peters? It’s Fox Mulder. What the hell is going on? ... What? That’s... hang on... Alex... baby, wait a minute... "

"No, Fox." Alex finally succeeded in wrenching his arm out of his lover’s grasp. "He’s not pulling this bullshit. He’s going to hear me out, and he’s going to do it today, as promised!"

"You haven’t heard the last of this," Fox rumbled into the phone then hung up, focusing all his attention on Alex. "Alex," he called, following on the other man’s heels. "Calm down... "

Alex whirled around as he reached the doorway, fixing a manic gaze on his lover. "Calm? Are you shitting me, Fox? Do you see what’s going on, here? They don’t ever plan on finishing this. Their next step is going to be to sneak back off to wherever the hell that little fucker came from."

"I don’t think so, " Fox reasoned. "If they were going to do that, they would’ve done it already. Come on. Come sit down and let me call Peters back and find out what’s going on."

Alex stood shaking his head. "No. No, no, no." He turned again and took two steps into the next room then stopped and came back. "Where’s my gun?"

"What are you going to do?" Fox asked. "Go over there and shoot them? You’ll really get a lot of talking done that way."

Alex glared at the older man for a number of seconds as if he could will him to give him his weapon. When Fox stood his ground doing nothing more than stare back, Alex released a frustrated, window rattling growl then spun around and stalked out of the room. Fox rose from his seat and quickly followed.

Fox beat Alex to the door and blocked the younger man’s exit. "You’re not going anywhere."

Alex wheeled around, clenching his hands in his hair. "Jesus Christ, you’re a pain in the ass... "

"Because I’d rather have you snuggled up to me at night instead of some con named Tiny?"

Fox approached the younger man and skimmed the line of his jaw with his knuckles. "Please, Alex? Come and sit down and try to relax. Let me call Peters."

"Baby... " Fox wrapped his arms around the other man and pressed their cheeks together. "You’re too worked up to think straight about this. You said it yourself."

"I know." Fox massaged his lover’s back and shoulders. "I know. Please sit and let me talk to the doctor? Maybe I’ll be able to get somewhere with him."

Alex thought for a minute. Maybe Fox would be able to accomplish what he and his temper never would have been able to.

"Fine," he said, taking a few steps away from Fox then returning. "But if you can’t, heads are gonna roll."

Fox sighed softly and picked up the phone. Reaching into his wallet for the doctor’s card, he glanced up at Alex, watching him prowl restlessly around the room. He prayed for a little divine assistance, dialed the number, then addressed the voice on the other end.

"Doctor Peters... yeah, it is. Would you tell me, please, what’s going on? Why have you cancelled today’s meeting? ... You were supposed to take care of that yesterday. That’s why we cut the session short. ... How could he have such a big setback after that brief meeting? I mean, come on, how long have you been working with him? Nine months. And he’s still this weak? ... Yeah... I don’t... I don’t care about that. It’s not my concern. Alex is my priority... .. what? Yeah, I know you’re Matthew’s doctor, but you said yourself that he needed this confrontation with Alex to recover completely... well, he hasn’t really done that yet, has he? ... Well, snap him out of it, dammit!" Fox covered his face with one hand. "Okay, look... you work on him... work on him, or I’ll go over there and work on him myself, and I promise you, he won’t like it at all... "

Alex listened to Fox’s end of the conversation, knowing that the older man was making no progress, and his anger began to rise again. He held himself in check, waiting for Fox to finish before he exploded.

"... You call it whatever the hell you want. You initiated all of this, doctor. And I’m going to see to it that it’s finished, and that Alex doesn’t come out the loser. ... What? I think we’ve been more than patient. ... Yeah, well I think I’d like to see that for myself. ... You’re wrong, doctor, I’m perfectly capable of judging his condition, and I’m qualified... .. that’s right. Expect to see me in about two hours. That wasn’t a request, doctor. I’ll be there in two hours."

Fox disconnected and tossed the phone down. "He insists that Matthew is still in no condition to meet with you."

"No, babe, let me go alone. You represent too much of a threat to him. I want to observe him in a calmer situation, okay?"

Alex stared silently at the older man for a moment, trying to rein in his emotions. Losing the struggle, he reached down to the coffee table, picked up the oncidium orchid plant he’d bought just a few weeks ago, and hurled it at the far wall. His lover flinched slightly but otherwise showed no reaction.

"Son of a bitch!" Alex proceeded to pick up one end of the coffee table and bang it repetitiously on the hardwood floor.

"Fucking bullshit!" The younger man dropped the table back to the floor and paced the length of the room. "Poor Matthew needs a calm, serene environment, huh? I’ll give him a fucking permanent calm environment. Just get that asshole doctor of his out of the room for two minutes, and I’ll show him more calm than he’s ever seen in his life... "

"Alex, this is exactly why I need to go over there alone. We’re not going to get two words out of him with you acting like this."

Fox heaved himself out of his chair and walked over to the younger man. "So am I, babe. But if we both start throwing tantrums... "

Fox rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I didn’t mean to make it sound that way. But if I lose my temper the way you have, we’ll never get anywhere with Matthew."

"And that’s the thing that really drives me up a goddamn wall," Alex hissed. "I gotta watch what I say, how I say it... I have to adjust my tone to just the right level, ‘cause God forbid the little shrinking violet should sense any anger and get his fragile feelings hurt... fuck that! What about my feelings?"

"Alex... " Fox took the remaining steps necessary to stand face to face with the enraged man. "Baby, you have to know that your feelings are all I care about in this. I want you to have your say. I want you to let him have it with both barrels, and I don’t give a shit how badly it affects him. But to do that, he’s got to listen to you, and according to Doctor Peters, he’s got himself worked into a state where he’s simply tuned everything out. So tell me what good it would do for you to go over there right now and start screaming at him."

Alex’s clenched his fingers in his hair and bowed his head. "I hate it when you make sense."

Fox pulled the younger man into his arms and kissed the top of the sable head. "Promise me you’ll stay here while I’m gone?"

"All right." Alex released a long, hard sigh, then repeated in a softer, somewhat calmer tone, "All right."

"Thank you." Fox led Alex over to the sofa and lowered him into it. He took a seat beside the younger man and draped an arm across his shoulders as Alex curled into his side. "Hey."

"If you can behave yourself and just do this my way, I promise you I’ll spend a whole weekend doing everything your way."

Alex pushed the older man over onto his side. "That wasn’t too condescending."

Fox righted himself and planted a hard kiss on his lover’s mouth. "Well that last comment was either one of a seriously delusional man, or a consummate liar."

Alex gave his lover a haughty snort. "Don’t you have someplace you need to be?"

"Yeah, but I told Peters two hours. So that gives me about forty-five minutes to kill."

"Wanna finish reading the paper?" Alex looked over to the bits of broken clay and orchid all over the floor. "I gotta clean that up anyway."

Alex kissed the older man’s jaw and pulled himself to his feet. "I’ll get it for you." He disappeared into the kitchen and came back just a few minutes later with the newspaper and a dustpan and brush. He handed the paper to Fox then tidied up the mess, despairing over the loss of his plant.

"Why’d you let me throw this one?" he moaned, cradling his mangled orchid as he carried it toward the kitchen. "You know how long I’ve looked for a really nice oncidium."

Fox flipped the paper down and stared at the other man. "You’re kidding, right?"

Alex frowned in answer and walked out of the room, returning minutes later. He dropped down on the sofa beside the other man, sitting quietly until Fox spoke again from behind the paper.

"You sure? I thought I heard some cracking when you were slamming it up and down."

Alex sat staring at the table for a number of seconds before dropping to his knees and checking it out.

Alex rose from his knees and slouched back onto the sofa, crossing his arms across his chest. "I was sick of this table anyway... "

Alex glared unseen at the face still camouflaged by paper. "Yell at me, dammit!"

"Because I was still being irrational. It was a tantrum, and it was stupid."

Fox dropped the paper and pulled Alex against him. "You’re frustrated," he said softly. "It’s better for you to let it out than keep it all bottled up. I’ve seen what you keeping it to yourself does. Believe me, I’d rather replace a few pieces of furniture than find you the way I did a few weeks ago."

At a sudden loss for words, Alex stared at Fox for a time then leaned into his embrace, tucking his head under his lover’s chin. The two men sat that way, in silence, basking in each other’s warmth until Fox determined it was time for him to go.

Alex walked his lover to the door and, promising the older man that he would stay put, watched as Fox got into his car and drove away. He closed the door and walked back into the living room, standing in the middle of the floor, looking around and drumming on his thighs.

Alex snorted and walked over the sofa, dropping down to the cushions. A soft snuffling sound attracted his attention, and he reached down, scratching the top of Clyde’s head.

"Hiding out until all the noise stopped? Sorry, Clyde, I wasn’t mad at you. Wasn’t mad at Fox either, even though it might have sounded that way." Alex sighed softly, looking into concerned brown eyes. "Guess I’ve been acting pretty crazy, huh? Didn’t mean to. And I sure as hell didn’t mean to hurt either of you." He scratched the underside of the dog’s chin. "I love you guys. You’re my family."

Clyde licked Alex’s wrist, his tail swinging in a lazy arc, and Alex smiled. "Know what? You’re more help than any psychologist." He leaned in, kissing the top of the dog’s head. "Don’t tell Fox I said that." Rising from the sofa, he clapped his hands and Clyde followed. "Come on, it’s a nice day. Let’s go for a walk."

Admission IX: Recovering - Part 1

By Aries

Admission IX:
Recovering - Part 1