Then Steve Came Along
I went to work at a dealership about 30 miles from my house. I needed to earn more money so I could raise my sons by myself. My job was very stressful but I loved it. I started earning a substantial amount of money. Steve worked at this same dealership. We were introduced to each other. He shook my hand and welcomed me to the dealership. I didn't know until later that when he was shaking my hand he was telling himself that one day he would marry me!
About a month after I started my new job I was sent to have my picture taken for the newspaper. Steve went with me to have his picture made too. We made small talk that day and got to know each other a little better.
I would go to clubs on the weekends with some of my friends. I like to dance and would stay out almost all night having a good time. I would dance with different guys but got tired of all the scum bag men that would try to get more than just a dance with me. The other guys that were decent were all married. I was getting a little tired of the single life, even though I didn't want to remarry. I got down on my hands and knees one night and asked God to send me a man that would love me for who I am and that would be good to my boys. Not long after that I started getting e-mail messages at work from someone signing "NM".
Who was this person? He knew my birthday was coming up and wanted to give me a present. I found out that it was Steve. When I asked him why he was signing his e-mail messages "NM" he told me that it meant "not married". He had heard my ask one day why all the good men were married. Steve was married though. He explained to me that he had felt that he had not been 'married' in a very long time and was in the process of leaving his wife. He started calling me at home and we became friends. I was trying to be a friend to him and help him to keep his marriage together. This wasn't working. He apparently needed to get out of this marriage. The only reason he was having a hard time leaving is because he had 2 young daughters and he didn't want to hurt them. After listening to his stories about the problems with his wife I knew he could not live like he had been with this woman. He filed for a divorce. After she moved out he and I started seeing each other more on a friendly type relationship. I was trying to help him get through the tough emotions of his divorce.

Getting Married
Before I met Steve I never saw the beauty of this earth, even though it sat before my very eyes everyday. I used to see Autumn only as yucky weather. He pointed out to me the beautiful changing colors of the leaves. We married in 1996, just a year before his accident. We liked each others children and that made it even more of a blessing. We had some hard times during the first part of our marriage but most of it stemmed from problems with his ex-wife. We had some pretty bad fights over her. I was sick and tired of her still trying to control his life. He felt so guilty about leaving his daughters that he gave into her on somethings that he should not have. She continued to call him and come to his work. You would have to know all the details of his reasons for leaving her to understand how much he hated this woman. I knew that he had no feelings for her but I was getting tired of her being around. We struggled with this as well as the issue of me wanting to keep my independence. I had finally learned to be myself and do my own thing after my second divorce. Now the reality of marriage was interferring with my independant ways. I came home one day with a brand new truck, without an okay from him. That was probably the worst and last fight we had before he had his accident. Then all of the trivial things no longer matter. Now I was about to loose him! I guess sometimes it takes almost loosing what you have to make you appreciate it. Steve's accident has changed my life.

My mother used to tell me how self-centered I was. I can see that now when I look back at how I was before learning to appreciate the simple things in life. Now I don't have time to focus on myself. I stay very busy taking care of Steve and my children, working at my job, and trying to take care of the house. I haven't been out dancing in a very long time. So, I have given up alot of the things I like to do but I feel that there is a reason for my new lifestyle. I feel like God brought Steve and I together for a reason. God gives me the strength to get through every passing day. He has also shown me the beauty of life through my husband, Steve.

On a Funny Note
I started working for a Chevrolet dealership in 1998, after the company that my husband filed charges against on the discrimination suit would not hire me back. I actually liked working there. It worked out perfect because it was close to home and had shorter hours than I was used to working at the other dealership. Just this year, January 2001, that dealership sold out to guess who? Yes, the dealership that we just settled a lawsuit with! So far things are going okay for me there. It appears that we have all had to put that behind us, be professionals, and go on! And that is what I am doing. I need to stay close to my house so I can go home and help Steve at lunch. I pray everyday and thank God for the ability to work so I can help support my family.

In February 2002 I left Steve. Steve did not want to go anywhere. He stayed at home all the time reading books and reading on the internet. At night when I came home he would sit in front of the television and barely carry on a conversation with me. I had all I could take of this lifestyle. He and I had not been 'husband and wife' for a very long time. My life became like a robot. I did what I had to do everyday but I was loosing myself. He has gone to live with his sister. I had several issues in my life that I needed to get a handle on. Instead of things getting better for me, they have gotten more complicated but that came with some very bad choices I have made in trying to move on with my life. I still do not regret leaving. I pray that Steve will become an independent person and learn that he should get on with living his life. He still gets to see his daughters, thanks to the loving mother that they have. (By the way, her and I finally learned to put our differences to the side and I love her to death. She is a very understanding person.)