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SAFE SEX
Nobody has a
body to die for. Safe sex is always better! It's fun, and you don't have to
worry as much.
Safe sex means
making sure you don't get anyone else's blood, semen, vaginal fluids, or breast
milk in your body -- and protecting your partners too! Condoms, latex surgical
gloves, and plastic wrap are the only way to protect yourself and your partner
from STDs and
HIV, but they're
not foolproof. You've got to use them correctly every time you have sex.
Safer sex does not just entail wearing a condom, but also
includes keeping clean, knowing what to avoid and making the right decisions.
Couples must be conscious of the potential dangers and avoid engaging in risky
behavior. There are a number of fluids involved in sex - urine, feces, semen,
vaginal secretions, saliva, and blood - fluids with which either partner can
come into contact through the course of virtually any form of sexual activity.
Many of these fluids are excellent carriers of disease, and should be handled
with care.
For many, safer sex has become a chore, something that you do
so you don’t suffer the consequences. The portrayal of safer sex in the media is
often sterile, almost medical. We are bombarded with images and advice about
safer sex. Condom companies market their products on television, AIDS activists
make us fear for our lives (and rightly so!) and news stories tell us about the
ever increasing number of unwanted pregnancies. The fact that many of us have to
change our behavior is quite clear; sex can be dangerous in certain ways with
certain people. But wait a minute, sex is supposed to be fun, to be a means of
expressing love, and of sharing in one another. Well, sex can still be fun, it
just has to be practiced in a newfangled way. Hopefully some of the suggestions
below will help you to learn some new tricks to being safe and having
pleasurable, satisfying sex.
What is a condom?
Condoms are a thin rubber tube which fits
over the man's erect penis before intercourse. When the man ejaculates, he does
so into the condom which prevents the sperm from entering the vagina. Most
condoms are made of latex and when coated with spermicide are considered an
effective means of protection from pregnancy and the spread of STDs. There are
other condoms available which are made of animal intestine but these are less
effective for disease prevention. Experiment with a wide range of style and
varieties. The trying is almost as fun as the finding! Try a variety of
different condoms. Experiment with the length, thickness and features of the
condom. Some condoms come with ribbing or ridges that act to increase
stimulation for the receiving partner. Other condoms come with flavoring and fun
colors as a pleasant alternative. Some uncircumcised men find that condoms can
interfere with their foreskin, making sex unenjoyable. Condom companies have new
styles with "more head room" designed to solve this problem.
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How effective are condoms?
When condoms are used properly, they are
about 95% effective in the prevention of pregnancy. When condoms are used with
spermicidal foam, their effectiveness rate is nearly 100%. Furthermore, condoms
provide excellent protection from the spread of sexually transmitted diseases,
although the exact rates of success are unknown. The latex condom is the
recommended form of STD and pregnancy prevention.
How are condoms used?
When using a condom, you check for holes
and review the expiry date. (Note: never carry a condom in a hot, confined place
such as your wallet. Always ensure they are kept out of direct sunlight.) Just
before you put on the condom, spread some water-based lubricant on the head of
your penis. The glands is then gently massaged by the lubricant as intercourse
takes place. As you can imagine this technique is quite popular, and the
enjoyment starts the minute you run to the bedroom and try it! Squeeze the tip
to release the air and create room for the semen. There should be a compressed
tip on the end of the condom. Next slide the condom down the shaft of the penis.
Some rolled latex will remain at the base of the penis to make it easier to pull
the condom off after ejaculation. Be sure that your fingernails or jewelry do
not damage or rip the condom.
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After orgasm, the man should hold the base
of the condom during withdrawal from the vagina or anus. After the condom is
away from the genitals of the partner, the condom can be safely removed.
Remember:
-
Never use a condom more than once.
-
Always use a latex condom for effective prevention of
STDs.
-
Lubricated condoms offer more protection from breakage
and spillage of semen.
-
Always use water-based lubricants.
-
You can double up condoms during vigorous sex. Use an
unlubricated condom on the bottom, and a lubricated one on the top.
-
Unlubricated condoms are best for oral sex.
-
Practical concerns when using condoms
One of the problems with a condom is that
you must interrupt foreplay momentarily to put it on. Some people get wrapped up
in the moment and forget to practice safer sex. Making the condom a part of your
sexual ritual will go a long way to ensuring proper use. An additional incentive
to use condoms are the many varieties and brands to choose from. Condoms come in
different sizes and some have special ridges to increase enjoyment for both
partners. Experiment with different brands until you find the one that is best
for you. Another concern is that latex condoms are weakened by oil based
lubricants such as Vaseline, edible oils and medications. If you wish to use
lubricants during sex play make sure that they are water based.
The condom is the most widely used method for safer sex.
Although the condom is one of the best ways to protect against several STDs,
many men and women complain that the condom tends to ‘dull the feeling’, making
sex less pleasurable. Well, you’re going to have to live with a little reduction
in sensation, because latex does act to cover the nerves that produce pleasure
on the penis, and alter the feeling of the penis in the vagina for the woman.
However, all is not lost - there are ways to increase sensation for you and your
partner when wearing a condom.
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What is a dental dam?
A dental dam is basically a small sheet of latex which acts
as a barrier between the vagina or anus and the mouth. Dental dams get their
name because they are used during dental surgery such as root canals. Due to the
possible infectious secretions from both the vagina and anus, the dental dam is
becoming a more popular safer sex tool. With the introduction of different
colors, shapes and sizes, manufacturers are adding some exciting changes to what
once was sterile translucent-white latex.
You use a dental dam to go down on a woman or to rim. The
dental dam is held in place with your hands, between one partners mouth and the
others vagina/anus. The idea is to NOT FLIP IT OVER. If you like you can place
some lubricant on either side.. flavored for the mouth, any kind of water based
(see below) for the other side .. it creates a nice "wet" feeling if you do!
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Sometimes it can be hard to get two hands and a face to the persons erogenous
zones.. if this is true, use a garter belt! It's a little hard to describe, but,
if you try it does work. The garter belt buckles are used to hold each corner
of the dam in place, leaving your hands free to caress other things!
Dental dams have a nasty powder on them to keep them from sticking.. many people
are allergic to this so be sure to wash them before use with WATER ONLY.
If you do not have a dental dam on hand , or simply don't like the bubble gum
scent or thickness you can make one! Simply cut the tip off a rolled up dry
condom, cut the side, and unroll.. viola! one very thin dental dam.
How effective are dental dams?
Dental dams are an extremely effective means of preventing
infection from vaginal or anal secretions. There is little data available on
rates of infection after use of the dental dam. There are a few important
concerns which may reduce the effectiveness of the barrier. Before you use the
dam, lightly rinse it off with warm water. Dry with a towel. Then check to be
sure the dam is free of holes or breakage. You can check the dam before you use
it by holding it up to light or seeing if water is able to pass through it.
Finally, ensure that only one side of the dam comes in contact with the
genitals, and that the dam is used only once. Otherwise you are defeating the
whole purpose of using the dam in the first place. Only use water based
lubricants when using dental dams.
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How do you use dental dams?
Dental dams are not the most difficult piece of protection to
use. Some people prefer that the person performing oral sex should hold the dam
so that the receiver can just sit back and relax. Others think that the receiver
should hold the dam so the other partner has his/her hands free for other
stimulation. As an alternative, some dental dams are now made with an adhesive
strip which will hold the dam in place. Remember to use some water based
lubricant on the vagina or anus beforehand to increase the amount of stimulation
received.
Practical concerns with dental dams
People often approach dental dams with the fear that the
normally intense stimulation of the tongue will be lessened by the sheet of
latex. The feeling of a dental dam is different than the feeling of a tongue but
it does not necessarily make it a bad thing. Use plenty of water based lubricant
and one partner can play with the latex in his/her mouth to provide their
partner with a new type of stimulation. The use of a dam is up to you. Oral sex
is considered to be less dangerous a practice than intercourse, and fellatio is
often less dangerous than oral-anal sex. The level of protection you decide to
use is your choice, but the safest sex dictates you use a dental dam at all
times.
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Vaginal/Anal Sex
Most foreplay is perfectly safe, and
is often as pleasurable as sex itself. Safer sex couples who want to get the
most out of every bit of lovemaking will stretch foreplay until both are near or
approaching climax. Put that condom on and enjoy each other, sex after lasting
foreplay will help you forget the condom is even there. Experiment with which
partner puts the condom on. Try to incorporate the activity into your sexual
‘routine’. Be creative with the before and after, and always make it fun!
Practicing safer sex is indeed much more involved than simply
wearing a condom. Couples must be conscious of the potential dangers and avoid
engaging in risky behavior.
There are a number of fluids involved in sex - urine, feces,
semen, vaginal secretions, saliva, and blood - fluids with which either partner
can come into contact through the course of virtually any form of sexual
activity. Many of these fluids are excellent carriers of disease, and should be
handled with care.
Top of Page
Never have vaginal
sex after anal sex without washing first. The feces
carry many organisms that can infect the vagina, and can be transferred by a
penis, dildo, mouth or finger like a bee transfers pollen. Wash well or use a
different condom to make sure you don't cause infection.
Never share
condoms, dildos or sex toys. A condom should only
ever be used once. If you do plan to use a sex toy or dildo that was used by
someone else, remember to wash it well with soap and water. If you are really
unsure, you can even use bleach to clean these items, and rinse them extremely
well, or put a condom over the object.
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Oral Sex
The main philosophy of any safer sex
is Keep your bodily fluids to yourself There are three kinds or oral contact that can be a risk for contracting HIV or STDS (did you know gonorrhea can occur in the
throat?) Oral-Vaginal (Clitoral) Contact,
Oral-Anal Contact, and Oral-Penile Contact aka.. "going down on her, rimming
and blowing him." The two main tools to safer oral sex are dental dams and
UNLUBRICATED or "dry" condoms.
There is some risk involved in having unprotected oral sex with a man or a
woman. It is not as risky as unprotected anal or vaginal sex, but it is still
possible to get HIV this way. There have been a few documented cases where HIV
has been transmitted this way. HIV is found in blood, semen (cum), vaginal
fluids, and breast milk. The virus can transmitted through cuts, openings,
sores, and mucous membranes (mouth, anus, vagina) on your body.
To avoid risks
during oral sex it is important to:
- Keep semen and vaginal fluids out of your mouth.
- Make sure that your mouth is healthy and that you don't
have bleeding gums, cuts, or mouth sores, because the presence of blood will
increase your risk.
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Oral Sex On a Woman
In order to keep vaginal fluids out of your mouth:
- Purchase a dental dam from Peer Health, or
- Use a piece of plastic wrap (Saran Wrap) as a barrier
between the mouth and the vagina, or
- Cut an unlubricated condom into a latex square.
Oral Sex On a Man
In order to keep
cum out of your mouth:
- Use an unlubricated, non-spermicidal condom
You use a dental dam to go down
on a woman or to rim. The dental dam is held in place with your hands, between
one partners mouth and the others vagina/anus. The idea is to NOT FLIP IT OVER.
If you like you can place some lubricant on either side.. flavored for the
mouth, any kind of water based (see below) for the other side .... it creates a
nice "wet" feeling if you do!
Top of Page
Sometimes it can be hard to get two hands and a face to the persons erogenous
zones.. if this is true, use a garter belt! It's a little hard to describe, but,
if you try it does work. The garter belt buckles are used to hold each corner
of the dam in place, leaving your hands free to caress other things!
Dental dams have a nasty powder on them to keep them from sticking.. many people
are allergic to this so be sure to wash them before use with WATER ONLY.
If you do not have a dental dam on hand , or simply don't like the bubble gum
scent or thickness you can make one! Simply cut the tip off a rolled up dry
condom, cut the side, and unroll.. viola! one very thin dental dam. For oral sex
on a man's penis use a dry condom. Once again you can p lace some lubrication on
the inside to increase his sensation, and honey or motion lotion on the outside
for yours!
There are flavored condoms available for this, Kiss O Mint and Skeik Mint to
name two. Some of the other condoms can taste bad. especially ones with non-oxynol
nine on them! (makes your tongue go numb!)
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But what IS abstinence?
CDC s prevention
messages encourage abstinence, but studies have shown that the term means
different things to different people. For some people, abstinence means
voluntarily refraining from all sexual acts, and is often grounded in moral or
religious beliefs. For HIV prevention and other public health purposes,
abstinence may be defined as refraining from practicing sexual activities that
involve vaginal, anal, or oral intercourse.
Delaying the
initiation of sexual activity, or practicing abstinence during adolescence, is a
valuable health behavior for young people. It also prevents unintended pregnancy
and the transmission of other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), many of
which can have severe or permanent side effects. (Many people are not aware of
the extent and number of STDs in the United States--in addition to gonorrhea,
syphilis, and herpes, other serious infections are widespread in the general
population, such as chlamydia, human papillomavirus [genital warts], trichomonas,
and hepatitis B.)
Top of PageAbstaining from
sexual activity is a 100 percent effective method of avoiding sexually
transmitted infections. For most people, however, abstinence is not a lifelong
goal, but a temporary, reasonable, and healthy strategy to adopt during certain
periods of one's lifetime, e.g., during the emotionally vulnerable adolescent
period or between marriages.
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Having sexual
intercourse with only one uninfected (and faithful) partner is equally as
effective as abstinence, but is effective only if it is practiced consistently
by both partners in the relationship. (Having a series of monogamous
relationships is not a safe prevention strategy.)
To be sure that a
person is not infected with HIV, two separate HIV-antibody test results, 6
months apart, should be obtained after any behavior that might have resulted in
HIV infection. If the second test is negative 6 months after engaging in the
risky behavior, that person can be reasonably certain that HIV infection is not
present.
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What exactly is
risky sexual behavior?
Any activity that
would allow the exchange of body fluids (semen, vaginal secretions, or blood)
could result in the transmission of HIV if one of the partners is infected. This
means that all penetrative sexual intercourse (vaginal, oral, or anal) is risky
if latex condoms are not used, or are not used correctly. Having anal
intercourse presents an increased risk for both homosexual men and heterosexual
women. Most heterosexual transmission occurs through vaginal intercourse, and
oral intercourse has also been reported to transmit HIV.
Kissing generally
does not present a risk, but because of the theoretical risk of HIV transmission
through blood that might be present in the mouth, CDC does not recommend
engaging in deep (French) kissing with an infected person, or a person whose
infection status is unknown.
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Making Responsible Choices
Sexually
transmitted diseases, including HIV infection, are preventable. Individuals have
several responsible prevention strategies to choose from, but the effectiveness
of each one depends largely on using it consistently (every time). Those who
practice abstinence will find it effective only if they consistently abstain.
Similarly, those who choose any of the other recommended prevention strategies,
including using condoms, will find them highly effective only if used correctly
and practiced consistently.
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Safer Sex Idea's
Talking to each other about safer sex
Kissing and hugging
Back rubs, foot rubs, & body rubs while partially dressed
Listening to music and/or dancing together
Playing strip poker or spin-the-bottle
Stroking, brushing, or playing with each other's hair
Caressing, tickling, pinching, & nibbling each other through clothes
Reading erotic literature together
Looking at erotic pictures together
Watching erotic movies on the VCR
Talking sexy or fantasies
Dry humping
Showering together
Kissing or licking or fondling (except for genitals or anus)
Undressing each other or watching each other undress
Rubbing any nonpetroleum-based body oil or lotion on each other or yourself
Petting with no clothes on
Stroking, caressing, & fondling (including genitals and anus)
Mutual or simultaneous masturbation to orgasm with your hands (with or without
condoms, with no exchange of semen or vaginal fluids)
Mutual or simultaneous masturbation with a vibrator (no sharing!)
Rubbing your penis against healthy, unbroken skin on your partner's body,
between the breasts, lower thighs or buttocks, making sure not to ejaculate in
or on your partner's body orifices
Rubbing your vulva against healthy, unbroken skin on your partner's body,
avoiding contact with your partner's body orifices
Oral sex (fellatio) while wearing a condom
Vaginal or anal penetration with a sex toy (no sharing!)
Licking whipped cream or flavored nonpetroleum-based oil off your partner's
body, except for unprotected body openings
Masturbating while your partner watches or holds you
Bodypainting with nonpetroleum-based body paints
Eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner in bed
Holding each other
Sleeping together
Starting over
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