Fibromyalgia My Story Part 1
April 1999
"FIBROMYALGIA" what a horrifying name and it is so long. What is this thing that crept through my body and made me hurt, cry, scream inside, and no one understanding? It is a disease of muscular pain not just in one area but all over your body eventually. I want to share my story with you to let your relatives, friends, and especially family to understand this is not a disease in the mind. And, in no way is it a disease that is made up. Its real and it is very painful. The pain I can describe as a woman is that there are days it is worse than child birth.

"Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" is linked to this disease also. A lot of Rheumotologist Physicians link it with Lupus. But, I believe in my heart the more they study it that it will appear to be a very bad muscular disease.

One year ago I began to feel like I was an 85 year old woman inside my body. Always, being very active, in volunteer work, taking care of my handicapped mother at the time, and doing my most favorite basket weaving.

All of a sudden one day I just couldn't get out of bed my body was screaming "NO I DON'T WANT TO DO TODAY" What a horrible feeling. So I made an appointment with my General Practitioner and he ran a few tests but not many and his major concern was High Blood Pressure. Which, is now totally under control. So, I searched out for another Physician and I know in my heart God sent me to this Physician because he had studied on this disease. After, six months of testing me for everything from A to Z we noticed knots appearing in my muscles, tired all the time, not sleeping at all I would go for days with no sleep, and if I did sleep it was one those non restorative sleeps.

Now, there is one thing I have come to conclusion by myself. Every one I know that has this disease will find out they have another problem. What is mine? My Pituitary Gland your Mother Gland she does all the work to make all glands do their proper thing. When my Doctor looked at me and said "Carol your pituitary gland is trying to shut down on you, and that means death." I was scared to death and horrified at this information. I can't die I haven't done the things in life I wanted to do how can I possible die? The Doctor said from the tests they ran my body was that of an 85 year old woman inside. Well, my goodness no wonder I felt slow in this 50 year old body. We have tried some medication to make my pituitary gland to kick back in and it has a been a very slow process over the last year. With the Fibro it is hard to have glands not working and muscles killing you. But, at this point I got down on my knees and prayed and asked God to direct me in His will and not mine. I turned my life totally back over to Him and gave him my pain.

The hard part of this disease is that family members really don't understand what is happening to their loved one, and then to have another problem just doesn't make sense to them. My goodness you look fine how can you be sick?

That is a very hard question to answer but I will admit on my bad days I don't go any where because I am not at my best. I had to give into having oxygen in my home for my use. Even having a small tank to carry with me. How does this help? On days when the Fibro is really acting up you can feel all these knots in my muscles right under the skin it lets me not waste energy on trying to just breathe.

But, with all the pain and suffering there is one thing that bothers me more than anything and that is no one knows what it is, how it starts, and how to cure it. It can happen to any one who has been under a lot of stress, or over doing. Mine was going through so many stressful things in my life I believe. I am not saying my life is any worse than anyone else but we all handle stress in different ways.

Now, my family has been educated about this disease. They have bought books and read them even. Went to the Doctor with me so they could ask questions and get answers. I thank God my family now understands there are fair days and bad days. I really can't remember when the last time I had a really good day.

I have made up my mind that this disease isn't going to take the best of me. My right leg is getting weaker every day so now I use a cane when the leg won't work for me and then I found out they may have to put a brace on it. Another devastation I didn't expect.

So in a summary about Fibromyalgia, it effects the muscles, sleeping pattern is all messed up, and constantly lets you know it is living and breathing in your body.

Now to the important issue of why I am writing this page. I felt in my heart there are thousands and thousands of people who suffer from this disease and their Doctors are telling them they can't find anything wrong. So, I beg of you if you feel this way go to another physician till you find out what makes you feel the way you do. Your body is not supposed to hurt all the time and no one knows your body better than you.

"FIBROMYALGIA" has given me a great blessing. That is all the Angels God has sent to take care of me. So I started collecting Angels in my home. I have named my basket weaving Angel Weaver, because every time I finish one I ask the Angel I know is there, "What do you think?" Its beautiful isn't it? Because God gave me another day to just be here and enjoy what I can. I am ashamed to admit that this disease brought me back to God, but, if God had to get my attention He knew how to do it. I praise God every day for His wonderful blessings he bestows on me. Being able to enjoy the different seasons and as I look at Winter leave and spring come in I know my body will one day do that also it will take the dried up muscles and pain and make it beautiful again just like spring when the flowers bloom.

So to all of you with Fibro, CFIDS, Lupus, and any other disease that is painful I want you to know that God can create your environment so it is bearable. Believe in God and your self and things will get better for all of us.

"ANGELS SITTING BESIDE ME"

As I feel my pain creeping upon my body and destroying my day I bow my head and the next thing I know I feel a cool breeze all around me. What is it? When I am depressed and don't know what to do I bow my head and the next thing I know I feel a cool breeze all around me. What is it? When sleep doesn't come to my weary body I bow my head and the next thing I know I feel a cool breeze all around me. What is it? When I have time in my day to pray for others I bow my head and the next thing I know I feel a cool breeze all around me. What is it? While I cry trying to cook dinner because of pain I bow my head and the next thing I know I feel a cool breeze all around me. What is it? Where ever I go or what ever I am doing when I bow my head I feel a cool breeze all around me. What is it?

Its my Angels God has sent to comfort me and let me know that He is in control and is taking care of me. So I thank God for the cool breeze of the Angel's wings as they approach my being. So the next time you feel a cool breeze just relax bask in it and bow your head and say "Thank You God for all of my Angels You have given me." Carol Walters 4/99