| I'm a southerner and proud
of it. A Arkie and proud of it. A country girl and proud
of it. A Southern baptist and proud of it. A red head and
proud of it! The humor on this page is just that.. "humor".
Not meant to be offensive in any way. When we can no
longer laugh at our own selves we are in a pitiful shape.
"Hicks R
Us" Dictionary RED HEADS |
This Valentines Day, to be with you I am a wishin', Early in the mornin' we can go a fishin' I'll be happy as a the owls a hootin' Standing by your side at the gun range a shootin'. When it's a gettin' dark, I'll ask you to stay, All nite long then we can play. I don't need no candy nor flowers this year, Just bring pizza, I'll bring the beer. Nuthins more fun fittin and right, As you and me a playin' poker all nite. C. T. Turner ©2005 |
If they would......... If I had not........... And, Oh.... only if I could. The If's in life, Come in quite handy, And I use them quite well. My excuse when things aren't dandy, When I feel my life is hell. But then this irritating voice, Speaks loudly in my head. How you feel is your own choice. Get your keaster out of bed! If you had it... it wouldn't be enough. Stand up now, stop sniveling, be tough! If they would... you'd soon be wondering why, Blame them for pacifying, and then you'd probably cry. If you had not... from it you wouldn't have ever learned, Playing with fire will always get you burned. And in answer to the ...Oh if you could??? You can , if you only would! She is so infuriating, this voice inside my head, The only way to shut her up is to get my keaster out bed. C. T. Turner ©2005 |
| This was written
after I finished repairing the screen door....
plz remember althought the directions work.... it was
written just to make you laugh! How to repair a screen door. Materials Needed 1. Screen, (large enough to fit door) 2. Some of that rubber stuff, to hold the screen in. Bring your purchases home from the store, lay them in an obvious place, where the man of the house must trip over them daily. Or You can save the time and get right to the repair. WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS without the aforementioned man being present. (If he doesn't witness it, he will never believe you did it!) Calmly gather the necessary tools listed below 1. A screwdriver (preferably his new cordless one) 2. A regular plus screwdriver (also known as a Flathead screw driver, exactly what you are now calling the aforementioned man!) 3. A small screwdriver, can be plus or minus as long as it works for you, (aforementioned man will tell you there is a tool to apply the rubber stuff) calmly hold up the screw driver you have chosen for this duty and say, "I'm sure there is, but I'm creative enough to do it without purchasing a new tool." Now that you have all your materials together, remove the screen door with the correct screwdriver. Lay the screen door on something; the picnic table works great! Remove old screen from door; be sure to immediately dispose of this, so as not to clutter your area. (The real reason is to show the aforementioned man that you can fix something without leaving a mess for him to clean up!) Lay the screen on top of your screen door, leaving approximately the same amount of excess screen on each side. Begin placing the rubber stuff in the slot that holds the screen in place. I found this required moving your tongue and jaw to just the right position to do this properly. Be very careful not to bite your tongue in the process. While pushing and shoving the rubber stuff in place, keep the screen as tight as possible. About half way through I discovered if I went about six inches from where I was working and pushed that in, the rest worked in much easier. When you are about three fourths done, you will discover that you know exactly what you are doing and think to yourself, "now that I have this information, of what good is it to me, and boy am I glad I didn't buy that tool!" After the screen is securely in place, screw the screen door back in place, put your tools away, (repeat, do not leave a mess for him to clean up like he does you, besides you know he won't do it!) When the screen door is back in place, stand back and admire your work. Pat yourself on the back. Good job, you are woman!! Now to complete your job, you find it necessary to walk out side and back in two or three times, letting the screen door slam shut, (warning: make sure the wee ones are not in hearing area and the aforementioned man is!) Be sure to tuck this memory of repairing a screen door, in your memory bank, (we all know you are going to and eventually the aforementioned man will wish he had done it himself instead of having you remind him for the rest of his life that you did it!) Kate Gordon copyright 2001 |
Last Week I threw out Worrying, it was getting old and in the way. It kept me from being me; I couldn't do things my way. I threw out those Inhibitions; they were just crowding me out. Made room for my New Growth, got rid of my old dreams and doubts. I threw out a book on MY PAST (didn't have time to read it anyway). Replaced it with New Goals, started reading it today. I threw out childhood toys (remember how I treasured them so)? Got me a NEW PHILOSOPHY too, threw out the one from long ago. Bought in some new books too, called I CAN, I WILL, and I MUST. Threw out I might, I think and I ought. WOW, You should've seen the dust. I ran across an OLD FRIEND, haven't seen him in a while. I believe his name is GOD, Yes, I really like His style. He helped me to do some cleaning and added some thing's Himself. Like PRAYER, HOPE and FAITH, Yes I placed them right on the shelf. I picked up this special thing and placed it at the front door. I FOUND IT - its called PEACE. Nothing gets me down anymore. Yes, I've got my house looking nice. Looks good around the place. For things like Worry and Trouble there just isn't any place. Its good to do a little house cleaning, get rid of the old things on the shelf. It sure makes things brighter; maybe you should TRY IT YOURSELF. Author Unknown
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