How in the world could someone like me get into such a mess? Strong Christian young lady like myself - pregnant and not married. Not just regular pregnant either but, pregnant with a biracial child!
I was raised in a devout Southern Baptist home. "Saved" at age nine. Started playing the piano and singing in church by about the age of 12. At age 18, I began serving as church musician at various churches. Never in trouble, no drinking, dances, sex - I was pure as the "undriven snow". I attended a prominent "christian" university; sang with a local contemporary Christian group; served as a summer missionary in Indiana and was a youth minister. So what happened?
In the midst of all this perfect picture was a season of change that I did not see coming. There came a time that I was idle in the ministry. I sought out a church home. In doing so I did not please my parents with my choice of churches. As I look back, I realize that was such a simple test, but it was the beginning of my unraveling. I truly believe it was God's Will for me to become a part of this particular church but, due to the struggle with my parents I rebelled! "I just won't go to church at all!" Within six months I had given away my virginity, began going to clubs, drinking, dating ungodly men and boom -- I was pregnant by my black boyfriend.
Needless to say, I hurt and disappointed many people, especially my parents. I think they could have overcome the pregnancy with a marriage liscence (I wasn't the first young lady in our church to get pregnant "out-of-wedlock".) The race issue was a whole 'nother thing!!
It was a tough situation for everyone. Pressure was great on all sides. My relationship with my boyfriend was the first thing to colapse. Then the ultimatum given by my family - us or this baby.
I signed adoption papers the day after her birth - the ache was horrible in my heart. I began to pray and seek God on this matter. I know He heard my prayer for I spent most of the months of my pregnancy repenting for my sins and disobedience.
I listened to my Carman tapes constantly while in the hospital. One of his songs broke through to me - "You're Desire is the Confirmation for what God has for You!"
Yes!! My desire was to keep this precious child. But in keeping her I could lose my whole family. I asked for peace and He gave it. He also said, "If you raise this child to be a Godly young lady I Promise you will have Victory!" So meet Promise Victoria.
I did it. I was so excited with God's words in the hospital, but as soon as we started our life together I felt so alone. Now I wonder how I could have been so dumb and not trust God. He had us in His hands. But my loneliness got me into relationships that added more pain to the rejection I was already carrying around from my parents and her father. I would get involved in different churches, but feeling unworthy, I would always end up at home alone and crying.
Everything turned around for me in 1995 I rededicated my life and everything was back on track.
A special request for prayer - my family (the Frazier's). They still go to church, but have not accepted Promise yet.
