Chapter 2 "I'm Nick Carter" he said, and held out his hand. Diana took it and said slowly "Diana Rodriguez. Nice to meet you. Um, this is my friend, Jessica Cox." "Jessica" Nick turned to her. "I love that name." In the back of her mind, Jessica was thinking 'What a line,' but the way Nick said it...she believed him. "Thank you" she said. He smiled and she felt her heart pounding. "Hey, you mind if I join you--after I get some food, that is?" "Not at all" Diana said. "I'll be right back" Nick said and headed for the lunch line. After he was out of earshot, Diana squealed "Ooh! Jessica, I think he likes you!" "What makes you say that?" Jessica asked, trying to sound casual. "Well, if it was me he liked, wouldn't he have come up and talked to me in computer class?" Diana raised her eyebrows. They went back to eating--well, Jessica just pushing her food around--and then Nick brought a tray loaded with food and sat down. "Well, I guess we'd better get the universal question of college students out of the way first--what's your major?" Diana said "Business. Minor in Spanish." Nick then looked to Jessica. She thought for a moment about lying to him so he wouldn't treat her differently, but then she heard herself say "Psychology." "Wow, that must be hard" Nick said. "Well, it's more math than I thought. Statistics" she said, and rolled her eyes. Nick chuckled. "How about you?" Diana said. "Well...let's see. This month it's...computer science" he laughed. "I've changed majors as often as I change caps. Which reminds me--sorry" he took off his cap and smoothed his blond hair. "I started out in business, like you" he looked at Diana "but I'm just not the type, you know? I think I've tried everything except the cosmetology program!" he laughed. "Oh well, I'll find my niche one of these days." How great to be that carefree, Jesscia thought. When all she could think about was how many more credits she'd need for her degree. Suddenly Diana said "That looks good" and pointed to the cupcake on Nick's tray. "I think I'm gonna go get one of those. I'll be right back" she smiled slyly at Jessica. "Good salad?" Nick asked Jessica. "I don't think you can ever use that word to describe salad" Jessica said. Nick laughed. "Here, have half my sandwich" he said. God, he was so sweet! "No thanks" she said. "Well, then, can I take you out to dinner sometime?" When Jessica recovered from her shock--quickly--she said "Okay." Diana came back and they finished eating. Nick looked at his watch. "Ooh, I've got a class in five minutes. Sorry to eat and run, but...can I get your number?" Jessica got a pen out of her backpack and wrote her number on a napkin. "Thanks" Nick said. "See you later. It was nice to meet you." Jessica watched him put his cap back on, sling his backpack over his shoulder, and walk away. Diana said "Did he ask you out?" Jessica just nodded, and Diana squealed again. "He's so gorgeous!"
CHAPTER 3 "Help me out here, Diana!" Jessica pleaded. "I have absolutely nothing to wear" she said as she stood in front of her full closet. "Here" Diana pulled out a sweater. "You look great in blue." Jessica pulled the sweater on and grabbed a pair of jeans. She pulled those on and as she buttoned them Diana said "Jessica, those are really baggy." "I can't wear the next size down--they'll make my butt look huge." "Oh shut up" Diana said jokingly. Jessica got out a belt and cinched the jeans around her waist. She stood in front of the mirror and Diana came up behind her and started brushing her long, blond hair. Jessica wasn't pleased with the way she looked but it would have to do because at that moment the doorbell rang. "Ooh," said Diana, "I just gotta see what Mr. Gorgeous Nick Carter looks like all dressed up for a date." She kept at Jessica's heels and Jessica opened the front door. There was Nick, dressed all in black and holding a beautiful bouquet of pink flowers. "Oh!" Jessica couldn't help exclaiming. Nick smiled. "You look very pretty" he said. "These are for you" and he held the flowers out to her. "They're beautiful, thank you" she said, drinking in the scent. "Let me go put them in some water, I'll be right back." She dragged Diana out with her to the kitchen. "You can close your mouth now, Diana. And wipe that drool off your chin" Jessica laughed as she prepared the flowers. "Oh god, Jess, even his aftershave is to die for! I want a full report--call me when you get home." "Okay. Can you finish this for me?" "Sure" Diana said. "Thanks. Talk to you later!" Jessica left the kitchen and went to the door where Nick was. "Ready?" he asked, offering his arm. Jessica nodded and smiled. Nick drove them to a small restaurant and they were led to a table in a corner by the window. Jessica was so nervous she didn't want to eat anything, but knew she had to order something. "What are you having?" Nick asked. "Oh, I don't know" Jessica said. "What about you?" He leaned in and lowered his voice. "To tell you the truth, I'm kind of in the mood for pizza" he smiled. Then he said "I think I'll get a cheeseburger." Then the waitress showed up. "Ready?" she asked. Jessica nodded so Nick ordered his burger, then Jessica ordered a salad. The waitress took the menus and left. Nick said "I thought you didn't like salad." "It's okay" Jessica said. She didn't want to tell him she was trying to lose weight because she knew he'd just tell her like everybody else that she didn't need to. Nick asked "So what are you going to do when you get out of school?" "I'm going to be a psychiatrist. But that's such a long ways away" she added. "Well, as long as you have a dream, you just have to keep going" Nick said. Jessica had never thought of being a psychiatrist as a dream. A goal, maybe, but not a dream. She didn't have any dreams like that. "I'm thinking of changing my major again" Nick said. Jessica laughed. So did Nick. "I thought I'd like computer science because I love to play video games, but it's just not what I'm looking for." "What are you looking for?" asked Jessica, getting brave. Nick sighed. "Good question. I guess...hmmm...something where I can...create something and have people say 'Nick Carter did that? That's great.' You know what I'm talking about?" Jessica said "Mm hm." She believed Nick had that in him. But she knew she was destined to be an ordinary person, not leaving anything important behind. The food came and Jessica was horrified at the sight of her salad--it was huge. She started poking around at it while Nick dug into his cheeseburger. They talked some more and when she looked down, Nick had finished but she'd hardly touched hers. "That was one huge salad" Nick said. "Yeah, I'm not really that hungry" Jessica explained. Nick paid for the food then they left the restaurant. "There's a live band playing on campus tonight. Wanna go?" he said. "Sure" she said. They went to the quad where the concert was already going on. Nick took Jessica's hand. She had wished she'd pulled it away, because her hands were always so cold lately. But Nick said "Are you warm enough?" "I forgot my jacket" she said. Nick had a T-shirt on underneath his shirt, so he said "Here" and started unbuttoning his shirt. He took it off and helped Jessica put it on. It was so warm and smelled like Nick's aftershave. "Thanks" she said. She pushed the sleeves up, but then Nick took her arm and started rolling them up for her. They stayed through the concert and when it was over, Nick took Jessica home. He walked her to the door, and she thanked him. "Oh, and your shirt" she started to take it off. "That's okay" Nick said as he pulled it back onto her shoulder. "You can keep it until next time I see you." He rested his hand on her shoulder and before Jessica realized what was happening, he leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "Take care" Nick said. "You too." "Goodnight, Jessica." "Goodnight Nick." He waited until she got inside, then he left. Jessica went to her bedroom and sat down on her bed. She buried her face in the sleeve of Nick's shirt and enjoyed its softness and scent. Then she remembered Diana. She picked up her phone. "Did he kiss you?" was the first thing Diana said. "On the cheek" Jessica said. "Ooh, what a gentleman. Doesn't kiss on the first date" Diana said. "I have his shirt" Jessica said calmly. "WHAT?" Diana yelled. "He gave it to me because I was cold, and he said I could give it back NEXT TIME I SEE HIM." "Are you gonna sleep with it?" Diana asked anxiously. "What do you think?" Jessica laughed. Diana said "Well, I have an exam at 8 tomorrow. I have to study." "Okay, yeah, I'm going to bed--I'm tired." Jessica said goodbye to Diana and hung up. She got into her pajamas and crawled into bed. She fell asleep with Nick's soft shirt resting on her cheek where he kissed her.
CHAPTER 4 Nick and Jessica had a few more dates, and Jessica started getting less nervous with him. It seemed like he really liked her. But there was one thing that would tell her for sure. One night Nick had brought her home and they were sitting in the car. "Jessica?" "What?" "Um...is it okay if I kiss you?" Jessica's heart pounded. "Yes" she said quietly, her voice almost shaking. They leaned together. Nick tilted his head and Jessica closed her eyes. Their lips met, and Nick's kiss was so gentle and sweet. It seemed to last longer than it actually did, and then Nick pulled back. Jessica opened her eyes and Nick said "I have another question for you." Jessica wondered what this would be. He looked right into her eyes. "Will you be my girlfriend?" She couldn't understand why Nick liked her, but he did. "Yes" she said. Then they said their goodnights and Jessica went in the house. A few days later, Diana was at Jessica's. They were in her bedroom looking at magazines. "Hey Jess" Diana said "what's your ring size?" "I don't know, why?" "Aren't these pretty rings?" Diana said, holding up a magazine. "Here" she said "try mine on--I wear a 6 and a half." Jessica took the ring and put it on. It was loose on her finger. She held out her hand. "Why is your hand shaking like that?" Diana asked. She touched it. "God Jessica, your fingers are like ice!" "I guess I'm just cold-blooded" Jessica said. She took the ring off and gave it back to Diana. "You look kind of pale too" Diana said worriedly. "Are you sure you're okay?" "Yes, I'm fine." Jessica had been feeling really weak the past couple weeks, but she was really getting thin. She'd managed to get her eating down to a routine--half a bowl of cereal in the morning, a piece of fruit for lunch, and then a plain bagel for dinner. She was really proud of her discipline too. Every week she weighed herself and thought, okay, five more pounds and I'll be perfect. One day she met Nick in the cafeteria for lunch. She carried her small plate of fruit over to his table. Nick kind of looked at it, then he looked at her and smiled. She could feel his eyes strangely studying her. She sat down and Nick said "I have something for you." He dug in his backpack and pulled out a small jewelry box. He handed it to her and smiled. She opened the box and saw a small gold ring. "Oh" Jessica said. "It's a promise ring" Nick told her. "I hope it fits." So this was why Diana wanted to know her ring size. She slipped it on and it fit perfectly. "Thank you, Nick" she said. She got up and went over to kiss Nick. As she sat back down Nick said "Are you feeling okay?" "Fine, why?" "Diana is worried about you. And I am too. We think you're getting too thin, Jessica." "I'm fine" Jessica repeated. "How much do you weigh?" Nick asked her. "God Nick, Diana wouldn't even ask me that" she snapped. "I'm sorry" Nick said "it's just...will you do something for me?" Jessica looked at him. "Please go see a doctor. I'll even take you." "I do not need to see a doctor" Jessica said. "I know what I'm doing." She left her plate of fruit on the table, grabbed her backpack, and walked out. That night Jessica stepped on the scale. She held her breath and looked down. Then she got off and stepped on again. She never thought she could do it. The scale came up just under 100. Then a thought entered her mind...I wonder how far I can go. A couple weeks later Jessica's alarm clock went off in the morning. She could barely pull together the energy to drag herself out of bed. She shivered as she got dressed in a heavy sweater and jeans--seemed like she was never warm anymore. She went to the kitchen to get her cereal. As she reached up in the cupboard, her hip hit the counter. "Ow!" she said as she doubled over in pain. It shouldn't have hurt that bad. But every time she bumped into anything it hurt like hell. She poured a small bowl of cereal, eyeing the exact amount and adding just enough milk to get it wet. Then she left for class. She hated sitting in class freezing, and she squirmed in her chair, not able to get comfortable. The chairs were so hard. When she met Diana at the cafeteria, she was really irritable. "God, I never noticed how hard all these chairs are" Jessica said. Diana said slowly "Jessica, it's not the chairs. You've got no cushioning fat left in your body, so it's like your bones are sticking out. Look" and she grabbed Jessica's emaciated arm. Jessica yanked it away. "Why can't you understand? Diana, I'm finally THIN." "Jessica, you're sick. I talked to the campus health clinic and they gave me the number for a nutritionist." She pulled out a business card. "You really should at least go hear what she has to say." "She'll tell me how to eat. I have that under control." "Whatever" Diana said under her breath. "Listen, I have to go study. I'll talk to you later." Then she left. Jessica just sat there and stared at the card. I could be a nutritionist, she thought. I know more about food than just about anybody. I could tell you exactly how many calories an apple has or how many grams of fat in a blueberry muffin. But as she left she picked up the card and shoved it in her backpack. A week later she knocked on Nick's door of his dorm room. "Hi" he said. He kissed her, and she could tell that as he put his hands on her back, he was checking how thin she was getting. "What did you want to show me?" she asked. He led her through a mess of rags and splotches to an easel where he had been working. She saw the painting...it was her. The way she looked when Nick first saw her months ago--she had color in her face, she was smiling, she had a shape. "I painted this from memory" Nick said. "I think I found my niche." "I think you did too" Jessica said. It was an incredible painting. "Jessica, I know this is a sensitive issue, but...I'm really worried about you. Diana was telling me that you show all the signs of being..." "Anorexic?" Jessica asked. Nick nodded. "People die from that, Jessica." "Nick, I'm not going to die." "Jessica, you think you have everything under control, but you don't. This sickness has control of you. Of your brain. You think you can analyze everything, but that disease messes up your mind. And you're the only one who can stop it. No one can make you eat, but if you don't..." He turned away for a minute. "I care about you, but I feel so helpless--like I'm watching you waste away and there's nothing I can do about it." But he just did. Nick said he cared about her. She cared about him too, and she was causing him pain. She didn't want to do that to him. "Nick," she said, "I'll go to the doctor." "What did she say?" Nick asked when Jessica called him after her appointment. "She said I have really bad anemia." "What's that?" Nick asked anxiously. "It just means I don't have enough iron in my blood. That's why I'm cold all the time. So I have to take some pills. But she told me I don't have anorexia. Basically, I just have to eat more." "Is there anything I can do?" Nick asked. "Just be there for me" Jessica said. "You've got it" Nick said. A few months later, Nick, Jessica, and Diana were at the university art gallery for a show. Nick had a piece in the exhibit, but he wouldn't tell them what it was. "This way" he said. They walked around a corner and there was Nick's painting. The one of Jessica. Jessica put her hand over her mouth and Nick smiled. Diana, of course, squealed. They went around and looked at the other pieces. Diana went off to get some punch, and Nick was finishing off his appetizers. He took a bite of a finger sandwich then said to Jessica "You want the rest of this?" "Okay" she said. They went back to Nick's painting. "I decided to call it "Beauty and the Beast." Jessica laughed. "Where's the beast?" "It was inside of her." He looked at Jessica. "One of those psychology things, you know?" "No, I wouldn't know. I'm not in psychology anymore, remember?" she joked. She'd switched majors, looking for her niche. "But she beat it. The beast." "Not completely" Jessica said. "It's always going to be inside her." "But she's going to be OK" Nick said. "Yeah" Jessica said "she's going to be OK."
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