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Part 2/3: Jesus 'I go to shopping' Christ needs more English review according to teacher

Christ "not ready" to level up to 5A

HEAVEN, Universe (GTA) -- Jesus Christ continues to claim he should be in a more advanced class at the Heaven Nova branch, despite Glenn-sensei’s feelings that Jesus, in fact, struggles with the beginner level material.

"Jesus is definitely making progress. I've gotten him to really improve on past tense usage. He no longer says 'go to shopping' so I'd say there are lots of positive signs,” explained Heaven Nova teacher Glenn Schumacher.

However, according to Schumacher, Jesus Christ still needs to do some serious review of the textbook before he can begin to think about advancing up to level 5A. In addition, Schumacher mentioned several other difficulties he had experienced while teaching Jesus.

"The other day, He asked me what the difference was between the word ‘thou’ and ‘thy’ and I spent about twenty minutes trying to freaking explain it to Him. He kept saying that He had learned something totally different from his other teacher Rachel."

Rachel Luna has been working at Nova in Heaven for the past three-years and is generally regarded as one of the "star" teachers at her school. According to Rachel, Jesus is ‘quite sweet' and ‘so funny.'

"Whatever, Jesus. I guess, you’re perfect and infallible and all. And Rachel must know more than me because she has some measly ESL certification," Schumacher added sarcastically.

"What's worse, though, is that when I pair up the students and have them practice the key target points of the lesson, Jesus always asks all these weird questions like, “Hast thy ever coveted your neighbor’s ox?” and stuff. I have to correct him and explain nobody talks like that. Two super-nice housewives in my class have been coming for like 2 years, but now they're sort of getting uncomfortable with JC around all the time."

"I guess the real breaking point was when we practiced giving directions and I asked Jesus how I can get to the post-office. But Jesus just said, 'power-warp to the post office'. And I was like, you can't just power-warp to the post office. And Jesus was all like, 'Oh, yes I can power-warp to the post office.' So I practically begged him to please use the target language like turn left, go straight and stuff."

Despite the problems, Schumacher tries to do his best and would be supportive if Jesus Christ continues to take his class.

"I wouldn't mind having him back, just as long as he tries to act normal and stops using his super powers or whatever to win at hangman.”

The Gaba Teachers Association: Serving teachers at Gaba Japan, Nova Japan, Geos Japan, Aeon Japan, ECC Japan, and Berlitz Japan since 2005. The Gaba Teachers Association is dedicated to reporting the latest news from the English school industry. This is a site for that covers all news that impacts those who teach English in Japan. If you are teaching English at NOVA, GEOS, Berlitz, ECC or any other Eikaiwa school, check us out.
The GABA TEACHERS ASSOCIATION is the most provoc-ative name in eikaiwa news today. Since 1994, the Gaba Teachers Association has been dedicated to reporting the latest news from the English school industry in Japan.