Gaba teacher successfully reaches 1,000 lesson milestone

TOKYO, Japan (GTA) -- Instructor Christine Wilson celebrated her 1,000th lesson with Gaba at the Omote-Sando Learning Studio facilities last Monday. The milestone comes as quite an amazing turn-around for the former Nova teacher, whose English teaching career appeared to be over late last year.

"I can't believe it's my 1,000th lesson already. I mean, I just started working at Gaba three and a half months ago," Christine told reporters. "I want to thank my fellow instructors who really helped me along. The reception desk girls, my IQM manager. And especially the clients who believed in me from the start."

The 1,000 lesson mark was reached at approximately 1:45 when the bell officially sounded to end the lesson. Afterwards, Wilson's booth (#12) was mobbed by delirious co-workers, making it difficult for Gaba Chief Executive Officer Chutatsu Aono to elbow his way through the Gaba aisles to congratulate Wilson personally.

"I think I know one Quality-Focused Professional who is due for a second four-month Entrusted Contract," Aono deadpanned while presenting Wilson with a Polaroid photo and celebratory calorie-mate commemorating the moment.

ECC friendship damaged over teacher dispute

TOKYO, Japan (GTA) -- Sources at ECC English school report the friendship between Jason Hoover and Bob Moody has quickly deteriorated over Bob's recent shift from spikey hair to the faux-mo style.

"I've been at ECC for 2 1/2 years, and ever since I've been here, the faux-mo has always been MY thing," Jason announced in a written statement. "I'm the (expletive) guy on the seventh floor with the faux-mo. Now, Bob and I have been friends for a while. I always liked the guy, until Monday when he walks in with his own faux-mo. Or, more like a faux-faux-faux-mo to tell you the truth."

"I never said that we could be Mo-buddies together," Jason further claimed, referring to the term commonly used in English conversation schools to describe male friends who share faux-mohawks. "All he would have had to do is come up to me and simply ask me first. Then, I might not have had a problem."

Bob has denied any wrongdoing in the matter.

"I don't need Jason's permission for anything I do. Besides, I always write my name on the white board with the double smiley faces for 0's. The Moody signature? Tell me who started copying that, Hoover-Sensei?"

The dispute threatens to fracture the entire ECC school into two groups. One supporting Bob. One side supporting Jason. Attempts by manager Yukie Asano to mediate between the two sides and reach a compromise have been unsuccessful. "We cannot expect all staffs to become friends every times. But we still need to show respect for each other," she said in a telephone interview.

"He (Bob) means nothing to me now. Not a friend, not even a co-worker. From now on, he doesn't even exist. I want all of my classes arranged so I don't see him. If he's going to be in the break room, I want to know in advance so I don't have to see his (expletive) face. From now on, I want my chair in our weekly ECC staff meeting facing the opposite direction so my back is turned to him."

Non-traditional, alternative English Teacher working twice as hard as regular normal teachers

TOKYO, Japan (GTA) -- Non-Standard English teacher Jadwarhalo Gudafantkar understands he was born a little differently. Although his ways may be extreme to us (he doesn't eat meat or even celebrate Christmas), Jadwarhalo has shown alternative teachers can have success.

"When I first started working, some people told me I would never achieve blue booking success. I was shocked and a little discouraged. I remember what my father said when I was a boy. He said, Jadwarhalo, you must work TWICE AS HARD as any white man if you are to achieve success."

"Father was right. That is why I must always spend 1, sometimes 2 minutes during the interim-Gaba break period to prepare my next Gaba lesson."

"Yes, I do sometimes worry if co-workers will find me cold, yet I remember how father and mother struggled and realize it is more important to devote myself to efficiently locating the precise textbook as indicated by my fellow Gaba colleague in the database."

IQM Tim Reynolds described Jadwarhalo as being an "outstanding" teacher. "I sometimes see Jay five sometimes ten minutes before his first lesson, logging in and checking where to continue the next lesson. I mean, that's just the way people like him are raised. Culture and stuff."

"Jay's obviously not your Standard English teacher, so he occasionally makes mistakes, like saying chemist instead of pharmacy or trousers instead of pants. I have no idea why in hell he drives a saloon. But his positive attitude more than makes up for any tiny goofs."

Students also appreciate Jadwarhalo's efforts. "I always have interesting talk with Jadwarhalo-sensei. He is funny and kind every times," explained Naoko Murakami.

Gaba Corp. expresses regrets over listing "basic typing skills" as "professional" teacher requirement

TOKYO, Japan -- Gaba Corp. issued a statement expressing "regret," but came short of offering a full apology over its long-term usage of "basic typing skills" as a requirement for employment as a "quality-focused professional".

According to a company spokesperson, basic typing skills would no longer be explicitly listed as a requirement in recruiting ads: "We would like to express our sincere regrets to anyone of our current or former partners who may have been offended or mistook the wording in the ad to be demeaning."

Instructors we spoke to were pleased by the admission, but were angered by Gaba's slow response.

"We've been fighting for over three-years, trying to tell Gaba that there is nobody residing in Japan with a university degree who does not know how to operate a keyboard in the year 2007," explained Michael Brolin. "Mr. Gaba, take down this ad. Or, perhaps we could compromise by moving Basic Typing Skills to fourth, so that it actually appears below the need for a 'University Degree'? And if possible, would it be ok to discontinue the placing of two ads simultaneously on the front page altogether?"

Several new proposed requirements could replace basic typing skills, such as 'must have good command of transportation system' or 'satisfactory hygeine'; however some teachers, such as Benjamin Chang of the Gaba Recruiting Center, points that it is absolutely necessary to require such skills due to the quality of foreign applicants.

"Take a look at this resume. Now do you suppose I should call Mr. Qwerty Uiuop who lives in 123456789 for an interview? Now, the goal of the GRC is to attract as many professional-focused quality-minded individuals as possible. However, we cannot allow just anybody. We need these requirements to eliminate as many as possible."

Previously "unconventional, spontaneous man" who is "unafraid to take risks" discovers his life is exactly the same as every other expatriate guy in Japan

TOKYO, Japan (GTA) -- Growing up in sub-urban Cleveland, Eric Shore knew he wanted to do something different in life. In hopes of seeing the world, Shore set off for Japan and began what has turned into a four-year extended stay.

"No matter what road you take in life, I just can't be ordinary," mused the 26-year old English conversation teacher, while sipping a tall-size cappuccino inside the Starbucks near Yokohama station.

"So it's time to face the fact that I've got the exact same (expletive) up life as every other English teacher in this country. It clings and hangs around be like an aura, and everybody can see it."

Despite declaring a interest for "trying new things" and "living life to the fullest," Shore admitted those claims have been overstated.

"I know I put down 'Always willing to try new things!' on my Gaba profile, but let's be frank if you will. I think I'm more like a 'Willing to try a new brand of Belgium beer with a funny label instead of the usual Heineken' or 'I haven't heard about this movie but it has Billy Bob Thornton in it so, why not give it a try?' kind of guy."

Shore pointed several examples of his ordinariness, including purchasing a ticket to see Oceans 13 on the first day of release.

"I think I've been following some linear schedule ever since I got off the plane. I'm locked in and just passing one marker to the next. As I pass each stage, I find myself making the same awful jokes, using the same broken Japanese, date the same type of girl, and try to impress friends back home with tales of adventure when the truth is I eat subway, cook spaghetti, and watch more DVDs than one person should."

Shore, who normally would be spending a Saturday evening criticizing others while basking in self-congratulation, revealed he would retire completely from the practice of mocking Japanese salaryman culture until able to modify his own lifestyle in a way that was not completely "(expletive) typical" of "(expletive) English teacher culture."

Working at Gaba provides perfectly suitable alternative to homelessness

TOKYO, Japan (GTA) -- Evan Rogers spent nearly six months, earning just enough to get by before finding work at Gaba Man-To-Man English.

At 28, the British-born teacher looks much older than his actual age. His face hardened by trying to make a living by any means possible. After leaving his former position as a NOVA English teacher to travel to Thailand, Evan found there were few positions available when he returned. In time, he became unable to pay his rent and was forced to vacate his one-room flat in Kichioji.

With only 40,000 yen remaining in his bank account, he took up residence in a "doya" hotel popular with one-day construction laborers.

"I met this fellow who taught me how to earn some extra yen. I collected magazines from trains or rubbish bins and sold them to a local used book shop for 40 yen apiece. 100 yen, if it's a porno. You'd be surprised how much you can make in a couple of hours. I guess I was getting 3,000 yen a day from that. Then, I found out about the garbage disposal sites at the pricey mansions. People would just toss away unopened wedding gifts, electronics, and other sorts of goods. We'd grab them at night and take them to the recycling shop in the morning to trade them in for cash. Other days, I took jobs working as a sandwichboard man for this adult video shop."

Earning cash this way provided Evan with the means to stay at various cheap saunas or catch a few hours of sleep at a manga cafe. For meals, Evan purchased discounted bread or instant ramen.

Eventually, though, Evan hoped to return back to a full-time position.

"One day, I came across an ad for Gaba Man-to-Man English in a newspaper somebody had thrown away."

"When I saw the advertisement for Gaba, I was worried at that I might not qualify. I was pretty lucky enough to get the job."

Social workers say that working at Gaba provides a much needed service that helps foreigners, like Evan, earn an opportunity to get back on their feet and escape the trap of homelessness.

"Before I had to do everything I could just to bring home 8,000 or 9,000 yen a day. But now that I'm teaching ten lessons, I pretty much can clear 10,000 yen, easily. Except on the days where 1 or 2 people cancel."

A homeless watch organization points out that many homeless foreigners in Japan are unaware that the Gaba program could potentially get them off the streets. Other foreigners choose to live life on the streets, scavenging for cans or cardboard rather than deal with the day-to-day grind of teaching.

Tokyo N-missile strike: Millions of deaths, mass destruction could cause problems for following work week

TOKYO, Japan (GTA) -- At 5 a.m. on a mild Monday in April with a temperature of 24 Celsius and a wind from the northeast at 4.6 kph, a ballistic missile carrying a nuclear warhead suddenly strikes in the heart of Tokyo's Kamiyacho district. About 2 million people in the 23 Tokyo wards are instantly killed while about 1 million people are exposed to radiation. The greater metropolis area becomes a burning inferno.
Gaba Japan. English School.
All of these cases pose serious potential problems for Japanese commuters expected to be at work on time the following day.

Some analysts have described a "doomsday" scenario where a nuclear attack leads to millions of Tokyo workers unable to get to work in time.

"No doubt about it. A nuclear attack would be devastating on people's lives," explained Ursula Morrison from the Wales Aerospace Institute of Science. According to our simulations, the number of people who are late for work could reach as high as 10 million in the first week alone."
Gaba Japan. English School.
Some have accused these predictions of being irresponsible scare-mongering tactics. Yet, the fact remains that Japan is highly unprepared for the mass number of train delays and traffic congestion that would result from a Monday morning nuclear attack.

According to estimates, JR Railway claims to maintain a stockpile of 500,000 emergency train delay voucher slips at all times. However, a nuclear attack on central Tokyo would likely create a need for up to 10 million late slips, in the event of such a catastrophe.

"We all remember the chaos that followed in the hours of the Japan subway sarin gas attacks. Well, that merely made a few hundred thousand people late. Imagine the numbers caused by a nuclear strike. As you know, it is not a matter of if, but only a matter of when. By that previous expression, I mean to say it is inevitable," explained Tokyo Kiosk manager Junko Tatayama.

Any N-attack would very well throw Eikaiwa schedules into an apocalyptic nightmare.
Gaba Japan. English School.
"The English schools that are left standing in Japan will still have to find ways of rearranging schedules. There's going to be a few hectic days where most of the students do not show up for lessons. Teachers would need to be patient. There may be a lot of no-shows for the time being. We'd expect to see an increased effort in getting new students."

Former Gaba English teacher audaciously emphasizes "responsible for keeping detailed records of student progress" on CV

TOKYO, Japan (GTA) -- Former GABA English teacher Geoffrey Stapleton's CV has earned lavish praise for its "boldness" and "take no prisoners" attitude by fellow co-workers.

"Brilliant," proclaimed Jennifer Urbanich who worked with Geoff from 2004 thru 2005. "...'acted as an unofficial liaison catering to the students needs as a counselor and translator?' Awesome. I have to borrow that for my own resume."

"Please it gets better, 'With a primary focus on business awareness, I was responsible for detailed planning at the acclaimed flagship school of the Gaba chain....' I didn't think it was possible to put groups of words together and have them sound so beautiful," Urbanich explained.

Stapleton, who is currently seeking a position where he can make the most of his skills as a 'facilitator of discussion" and "promotor of cultural awareness" also has an M.A. (in progress) and is CPR certified.