Johnny and Pants: A hair dresser's tale.
Johnny jumped up and down on his soda can shaped bed. “Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.” He cheerfully exclaimed in French, as he hit his head on the ceiling. It didn’t help that the bed was on stilts, in a room with a 6-foot high ceiling. Pants walked into the room, while asking a monkey which blue suit he should wear. He decided upon the blue one. Johnny flew with his finger in his nose towards Pants. “Have the super rulers arrived yet, Jenkins?” He asked. “For the last time, I’m not Jenkins, you steamy pile of fish crap.” Pants congratulated Johnny. Just at that very moment, Pants tripped over a giant tongue. “When are we getting an apartment?” He asked Johnny. “When we move out of this whale.” Johnny replied, shivering for no apparent reason. “Why are you shivering, Johnny?” Pants said. Because that’s what it just said in the story. Can’t you read?” Pants’ lip began forming into an apple. “No, I can’t r…r…whatever you just said….sssllledgehammer...Yeah.” A giant snake, dressed in a top hat and tuxedo flew at them at a bagillion miles a hour, with little regard for my preceding grammar. “Pardon me, do you have any shralf?” He then floated away, never to be seen again by Alaskans chilling in the wastelands of Bellaire. “Shralf shralf shralf shralf shralf shralf” Pants shouted once. Multiple times. No, once. Pants shouted that whole thing right there once. No multiple times. Johnny slipped on some vomit that he placed in front of himself. All of the sudden, a lawn gnome expectedly and slowly dropped from the floor. He spoke all sorts of gibberish, before exploding into one piece. Skittles began falling from an above rainbow, killing dozens. It’s kinda like dropping a penny off of the empire state building. It kills people. Seriously, man. So anyway, back to the story. Lance had punched Sam in the mouth, and Stacy was all OMG and stuff. Wait. What was I babbling about again? Oh yes, Johnny and Pants. Pants Watched the lawn gnome run around in circles for hours, like a little, toy retarded puppy. It barked incoherently, while looking in different directions at all times. It bent over, did back flips, all for the purpose of creating the wheel. Johnny was not impressed, as he watched the gnome in awe. All four of Johnny’s eyes gleemed. Two of the eyes fell off, because he didn’t glue them on well enough. Pants, on the other hand, ran down an endless hallway in hopes of reaching the end. With that in mind, Johnny and Pants became super heroes, then got locked up for stealing a pear.
The moral of this story?
Don’t cut paper while on the toilet, a deer will enter through the bowl and eat you.
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