Toy Designer
If I were a toy designer, I'd make all the coolest toys. I'd make more money than the guy who invented "Tickle Me Elmo." I'd sell more dolls too. See... I'd make things like "Castrate me Mr. Bobbit," "Assisted Suicide Hitler," and no one can forget, "Crucify Me Jesus." Pontious Pilate figure sold seperately, though. Stigmata blood not included.

Math: Part II
You know, I think a lot of rappers are actually some uber mathematicians. I can pull another example of the mind blowing equations these guys use from the song Victory. Biggie too, is a math man, for he says "M to the izzH, phenomenal!" Now, I don't know much about math, but the izzH must be some crazy variable, because I've done all my required high school math, and the izzH never came up. Another briliant man, probably more well known for his exploits in the field of mathematics is Jay Z. He made an entire rap about his favorite equation: "H to the izzO, V to the izzA." That song went on to be a chart topping summer smash. Who says the majority of ghetto rap fans are undereducated thugs?

New Job
The first day at a new job is fucked up. You're standing there, and your boss is telling you to shove around a gaylord, and the only gaylord you know is your mexican coworker standing right next to you. But then he tells you a gaylord is a cardboard box. So you push it.

Math
P. Diddy is actually a great mathmetician. If you've ever listened to the song Victory by him and his Bad Boy fam, you'd know this. See, like a good role model, he says, "Put your money on the table, and get your cash on. Split it up, add it up, get your math on. See you later dog, I'ma get my laugh on. There's a bag full of money I'ma get my ass on." Don't you see? Math makes this man so happy, he is compelled to laugh. Who says gangsta rap is a bad influence?

Tuna and Coffee
Credit for this idea goes to Phil Causey. This is one of the best points I've seen anyone make in a while. So here goes... why does coffee smell good, but taste bad, and tuna smells bad but tastes good? Is it just to piss us off, or defeat the purpose of smell altogether? God... you are truly a cruel being.

Skin Color
I get pissed off because people call me white. Ever look at one of my pictures? Do I look like fucking computer paper? NO! Goddamn it, if you want to call me something, call me caucasian. If you want to call black people something, call them "of darker skin pigmentation", or African, or Susan. If you want to call white people something, don't call them fucking crackers. Do you dip me in your soup? I don't think so. So stop it with the cracker bullshit! And don't call black people stupid ass shit like jungle bunnies, there aren't bunnies hopping around in the fucking jungle with mocha colored skin! And if you want to make fun of Asian people... just don't! Unless that asian is named Kyle Nelson. Then use every racial slur you can think of, because he hates everyone.