Now that this site has finally started to get some traffic (and with no help of those confounded search engines who have yet to add it to their databases*), I thought it appropriate to answer a few of my most frequently asked questions. These burning inqueries address a wide variety of aspects concerning Renzo's Rant, and will be answered personally by Renzo himself. If you have a question that is not addressed here, you can email it in (renzo@renzosrant.tk) and it will be added on a future update. *Update: Renzo's Rant has now been added to the Google and Yahoo search directories! Woot! And it only took them 7 months, too! Why does your page suck? Do you suck? This is by far the most commonly asked question. I can only assume that by saying this page "sucks", you mean it's low-tech and doesn't use any Flash, CGI, or even Java Script. There are several reasons for that; the foremost is space. This page is hosted on a free Angelfire account, and has a 20 meg limit. This means that I have to make it mostly text-based, and abstain from anything memory-intensive. Another reason is time - by using basic HTML, I can do an update in 5 minutes. For the amount of people who come here, anything higher would be a bad investment of my time. The same goes with my obviously-made-in-MS Paint pictures: I'm of the mind that it's the content of the image that's important, not how professionally created it is. Finally, the whole purpose of the page is to have a dial-up friendly, zero-maintenance place for me to post all the crap I write. Oh, and to answer the second question, yes, I do suck. Is Shorts Lonnigan a real person? Does he really have that mullet?
What's the deal with the Vanilla Ice picture? It seems a little out of place. Indeed it does. But I can assure you that I would never put Mr. Van Winkle on my site unless there was a good reason.
Furthermore, what's the deal with all of the hidden links to Homestar Runner? I've found like eight of them.
Well, I don't think there's that many, but yeah, there's quite a few of them. The Chapman brothers are awesome, and while I doubt that they need advertisements (especially when my two regular readers, Brad and Jeff, are the only ones that would actually see them), I still like to pay homage to them. Now here's hoping that they'll link to me.
How do you get precisely 4 litres of water using only a 3 litre and 5 litre jug, and no measuring devices? Oh man, if only I had a nickel for every time I was asked this question...anyway, here's how you do it: fill the 3 litre jug, and pour it into the 5 litre jug. Then refill it, and top off the 5 litre jug. This will leave you with exactly 1 litre in the 3 litre jug. Dump out the 5 litre jug, put the 1 litre into it, then refill the 3 litre jug and add it to the 1 litre in the 5 litre jug. Simple. Whatever happened to Absurdly Pointless Stuff, that affiliated site that I never went to? Good question. Your guess is as good as mine - it vanished sometime in early summer 2004. The webmaster also dropped the face of the online world, so it's lucky that I had backed-up my pages, which are now hosted here. Otherwise, how would the world have been able to make fun of Steve Guttenberg?
Who is Ms. Slotin? Did she really say all those things? Can I meet her? And why is the link to her page dead? Due to privacy issues, I cannot divulge any information about the elusive English teacher. Suffice it to say that yes, the quotes are real, and yes, she really did invite kids from New York to live at her students' houses without consulting them first. I doubt you really would want to meet her, so just forget about that one. The files have been shuffled elsewhere on the site, and if you're creative, you'll be able to find them. Does John Rhys-Davies really have HIV? Sigh...yes, yes he does. And Orlando Bloom habitually sits on figs. Of course not, you wanker. Hey! I bought 6 Flip Folds! Does that mean you're calling me a moron? I think you answered your own question there. Was Jeepers Creepers really that bad? I was planning on renting it this weekend. I can appreciate terrible "C" horror movies, but Jeepers Creepers 2 is beyond redemption. It's too bad that I got to see it for free, and didn't have the satisfaction of demanding my money back. It makes Ballistic: Ecks Versus Sever look like a masterpiece. Has anyone ever actually asked you any of the questions on this page? I'm glad you asked. No. 
Shorts is indeed a real person. He is currently filming his new movie, Beneath The Planet of the Napes with co-stars Corey Haim and Judge Reinhold. His mullet is also real, and is just as long and luxourious in real life as it is on film. If you wish to contact him, his email is shorts@renzosrant.tk.
Please note that he does not accept proposals of marriage, which is probably a good thing since he hasn't received any anyway.
Well, I'm not saying that it was bad per say. I'm just saying that it would be a better use of your rental money to buy a garden trowel and stab yourself in the forehead for an hour and a half. It would be less painful and damaging to your brain.
