So yeah, I'm back. It's hard to believe that I've been gone for 4 long months. But when you're pulling in 14 hour workdays and no longer have access to high-speed internet, ranting isn't something that you have much time for. Although, come to think of it, this page has never had much ranting in the first place. More like whining. With poor graphics.
Anyway, in an effort to tie us in with where we left off late last April (I may not date my updates, but I still know when they were made), we're going to go back into the glitzy world of 1980s cartoons by exploring a little show I like to call C.O.P.S. I like to call it that because that was the name of the show. But also because it makes me feel like a big man.
The setting: Empire City. The year: 2020. The Fonz: Coooool.
Anyway, suffice it to say that this show, in the eyes of a five year old, kicked a lot of ass. I have vague memories of seriously planning, upon growing up and completing school, to become Longarm. I also seem to recall running around the house throwing a coathanger tied to a string at people and things. Man, was I ever cool. Sorry for the lack of humourous content in this update; not a good start to the new season. But I'm really tired, and I don't have the energy or inclination to go back and insert more jokes. Until next time, remember - "It's Crime-Fighting Time!"
In a world where the criminal underground runs amok, only one team of heroes can restore order. They are C.O.P.S. (the Central Organization of Police Specialists), a group of cybernetically-enhanced police officers. Much like the Magnificent Seven (or to a lesser extent, the Doobie Brothers), each team member has one special talent or distinguishing feature that separates them from the others. For example, Longarm has extendable grappling hooks on his arms for nabbing crooks from a distance. Mainframe is a computer expert. Bowzer has a robot dog. Bulletproof is black. Each episode sees the team pitted against Empire City's most hilariously incompetent crooks, lead by the appropriately named Big Boss.
Despite the show being set in the future and the heroes sporting cybernetic abilities, Big Boss and his gang are lifted straight out of the 1930s Prohibition era. They are often seen wearing trenchcoats and fedoras, they speak street slang in New Yawk accents, and they have stupid nicknames like Buttons McBoomBoom (true). Big Boss even has an Edward G. Robinson cat-like drawl (for those boors unfamiliar with the aforementioned E.G.R., think Police Chief Wiggum). His main henchman is his nephew Berserko (catchphrase: "Uncle Big Boss isn't gonna like this!"), and others include Rock Krusher, Ms. Demeanor and Dr. Badvibes. If there's any area in which the bad guys best the C.O.P.S. team, it's in picking mind-numbingly stupid character names for themselves. Also present are a set of triplet midgets (I guess the PC term "little person" hadn't caught on yet) who often disguise themselves as babies in order to wreck havoc.
