Welcome to Roland's World

Alligator Shoes A Samoan was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.He wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Hamo shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the Hamo turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching himself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the Hamo standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward him. He takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the Hamo flips the alligator onits back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Samoan Perfume A Samoan lady was riding a hotel elevator somewhere in down town Auckland together with an American and a French Woman. The American woman pulled out her perfume and sprinkled. The French woman said, "Smells nice, what brand? and how much is it? The American woman responded, "Bervely Hills, and its .00 per ounce. The French woman got out her perfume and sprinkled. The Samoan woman said, "What an aroma. What is it? and how much"? The French woman responded, "Its Paris, and its .50 per ounce". The Samoan woman stretched out to push the elevator button and she k...(passed air)The elevator door went flung open and the American Woman and French Woman both said, "What a smell" What brand is it and how much does it cost"? The Samoan lady responded as she got of the elevator, "Its Corned Beef and it cost .50 for 12 ounce.

Suicide There was a Palagi, Meauli, Mexican and Samoa guy. They were stuck on a little boat that only holds one person. So their plan was to jump off the boat and commit suicide because none of them knew how to swim. But before they jump off they have to yell "This is for...." and say what country they're from. So the palagi man went first and yelled "THIS IS FOR AMERICA!" he jumped off and drowned. The meauli guy went and yelled "THIS IS FOR AFRICA!" so he jumped off and drowned. Then the Samoan guy comes up and yells "THIS IS FOR SAMOA!" then grabs the Mexican and throws him off the boat

Honey, Pass da honey A samoan couple was eating dinner with a couple of palagi couples and they listened while the one palagi man asked his wife," honey, pass the honey," and she does so. The other palagi man asks his wife," sugar, pass the sugar," The wife kindly gives it to her husband. The samoan man felt obliged to ask his wife a favor with a compliment and says: "Pig, pass the pig!"

Sione Sione sitting in class, just wanting so desperately to be 'like the other kids'. The teacher asks, "who can give me a sentence with...Boy?" Sione was JUST about to put his hand up, but Peter beat him. "I.... am .... a ... boy". "Very good Peter! Well done! Who can give me a sentence with......Girl?" Once again, Sione was J..U..S..T about to put his hand up when up shot Vanessa's hand. "I.... am.... a ....girl!!" Well done Vanessa! that was excellent! Okay, the last word for the day..." Sione was not gonna let this one slide past THIS time! "Who can give me a sentence with.....'WAS'? Sione shot his hand up straight away and said, "I.... am .... a....was"

You know your a samoan when... *You get asked, "How are you?" and you answer, "I'm 20 years old."*
*Your Mother says that at 25, you're too young to have a boyfriend.
*There is an accident and you are the only one laughing.
*Asked for the time, you say, "Sree Firty" instead of "Three Thirty."
*Your Mother has a better throwing arm than your Father.
*You find half a loaf of hard Samoan bread on the couch.
*You ask for a dust-pan and you get handed a magazine or a newspaper.
*You find a 6 year old kid still in nappies playing in front of the house.
*You run into Grandma at the Shopping Centre wearing one white and one red sock .. with jandals.
*Being whacked with a leather belt is considered discipline not child abuse.
*At any major function, instead of a plate, your food comes in a box. that used to hold a 24-pack of soft drink
*You see someone chasing a kid around the house with a (se'evae shoe) or the salu (Samoan broom.)
*You run into a mountain of shoes blocking the front door.
*You find a life-time supply of saimigi (instant noodles) in the kitchen cupboards.
*You get a severe beating with a rubber jandal but had to go fetch it first.
*You ask for some gel to put in your hair before you go out and your Mum throws you a bottle of Baby Oil instead.
*You have a huge gap between your first two toes, (excessive jandal wear.)
*You're the only ones swimming at the public pools with t-shirts on.
*When you went to Primary School, your daily lunch consisted of a packet of Twisties.
*You can sprint barefoot on sharp stones and rocks.
*You wake up and go out with somo (sleep) still in your eyes.
*You have an Aunty with a fully grown moustache.
*You go to a Samoan Social and the band are wearing dark shades eventhough its late in the evening.
*Your first and last names are the same.
*You have a perpetually drunk Uncle who starts fights at family weddings and anybody elses.
*You call a computer - (gomputa), Coke - (Goke) and drugs - (trucks)
*You've been given a hiding by your Father that's lasted more than half and hour.
*Your sister has more muscular legs than your Father.
*You have sat in a 4-seater car with up to 8 other people.
*You make that funny kissing sound with your lips when you're trying to get someones attention.
*You can speak with your face - eg. Twitch like a rabbit to ask, What do you want?"
*You've tried to ride your ten-speed bike on the Motorway.
*You call all cross-trainers/running shoes 'Air Chordans.'
*All cereals are called 'Gorn Flakes.'
*Your Grandmother thinks Samoan massage and Vicks Vapo-Rub is the miracle cure for everything (including broken bones ...)
*You're getting a hiding and your parents ask, "Why you cry for?"
*You've had your hair fuki'd (pulled) by your Mother in front of schoolmates at the Supermarket.
*You think you're a *pro at volleyball.
*You have a huge banquet on Sunday and live on coco-rice for the rest of the week.
*Your parents are at the Drive-Thru at KFC and ask if they can get their order 'to go.
*You bring your palagi friends over to watch "FRIENDS" and just as it starts, your Mum turns the TV off and says, "ia fai tatou loku ... (time for our family prayer ...")
*You've had an afro at some stage in your life (boys AND girls)and thought you looked cool.
*You have an Uncle who STILL dresses up like and thinks he is Elvis.
*You almost drown at the beach and when the lifeguards return you to your parents, they kindly thank them, then wait till they've left before they both take turns at beating the living sh*t out of you.
*You're at your Aunties and see your 2 year old cousin doing fe'aus (household chores)
*Your Aunty visits and shes talking to you at the same time as looking in your pots for food .
*You go to Samoa rich and come back poor.
*You get passed the collection basket in church and you just shake it.
*You have ie lavalava's for curtains in your house.
*You come home after a Samoan Wedding function and your mother asks "NA LAVA MEA AI"
*When you said you shaved your head for the new look, but you really had uku's
*When your mom asks you for money for the rent, but uses it to play bingo
*Your 2 month old baby weighs over 20 lbs

Question & Answer *What is the difference between a Hawaiian & a Samoan?
Hawaiian eats till he's full and a Samoan eats till he's tired."Lelava Ai"

If you have a funny joke, here's my e-mail: omeli85@yahoo.com