"I was hatched under a log after my pregnant father left me in the woods. I Cracked my shell with ease and sprang out only to find myself surrounded by savage possums! After seeing how incredibly hairy my body was, they took me in as one of their children. I learned the ways of the possum...how to hang upside down in a tree, how to play dead and attack the dog that sniffed you, how to bite and shread my fur until you couldn`t tell my arse from my face...Ah yes, things were going splendidly, until the tender age of 25, when the police found me chewing up someone`s dog. When I lept at them they drew their guns, but at that moment! A bum off the streets jumped out of the gutter to my rescue! Actually...he just thought I was a rather large possum that could keep him fed for weeks. When the police saw him pounce on me, they didn`t know who to shoot, so they left us there to find justice on our own. Alas, hobos might be amazing street warriors, but they`re no match for a hairy buttfaced possum fighter like me! I chewed off his foot hair and started to tear at his eyebrows when he toppled over. I was utterly exhausted after this epic battle, I had never seen such ferocity in my tribe of possums, and decided to convert over to this much more savage life style. Since then, I starved, lost my hair, lost my teeth, and my possum family bites me whenever they see me. I....love my new life style, I would....Oh fine! Jonathan gave me some dead rats to say I liked being a hobo, well I don`t! It sucks! I`m always hungry, and the only friends I have try to eat me while I`m asleep..."
