" I think it’s time to blow this thing.

Get everybody and the stuff together,

Okay… 3, 2, 1, let’s jam! "

The Seatbelts, Tank!

New Valleyfield: Established October 31^st, 2001.

New Valleyfield is the new name for what used to be called Freedom Square. It’s the site where the citizens of Valleyfield made their stand against the undead, and formed a new settlement. The National Guard units in the area report here, and so does the new Militia.

Just thought you’d like to know.

" Nicholas?"

" Yes, Lady Aliciana?"

" Can I call you Nikky?"

" Call me whatever you wish."

Sir Nikky and Aliciana left the apartment around 11:30. They had heard on the radio about New Valleyfield and wanted to see it. Nikky planned to ask about Von Carfiels, and Aliciana wanted to hear if Ash and Ed had been found. Aliciana carried Pixel, along with Nikky’s crossbow. Nikky carried the luggage.

" How long have you been a vampire hunter?"

" I was ordained at birth to be a Hunter. I’ve pledged my life to finding and killing the undead. Why do you ask?"

" Have you ever heard of a show called ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’? They probably have a copyright infringement suit or something for you, you know."

" No, never heard of it. Why do you ask?"

" Never mind. Can you tell me about your… well… what is it? A cult? A syndicate?"

" I am a member of the Order of the Black Rose. It was established in the thirteen hundreds by a renegade Templar monk named Saint Ozmandias. During his pilgrimage to the Holy Land, he discovered an underground vampire conspiracy. He was so disgusted that he went back to France and established an order devoted to slaying those bloodsucking… My Lady! Watch out!"

" What! What is it?"

Sir Nicholas set down the luggage, and took off his coat. He set it over a puddle of mud in Aliciana’s path.

" Why, thank you, Nikky!"

" One can never be too careful, My Lady."

Ash sat down at the bar beside Phil.

" Aren’t you dead?"

Phil wore a black suit. It did look like something you’d get buried in. His outfit fit well with the musty interior of the bar.

" Death is only a fork in the road of life, Ash."

" So… what are you? A zombie? A werewolf? A ghost? How about some sort of god? It wouldn’t surprise me. I’ve seen ‘em all. Wait, I know! You’re Duncan McCloud of the Clan McCloud!"

" What?"

" The Highlander! Unkillable by normal means! Only a swift sword-swipe to the neck can kill you! Certainly not a bus crash or anything like that…"

" Sometimes, Ash, you’ve got to shut up. For the sake of your pitiful soul, shut your trap for once.’

" Geez Phil, I died in that bus crash too, you know. You don’t hear me bitching about it, you whiny bastard."

The doors of the bar burst open, interrupting the tense confrontation.

" Ash, I think I lost a toe back in that explosion back there… hey! Who’s the Gothic-lookin’ dude?’

" Ed, may I introduce my formerly deceased best friend Phil McTaggart. Ed, Phil. Phil, Ed."

Ed stuck out a rotting hand. Phil took it reluctantly.

" Nice to meet you. I’m Edward Long. You’re dead too, huh?"

Ed’s hand fell off in Phil’s grip.

" Sorry about that. It happens sometimes."

" Well boys, I must be off. I’ve got things to do, and people to kill."

" To kill? Why?"

" Believe it or not, Ash, there’s someone in this universe more annoying than you."

" Hey!"

" No Ash, I mean it. Out of all the humans I know, you’re the second-most antagonising."

" You take that back, you bastard!" Ash broke a bottle against the bar.

" You can’t kill me, Ash. I’m as unkillable as you are!"

Ed leaned over towards the bartender side of the bar, and found a nice bottle of Jack Daniel’s.

" I don’t really feel like fighting, and since I’m the only one here of legal age, I’m gettin’ hammered. I think I deserve it." He sat down behind the bar and commenced drinking.

Ash threw the bottle towards his former friend. Phil moved out of the way with super-speed.

" What? I thought I was the only one with super-speed."

" You mean that stupid leg of yours? Those are just paper maché wings. She lied to you, Ash. Aside from your incessant prattle, and your annoying luck and unkillablility, you’re almost a normal human being."

" Shut up!"

Ash appropriated a pool cue from the nearby wall rack. He threw it like a spear towards Phil. He didn’t even bother trying to dodge it. With a sickening CRACK! the pool cue entered Phil’s right lung, through the rib cage. He didn’t even look fazed.

" What?"

Phil broke the pool cue in two and used the newly formed clubs as, well, clubs. He hit Ash on both sides of his head. Ash was stunned for a moment, and that was all Phil needed. He grabbed Ash by his Akira T-shirt, and hurled him into the wall of bottles. Ash collapsed into unconsciousness on the floor beside Ed. Phil stepped over Ed’s sleeping form, and whispered softly into Ash’s ear.

" See you soon, Mercutio."

Phil walked towards the door, and then paused for a moment.

" Get up, Mr. Long."

The zombie was immediately in a form of a trance.

" Yes, master."

" When you see Sir Nicholas Lupinmeyer, tell him that Lithpicis is waiting for him in New York."

" Yes, master."

" Very good. Back to sleep now."

Ed tumbled back to his former position on the floor.

Phil smiled, his fangs glinting in the sunlight. He put on a pair of Ray-Bans. Even thought he was The One

Who Walks In Days, the sun still hurt his eyes a little.

" Now to pay a visit to Ev’Ash."

He strolled down towards the direction of the subway station.

" Today’s been a good day."

" You stupid imps! Get that camera working! We need them back here right now!"

Fate walked away briskly from the control panel, and in to the main room. The Council was once again in session. They had remodeled the room in preparation for the fight to come. It now looked like the War Room in Dr. Strangelove, with the large round table and the computerized maps on the walls. Fate took her seat as the meeting started.

" Fate?"

" Yes, Wisdom?"

" What is the status of your charges?"

" Aliciana has made contact with Lupinmeyer, and they are headed towards New Valleyfield."

" And what of our Savior?"

" Well, after that unfortunate incident with the elevator, we believe that Ash and Ed have escaped Ev’Ash’s lair. We caught a glimpse of them being attacked by the National Guard, and then ducking into a nearby dive known as O’Malley’s."

" Isn’t that where…"

" Yes. Lithpicis was in the bar, and left about two minutes ago. I would like to lead a team and find out what happened. Hopefully, the new one, Ed, is still alive, and Ash is probably relatively unhurt. There’s only a couple of days left, and we haven’t even trained them."

" We’ll have to vote on that one, even thought you’re senior to many of us. For?"

Hands, feet, and tentacles raised themselves all around the table. It was unanimous.

" Okay Fate, you can have your excursion."

" Thank you. I’ll leave shortly."

" Oh, and Fate?’

" Yes?"

" Leave some of humanity alive this time, right?"

" Understood."

Aliciana and Sir Nikky reached New Valleyfield at 13:00. There, the newly appointed mayor of New Valleyfield greeted them.

" Welcome, friends. Welcome to New Valleyfield. Hopefully you two will be staying. We can always use another young couple around here."

Aliciana blushed. " Oh, we’re not together. We’re just here to find my friends. Their names are Ash Grey and Ed. Ash is kind of short, and he’d be wearing an Akira T-shirt and a black hoody. Ed was wearing brown cords and a green shirt. He looked kind of like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. Have you seen them?"

" I don’t recall. Wait a minute… I know! Major! Major! Come here please."

A tall muscular man in camouflage rushed up to meet them.

" Yes, Mr. Mayor?"

" Miss, this is Major Frank. He’s from the National Guard. Maybe he’s seen your friends?"

Aliciana outlined again what Ash and Ed looked like.

" I think I may have seen them. Ash, he had kind of messy hair? Yeah. I think he’s a zombie. We heard from our tank that two zombies were driving around in a car over on Fifth, by O’Malley’s. I’m sorry. If you want to go, I don’t know, identify the bodies, it’s just around that corner there."

Aliciana and Nicholas walked in the direction the Major had pointed them to. Aliciana was crying.

" He can’t be dead, he just can’t be!"

" Don’t worry, Lady Aliciana. If he’s as resilient as you’ve told me, he’s probably alive."

Phil walked calmly into the palace of Ev’Ash. He whistled a merry tune as he walked up to the throne.

" Well, well, well, if it isn’t Lithpicis Von Carfiels! How was your little jaunt topside?"

" You’ll never guess who I ran into. Ash Grey."

" How is the little bastard?"

" He’s probably still unconscious as we speak. How did he get away from you?"

" He killed Lenrock! It took me at least ten minutes to bring him back to life!"

Phil looked genuinely surprised. " Did he? It took me five minutes to put him down for the count!"

" Well done. What, do you want a medal? You know the rules. You’ve got to keep him alive for the Battle for the Earth! I can’t face off with a dead guy, can I?"

" You’re not gonna be facing off with anyone, Ev’Ash. Lenrock, if you please."

Lenrock stepped out of the darkness behind the throne. His normally green skin was now an unhealthy grey. He took Ev’Ash’s head between his massive hands.

" I’m going to be in charge from here on in. Now please."

With a brisk movement of his hands, Lenrock broke the neck of Ev’Ash. His limp body hung motionless in the throne.

" Thank you Lenrock. Now, if you will, please remove him from the Sacred Armour. I’m going to need that at the Battle."

Lenrock removed the corpse from the throne and took it away. Phil took over its place on the throne.

" Well, Mercutio, we’re going to be seeing each other very soon. Hopefully, you’re better prepared next time."